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Real_Trouble -> RE: When your sub betrays you. (4/4/2008 7:50:16 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro
This will sound flip, but the real answer is simply this:
You say "Fuck it!" and stop giving your energies over to a person that doesn't want, nor apparently deserve, one second more of your time.
The best revenge is discovering your own happiness.
I concur with the message here, though obviously, it is somewhat difficult in practice at times. However, I would suggest the following would also be useful:
1 - When people leave relationships, they do so for a reason. This is not to say it is a good reason, however. So make a genuine effort to try to understand what happened, and you will usually come to one of two conclusion. The first is that you genuinely made some mistakes that were big enough to be a legitimate reason to leave; this is hard, but at least you know what you need to change and make an effort to fix, so that the next time around (and I guarantee if you are a person who constantly works to improve yourself, there will be a next time) you will be much better off. The second is that whatever reason it was that the other person had is stupid / petty / unwise, etc. Then you ask yourself if you'd really want to be with someone who you can count on to fuck up big decisions.
The answer is no.
2 - Don't live your life for that person by being constantly sad over lacking them. Happiness really is the best revenge! There's nothing like seeing an ex who broke up with you run into you five years later and realize that you are healthy, wealthy, and wise and they made what will turn out to be the biggest mistake of their life breaking up with you. Well, at least if you are a vindictive person, and I confess I am that way sometimes.
Ahem.
More to the point, the real reason is that you should want to be happy for yourself. Cut your losses; you cannot change the past without a time machine (and if you have one, what the hell are you doing wasting your time posting here), but you can change your potential futures. That is what you should always focus on - what can you do, going out, to be happy? Work on that. It will pay off.
3 - Pyrobabe has a great point:
quote:
My thoughts are once a sub betrays you like that there is no going back. You will end up always being paranoid about whether or not your he/she is lying to you or not.
The bridge here has probably been burned; major breaches of trust can be repaired when the party who did the breaching recognizes a mistake and is willing to seriously bust their ass and suffer mistrust for a while to earn trust again. That, from what you say, does not sound like the case here, so the cruel facts are that you must move on from a purely academic perspective. From a more street smart one, would you really want someone you know you can't trust?
Lastly, I've had this same kind of experience myself; I had someone who vanished on me and resurfaced with someone else at one point when I was younger and more foolish. In retrospect, I should have seen it coming (she had repeatedly betrayed people before, and I idiotically thought I was different somehow...) and more so, never have been involved with her in the first place. We lost touch for several years, and my final smile in this chapter is that she bumped into me, somewhat randomly, about six months ago. Now, I have repeatedly declined to say much about myself on here regarding personal details, but I had the extreme pleasure of it being very clear I'd done much, much better than her and her current boyfriend in life...
Ah, it's the little (evil) things sometimes. So I've been there; it fucking sucked, but I'm a much better person for it. Learn from your mistakes, figure out how not to cover that ground again but rather do something more productive, and focus on your own happiness and life. If you do, you will find someone better. It will work out.
Good luck.
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