The Broken Toe

The Broken Toe (Full Version)

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MladyHathor -> The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 11:50:34 AM)
How many times have you walked away-- cursed the darkeness, kicked the wall and asked, why-why Me, why can I not live without this that burns inside Me---why am I pushed, compelled, driven, to be this thing that I am, to stand firm that at all costs I can be nothing less? *I have broken My toe twice--and you?*

metamorpha -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:09:58 PM)
No broken toes yet :) but sometimes I feel like I am living a dream and other times a nightmare. I was afraid I was the only one.

TermsConditions -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:10:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor How many times have you walked away-- cursed the darkeness, kicked the wall and asked, why-why Me, why can I not live without this that burns inside Me---why am I pushed, compelled, driven, to be this thing that I am, to stand firm that at all costs I can be nothing less? *I have broken My toe twice--and you?* Apples and Oranges: You are standing. I am thinking really hard about maybe standing. But to answer your initial question, I struggle daily. And almost constantly now. The coward I is dying a thousand deaths. You are standing brave. There is a terrible convergence of fantasy and reality facilitated by CM. Those living the reality suffer the fools indulging or at best working out their fantasies. Wheat and chaff, diamonds and trailings...it takes work to sort one from the other. And like Forest Gump's box of chocolates you don't know what you have in your hand until you bite. It is frustrating because it is frustrating and difficult because it is difficult. TnC

MamaDomme1 -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:13:54 PM)
I certainly do understand what you mean! I was ready last week to just give walking away from this lifestyle another try. I know that I would never be satisfied in a vanilla world, but I was ready to give up. I've met some wonderful people, some fun play partners and made friends...... but still had not found that spark that my life is lacking for a potential relationship. Last week that changed. I logged on with the intention of saying good-bye and shutting down my profile-- both here and other places that I have been a member of for many years-- and there was a profile on the front page. I checked out the profile because the headline just spoke to me deep inside. He immediately sent me an email saying thank you for viewing him and the conversation started. I am not a person to just jump into something. I am very hesitant about situations and people but this submissive man has something that is truly a draw for me. We share similar backgrounds and beliefs, we have lived within a few miles of one another at many points in our lives and we have more in common than anyone I have ever met in my life. We email, chat online and talk on the phone each day and I truly feel as tho I have found a treasure! We have only briefly spoken about ANY sexual things once, and that was brief. I cannot stand to just chat about sexual topics in order to give someone wank fodder-- he certainly isn't a wanker from anything I can tell at all. I am flying out to meet him on the 26th and the days can't pass any sooner! Anyway-- stop kicking the walls and breaking toes........ things could turn good at any moment!

MladyHathor -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:20:54 PM)
OOOOOOhhhhhhh how exciting, do keep us posted, well I have the same, well close-- yet he lives many miles, but I am determined to see what is there----so time will tell, if he was here he could bring My martinis on a silver tray and I could rest My "broken toe"---alsa, in time---smiles

Politesub53 -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:23:36 PM)
MamaDomme, i am really happy for you and hope it all goes well. Finding someone close enough to from a relationship with, as well as combining an interest in the lifestyle, must be a dream for many of us here.

MamaDomme1 -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:27:30 PM)
~~FR~~ Thanks guys! He is in Ft Lauderdale, FL and I am in Austin, TX so there's a huge amount of land between us at the moment........... but I am very willing to see where this can lead......... and I'm fairly certain that he is too. And yes, we D-types need to have our martinis served to us on silver platters while resting our feet. ;)

MissHarlet -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:34:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MamaDomme1 And yes, we D-types need to have our martinis served to us on silver platters while resting our feet. ;) Yes we need that among many many other services <EG>

MamaDomme1 -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:36:36 PM)
I agree wholeheartedly! Many, many services that are running thru my mind!

Politesub53 -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:47:40 PM)
Now im hot for some reason.....Even though we have the rarity of snow on the coast, and in April !

MissHarlet -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:50:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 Now im hot for some reason.....Even though we have the rarity of snow on the coast, and in April ! Its that coffee you are drinking in your Picture .. keeps you hot !!

MamaDomme1 -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:52:05 PM)
Yes, I am certain that it's the hot coffee that you are drinking, Politesub! Surely it can't be because you are thinking in a service-oriented way, is it?

Politesub53 -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 12:56:55 PM)
No its tea....with bromide in it..... <grins > Hey now ladies, no tag teaming [8D]

KindLadyGrey -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 1:36:22 PM)
MladyHathor, I bang my head against the wall. It is much harder than my toes. I know I'm just adding to my rep as a total geek, but am I the only person here who thinks of Stargate everytime Lady Hathor posts?

MladyHathor -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 2:21:14 PM)
smiles, well My Dear, Mine is in the UK---so your miles are a stones throw---so late summer will see out first month together, then we will go from there---I am very committed, as is he who has been there on the sidelines now for almost two years--through My epiphanies, My challenges, My trials and My joys and who has never once uttered the words---"...but what about me?" and has always said, "yes Maam as you wish". *It is now as I wish.*

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 3:16:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor How many times have you walked away-- cursed the darkeness, kicked the wall and asked, why-why Me, why can I not live without this that burns inside Me---why am I pushed, compelled, driven, to be this thing that I am, to stand firm that at all costs I can be nothing less? I've done it a lot. Never broken a toe, but there's been plenty of wall-kicking, wall-punching, and laying on my back staring at the ceiling wondering "why." Specifically, "why can't I be normal?" It's a question I've asked myself since I was a kid. Why do I get off on stripping people down to their barest semblances of self and take pleasure in knowing that they do it willingly for me? Why do I melt every time I see a well-dressed, well-made-up sissy slut? From where does this desire to dominate come? Is it good? Is it bad? Am I so firmly mired into it that I can't see it as anything but vital to my very essence, when in reality perhaps it's tearing me down piece by piece? And it goes much beyond the "darkness" related to my lifestyle choice. It also goes to my fascination with the occult, death, the darker side of human nature... I've tried to deny it but never have succeeded in breaking away. I had a best friend in school who came to me one day with tears in her eyes and told me that her parents had forbidden her to play with me anymore, because of my belief in the spirit world. At a parent-teacher night they told my parents basically that I was a little hellspawn. That's always stuck with me -- it was my first real validation that, to quote Miss Clavel, "something is not right," and that the world has no tolerance for such things. Amidst the despair, though, a stronger part of me which has only recently risen up will tap me on the shoulder and say "This is who you are. Embrace it." While I still think my life could be much easier now and in the past had I ever been just a "normal girl," I know that living that sort of life would be denying my true self... and what sort of superficial, brittle happiness would plague me then? I chose my web handle for a reason. It's a corrupted spelling of Persephone, the goddess who was bound to the underworld against her own will and without her knowledge.

MistressFaye1 -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 3:35:54 PM)
I don't know what's worse, me having a broken toe or the broken heart that I've caused, in the past because of this "thing". I was once involved with a very good man that would have given me the world on a silver platter, save for one thing, his lack of acceptance of ALL of me. Of course this was a vanilla relationship and no matter how I tired to explain it, educate him, and explore with him, he still rejected it claiming he should be all I needed. He wouldn't compromise by allowing that part of me to continue (as in having at least one D/s relationship). I ended the relationship because I was at a point in my life that I refused to settle anymore. When I did, for several months he became on of the coldest person I've known in my lifetime and I understood it was because I had hurt him so much by leaving. I really think I did him a favor in the long run because I have to be honest here and say, one way or another I would have had my needs met and because of the way he felt about the lifestyle it would have been behind his back. That is no way for a relationship to be. It's been years and it was at that point that I said I'd rather be alone than enter into a relationship with another man that didn't understand or accept me as I am. Faye

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 4:21:16 PM)
Wear Doc Martens. I do. :) edited to add: Sorry, I was just having a mental image there, and went with the heavy shoes! Now that I am in Reset Mode, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what I Really Want and what I am willing to take a pass on, and the results have been surprising. I think about leaving "the scene" all the time, but then where would I be? With vanilla guys? eeeeh. Yeah, there are some boring pervs out there, but nothing is more boring than a dull vanilla guy. Better protective gear, better forecasting, and maybe some extra chocolate for those Difficult Moments. Excelsior!

MzMia -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 5:27:48 PM)
I broke my big toe in 2003, and I swear it has never been the same again. ugh, that sucks. Hope you feel better soon, and good luck on your submissive from abroad. I have been interested more than once, by a submissive in another country! I refuse to leave the "scene" but it takes a lot for a "potential" submissive or vanilla man to enter into my domain. I am just enjoying and loving my life so much, fulfilling dreams, etc. It is just going to take someone special for me to even give them the time of day! Good luck with your European!

LadyPact -> RE: The Broken Toe (4/6/2008 5:57:28 PM)
First of all, I have had a broken a toe in real life. Believe Me, I will never again try to rush into a room without turning the light on first. Most of My foot went one way through the doorway. One toe didn't. In the figurative sense, I've done that, too. Cut Myself off from possibilities and opportunities. Taken Myself out of the lifestyle, thinking I didn't have to be this way. Sure, I can be 'normal' like everybody else. All I would need to do is change the people, places, and things around Me. I could easily forget it all, once the reminders are gone. The problem with this theory is that, take everything else away, I was still Me. I've taken a 'break' from the lifestyle, and I can assure you that I don't recommend it. I can tell you it's a very confusing time. Some hiding. Lots of denial. At that point, you get two choices. Look forward to more of what you've created for yourself, or go back to being yourself. It's not a crossroads that I suggest facing.

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