RE: how much is too much too soon?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: how much is too much too soon?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: how much is too much too soon?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/7/2008 7:35:29 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Flying over central park in a messy diaper-strapped to the bottom of a blimp-is probably too much, too soon.

Later on, who knows?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to velvetluxe)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/7/2008 10:42:50 PM

velvetluxe

Posts: 22
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline

lol thanks Leatherist, I'll refrain from doing that...

_____________________________

I'm a Blue-Ribbon Girl
~I love the smell of brimstone in the mornings...

(in reply to Leatherist)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/8/2008 10:14:58 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

There are no rules to this game. There is no definition in the sense that you are looking for. This is dependent on one's personality, it applies to marriages and jobs and sex and BDSM and the universe (sorry, I just reread Doug Adams). Anyway, to stay with him, the answer is: YES

(in reply to velvetluxe)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/8/2008 10:18:40 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Fox and I both moved rather quickly when we met. It took longer with Angel, since there was the distance and all to overcome. I knew Fox was a good fit before our first full day was over, and he was collared and mine within a week.
He is as attached, if not even moreso, than I am.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/9/2008 8:39:23 AM

submissivemomma

Posts: 44
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire

I refused to acknowledge my feelings and avoided them. I didn't want to get hurt but was able to open up with his help and guidance.

I was the same way....I was so afraid that if I acknowledged my feelings that I would get hurt again. But not acknowledging them i was hurting myself more. I was so relieved when I told him how I felt. For us it was soon but it was just right..we are so much in love.

_____________________________

There is nothing better then the look on my Daddy's face when I serve him.

(in reply to LadyRainfire)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/22/2008 1:14:38 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Personally, I can get really subby really quickly - but it's just a play thing. As far as emotions go, I tend to take it slower, get to know the person, and outside of play I can keep my head on straight and be rational about it. If that makes sense.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/25/2008 9:42:50 PM

UncleNasty

Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline

I don't really worry about "too much too soon." Relationships seek their own level, as if they have personality of their own. I spect they do. If one is interested in running headlong into a deep committment and the other is hesitant or on the fence the pace will moderated by the "slower" of the two. It's a bit like hiking in the woods with a group of friends. Everyone can go at their own pace but you can't pack up the car and drive home until everyone has reached the vehicle - so you can really only go as fast as the slowest hiker.

I like to balance my head and my heart, thinking and feeling, using each to inform the other, to make my decisions. The thinking is easier to be clear on. For the feelings I make sure I check my emotional pulse regularly. This helps me move at the pace I feel comfortable with rather than overly influenced, or run over,by someone else.

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to graceadieu)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/25/2008 9:46:55 PM

LadyIce

Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

Communication before any type of play will usually solve this problem.
If you are not willing to discuss limits and talk about what is acceptable to you,
then you may open yourself up to whatever happens to you.

(in reply to velvetluxe)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/25/2008 9:59:35 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Good question. I don't think doms get "dom frenzy" in quite the same way that subs get "sub frenzy," and there are probably a few reasons why. But I'd say the main reason is that doms feel they are responsible for the progression of a relationship, and therefore have to make sure they don't take things too quickly or let the emotions run out of control. When you get wildly infatuated with someone, that doesn't mean it's going to last--or that you're assessing the situation with your eyes wide open. A few bad experiences should make a dom wiser about that.

And one thing every dom must learn is that even if you love a sub, you must always remain in control. Otherwise you destroy what made you both fall in love with each other in the first place.

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetluxe

I realise the majority of submissives/slaves feel this, referred to by others on here as 'sub frenzy' , but as a Dom/Master, what do you think of a submissive that becomes attached to you rather quickly? Perhaps it is the very nature of submitting to a partner who you hope will eventually be your Dom/Master, as most subs/slaves I have spoken to tend to become quite consumed rather quickly in comparison to the amount of time it takes their Dom to form an attachment of equal measure. Or is it that as a Dom you prefer to play your cards closer to your chest, until certain of your sub's true feelings?

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 4/25/2008 10:00:38 PM >

(in reply to velvetluxe)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/25/2008 10:03:26 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetluxe

I realise the majority of submissives/slaves feel this, referred to by others on here as 'sub frenzy' , but as a Dom/Master, what do you think of a submissive that becomes attached to you rather quickly? Perhaps it is the very nature of submitting to a partner who you hope will eventually be your Dom/Master, as most subs/slaves I have spoken to tend to become quite consumed rather quickly in comparison to the amount of time it takes their Dom to form an attachment of equal measure. Or is it that as a Dom you prefer to play your cards closer to your chest, until certain of your sub's true feelings?

as I'm both new and seeing as how my forays into the lifestyle are sporadic, I can't speak with too much authority...

however, whenever I have played with a ladyfriend it has been assumed by her that because we are sexually involved and I sometimes use methods that would be frowned upon by clinicians to help them through some of the problems in their lives, we have a special bond. while I'm certainly not opposed to forming that bond with a submissive or (preferably) slave, I am turned off to them rather quickly as I am young and do not have the desire to divide my attention to yet another obligation. if I met that special ring-gagged someone, things would probably be different. but as of where I am (in location and in age) I doubt that will happen. this 'sub frenzy' (a phrase I am unfamiliar with) always happens within two weeks. everything is fine until that two week mark when we have to have the talk that we are not dating - which is a big hassle and has turned me off to playing for quite a while now.

it's not that I want to play my cards closer to my chest, it's just that I haven't found anyone with my particular tastes that I have formed and attachments to. and it is a bit disheartening that it is hard to find someone who can separate play and emotions.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to velvetluxe)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/26/2008 7:14:13 AM

velvetluxe

Posts: 22
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline

In my experience, it is quite hard for women to separate 'play' and emotion. Not saying there aren't women out there who can do it but almost every woman I've spoken to about this connects with the person they're sleeping with; whether you want to blame that on oxytocin or social conditioning, that's how it is for a lot of us. So good luck with that

_____________________________

I'm a Blue-Ribbon Girl
~I love the smell of brimstone in the mornings...

(in reply to variation30)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/26/2008 7:33:38 AM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

I have seen "Dom frenzy", but not in the way is being discussed here. It is usually seen when a brand new, hot sub enters the scene. The guys make asses out of themselves, posturing and damn near drooling over the girl...all wanting to be the first to tag her.

I get quite uncomfortable when a sub exhibits too much affection too soon. Much like LaTigresse, it creeps me out.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/26/2008 7:34:18 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

To much to soon = infatuation and unrealistic assuptions.

If however things are kept realistic then IMO there is no too much too soon, heck My girl came over for coffee "To see if We got on as maybe regular playpartners"... she never left. We did know quite a bit about each other before We got around to meeting so much of the questions about "are they what they seem to be" on both sides had already been answered... but still... that WAS fast, even for Me... but certainly not too much or too soon dispite being TPE and the first day We properly met!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/26/2008 9:48:30 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

i second that , RavenMuse - i talked to my Sir twice on the internet, the phone once or twice, and met at Barnes and Nobles once, went to his house two days later and basically didn't ever leave.

i'm not saying i fell in love the first day, but we were such a fit! He started off as he meant to go on - bruises on the butt the first day, and showed such sensitivity doing it that i felt safe, and cared for from the word go. He gave me a front door key five days after i went to his house.

it took me a couple of months for me to acknowledge that i loved him, but that was more from my past history, than anything else. I found it very comforting to have him be so sweet and sensitive. There is a special joy to walking through the front door and having your sir say "my babys home!" with a huge smile on his face. Of course i had my issues with my self image, but boy , he really helped me in this regard.

For us, it was really fast, really furious, but not too much, too soon. Every one is an individual, every relationship is different - viva la difference!!!!!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/26/2008 12:12:46 PM

sunkstar

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

To submit to someone is to admire him, to respect him, there is affection involved in the first place. besides, subs are at the hands of their doms, there is a lot of imagination for subs. love/submition is based on imagination, so its not a surprise that subs will "feel" it earlier than doms.

But really there is no definition of what is too fast, I developed feelings as fast as one day or as slow as several months, both can be deep or shallow. how fast doesnt decide if its a good relationship or not

(in reply to velvetluxe)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 4/26/2008 12:17:00 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetluxe
....as a Dom/Master, what do you think of a submissive that becomes attached to you rather quickly?
...subs/slaves I have spoken to tend to become quite consumed rather quickly in comparison to the amount of time it takes their Dom to form an attachment of equal measure. Or is it that as a Dom you prefer to play your cards closer to your chest, until certain of your sub's true feelings?

-=BLIND SUBMISSION=-
The blind submission of the meek is not treasured for long by either those that give or receive it. The surrender of someone strong enough to be your equal is enduring.
– Kalon Eric

i.e. Go slow, fickle winds blow randomly.

…I think that sums it up really.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to velvetluxe)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: how much is too much too soon? - 5/3/2008 7:35:40 PM

BikerDomRealTime

Posts: 86
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetluxe

I realise the majority of submissives/slaves feel this, referred to by others on here as 'sub frenzy' , but as a Dom/Master, what do you think of a submissive that becomes attached to you rather quickly? Perhaps it is the very nature of submitting to a partner who you hope will eventually be your Dom/Master, as most subs/slaves I have spoken to tend to become quite consumed rather quickly in comparison to the amount of time it takes their Dom to form an attachment of equal measure. Or is it that as a Dom you prefer to play your cards closer to your chest, until certain of your sub's true feelings?

How fast things progress and on what levels they progress on will vary from individual to individual. The M/s or D/s relationship can develop faster than the emotional relationship and vice versa. One person can develop the emotional relationship quicker than the other. For me the M/s relationship develops much quicker than the emotional relationship.

(in reply to velvetluxe)

Profile

Post #: 37