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Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 4:32:17 PM   
TheLookingGirl


Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline 		Lately, I've had alot of them.

This isn't so much of a question...I just need a place to vent this and hear some opinions. Good or bad.

Ever played on the other side of things? Tried being submissive? I did. I didn't like it. It was fun for awhile...but it got incredibly frustrating and made me angry all the time. Now I cannot make the other person involved understand that I don't want anything more than a friendship. I have had the same discussion with them three times now. They seem to be CONVINCED that I am submissive and that I am thier perfect other half. This is interferring with other things in my life. I don't play casually. This and one other have both failed misserbly on the casual end. (more on that in the second paragraph). How do I make this person see that I am not interseted in anythign more than friendship? The things that were a turn on when we first got to talking (because it was completely different then what I usually do) are annoying and sound like a kid stomping his feet demanding I play or they will tell mom. This is borderline stalking at this point. In the last five minutes I have revieved 5 messages all wondering "where are you" "do you love me?" "are you mad?" I'M GOING TO EXPLODE IF I GET ONE MORE!


My problems with casual...I don't want them to know my friends, I don't want them to know my family...because I know they arn't going to be anything more than someone to play with (by thier decision or mine). This resulted in a rather uneventful weekend recently as I didn't want to go "out" for fear of running into people I know, and when said casual person left (he was visiting) I would have to hear again and again "so whatever happened to....". It dosent work for me. I sort of regret having this person out here, because now our conversations have ceased. I don't know. *noting here that this was a very vanilla situation...not like the above person*

I went back and re read this and can not believe I'm posting it on here. Maybe I left some things out. I have ADD when I type sometimes. Feel free to pry I suppose.

< Message edited by TheLookingGirl -- 4/6/2008 4:33:39 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 4:36:55 PM   
metamorpha


Posts: 35
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		It's called projection - someone wants something themselves so they try to convince you that YOU want it to.  I'm going through this with my Dom right now who says He is making my dreams come true by having me set up a MFF threesome - it's not MY dream, it's His, but He has convinced Himself that it is mine.  You just can't convince some people.

Probably my biggest problem in the relationship is that when I was a Mistress I never wanted to be emotionally involved with my subs, so it is almost impossible for me to believe that He could really care about me.  That's a case of negative projection.  I need to be careful not to fall into the same trap that I dislike having be applied to me.

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)
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RE: Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 4:40:18 PM   
TheLookingGirl


Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorpha

It's called projection - someone wants something themselves so they try to convince you that YOU want it to.  I'm going through this with my Dom right now who says He is making my dreams come true by having me set up a MFF threesome - it's not MY dream, it's His, but He has convinced Himself that it is mine.  You just can't convince some people.

Probably my biggest problem in the relationship is that when I was a Mistress I never wanted to be emotionally involved with my subs, so it is almost impossible for me to believe that He could really care about me.  That's a case of negative projection.  I need to be careful not to fall into the same trap that I dislike having be applied to me.



The projection thing I agree with. He's often said to me "no one makes you feel like I make you feel." Have I even been ASKED how he makes me feel? Nope. Good luck with that Dom situation. I understand how you could be weary of doing something quite intimate with someone whose shoes you have been in. Does he know you have doubts about how he feels for you?

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to metamorpha)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 5:21:34 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Hello Lovely Lady, you are young and it is normal to want to
"experiment" a bit.
Just consider it an experience, that helped you understand that you are not a submissive woman!

You are very smart, not to bring men you don't know well around your family, especially immediately.
Also, I think it is wise if they also don't know where you live or work, right away.
   
If  anything you sound like a smart, young lady who knows what she wants and does not want.
 
Just tell your failed "experiment", that you are a totally Dominant woman and inform him, you
only want a submissive man, and that you are not interested in HIM.
You will probably end up having to block him also.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/6/2008 6:11:58 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 6:01:36 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Next time he says that no one else can make you feel like he does, why not answer "Yes, like I've got a stalker following me".

Better yet is if you block him from iming you. Don't respond to emails and screen your phone calls.

It isn't his fault that you were only experimenting, but at the same time he did get a taste of you as his sub which he apparently liked a lot. However after telling him several times that you are only interested in friendship, you have to accept that friendship is not what he wants from you. You two aren't on the same page here, break it off cleanly because he clearly views continued contact with you as you being coy.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MzMia)
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RE: Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 6:10:20 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:

"no one makes you feel like I make you feel."


you havent been with me yet.


_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 7:40:56 PM   
MistresssAria


Posts: 165
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

"no one makes you feel like I make you feel."


you havent been with me yet.



Hey,  I like tattooed women..............*smiles*

But yea, LookingGirl, careful if you feel like you're being stalked...this person doesn't know where you live, does he?

And with "where are you" "do you love me?" "are you mad?".........there's always "your mom's bedroom, fuck no, fuck off".......drr, umm, you know, if polite doesn't work ;)




_____________________________

"It never got weird enough for me." -Hunter S. Thompson

~*~*~Mistress Aria~*~*~

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 9:25:17 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

"no one makes you feel like I make you feel."


Answer: You mean feeling like I'm with an asshole?

(edited to fix typo)

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 4/6/2008 9:26:04 PM >

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 9:36:21 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLookingGirl
Ever played on the other side of things? Tried being submissive?


Back in my young and impressionable days, I was a submissive.  But not a submissive for the right reasons -- I chose to submit to those I was with because I was utterly convinced that if I did not do everything that they told me to do, regardless of my own feelings towards it, that they would leave me.  During that span of time I subjected myself to all sorts of abuse without realizing it for what it truly was, all because of this fear of being alone.

And then... Pyrrsefanie grew up, and realized that this was not the way things should be.

I gained confidence and a strong sense of self that I was lacking during my submission, and once all the pieces of me fell back together into a complete girl, I realized that this was not the droid I was looking for.  This is not to say that all female submissives are immature, or have poor self-confidence, or anything like that, only that there are some people out there who submit for the wrong reasons.  I was one of them.

It's my belief that younger women, especially those who have not had a positive model for a relationship, are more susceptible to submitting out of fear and co-dependency than older, more experienced women who have been around the block enough times to learn that there is no point to denying themselves.  Some never grow out of it and are put into serious danger of being used and abused in bad ways.  Some are lucky enough to find a dominant to guide them on their path, and eventually are able to submit in a safe, sane, and consensual sort of way.  And still others will grow out of their "scared little girl" stage and realize that hey, they've been on the wrong side of the flogger all this time.

The experience I've had, however, has been invaluable.  It's allowed me, in some ways, to get inside my boy's head and understand the effects that submission can have on a person.  Aftercare is much more personal to me because I remember laying there after a particularly intense scene and needing to be held.  And it's given me a good measuring stick as to what's going too far -- my personal theory is that if I, myself, would not allow something to be done to me, I will not ask my darling to do it, either.

Also, the guy you're discussing in the OP sounds way too pushy for my tastes.  Be cautious.  No one should ever try to tell you what you are -- you're the only one who can decide that for yourself.




_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Bad Idea - 4/6/2008 9:41:39 PM   
MsHonor


Posts: 55
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLookingGirl

Ever played on the other side of things? Tried being submissive?


There was this one time... I had this girl, and she was curious, and she'd been quite good, so I figured "what the hell."

It was like...  When a puppy is growling, and posturing, playing with this older dog... And the older dog is being good natured about it, but you can tell she's just about to laugh at any moment...

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Bad Idea - 4/7/2008 4:32:01 PM   
TheLookingGirl


Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

"no one makes you feel like I make you feel."


you havent been with me yet.



Correct as you are miss faery...SOMONE has yet to respond to her last message...a billion days ago...times ten...plus one.



_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Bad Idea - 4/7/2008 5:50:48 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		yep, been there done that because I give the best head in the world, look awesome in trashy clothes, can take a whipping with the best of them and can crawl across the floors of a two story house without a whimper---but then I didn't get the academy award--it showed Me I needed to be directing--it was what it was, a split in time and nothing remotely close to reality and that is what you need to impart--the movie is over and you are going back to who you are.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Bad Idea - 4/7/2008 6:15:23 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		Crap, I knew this one "guy" when I was but an older UM...  he used to tell me he was going to kill himself if I didn't tell him that I loved him...
boy oh boy, does that get old REAL fast.

If your friend doesn't get the picture, then he isn't your friend and you are better off without him anyway.
Have I ever submitted?  Not in the kinky sense.  I played June Cleaver for a few years in a parody of a 1950's household.  We didn't call it that but I stayed home and he worked.  It was cute for a while, but it wasn't me at the core, so I couldn't keep up the charade.

I can bottom - but I don't take direction well.  I like the analogy that LadyHathor gave about the puppy and the dog, that about sums it up every time.

Good luck, whatever you decide.
Lady Jag




_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Bad Idea - 4/7/2008 7:04:09 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		I am legitimately, 100%, the real deal, SWITCH. I do submit. I often bottom for demos, especially rope demos, and I will submit occasionally to people I trust. What I have learned is that I can never be in a full time relationship as a submissive. My submission exists only in the bedroom. I cannot stand anyone telling me what to do or expecting me to ask permission for regular life stuff. I can play that game in kink-land and love it, but I can't play it for life.

LTRs are so much better when I can beat my men when they are idiots.

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Bad Idea - 4/8/2008 1:57:36 AM   
chezzy52


Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		MladyHathor,whilst yiou may not have received the Academy Award,i sure as heck would have saw to it that you were at least nominated.Why is it the mere mention of "head" makes us subbies sprout up like bean pods??For what it's worth..chezz didn't win the Nobel or Pulitzer for smart-alec message board musings either....and i'm hurt!!

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Bad Idea - 4/8/2008 7:36:35 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		I think what is relevant is that you no longer feel a charge in the relationship, and what form that relationship had is not so relevant. I think the best way to convey the message is to say that the exploration you two had has shown you the relationship you had is not what you seek, and that you do not feel that charge that you did initially. It is common for people to initially feel a charge and then have that charge fade away as each gets a sense for compatibility or chemistry. Furthermore, if I am sensing your situation correctly, his continued advance is making you back away for space. And you are feeling that this want for space is making you want to move more and more away, and might reach the point of wanting to avoid all contact. It would be easier for you to keep contact if you are not having to back away for space.

It might become necessary to lessen contact and let time run its course. Giving someone that time without you can help that person move on. If he is unable to respect how you feel and your boundary, and is ignoring what you say, I think you would need to take a firmer stand and, if necessary, cease contact. I think if you achieve this communication with the compassion and respect you would like to recieve if the situation was reversed, you would have done your fair share.

Cheers,

Sea


(in reply to chezzy52)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Bad Idea - 4/8/2008 11:31:10 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey
LTRs are so much better when I can beat my men when they are idiots.


Can I get that on a T-shirt or something? 


_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Bad Idea - 4/9/2008 7:43:30 AM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey
LTRs are so much better when I can beat my men when they are idiots.


Can I get that on a T-shirt or something?



Knock yourself out girlfriend.

I've tried to use it as a recruiting strategy to the lifestyle; every time my girlfriends start bitching about their boyfriends I say "You girls are silly. When my boy acts like that I just smack him around until he apologizes. You should try it some time."

They laugh at me. Their loss :P

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Bad Idea - 4/9/2008 7:31:34 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGreyI've tried to use it as a recruiting strategy to the lifestyle; every time my girlfriends start bitching about their boyfriends I say "You girls are silly. When my boy acts like that I just smack him around until he apologizes. You should try it some time."


I applaud your strategy and efforts to spread the cause ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 19
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