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In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 10:46:07 AM

DaddysHappiness

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Thank Y/you to all that read this, and have some thoughts to share with this slave.

she was in service, previously, in a LTR as a submissive. her former Dominant relocated and after an extensive period of time, she felt ready to search out another.

Master has opened her eyes to the fact that she is a slave and has enjoyed being in service to Him greatly. There is only one thing that perplexes her. He has not made use of this slave sexually with the occasional exception of orally (at her suggestion) and it has been 6 months. she desires Him greatly and is a very obediant and hard working slave. she maintains the household, she is an exceptional cook, aides Him in His business dealings and has even been the hostess at several functions for Him. They have a good relationship, enjoy O/one anothers company and doing things outside of the household as well.

she is attractive, clean, and is adept at taking pain for Him. she cares deeply for her Master, but she admits that she does not know if perhaps it is time for her to beg Him to release her. Slavery is verbal, T/they have no contract and she is not collared.

Is it that He wants her to beg Him, or that she becomes so broken within her spirit that she lobotomizes herself to no longer be tortured with her thoughts of sexual contact with Him? He has not been in any way sexual with this slave for about 8 weeks. she knows that her Master cares for her, and has told her such.

Is this a test of her loyalty, and her willingness to serve Him, unquestioningly?

Again, she thanks A/all that might offer some insight for her.

Post #: 1

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 10:52:08 AM

metamorpha

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

Are you allowed times to speak freely? I don't see that it would be at all inappropriate to tell Him how much you would enjoy pleasing Him sexually.

(in reply to DaddysHappiness)

Post #: 2

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 10:55:54 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I cant say why he isnt sexual with you. I would simply say talk to him, request for a converstation that you are not punished for and are allowed to speak freely within its context. Mention that while you are extremely content to please and such the lack of sexual contact has become a concern for you. Ask if its because of something youve done that was displeasing or if sexual contact is not something he offers as your Master. If it is because its not something he offers you have to make the choice, can you live with that or is it something you need. If its a need I would again request to talk to him, and explain your concerns and either ask to leave or ask permission for self pleasure, or pleasure with another to ease the tention of the situation. It might not be easy but thats my suggestion. I hope everything works out for you.

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to DaddysHappiness)

Post #: 3

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 11:00:12 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Maybe there is some medical problem that He hasn't chosen to share knowledge of with His girl. In itself doesn't make Him less of a Dom/Master....

however....

Taking on a girl who has sexual needs, not addressing those needs and further, offering what maybe apeared to be a full relationship with the impression that there would be a sexual side to it without disclosing that there is some problem and those needs would not be fulfilled...... is something I would see as more than a little deceptive in that it leads the girl to submit on a false pretext given it is such an obvious large issue when it comes to a relationship.

All I can suggest is that at an appropriate time, you raise the issue with your Master and ask why His girl has not been used sexualy.

If it turns out He can't or won't then you have to decide wether you are fulfilled enough with the rest of the relationship or wether it poses too great a barrier to your continued service. Given it wasn't disclosed prior to Him accepting your submission I can't see many being unsympathetic if you ask to be released.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to DaddysHappiness)

Post #: 4

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 11:09:43 AM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

i guess i would wonder your Masters age.. and medical history.. and if thats not the case then, as was said above, i would ask for a sit down and a free conversation about it all.. and in the end ( i believe ) that it is atwo way street and the relationship ( even between a Master and slave ) should be a happy and fullfilling one for BOTH people in it.. not just the one.. without that.. it is hard to wish to mke One THE Happiest H has ever been .. i dont think we crave scrubbing the bathroom or some such jobs just in general.. its a part of the total package that we Do wish to do that.. another step in pleasing and making One happy... the One we Adore and love deeply.. without physical contact the "love" quickly becomes that of friendship and not much more.. lol.. personally? i dont crave to wash my friends toilets or service them in any other way. i seek a deeper relationship and understanding connection.... .. in this Lifestlye choice we all need rewards for good behaviour.. otherwise why would we be there? Its one thing to crave being of service to the one who owns or holds our heart.. its another to sacrifice being "fed" in the ways we need and be cared for... selfish of anyone to think otherwise really.. IMO only...

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 5

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 11:17:28 AM

DaddysHappiness

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Thank Y/you to all that have taken the time to reply to my unusual circumstance.

This slave has discussed it with her Master and she has been told that when He feels everything is perfect, she will receive that which she desires. There has not been a list of duties or tasks given to her or just what exactly constitutes everything being perfect.

The sexual component was discussed in detail even before T/they met, so she was lead to believe that it was to be a part of the relationship. A performance issue, that was something that she had not considered, and she will find a way to broach the subject delicately.

she truly is committed to her Master, but is unsure if she can live a life without an intimate connection. Seeking pleasure with another is not an option, this female is not polyamorous. Self pleasuring must be begged for, of course, but that does not solve her issue.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 6

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 11:22:03 AM

Fischen

Posts: 15
Joined: 2/22/2008
Status: offline

edited: Sokays, she just posted that sex was discussed prior to the start of the relationship, so I deleted the first part of my response, and it appears she covered the rest of my response before I even posted, so just deleting everything but the edit.

< Message edited by Fischen -- 4/7/2008 11:26:41 AM >

_____________________________

"If I've made myself too clear, you must have misunderstood me,"

~Alan Greenspan

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 7

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 11:25:05 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Ask what is needed for it to be perfect, and how you as his slave can reach this state. Explain that the lack of sexual contact is (as I'm gathering from your posts or my assumptions) going to be something that will/might interfear with your ability to serve him. If he said before there was a commited relationship that their would be sexual contact on a regular basis, and he has not fullfilled his word, explain this to him. If part of the reason you had choosen him is because of said promised activity, and he his not fulfilling it, then explain how you feel youve been decieved. No offense but If you entered into a contract (verbal) and hes going back on his side of the agreement. Id ask what else he will go back on simply because he Can.

(And this is just my opinion, I havnt had caffiene so Sorry If I appear snippity)

Edited to add this

Fichen

If you are told that part of your slavery will be to involve X Y and Z and you submit because X and Z are things you truely enjoy and it was part of the reason you requested to please said person. And After the relationship has started X and Z are no where near what it is you submitted to. This to me is deception. If you were told your car could fly and its the reason you bought the car, would you not want to return it when you found out It couldnt fly? While I am not suggesting she leaves her owner I understand why RM would suggest request for release. If he lied to her about this, and this is something she NEEDS. Shes going to have to find someway to have herself fullfilled, or it will become a festering problem.

< Message edited by hopelessfool -- 4/7/2008 11:30:12 AM >

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to DaddysHappiness)

Post #: 8

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 11:34:21 AM

DaddysHappiness

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Fichen said:
But still, I feel queasy at the notion that others would suggest you request release from service based solely on the fact that he chooses not to use you as often as you would prefer in that manner. It very much sounds like people saying, "Well, sure you are a slave, but if he doesn't ask you to paint his walls often enough to suit you, ask for release". I think this sort of lowers the standards of the definition of "slavery". Give yourself fully to him, in the manner that he chooses, not the manner that you think he should choose.

Please, do not misunderstand this girl Sir, she accepts that it is His will and happiness that she is to serve. she is not looking for an easy out, she is more wondering if this has been the experience of other slaves or if other Masters have utilized this restriction to assure Themselves of the slave being truly worthy.

< Message edited by DaddysHappiness -- 4/7/2008 11:35:41 AM >

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 9

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 11:40:12 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

When I entered into my relationship with Valyraen, I was very honest with him about my needs - sexual and nonsexual. He has agreed to meet these needs the best that he can and I am understanding when outside factors make it hard. I'll ignore these needs for awhile if that is what best suits us. I have done it before but he was always very clear with me about what was going on.

And in the end, he agreed to meet those needs. Meaning that I can expect him to do so without any guilt or feeling of topping from the bottom. Given that you two have been together six months and he is only going to have sex with you at some vague "perfect" conditions, I probably would beg for release/leave. Not because he wasn't using me the way I prefer but because he was failing to do what he agreed to do.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DaddysHappiness)

Post #: 10

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 11:48:11 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Saying you can have sexual release only after you've become perfect and refusing to tell you what perfect is, is totally inappropriate. He has some hangups about sex and hasn't been honest with you. It's probably why he insists you're a slave not a sub, because he figures this way he won't ever have to admit to his problems.

But I wouldn't believe him when he says you can have an orgasm when you've become perfect. He lied to you beforehand about sex, so why wouldn't he still be lying.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 11

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 11:49:43 AM

DaddysHappiness

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Thank you for taking the time to send me your thoughts, it would appear that i am not the only one and that does make it easier. Patience is a virtue, and i will continue to be patient as i gently approach the subject with Him in the future.

you are quite correct, fearing topping from the bottom, plays in heavily to me not pursuing things more.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 12

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 12:07:38 PM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

I'm not going to sugar coat this--

He's got you jumping through hoops and you don't know where the finish line is. You talked about sex before being collared and told him that it would need to be a part of the relationship to which he agreed and now he's pulled a bait and switch. IMO that is a breech of trust and I could not continue without trust.

Personally the way I'd handle a situation of sex months with no sexual gratification would be both unlady like and extremely unslavelike.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to DaddysHappiness)

Post #: 13

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 12:14:06 PM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

you know-- after further thought, I've begun to realize that I find this whole "topping from the bottom" war cry as a tool used by SOME D-types to manipulate their s-types when nothing else works.

I don't think you can top from the bottom unless he's not topping from the top.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 14

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 12:42:37 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

There is no such thing as 'perfect' such is an unatainable goal.... I've never understood the mindset of someone who would buy a porche only to keep it locked in the garage. It was agreed beforehand that sex would be part of the relationship, the girl entered into the situation believing those needs would be addressed. Not when she wanted, but overall at His decision within the relationship.... after six months I would think the girl would have ample reason for re-evaluating. If the situation is not as He presented, then there is a breach of trust. He needs to step up and deliver on the things He promised or she needs to accept He isn't the Man He presented Himself as.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 15

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 12:48:50 PM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

of course I'm still trying to work my head around the concept that sex would be utilized as a reward for her alone. I've never met a man who thought he was being altruistic by having sex.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 16

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 12:53:15 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Frankly, this situation 'looks' like a smokescreen for someone who can't.... I rather hope for the young ladys sake that I am wrong.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 17

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 12:57:02 PM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Frankly, this situation 'looks' like a smokescreen for someone who can't...

or has someone (or two) on the side....

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 18

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 2:08:07 PM

goodmanncharg

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

Based on the limited filtered information I would suggest it is time to have a talk. A relationship regardess of its form only works if it is beneficial to all parties. If you are not getting what you want out of the relationship then you need to find out what the problem is and how to correct it. Good luck.

(in reply to DaddysHappiness)

Post #: 19

RE: In need of advice. New slave, former sub - 4/7/2008 3:17:18 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Life is never perfect, timing is never perfect, humans are never perfect. And if he's holding out sex until all becomes perfect, you're never gonna get fucked honey. Wake up. And then he's going to decide if you are worthy of it? Gimme a break. He's got a built in maid, cook and chief bottle washer, laundress, masseuse and valet. And he doesn't have to put out. Sheesh.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to goodmanncharg)

Post #: 20

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