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How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 8:52:17 AM

jimmyrook

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

Subs, how do you like someone to be when they write to you the first time?

do you like to feel dominated from the beginning or do you prefer to be approached in a more "normal" vanilla way?

like "hi, do you want to talk?"

i always read profiles before i write someone and if there are lots of journal entries i read at least a few of them before the first letter.

will be interesting to see how different or the same your answers to this question are.

Post #: 1

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 9:12:37 AM

emilyd25

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

As someone who is easing back into the life I will try to give my opinion.I say in my profile that im timid and really just want friends so when people come out aggresive and lets play right now stuff they get blocked.I had a tragic loss and it is hard to consider playing with someone else so an aggresive style puts me way off.anyway just my simple thoughts,Peace and blessings ,Emily

(in reply to jimmyrook)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 9:19:26 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

If a person was approaching me for the first time and tried to Dominate me from the first email i would find it both rude & insulting. That person has no right to even go there.. Trying something like that is making a big assumption and is almost definately going to result in that person joining my block list.

As for the normal "vanilla" way.. "hi, do you want to talk?" is a little bit generic and i would find that offputting in itself. If somebody approaches me and only bothers to write a total of 6 words, then why should i even bother making the effort to reply..

An ideal approach would be something a little bit different.. It would show respect & intelligence.. Engage my brain on some level, show me something of who they are for me to take interest in. It would be well thought out, well written.. And not a cut and paste job.. they're just both annoying and obvious. The best kind inspires conversation from the start.. There's little that turns me off more than being asked "so.. what do you want to talk about?" If conversation doesn't happen naturally with me, its not happening.

If you read the profile before you to write to them then tell them what you liked about it.. That at least shows you have taken the time to do that much.. There are so many who seem to be completely unable to read. *smiles*

< Message edited by metalmiss -- 4/4/2008 9:20:06 AM >

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to jimmyrook)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 9:24:17 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

neither extreme ever gets a response from me. People tend to get a quick thank you if they compliment me without adding anything else. People who actually write a personalized thought will get a response and if they ask a question they might even spark a good conversation.

But that's not just for people seeking, that's for people in general.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to jimmyrook)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 9:25:01 AM

TwoFourSevenPoly

Posts: 79
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jimmyrook

Quick Note: We are not all "subs" some of us are "slaves" and there is a difference, one is not better than the other just different.

Subs, how do you like someone to be when they write to you the first time?

With Respect and Courtesy

do you like to feel dominated from the beginning or do you prefer to be approached in a more "normal" vanilla way?

To be dominated is a very personal power exchange, and quite frankly it is rude to assume you have that right from the first email.

like "hi, do you want to talk?"

One liners and incomplete profiles will get you the iggy button fast. If you are truly interested your mail should reflect that interest with a introduction, why you are contacting them and a proper close with the option to contact yoy back via CM or Email.

i always read profiles before i write someone and if there are lots of journal entries i read at least a few of them before the first letter.

I would suggest reading the entire profile, the checklists, the blog journal and their posts on the boards. After all you are contacting this person to start a relationship correct? Have as much info as possible before approaching.

will be interesting to see how different or the same your answers to this question are.

Alpha Slave
Two Four Seven Poly

_____________________________

We're the House of Hussey and we're idiots!

(in reply to jimmyrook)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 9:26:28 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Approach me like I'm a person with a thought pattern, not just a piece of meat to be used.

Intelligence, politeness and sincerity go a LONG way to getting the response you want when you initially message someone.

just my opinion

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 9:26:37 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I like to feel his natural leadership, but trying to dominate me? No way. And a mere "hi wanna talk" won't inspire me to respond. Okay, sometimes I have, but it's only with "about what?". Not a memorable opening.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to metalmiss)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 9:42:47 AM

TwistedLeather

Posts: 189
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

Well, i'm not looking for a Dom/me anymore, but when i used to be, i responded more to people who sent me actual letters. Telling about themselves, as a person, not just sex. Giving me the feel that they had read my profile and journal entries, and that they wanted to know *me* as a person too. i'm very open and honest, so i always liked when they'd ask me specific questions, not just the "so what are you into" kinda thing. And i was always turned off by those one liners, or people who'd send me obvious cut'n'paste messages. If it had terrible grammar or alot of mispells, it'd be like nails across a chalkboard to me. i liked to get a feel that they were naturally dominant, but if they'd try to Dom me in their first letter, i'd knock my head against thiers and dig in my heels. i didn't belong to them, so what right did they have to try and command me? i was also turned off by those arrogant fools who were so "confident" that i'd be thiers.

my submission was a precious gift, and *i* was going to choose who i gave it to. It wasn't about to get stolen from me simple because some cocky fool decided he wanted it, and that by being a sub/slave i was obligated to give it.

_____________________________

Wishing you lots of whacks and giggles!

www.americantwistedleather.com

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 9:46:20 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I know Fox's main complaint is that he gets letters that try from the get-go to claim him. Showing the s-type that you are actually paying attention to what they are looking for (or in Fox's case NOT looking for) works wonders. If you are truly dominant, you dont have to pound your chest and stomp your foot in the first letter. Save that for later. Its a far better approach to talk to someone else as a person first and a s-type later, not vice versa.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to TwistedLeather)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 10:08:03 AM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

By now, I suspect a commonality is becoming apparent. [smile]

If someone writes to me, I will respond more quickly and with more interest if that person shows they have an interest in me as a person. I definitely perk up and take notice when someone shows that they have actually read my profile (as opposed to just skimming it to get facts to drop in their message). I like it even more if they refer to posts I've made in the forums.

Like Omega, my brain reacts negatively to poor grammar, bad spelling, and textspeak or slashspeak. The person may be very intelligent, but if they haven't put in the effort to be sure they are communicating in an intelligible manner, I have little time for them. Now, I overlook some grammar and spelling errors, especially if the rule involved is little known - partly because I know that I am a grammar geek and not everyone else shares my obsession.

Nobody is going to try to dominate me from the get-go and get anywhere with it. Dominance and submission occur between two (or more) individuals who have that kind of chemistry between them. It comes naturally, not forced from one side or the other. I certainly wouldn't contact a Dom and say, "Here I am, Sir. Use me."

It all boils down to: Be courteous, show that you've done your research, and try to find something that will pique the other person's interest.

pip, vultching over my mailbox

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 10:15:49 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain

Like Omega, my brain reacts negatively to poor grammar, bad spelling, and textspeak or slashspeak. The person may be very intelligent, but if they haven't put in the effort to be sure they are communicating in an intelligible manner, I have little time for them. Now, I overlook some grammar and spelling errors, especially if the rule involved is little known - partly because I know that I am a grammar geek and not everyone else shares my obsession.

heh, get out of my head-- I didn't say that here, but I certianly could have.

Alright, you can speak for me when you wish.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 10:26:18 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Do not call me bitch, whore, sub, girl, slut, cocksucker or any other such thing. Call me by my screen name.

And you can't order me to submit if you don't know anything about me. Read profiles, and if there are forum posts then read some of them.

A "Hi, want to chat" gets a delete and block. Make a comment on something nonkinky in the profile. If she has a picture of her black lab and you used to have one, then write about that. If she likes the same kind of music, ask if she thinks somebody's second album lives up to their first. Show yourself to be a person who wants to make a friend. Not somebody just interested in getting into my pants.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 10:33:46 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Op you need to write to everyone who responds on here to see if they really do write back.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 10:35:26 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Don't forget the cock pics!!!! We really like getting those big, meaty jpegs.

_____________________________

(in reply to jimmyrook)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 10:44:10 AM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
heh, get out of my head-- I didn't say that here, but I certianly could have.

Alright, you can speak for me when you wish.

That's what I get for not scrolling back up the thread to see who really said what I was referring to.

pip, apologizing to both of you

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 10:53:17 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

... If she has a picture of her black lab and you used to have one, then write about that. If she likes the same kind of music, ask if she thinks somebody's second album lives up to their first.

I can't emphasize this enough. Give the poor girl or guy some sort of segue for a decent response. Ask an open-ended question, for pete's sake.

By the way, "wanna chat" is not an open-ended question.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 10:54:55 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Yeah i am a sub but approch me as a person first. You try to dominate mei t would have gotton you blocked. Ever since i put i am happily collared in my profile i rarely if ever get mail. I answered all my mail and Masters fist e mail was a one liner "so where in NY do you live?" If i did not answer that cause it was a one liner i would have missed out on the best thing in my life. At least i knew he read my profile cause he knew i was from NY.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 10:57:02 AM

metamorpha

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

I had the perfect example today. A Dom wrote to me asking me, if I didn't mind telling him, what part of my city I live in since he used to live near the area. It turned out that he grew up about six blocks from where I did. It was a great ice breaker.

I have another Dom that writes to me with a single word: Hya. That doesn't impress me at all. I wrote back once asking if there was something that he would like to ask me and he said no, he just wanted to say hi.

I appreciate it when someone approaches me with respect and then becomes more dominant after reading my response to him. Being a sub doesn't mean being willing to be submissive to just anyone - there has to be a type of chemistry there first.

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 11:15:39 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Op you need to write to everyone who responds on here to see if they really do write back.

lol. Not if he reads the profiles he shouldn't. Those of us who are off the market are advising him on past approaches that did or did not work.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you like to be approached on here - 4/4/2008 11:30:56 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

"Hi, wanna chat?"

or

"Hi. I read your profile and found it a bit unusual. Most men don't write of passion which, to me, is a fire which burns in my soul. Passion keeps interest and creativity alive and when you couple that with sensitivity, which you also write about, the combination makes my skin tingle. I would love to delve deeper into the mind that brought those two concepts together. Will you allow me that honor?"

Which of those do you find more appealing in regard to your own profile?

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to jimmyrook)

Post #: 20

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