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Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 5:38:12 PM

snugglepet

Posts: 21
Joined: 11/7/2005
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When he calls it off and then after a period of time rejoins your life, leaving mixed messages, and all you have ever wanted was him. No one else could or ever would compare to him, what are you supposed to do?
Is it wrong to still love him? Is it wrong to still want to be with him? He is not clear as to what he wants from you, so what do you do? He has also said that he will be around no matter what, and if you were to move, be with someone else, the bond is still there and that you will always be his when the time is right? Any suggestions? Is this just foolish fantasy?
thank you for your time

Post #: 1

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 5:46:31 PM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

sounds more like "was it ever love?"...

if he's playing a retarded game, remove yourself from the retarded board.

if you open your eyes and give others chances, you might still think of him, but most likely the only thoughts of him will be how insufficient and a waste of time he was in comparison to someone who is worth being with.

don't make someone a priority when you're nothing more than an option to them.

(in reply to snugglepet)

Post #: 2

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 5:55:55 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Relationships need more than love. Ask yourself if this relationship would really fulfill you?

If you are weak, admit you are weak, and do not allow it to control you.

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Post #: 3

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 6:02:15 PM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
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even the string in a yoyo breaks eventually.

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Post #: 4

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 6:45:44 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

It certainly sounds like he's playing you and you're living in a fantasy world that love will make everything better.

It won't, it will just make you hurt more when he screws you over. "He also said..." The kind of people who screw around with people's emotions tend to be particularly eloquent when it comes to elaborating a fantasy future they have no intention of living up to.

It's not wrong to still love him, but you need to consider what's best for you, without emotions getting in the way. "No one else could or ever would compare to him..." In my experience, people who fall in love strongly and quickly do so over and over. The incomparable jerk with his mixed messages will seem like a bad dream if you give your love to someone more deserving.

Good luck.

(in reply to snugglepet)

Post #: 5

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 6:51:51 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

I don't think it's ever wrong to love someone, or desire them. But don't act on it unless they are reciprocating in their actions, and it sounds like he isn't. If he can't make you a priority, you can't make him one without just dragging yourself over coals forever and windind up nothing but burned.

Love him, wish him well, and find someone else. You'll love others in a different way and for different reasons, and they'll be a lot better for you to put energy into.

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 6

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 6:53:10 PM

HopeLost

Posts: 80
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline

until he knows what he wants you will be getting hurt. its not a risk i would take time and again.

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Post #: 7

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 7:03:40 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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Sounds like a flake-can you do better?

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Post #: 8

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 7:07:51 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

When I first got a computer, I "fell" for this guy in a chat room. The first time we chatted he got upset over something that he read in my expectations. Didn't ask for an explaination or talk it over, just flew off the handle. I walked away, didn't bother me. He tried to contact me a few weeks later I'd have nothing to do with him. Turns out we had a mutal friend and he got her to talk to me and give him another chance. Someone that would go to all that trouble had to be serious right? wrong!

He would talk a good game, then when we get close he'd go "poof", always after a nice conversation, no disagreements, and ending with "love" (well that level of it any way)...always returning with some lame excuse for going away. This happened off and on for about three years.

Yes, stupid me, I was in love. oh and I could give him the best excuse for his behavior, he had a bad marriage and a horrific divorce...so...ya know...boo hoo....lol

Then on one of his "trips" back to me...he made the mistake of telling me he was going to be in my state, so I packed my widdle bag and drove all the way to Dallas to meet him...well...one of the "excuses" that I gave him is that with all he'd been through, if he could just see me, and see I"m flesh and blood and not just words on a computer screen or a voice on the phone, that would be the final connection right? no more games? WRONG!

We had a wonderful time, we laughed, we had fun, no disagreements...he called me the day I got home, to make sure I got home ok, another good conversation, talked about the fun we had on the trip and how much closer we felt.... and then....you guessed it, he went poof. That was in 2004. The jerkwad had the nerve to contact me again here a few months ago. It was hard, but I was totally cold and let him know...game was over....so far no more contact and I know you won't believe it at the place you are now....but it's a relief not to hear from him again.

These guys have loads of techniques, that always seem to get under our radar. I personally don't see what people get out of playing with other's emotions, saying how wonderful it is, that we have this "connection" and making all these plans to meet, etc. just had one do it to me, just last week...but unfortunately it's the nature of the beast on here....you vent and you move on, I usually put some remark in my journal, then delete it after a day or two...just makes me feel better...LOL

...don't let them own any more of your life than they already have.

I wish you luck, and strength....hang in there :>

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RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 7:31:06 PM

TwistedLeather

Posts: 189
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

We can't help the things we feel. We can, however, help the way we react. In other words, accept your feelings, whatever they may be. Only you can know what's really deep down inside of you. Then take a step back and decide what the best course of action is. What's best for YOUR welbeing? Eventually, your heart will catch up to your head.

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Post #: 10

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 7:32:52 PM

laura2161

Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo

don't make someone a priority when you're nothing more than an option to them.

I haven't posted on this board yet, tho I read quite often and THAT one little sentence is priceless. It says it all. Perfect.

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

Post #: 11

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 7:40:45 PM

TethersEnd

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

Shake off the ~happily ever after~ thoughts.
As much as we'd love to think others can change it's rare they do.

Here's the thing, you may honestly love him and any time you can love
someone its a good thing, but dont let your love blind you, dont suffer due
to it and NEVER EVER expect it to be returned as given.

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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
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Post #: 12

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 7:44:02 PM

Luciferica

Posts: 231
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline

It's easy to think you've found the one and only guy who will ever love you, but honey, if he's not stable, then run, it'll hurt at first, and you may never forget, but someone better will eventually show up, meanwhile work on loving the important person here: you.

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We always hurt the ones we love, the difference is how much they enjoy it.

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Post #: 13

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 7:44:57 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's not love or he wouldn't have gone without contacting you all this time. He's without a warm body to fuck is all, and wants yours till something better comes along.

Run away. You deserve so much better than this ill treatment.

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Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 14

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 8:07:41 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

I refer to those who do this as the “come here-come here—get away-get away” folks. They only want what they can’t have and lose interest once they get it. They are toxic and you only start feeling better once you have broken the connection.
The Voice of Experience

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(in reply to snugglepet)

Post #: 15

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/7/2008 8:11:11 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

poor snuggle, it happened to me once too
dude just stopped, after about seven months.
decided he was needing a break. then he came back.
and i really did care about him so i said ok. then he did it again.
then he tried to come back again. talk about confusion!
of course i love you baby i always have, blahblahblah.
fortunetly for me there was enough time without him the second
time for me to realize i was only an option.
its a hard decision to make, but one of the times you absolutly
HAVE to think of yourself first. Good luck

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~DJ domahpet~
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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/8/2008 4:55:10 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

It isn't wrong to still love but is it healthy? Would this relationship be fulfilling , healthy and happy for you? People are ex's for a reason.

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Post #: 17

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/8/2008 10:22:30 AM

Daddyslilpookie

Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline

It seems like he is stringing you along, but if you love him you need to sit down and have a talk. I would say to him look you can't just appear and reappear into my life it is either we are together or not. If not I would drop him and find someone who is more dedicated to the relationship.

< Message edited by Daddyslilpookie -- 4/8/2008 10:37:10 AM >

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Post #: 18

RE: Could it still be love? - 4/8/2008 10:34:39 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

No one else could or ever would compare to him, what are you supposed to do? ...Is it wrong to still love him?...

I'm feeling kind of sappy and weepy today, but I think its possible to love someone deeply and honestly but still have to let them go. Maybe keep him in that place inside where you keep other things you've loved but but had to leave.

Most of all, try not to be too cynical.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

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Post #: 19

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