Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Wasted Time...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Wasted Time... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 10:55:38 PM   
onlinesub1


Posts: 39
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

metamorpha, don't presume to tell this person not to listen to the opinions of the posters. You may not like the answers, but that's what a forum is for. The OP asked a question, and people are responding. There will be many types of responses, as individual as the people who are posting. None are right or wrong.

OP it isn't this website. You seem to have had an inordinate amount of bad luck with a variety of people over a long period of time. The only common factor in all these liaisons is you. Therefore, you need to look to your own behaviours.

Are you deliberately, or subconsciously, choosing to submit to people who are not emotionally/physically able to give you want you want/need? Why must it all be online for you? Why can you not take it to a physical level? Are you married? Afraid? Perhaps that should be a question you ponder on.

Yes, I know some people are happy with online submission. However, the chances of finding a dominant you click with, who also wants only online play and who is sustained by long term online only without the chance of meeting, is pretty slim.

As DV said so succinctly, people get bored with online. Many people see online play as exactly that, play, a game. Not something that is a forever thing. It's human to meet people in real life, especially those we are close to.

Anyway, good luck, but don't blame the site.




Hmmm Mistress One was a mistake on my part. I rushed in it to quick. The others I took my time to try and know the person and still fails. It would be nice to do something real time, but thats just something I don't want to do at the moment. Too much is going on in my life to bring in people in it. Even if it isn't the website, it's hard not to generalize when I been here longer than most of you and no luck yet. Let people try to put me down, it won't bother me. At least some people have the courtesy to post something good =)

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 10:57:46 PM   
onlinesub1


Posts: 39
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atursvcMaam

i am perplexed.  how does one fake their own death on line, and who lets you know? 


Mistress: Oh hey, I have cancer and only have X months to live. X months later she stops signing on for Y amount of years and then signs in Z weeks ago

(in reply to atursvcMaam)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 10:58:15 PM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Fanx!! Now who has a tissue, cuz the dancing booger is just embarrassing


averts his eyes as he hands MissMagnolia the box of Kleenex, Thank You, i was wondering what that thing was.  i am still trying to figure out why a booger would have antennae, but i guess that it is the radio to help keep the beat.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 10:58:23 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Go play with a tamagotchi for a few weeks, and you might get a slight idea of what it was like to be the Dommes. It always helps your understanding if you know the other side.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:00:34 PM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		thank you.

< Message edited by atursvcMaam -- 4/5/2008 11:02:33 PM >

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:02:37 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
8 years?  21 years old? All these relationships online add up to like -- 4+ years?  Your math doesn't even add up.  Were you 16 on here with these 4 years of relationships or were they overlapping or what?

You are never going to find a longterm, online-only relationship.  That's the reality. Instead, look for 1-year or 6 month online relationships.  That's about how long it takes to either need to bring it to real time or move on.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:07:15 PM   
onlinesub1


Posts: 39
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline 		This isn't my first account btw. Also, back when I first looked into the lifestyle, it was more to look what it was about and what I would/would not like. Incase you missed it:

"It would be nice to do something real time, but thats just something I don't want to do at the moment. Too much is going on in my life to bring in people in it."

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:09:08 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

To a point it IS this website ... because MOST of the people here who are serious at all, are wanting to be together in meatlife. So though they may use online as a technique for meeting people ... they don't want to linger online forever. While I did the whole online thing in the past, it palled, though admittedly it was more rewarding for my sub side than for My Domme side. Basically that was because subs are the ones "doing" things ... whereas for the Dominant, it just becomes an endless round of thinking up something feasible for the sub to do without getting any really tangible benefits for all that work. An online sub can't do Your housework, wash Your clothes, cook You a meal, serve You a drink, provide their ass for You to really spank or sexually satisfy You in the flesh, only in the mind. Most Dominants ultimately come to want more!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]


amen

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:10:49 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onlinesub1

This isn't my first account btw. Also, back when I first looked into the lifestyle, it was more to look what it was about and what I would/would not like. Incase you missed it:

"It would be nice to do something real time, but thats just something I don't want to do at the moment. Too much is going on in my life to bring in people in it."

You missed the point.  If you want an online only relationship, don't expect to find one to last -- what -- 5 years? Forever? 

What do you consider a successful online relationship?  How often is the connection and by what means? Is 1 email a week ok?  How about 2 "sessions" via IM each month?

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:12:49 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Amen. I couldn't put up with that crap for two weeks-much less two years. It's sort of like that game where you have to keep feeding the imaginary "pet". or it dies.

I'm afraid I am just not that masochistic.


LOL  I love the analogy....lol  never thought of it that way.  "imaginary pet"....

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:22:08 PM   
onlinesub1


Posts: 39
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlinesub1

This isn't my first account btw. Also, back when I first looked into the lifestyle, it was more to look what it was about and what I would/would not like. Incase you missed it:

"It would be nice to do something real time, but thats just something I don't want to do at the moment. Too much is going on in my life to bring in people in it."

You missed the point.  If you want an online only relationship, don't expect to find one to last -- what -- 5 years? Forever? 

What do you consider a successful online relationship?  How often is the connection and by what means? Is 1 email a week ok?  How about 2 "sessions" via IM each month?

Akasha



Anything that ends in a respectable manner would be nice. Not some shit these past Mistress been trying to pull off.  It's one thing to say "hey its been fun but it ain't working out" versus leaving without saying anything. All the people I have been with have kept in daily contact with me. It's more than just ordering around online, anyone can fake that. It's more of the learning that occurs. Think of it as reading a book to learn about things, except the book is a person teaching you instead of learning for yourself. 

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:27:26 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onlinesub1

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlinesub1

This isn't my first account btw. Also, back when I first looked into the lifestyle, it was more to look what it was about and what I would/would not like. Incase you missed it:

"It would be nice to do something real time, but thats just something I don't want to do at the moment. Too much is going on in my life to bring in people in it."

You missed the point.  If you want an online only relationship, don't expect to find one to last -- what -- 5 years? Forever? 

What do you consider a successful online relationship?  How often is the connection and by what means? Is 1 email a week ok?  How about 2 "sessions" via IM each month?

Akasha



Anything that ends in a respectable manner would be nice. Not some shit these past Mistress been trying to pull off.  It's one thing to say "hey its been fun but it ain't working out" versus leaving without saying anything. All the people I have been with have kept in daily contact with me. It's more than just ordering around online, anyone can fake that. It's more of the learning that occurs. Think of it as reading a book to learn about things, except the book is a person teaching you instead of learning for yourself. 


The fact that it is online only will mean that you are going to be dealing with people who do not make it a priority in their life.  This increases the chances of it being game players or people who are not capable of having functional relationships.  Are you even sure these are women and not men pretending?  It increases the chances that someone is just messing around and will say anything they want until they get bored and move on.  That's the realities of an 'online only' relationship -- people are just a power switch away from forgetting about you.  Meanwhile, you may be emotionally investing in your "offline" time, thinking about them, getting attached, etc.   That's why the entire thing is a potentially emotionally draining and futile exercise.  The best way to make "online submission" a positive experience is to lower your expectations.  If you adjust your expectations and view it as entertainment, enjoyment for the moment, etc. you will be less upset when people just move on.  You are getting more emotionally attached than they are.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:31:48 PM   
onlinesub1


Posts: 39
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline 		Oh I know about the everyone is a guy online until proven otherwise. I make then get on webcam, phone, etc and if I still have my doubts I'll say no to them. The last Mistress I dealt with was like oh yea I have a webcam. I asked "her" to use it and then "she" was like oh no I don't have one.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/5/2008 11:33:57 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Amen. I couldn't put up with that crap for two weeks-much less two years. It's sort of like that game where you have to keep feeding the imaginary "pet". or it dies.

I'm afraid I am just not that masochistic.


LOL  I love the analogy....lol  never thought of it that way.  "imaginary pet"....


But it has a webcam!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to DrkJourney)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/6/2008 1:24:42 AM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onlinesub1

Oh I know about the everyone is a guy online until proven otherwise. I make then get on webcam, phone, etc and if I still have my doubts I'll say no to them. The last Mistress I dealt with was like oh yea I have a webcam. I asked "her" to use it and then "she" was like oh no I don't have one.


you make them? odd way for a submissive to be speaking...from my perspective anyway.
 
may we all find our bliss,
everhope  

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/6/2008 2:19:45 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlinesub1

Oh I know about the everyone is a guy online until proven otherwise. I make then get on webcam, phone, etc and if I still have my doubts I'll say no to them. The last Mistress I dealt with was like oh yea I have a webcam. I asked "her" to use it and then "she" was like oh no I don't have one.


you make them? odd way for a submissive to be speaking...from my perspective anyway.
 
may we all find our bliss,
everhope  


Same thing I noticed ....also noticed he  is not really listening to advice given  but  continuing to place blame to keep his pity party alive, nor does he respond to questions asked in particular about  his age other than saying he had another account before...which then makes it sound like he has been  lying to the mistresses he is involved with about himself ....yet is expecting/demanding  integrity from them.  

OP  as someone else said the common denominator in all these relationships is you ....from your responses so far here  I see someone that act immatures, whiny when things are not going his way , is demanding, does not respond directly to what is asked, does not listen, and possibly lies.....I do not know any Dom/mes that would be willing to put up with that behaviour for very long without getting fed up and tired of the BS. So to me the problem is not the mistresses but your own behaviour and expectations ,   I don't expect you to like my  response and will view it as harsh  but this is how I see it from my viewpoint from the comments you have made so far. 

Maybe you need to take some time out, mature, and reflect in understanding your role in past failed relationships and learn what submission means and be ready to truly make a commitment instead of expecting people to waste their time on you with do me demands and whining about how terrible past mistresses have been to you.

I am a sub I sure as heck would not  tolerate any Dom demanding to have me turn on a webcam  to "prove" I am fenale... to me that is very rude and insulting......any  sub that  demands a Domme  turn  on a webcam  to prove  she  has the right bits ..deserves to be deleted and blocked and considered an offensive jerk not worthy of even a response.  

< Message edited by Maya2001 -- 4/6/2008 2:21:30 AM >

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to everhope)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/6/2008 3:03:17 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onlinesub1

I am not really sure where to post this, so please move it to the correct spot if needed.

I have been a "sub" (judge me for it being online only I don't care) for 8 years or so. Ever since I found collarme.com, I ran into a ton a people to talk to. I'll describe some but I won't say names (even though some of those #*@^! deserve it)

Mistress One: Ok, I been with this Mistress for 2 years. The first couple of months was really good. She controlled me so well, I would be willing to do anything. Her collar I had to "wear" was shaving a certain part all the time and make sure it stayed clean. As much as I hated to shave it, I was willing to. After time went on, she changed for the worse. I tried to stick with her no matter how much abuse I went through, but at the end I left her. It was sad to leave but it was driving me insane and she refused to change back.

Mistress Two: She was good but faked her death to get away from me. She disappears for 6 months and 2 weeks ago I see her online

Mistress Three: Another good Mistress that disappears for 2 years. I finally got to see her again but she won't take me back. She said her life was to busy but I don't believe it.

Mistress Four: Like 4 days ago, I talk to someone who seemed nice. First real convo from her: "Hey give me your bank account info because I need to do something about some check..whatever" I say no so she tells me to fuck off.

Mistress Five and Six: They didn't own me, it was more of someone I can go to for advice. One stops coming online and another just doesn't care about me anymore

Master One: only master I ever talked to seriously, nice guy and all but we lost contact over time. He didn't own me, just someone I could go to for advice.

Those are the main people I dealt with ever since joining collarme. I am still looking, but I keep losing hope everyday =/ Am I wasting my time?

I have maintained contact with two Doms (male), two switches (male)  and one sub male and two subs femme for over four years predominantly on line but I have had scenes with all of them but one (a male switch who lives in Holland so that's difficult). Even so the others are on line because of distance and is is very difficult, I would say impossible to stay in the dynamic on line.
Real life is difficult enough because of work and family and travelling time.
I have kept them all as on line friends and they have supported me through two 'heavy' break-ups with Doms. They are invaluable friends. I don't do clubs or munches.
My last master was relatively very close, at most and hour away. Even then the dynamics of the relationship had it not work.
But really the weakest link here is the online relationship even though it's a great way to make contacts, get advice and better than whiling away the hours living in that feeling of scarcity.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/6/2008 3:09:24 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Im not gonna insult online based relationships IF you get something out of it, from the tone of your post I would say that you are not. It seems that you are very bitter. Many people want to take the relationship from online to real life, that can cause a lot of problems. If you dont then thats fine, you have to find someone wanting a long term internet relationship (you had one for two years hun thats a fair ol while) Chances are if you can think of it someone somewhere will be interested in it. You do have more difficulty because many people who may indulge in online wont be taking it all that seriously.

About proving that you are real, what are you doing that for? I mean when you are meeting real time it matters the physicality and whatnot but when you are online why does it? Arent you just connecting with the persona online?




_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/6/2008 3:14:31 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

Those are the main people I dealt with ever since joining collarme. I am still looking, but I keep losing hope everyday =/ Am I wasting my time?


No, you had good times in between..and you learned. Sadly it ended badly, but I don't blame that on the online relation part....but on the people you meet (or perhaps even yourself, but that is hard to judge).
I have online friends which I talk to for more then 5 years....they never disappeared. And if they go soemwhere for a longer time, they leave an email.
I see no reason why your Dom(mes) couldn't do the same, unless they are asses.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Wasted Time... - 4/6/2008 4:58:10 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onlinesub1

This isn't my first account btw. Also, back when I first looked into the lifestyle, it was more to look what it was about and what I would/would not like. Incase you missed it:

"It would be nice to do something real time, but thats just something I don't want to do at the moment. Too much is going on in my life to bring in people in it."

 
....You are only willing to put yourself into this so far and with limitations emotionally and commitment wise  (ie meeting and serious time and energy invested) because of your "life stuff"...but, yet ,you are expecting to connect with people who want to & are willing to give more and be more than you are willing to ???
 
do you see the illogic in that??
 
 
Unfortunately, do to the nature of the beast> when you keep yourself limited and anonymous ( for whatever your reasons ) you are going to run across alot of people who mis-use the internet and these resources BECAUSE they don't have to be real or serious.  Your need to keep from going to the next step(ie meeting face to face ) > gives them the ability to live in their fantasy and unreality.
 
Of course there are genuine people to be found who could and will give an online relationship all it needs to be successful...but your chances of running across them with your lack of checks and balances in place ( make them meet with you ) lessens your chances considerably.....imo.
 
good luck, tho'
and be safe..

Cyndi
 
 
 

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to onlinesub1)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Wasted Time... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.108