what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden?

what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (Full Version)

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wanderingastray -> what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:42:26 AM)
so, the last few doms i have attempted to pursue something with have all decided to switch on me. mind you, these are men who advertise themselves as dominant, not switch. it starts off well and good and by the 3rd or 4th date they are "curious as to what it would be like if i topped them." why does this keep happening? does anyone else have this problem?

colouredin -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:43:47 AM)
I havent ever had that, Maybe its simply the type of person that you are attracted to?

wanderingastray -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:46:16 AM)
these are people that i have met on collarme...so i don't really see how this could be something that i would just be drawn to...

TwistedLeather -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:46:49 AM)
Do you come across as dominant yourself? Your personality i mean? i know i can at times... takes someone very strong to bring out my natural submissiveness. Otherwise, i'm just "faking" it and they can tell the difference.

SteelofUtah -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:49:34 AM)
Quote: Why does this keep happening. I went and Perved your profile and I read this quote: I recently ended a 3 year D/s relationship in which I was the Domme. My recent relationship was very much topped from the bottom, it's a long and convoluted story, but needless to say, it didn't work out. Life is a little hectic for me at the moment and I feel this desire to have at least an aspect of it controlled for me as it were. I suppose you could say that I've been into kinky sex as long as I've been aware of sex. I'm finally allowing myself to go for what I want--submission. I think it is because what you are presenting in your profile. You say that you are wanting submission but admit that you have a history of Topping from the Bottom and of being a Domme. I would think that the people who review your profile see that and it may even attract those who wish to try the bottoming aspect with still being a Dominant. I liked what I read in your profile because I LIKE honestly but as for what you have been getting I can see that this may be an issue. Perhaps you are possible only attracted to Dom's who can be manipulated or topped from the bottom. Always in situations like this look inward first especially if it happens alot and the only common factor in all of them is .... You. Happy Hunting. Steel

Leatherist -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:50:14 AM)
They are subs, playing bait and switch. Mayvbe you should make it clear that playing this game with you is a waste of time, and you will dump them the first time that they attempt it.

wanderingastray -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:50:45 AM)
i don't think i necessarily come across as dominant, i mean, i switch on occasion but in general i don't put that out there, especially with someone i am pursuing as a dom.

colouredin -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:52:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wanderingastray these are people that i have met on collarme...so i don't really see how this could be something that i would just be drawn to... Why not? I am drawn to specific types of people be it online or in real life, it just happens

DS4DUMMIES -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:53:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wanderingastray so, the last few doms i have attempted to pursue something with have all decided to switch on me. mind you, these are men who advertise themselves as dominant, not switch. it starts off well and good and by the 3rd or 4th date they are "curious as to what it would be like if i topped them." why does this keep happening? does anyone else have this problem? It's called "I-am-not-really-a-dom-but-i-believe-that-women-on-bdsm-sites-might-be-more-loose-than-women- i meet-in-bars-and-so-maybe-i-can-get-them-to-top-me-if-i-order-them-to-syndrome" Actually, I've heard many women voice this frustration in the past, so you;re not alone. Adding a line to your profile that says "...anyone who meets me professing to be a "dom", and asks me - or even HINTS at asking me - to top them, is going to be instantly and unceremoniously thrown out on their ass, never to return...", will help. That's not satire..... Ds4

SteelofUtah -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:54:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin quote: ORIGINAL: wanderingastray these are people that i have met on collarme...so i don't really see how this could be something that i would just be drawn to... Why not? I am drawn to specific types of people be it online or in real life, it just happens Should I add Magnets then cause nothing I do seems to be working peaches. LOL Hope life is better colourdin Steel

colouredin -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 11:57:22 AM)
Aww hugs Steel thankyou very much sweetie.

AdventurousLife -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 12:06:04 PM)
So, given that the OP says she was a "Domme" does that mean she's not really a Sub but she's heard that guys on BDSM sites are gullible for women posing as submissives? I've got two very good friends- they've been married over 20 years- both of them have had sex with people of their own gender in the past. Does this mean their marriage is a sham? That they're really gay and just pretending to be straight? What if they had a three way with someone- would that mean the marriage was a fraud?

colouredin -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 12:11:21 PM)
Steel wasnt attacking her he was trying to explain why it may be that these are the people that she comes in to contact with,a dn his reasons actually make a lot of sense. Sub-consciously we are attracted to things if we think there is a certain characteristic in a person that we secretly desire we may be drawn to them without realising it, or maybe its more conscious, maybe these people go, ahhh well shes done it before and I would like to experiment. I think it does depend what you mean by topping though because i know a few Dominants that enjoy their submissives topping them, doesnt make them any less Dominant

wanderingastray -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 12:11:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah Quote: Why does this keep happening. I went and Perved your profile and I read this quote: I recently ended a 3 year D/s relationship in which I was the Domme. My recent relationship was very much topped from the bottom, it's a long and convoluted story, but needless to say, it didn't work out. Life is a little hectic for me at the moment and I feel this desire to have at least an aspect of it controlled for me as it were. I suppose you could say that I've been into kinky sex as long as I've been aware of sex. I'm finally allowing myself to go for what I want--submission. I think it is because what you are presenting in your profile. You say that you are wanting submission but admit that you have a history of Topping from the Bottom and of being a Domme. I would think that the people who review your profile see that and it may even attract those who wish to try the bottoming aspect with still being a Dominant. I liked what I read in your profile because I LIKE honestly but as for what you have been getting I can see that this may be an issue. Perhaps you are possible only attracted to Dom's who can be manipulated or topped from the bottom. Always in situations like this look inward first especially if it happens alot and the only common factor in all of them is .... You. Happy Hunting. Steel it comes across as that i was the one topping from the bottom? perhaps i should edit because i meant that my former "sub" was topping from the bottom. i definitely do not want to top from the bottom and don't have a history of that. but i totally agree that i am the common factor amongst these three situations, i'm just at a loss as to what to do about it.

LadyPaige -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 12:24:23 PM)
Most of the Doms I've met like to be topped now and then. I can understand why your profile would attract Doms that like to occassionly play bottom. Talk to them about it and see if they actually want to be dominated or just topped now and then.

wanderingastray -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 12:25:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AdventurousLife So, given that the OP says she was a "Domme" does that mean she's not really a Sub but she's heard that guys on BDSM sites are gullible for women posing as submissives? I've got two very good friends- they've been married over 20 years- both of them have had sex with people of their own gender in the past. Does this mean their marriage is a sham? That they're really gay and just pretending to be straight? What if they had a three way with someone- would that mean the marriage was a fraud? thanks AL!

FRSguy -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 12:27:07 PM)
Maybe you should seek out people with a lot more experience of modify your filtering proccess.

wanderingastray -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 12:27:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPaige Most of the Doms I've met like to be topped now and then. I can understand why your profile would attract Doms that like to occassionly play bottom. Talk to them about it and see if they actually want to be dominated or just topped now and then. i certainly don't mind topping now and then, the problem is that guys who professed to be dominants are wanting either a fully switch relationship with me or for me to be the dominant. and this is after we have negotiated my submission.

LadyPaige -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 12:56:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wanderingastray quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPaige Most of the Doms I've met like to be topped now and then. I can understand why your profile would attract Doms that like to occassionly play bottom. Talk to them about it and see if they actually want to be dominated or just topped now and then. i certainly don't mind topping now and then, the problem is that guys who professed to be dominants are wanting either a fully switch relationship with me or for me to be the dominant. and this is after we have negotiated my submission. If you've negotiated and they still do it, then I'd say your profile, while maybe attracting them to begin with, is not at fault. You get this from every designation; there are people who want what they want and they figure once they've "got you" they can change the terms, let their real personality show, etc.. If your profile is a factor (or you) perhaps it's that they figure if you can be topped from the bottom maybe you can be maniupulated.

wanderingastray -> RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? (4/3/2008 2:23:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPaige quote: ORIGINAL: wanderingastray quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPaige Most of the Doms I've met like to be topped now and then. I can understand why your profile would attract Doms that like to occassionly play bottom. Talk to them about it and see if they actually want to be dominated or just topped now and then. i certainly don't mind topping now and then, the problem is that guys who professed to be dominants are wanting either a fully switch relationship with me or for me to be the dominant. and this is after we have negotiated my submission. If you've negotiated and they still do it, then I'd say your profile, while maybe attracting them to begin with, is not at fault. You get this from every designation; there are people who want what they want and they figure once they've "got you" they can change the terms, let their real personality show, etc.. If your profile is a factor (or you) perhaps it's that they figure if you can be topped from the bottom maybe you can be maniupulated. that makes sense, thanks LP.

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