mistoferin
Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:
Has anyone who has been raped, had a flashback while sceneing?
Yes, I have experienced flashbacks during a scene. I can never tell exactly what is going to set them off. It could be something as simple as a look, a feeling, a touch or a smell rather than a particular activity. They are intensely scary events that dictate the need for play to stop immediately when they arise.
The most important thing that I can tell you is that you need to make sure that any partners you scene with are aware of the possibility of this happening...BEFORE you play. You don't have to go into great detail of the rape, but it is important that you let them know of the possibility of this occuring and what it is that you need for them to do at that point.
Now the hard part is determining what you need for them to do. I can tell you that for myself, the first thing I need is for them to be paying close enough attention to know that something has gone very wrong in case I can not verbalize it, and to be ready and willing to immediately reign themself in and stop play. If I am bound, generally I want to be unbound NOW. Most times, hugs and cuddling are very effective but there has also been a time or two when I needed a few minutes before I could be touched at all. A calm reassuring voice is always wonderful.
My ex Master would generally hold me until I calmed and then we would sit down and "debrief" after. As Gem stated....close contact and communication, sometimes for days after. I see that Gem has also suggested "forcing" the issue somewhat. While I am glad that seems to work for her it is not something I would ever do or recommend for anyone else to do. That is an entirely personal decision. Even when someone thinks they are strong enough to do that, disastrous consequences can occur that require real time and effort to come back from.
Just to qualify....the flashbacks that I have had are the product of an extremely violent rape at the age of 18. That was 25 years ago. What I am saying is that time is not necessarily the answer. I have been through all of the counseling and I have even become a counselor myself. I have listened to and helped literally thousands of women with the issue of sexual assault. MY own rape is not something that I think about very often...I don't give it much conscious thought, and even when the subject comes up there is very little emotion attached to it for me anymore. But the mind is a very funny thing and at those moments when you least expect it....BAM....there it is. The best way to deal with it is to acknowledge that it can occur and be prepared for it in advance.
_____________________________
Peace and light,
~erin~
There are no victims here...only volunteers.
When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.
"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
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