What are you looking for?

What are you looking for? (Full Version)

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colouredin -> What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:37:38 PM)
So I recently changed my profile and of course the fantasitc offers are flooding in so before I move to Spain to live in the box at the end of some randoms bed (dont worry I have his email address, I just have to add him to organise details :P) I thought I would ask a question of people here. How do you know what you are looking for? For single people its a pretty sound assumption that you are yet to find what you need, how do you know what you want is what will work for you? Do you base it on past experiance of just assume its what you want? In my experiance what I think I want hasnt been what I needed, when a relationship breaks down do you assess it to consider what worked and what didnt or do you continue assuming that you know what you want and just put the failure down to bad luck? For people who are with someone and blissfully happy is the relationship you are now in what you thought you would need? Were there things that you had to put aside or that you suddenly found werent so important? I was just pondering it due to the mass of mails asking what are you looking for to which I have to reply, I have no fucking idea

Level -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:46:22 PM)
I know what I'm looking for, because they're the things that make me happy. Now..... why in the hell are you going to live in a box?

LadyPaige -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:48:13 PM)
I know what I want. The problem is waiting to find it. My perfect match is probably half way across the world and has been happily married for 20 years.

adoracat -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:49:33 PM)
how do i know what i'm looking for? by what i know i've had that didnt make me happy. that's the long and short of it, right there. i know i want someone that loves me, that can be in charge and not want me to make all the decisions.. somone who understands my health issues (both physical and emotional) and doesnt berate me about them, someone who understands how much physical use i can take and that when i say i cant any longer...i'm not fooling. i'm looking for a permanent relationship that will eventually lead to marriage (well, now anyway. before, i wasnt.) and all the good things and feelings that go with it, along with someone who isnt afraid to be in charge and help me with things like giving me a list of things to do so that i dont forget. i'm very lucky. i found all that in my Daddy. and now that i'm going to be relocating, i have it in TheEngineer also. i cant tell you how blessed i am in that. kitten

colouredin -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:50:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Now..... why in the hell are you going to live in a box? Dont you think its a good idea? I am quite excited about it, we arent on a first name basis yet, curently I have only refered to him as "IamyourMasterbitch" but it has a nice ring to it I think. Oh ladyPaige postitive mental attitude, knowing what you want makes you half way there. Thankyou adora, that is along the same lines as I think, I use what has made me miserable in the past and assume that therefore I need differat, the more negative experiances I have hopefully the closer I am to knowing what I need.

kittinSol -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:52:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Now..... why in the hell are you going to live in a box? She's kinky that way... Are you asking whether compromises are necessary for successful relationships. colouredin? If this was indeed your question, yes, compromises are pretty much essential for any relationship to work. It's a platitude, but relationships tend to depend on how much work the individuals involved put in them. Sorry for being so boring [:(] .

Prinsexx -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:53:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin So I recently changed my profile and of course the fantasitc offers are flooding in so before I move to Spain to live in the box at the end of some randoms bed (dont worry I have his email address, I just have to add him to organise details :P) I thought I would ask a question of people here. How do you know what you are looking for? For single people its a pretty sound assumption that you are yet to find what you need, how do you know what you want is what will work for you? Do you base it on past experiance of just assume its what you want? In my experiance what I think I want hasnt been what I needed, when a relationship breaks down do you assess it to consider what worked and what didnt or do you continue assuming that you know what you want and just put the failure down to bad luck? For people who are with someone and blissfully happy is the relationship you are now in what you thought you would need? Were there things that you had to put aside or that you suddenly found werent so important? I was just pondering it due to the mass of mails asking what are you looking for to which I have to reply, I have no fucking idea Ok......I'm looking for the same as last time only different....... it's like he was absolutely Mr perfect but then there was a definitive moment when he wasn't.....I edge forward like this under the illusion that if I make approximate and successive changes it will all work out fine one day soon and then the years pass and one Dom follows the next and joins the end of the jobless queue..... at other times I let go of what I know and drop into a connection with an unknown quantity only to slip back towards what I know because it's safer. Actually what I think I know I know I know is based on a fantasy ideal Master, that relying on the fact that there are, at a guess how many millions of them?...well it's based on the assumption he must be a member of collarme, or alt, and probbly reading this forum right now or having read it went onto read my profile and then got obsessed with me to the point of thinking I was his ideal s type (irony). But then he goes after me, tries a nice greeting or a meeting and as I don't 'do' nice falls sadly short of my ideal.... It kind of ends up as a roundabout recursive self-fulfilling self-defeating loop doesn't it? Ok; I'm looking for simply the best, better than all the rest........doobie doooobie doo..... No rush, I have faith this time..........

colouredin -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:55:00 PM)
I know compromise is important, but it seems on this site we have a list of stuff that we tick say is important, many people write down what may as well be a job description of requirements and needs, but I was simply wondering where they come from and whether they turn out to be quite as important as we think they are.

Prinsexx -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:55:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol quote: ORIGINAL: Level Now..... why in the hell are you going to live in a box? She's kinky that way... Are you asking whether compromises are necessary for successful relationships. colouredin? If this was indeed your question, yes, compromises are pretty much essential for any relationship to work. It's a platitude, but relationships tend to depend on how much work the individuals involved put in them. Sorry for being so boring [:(] . What is this? the Protestant Ethic meets bdsm? No matter how much work I have put in as a slave, it still doesn't work if it still doesn't work.....

CelticPrince -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:55:47 PM)
quote: I was just pondering it due to the mass of mails asking what are you looking for to which I have to reply, I have no fucking idea coloure, Methinks you do have a fair idea, but that will firm up as you grow older. CP

eyesopened -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:57:13 PM)
i'm very happy in my relationship. The blissful part will come later this summer when i relocate. Is it what i thought i would need? Yes, absolutely, yes. Part of the reason for this is that i'm really, really *old* and some could say it was the process of elimination, i'd had every other kind of relationship.... (kidding...mostly) Sometimes it really does take a lifetime of experiences, adventures, tests, trials, and willingness to try, try again to really know oneself well enough to know what one needs.

Level -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 2:59:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin quote: ORIGINAL: Level Now..... why in the hell are you going to live in a box? Dont you think its a good idea? I am quite excited about it, we arent on a first name basis yet, curently I have only refered to him as "IamyourMasterbitch" but it has a nice ring to it I think. Doesn't matter if I think it's a good idea, my friend. [8\|]

kittinSol -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 3:00:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx What is this? the Protestant Ethic meets bdsm? No matter how much work I have put in as a slave, it still doesn't work if it still doesn't work..... Hahahaha! Absolutely not :-) - and it's not just about BDSM, we're all human beings as well, you know. Some relationships are doomed not to work no matter how much work one puts into them... but I never implied that there was a miracle recipe.

softness -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 3:01:44 PM)
someone who holds me in trust as a possession of value pretty simple really

petpete -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 3:01:55 PM)
Very good question colourdin.. i never lived the lifestyle. i only come from a very long term vanilla marriage. i find that there are so many different ways one can live this lifestyle as many as my strands that i have in my hair!!! The only thing i get straight here is that the sub that finds or is found by a "D" here will have to follow the way the "D" desires to. i also found out that in a case of a poly relationship and if there is already an "alpha" enstated the secondary subs can have a more flexible representation (allowed a private life). It is a very confusing lifestyle because at times a sub may fall for a D but not Her or his lifestyle that is required for the sub to live. i don't know where i will end up but i find myself torn whenever i get to meet a D that takes some kind of interest in me. The temptation between trying the lifestyle that is chosen for me then the one i chose for myself can be very much heartbreaking if any kind of feelings are developed in the meantime.

kittinSol -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 3:03:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CelticPrince quote: I was just pondering it due to the mass of mails asking what are you looking for to which I have to reply, I have no fucking idea coloure, Methinks you do have a fair idea, but that will firm up as you grow older. CP That, or maybe she will know what she was looking for when she encounters it. I mean, it's not like we're at the supermarket with a shopping list, is it... all these people who ask 'what are you looking for' do that because they don't know how else to approach someone. They're just not very imaginative. I think the question 'what are you looking for' deserves an ultra general reply, like 'happiness' or 'the meaning of life' -

colouredin -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 3:06:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol That, or maybe she will know what she was looking for when she encounters it. I mean, it's not like we're at the supermarket with a shopping list, is it... all these people who ask 'what are you looking for' do that because they don't know how else to approach someone. They're just not very imaginative. I think the question 'what are you looking for' deserves an ultra general reply, like 'happiness' or 'the meaning of life' - Ahh this is my thing, I cant reel of a list of what I want I dont think life works quite like that, sure there is ideal and fantasy and all that but thats all make believe and to be honest would almost surely be terrible to live. Yeah I think the question sucks and i generally cant be bothered answering it, its a bit like what are you into.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 3:18:31 PM)
I'm looking for my silver hoop earring that I misplaced yesterday! [;)] Back when I was searching, I was asked a few times what I was looking for and other than generalities, all I could say was [sm=dunno.gif] I dunno! I mean, you have a good idea of what you need, want and desire, but actually describing that in another human being ends up making it sound like you are looking for some sort of perfecto, super human, uber dom. Funny thing is, I wasn't looking when I found my Master. I actually belonged to someone else at the time, who I tried to convince myself was a good match for me. I tried everything to make him happy and please him, but I wasn't perfect and I wasn't his fantasy, so I spent a lot of time confused, frustrated and lonely.... but still I hung in there. [sm=frown.gif] His ego and carelessness with me landed me at the feet of the man I now call Master. I wasn't looking, but when this man took me by the hand... I started down a new path and found the embodiment of what I really had been looking for, wanting and needing. Our relationship dynamic isn't exactly what I desired, but I know how lucky I am to have this man as my partner, my lover, my friend and my Master, so I embrace the quote in my signature line. It really can be difficult to express what you need and want in a person, as well as what you need and want in a relationship. Sometimes you just stumble onto it and go AHA, this is it! [sm=cheerleader.gif]

KatyLied -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 3:22:46 PM)
I'm looking for Mr. rich & perfect. [:D]

lronitulstahp -> RE: What are you looking for? (4/5/2008 3:27:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin So I recently changed my profile and of course the fantasitc offers are flooding in so before I move to Spain to live in the box at the end of some randoms bed (dont worry I have his email address, I just have to add him to organise details :P) I thought I would ask a question of people here. How do you know what you are looking for? For single people its a pretty sound assumption that you are yet to find what you need, how do you know what you want is what will work for you? Do you base it on past experiance of just assume its what you want? In my experiance what I think I want hasnt been what I needed, when a relationship breaks down do you assess it to consider what worked and what didnt or do you continue assuming that you know what you want and just put the failure down to bad luck? For people who are with someone and blissfully happy is the relationship you are now in what you thought you would need? Were there things that you had to put aside or that you suddenly found werent so important? I was just pondering it due to the mass of mails asking what are you looking for to which I have to reply, I have no fucking idea Concerning those emails...The ones that ask "what is it you seek?"...well i try not to tell everything i seek off the bat. i don't need anyone fashioning themselves into the Dom of my dreams because he's grown tired of searching, and figures he'll change me into his dream pet soon enough after he hooks me... or he's nothing like what i seek, and in fact isn't really a Dom, but rather, looking for little more than a few kinky fun fucks. i would rather know his bottom line...how he plans to deal with a submissive partner...his ideas on the relationship dynamic. As a sub, i don't wanna steer the freaking ship; i'm an excellent first mate, though. If i wanted to determine the whole relationship with my wants, i'd be on Match.com. Sometimes those emails are just wankers trying to get off on your kink. Just seeing the words "anal slut" typed in reply sends some pathetic bozos over the flippin' moon. When they say "what do you seek"...would it be wrong to counter with "not sure...tell me who you are, and we'll see"? For me, the answer is "friends first". If a guy can't deal with getting to know me on a friendly basis...if he's anxious to run into "uberMaster-protector-of-delectable-fluffy-subs-with-tremendous-boobies" right off the mark...he's most likely not what i'm looking for. i have met Doms who held qualities that made me all twitchy and ready to get on my knees and suck and serve him all my days...but wait he's poly and wants other girls...or he's "insanely" sadistic and needs a painslut that likes bleeding, or he's a bit tooo fond of animals...whatever...usually, i am able to remain friends after these little discoveries because we met on that level to begin with. Good luck though, colouredin...you deserve happiness, and a bright future...leave all that past crap where it belongs...[:)]

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