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Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 4:34:25 AM   
annday


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline 		I am new to this site and because of my newness, i got heavily involved in reading these boards. On another forum there was a question on how happy the subs were in their relationship. It was great reading because one could actually feel the happiness.  I noticed most of the posters were still in sort of a honeymoon phase, that being five years or less. I didn't notice any comments from people who had been together beyond that. Can the D/s dynamic of a relationship go beyond that? Does anyone here know of it existing? Or because it's so intense, does it fizzle out, say before year ten? I'm really only interested in the comments from people knowing of it lasting, not , "We are so in sync and in love we will last a lifetime." I'm wondering if it can last, or do we need different Doms throughout life? Or do we get tired of this?

AnnD
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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 4:42:50 AM   
tahlly


Posts: 57
Status: offline
Of course it can last; any relationship will last as long as those involved make the effort to make it last. Being in a D/s relationship has no bearing on whether or not those involved are willing to put the time and effort into it.
AS to whether or not it can fizzle? Of course it can; the same applies as above.

All relationships go through a cooling off phase; so to speak. It’s important that those involved go out of their way to keep it fresh and new.

Relationships are relationships; the type of relationship does not dictate how long it will last; or how ‘intense’ it will be for how long.

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 4:44:27 AM   
faithfulfemme


Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline 		Great question, annday, i'm also interested in what posts by those with long-term D/s relationships will say......
 
 
rosie....

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Trust is neither wishing nor hoping; it is a deep sense of honor in another.

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 4:45:01 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I know of one couple married over 30 years and another over 25. What they do say is that the dynamic has to wax and wane with life stresses. If you have young members of the family, you cannot have the slave being at the door naked at night. You also can't say "my way or the highway" in relation to every small disagreement. You have to have a relationship open enough for both to talk about what they need, and flexible enough to find a way to give both people what they need.

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 5:06:35 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I can't say from personal experience, but I do know of at least three couples that have been together 10yrs or more.  They seem quite happy and well adjusted. 

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 5:21:06 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		Nearly 11 years for us.
Somedays it fizzles and somedays it sizzles..   nothing is perfect..
it's allll good..even the "off days", because they do happen.
 
You ask if it can be for a lifetime?or last?
    of course.
Will things/it always be the same, same passion, same feelings, same level of dynamic?
   of course not.
All things change. People change...and we have to allow for the relationship and its dynamic to change as well.
Like the tide ebbs and flows..
 
The passion has grown and is at a high point right now.
The M/s dynamic is strong,yet, has had to make some adjustments because of life stuff, for both of us right now.
 
I can also recount times when passion and play had to take a backseat to lifestuff
and the D/s dynamic looked ( from the outside ) more like best friends, rather than Master and submissive.
And there is nothing wrong with that...imo.
What came of that time, was an even stronger M/s dynamic and relationship.
 
There were  times when he needed a best friend more than he needed a submissive to command.
and times when Tyson was a quiet support that had my back but let me deal with life stuff of my own.
We just never left each others side, emotionally.
 
We both allow each other to grow.  Embracing each others changes and personal growth, keeps things fresh and renewed.
 
So I guess you just embrace the sizzle as well as the fizzle : ) But don't get stuck in the expectations that come with  either one............and know that all things are possible with patience and devotion/commitment....ohhh and healthy, strong communication!.
 
And it helps that I love him with all my heart and am devoted to making sure he knows it each and every day.
 

  

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 5:27:30 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		Very well said!!

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 5:29:25 AM   
annday


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline 		tahlly,
With all due respect, you didn't get the meat of my post and I apologize. I'm not a third grader asking about the how's and why's of life, and "of course" I understand it's a relationship. When you say, "the type of relationship does not dictate how long it will last; or how ‘intense’ it will be for how long. " how do you know? I would think that because the focus is so much on the other person, it would last, unless everyone eventually gets bored. That's why I'm asking. Should bdsm be only a small sliver of what we look for in our mate? You didn't mention that you have been with your Dom for any length of time. 
After ten years or so, is He still still doing the heavy "Dom" stuff he did so well when I met him on Collarme so many years ago? Am i still obedient? The kink that had been good for years, does it fizzle? I know life has a problem with getting in the way, but suppose we are mature, healthy adults.
AnnDay

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 5:32:02 AM   
annday


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline 		TysGalilah,
Thanks for a great post! That is what i was after!
Annday

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 5:59:08 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I know one couple that has been together 30 years,  she was his sub when they got married,  then children came along four of them, she found being mom and sub was too much so decided to end as his sub and they know have a vanilla life together , but she accepts that he enjoys domming and allowed him to continue outside their marriage with the agreement that his activities are kept quiet and do not interfere with family   time,    they still are very much in love with each other after all this time 

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 6:33:59 AM   
onthenosetone


Posts: 118
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		15 years here, she excites me just as much today as the first day I clapped eyes on her, maybe more, I live for her

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 7:11:31 AM   
tahlly


Posts: 57
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: annday

tahlly,
With all due respect, you didn't get the meat of my post and I apologize. I'm not a third grader asking about the how's and why's of life, and "of course" I understand it's a relationship. When you say, "the type of relationship does not dictate how long it will last; or how ‘intense’ it will be for how long. " how do you know? I would think that because the focus is so much on the other person, it would last, unless everyone eventually gets bored. That's why I'm asking. Should bdsm be only a small sliver of what we look for in our mate? You didn't mention that you have been with your Dom for any length of time. 
After ten years or so, is He still still doing the heavy "Dom" stuff he did so well when I met him on Collarme so many years ago? Am i still obedient? The kink that had been good for years, does it fizzle? I know life has a problem with getting in the way, but suppose we are mature, healthy adults.
AnnDay

I can not speak for everyone when you ask if BDSM should only be a small sliver of what you seek in a mate; and speaking for myself, I can say that it had nothing to do with choosing to serve my owner. BDSM ( when used in the context that most seem to use it in; as a play tool ) has no place in my service. My owner owns no toys, he does not use them; he does not tie me up, whip me, flog me, gag me, etc. Our whole relationship is based solely on authority and who has it within the relationship.

With that said, I will state that I stand by my original response.

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 7:52:49 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I avoid women who build "cloud castles" like the plague.
 
If I see a lot of romantic expectations spelled out in a profile-I won't even bother. Because that's a dynamic very much tied to infatuation,and that always wears off when the oxytocin levels drop-as they always eventually do.
 
 What really interests me is when I see a woman with enough emotional maturity to actually say something about having some life goals she would like to realize with a partner-as part of a bigger picture. Where she talks about skills and gifts she has to offer.
 
 And not about some dumbass "gift of submission",
 
Which usually only means she's some princess who expects you to jump through innumerable hoops to get into her pants. Hard limit.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 4/7/2008 7:58:57 AM >

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 9:03:03 AM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		The way I see it the things you do sexually don’t really have anything to do with a relationship fizzing out. D/S type relationships are just as subject to it as any other relationship.  To keep things from fizzling out I recommend making sex a part of your relationship rather than just something you do to have fun.  Its kind of hard to explain that but you need to keep trying different things, coming up with new ideas until you build yourself your own personal collection of sexual acts that are good for the both of you. Its not hard to come up with new things and new variations for things and you should have some time set aside where people are automatically expected to be in play mode even if things don’t work out for the evening. It at least gives you a point in time that you can plan for.   

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 9:43:18 AM   
twistedkytten


Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		FR-
While for me, there isn't love, but rather a deeply rooted devotion and loyalty, I remember the first time I noticed Him across the room and how His presence told of His nearness to me.. and still does, 6 years this june. I delight in His smile, there is a freedom in His laughter that I don't get to play in very often ( He can be very stoic) ... His scent.. still gives me cause to shiver.. as do many other things...  maybe it hasn't fizzled, because we do not live together? I do not know.. there will forever be a place for Him in my heart a place unreachable by any others that may come into my world.

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 9:44:55 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Master's parents have been married for 62 years.  She is, CLEARLY, the one who has dominated him for those 62 years...and they are still together.  they get on each other's nerves...but He gets anxious and nervous to be apart from her for more than 2 hours. 
 
this slave's parents were married for 38 years when he passed away.  their relationship was the dominant influence and of utmost importance.  they submitted to each other, and dominated every other aspect of their lives as a confident team.  this slave never saw/heard them fight.  they were demonstrative with affection, holding hands every chance they got...a provocative wink and whispers would pass between them often, and yes, horror of horrors, in front of the offspring!!!  the only time he was ever the reason for her tears and anguish is when he passed.
 
they don't/didn't use the vernacular we do, but the D/s aspect of their relationships are/were still there.  between the two couples, that's 100 years of togetherness.  their devotion to each other grew and blossomed, over the decades they spent with each other.
 
hope that gives you some hope.

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 12:14:45 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		annday, i wish you a pleasant and fruitful stay on CM. As a newbie the CM message boards where more then helpful to myself. This is the only place you will get valuable information about our lifestyle. D/s relationships are no different then any other relationships. W/we all share the same feelings. Take care and good luck.

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Max: And loving it!


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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 1:39:50 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: annday
Can the D/s dynamic of a relationship go beyond that?


Yes, of course.

quote:

Does anyone here know of it existing?


Yes, it exists right here.

The service he requires of me has been tweaked throughout the years, mostly because I'm very good at anticipating his desires so he has no need to make demands of me or command me to do his bidding. Generally, he has everything at his fingertips before he knows he wants it. The M/s has evolved in style, but the substance, the core, remains the same. 

quote:

Or because it's so intense, does it fizzle out, say before year ten?


We have always had a tremendous amount of passion for one another and that hasn't changed. As I like to say ... he makes me sick. ::grins:: What I mean by that is that when he kisses me, my knees still get weak, my heart still beats faster, I still get dizzy and I still get that overwhelming feeling of pain in my tummy from what his touch does to me. That said, I'm happy for this moment because I don't know what the next will bring. "Forever" is the goal, but this moment is the reality. That's good enough for me.

quote:

I'm really only interested in the comments from people knowing of it lasting, not , "We are so in sync and in love we will last a lifetime." I'm wondering if it can last, or do we need different Doms throughout life? Or do we get tired of this?

AnnD


I can only speak for myself. I was collared twice before I met Himself but to the wrong people, so, yes, I did need someone different because I didn't do it right the first couple of times. As they say, third times a charm and he's been charming me, Mastering me, loving me and maturing with me for the last 12 years. He walks a path he chose .. I love the path he walks, so I follow him. There are a few pot holes along the way, so we can trip just like anyone else, but we catch each other when we stumble, we carry each other when one of us is too tired to move our own feet, we put each other at the top of the food chain and make M/s a priority in our lives. I know a lot of folks will say that good relationships take a lot of work, but .. it doesn't seem so to me. So far, it's pretty much been a piece of cake and if it's work, I'd like to bottle it and sell it because I'd make a fortune!

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 1:46:27 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onthenosetone

15 years here, she excites me just as much today as the first day I clapped eyes on her, maybe more, I live for her


i love reading things like this!!!!!

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RE: Does it fizzle? - 4/7/2008 3:04:15 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		Any relationship can be successful long term whether its involved in BDSM or simply vanilla.. Sure the honeymoon period ends, but that doesn't mean there's a need to move on. Relationships require constant work from both or all parties involved, but if they didn't what would be the fun in them.. When people become complacent is when it gets boring in my experience.

i consider myself honoured to have been friends with a TPE M/s Poly couple for a long time now who have been together for many years, they stand together, growing and changing together in all that they do.. Taking the problems life throws their way head on and despite everything to see them together you would assume that even after all this time they are still in a "honeymoon period". They are proof to me that things can work in the very long term. Such a connection is extremely rare, but like i have said, if all parties work at it.. Anything can happen


_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

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