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A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:12:00 AM

Wolfsrealm

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

I was doing my online rounds (email, myspace, facebook...) and I noticed that someone new had commented on my Master's myspace. Her profile was very BDSM-themed, and she clearly stated she was a submissive. And I know that many people (especially subs) find Him attractive for many reasons, and I'm proud of that. Likewise, I know not to be jealous because He isn't polyamorous and he would never even think of infidelity. I'm not logically worried. But it does pose an interesting question:

Why is it that subs tend to flock over attached Doms, but Doms seem to understand that the attached sub/slave is off limits?

Since I've been collared, very few Doms have messaged me, and those who have have been in relationships. Single Doms won't dare to even speak to me, and probably for good reason. But why isn't that mindset equal for subs? Admittedly, part of me wants to growl and push them away, but I know it's not my place and that Master would probably be a little upset with me for being impolite. But it's still an interesting situation. Thoughts are welcome.

~Little Red

Post #: 1

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:13:31 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

The unscrupulous come on both sides of the slash, and of either gender.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 2

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:14:16 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfsrealm

I was doing my online rounds (email, myspace, facebook...) and I noticed that someone new had commented on my Master's myspace. Her profile was very BDSM-themed, and she clearly stated she was a submissive. And I know that many people (especially subs) find Him attractive for many reasons, and I'm proud of that. Likewise, I know not to be jealous because He isn't polyamorous and he would never even think of infidelity. I'm not logically worried. But it does pose an interesting question:

Why is it that subs tend to flock over attached Doms, but Doms seem to understand that the attached sub/slave is off limits?

Since I've been collared, very few Doms have messaged me, and those who have have been in relationships. Single Doms won't dare to even speak to me, and probably for good reason. But why isn't that mindset equal for subs? Admittedly, part of me wants to growl and push them away, but I know it's not my place and that Master would probably be a little upset with me for being impolite. But it's still an interesting situation. Thoughts are welcome.

~Little Red

Your expereince is different then mine.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 3

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:16:18 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

My experience is completely 180.

Val is, IMO anyway, very attractive. I'm the overweight one yet when we had our pictures up I got tons of messages asking if I was collared, trying to steal me or buy me away from him. He hasn't gotten any.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 4

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:17:03 AM

metamorpha

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

I get a LOT of Doms contacting me even though I am collared - typically at least two new ones a day. Some say something very appropriate but if I respond I quickly see that they would like to take over as my Dom. Personally, it makes me uncomfortable. I'm glad you haven't had to deal with that.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 5

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:21:08 AM

Wolfsrealm

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

How interesting. Hopefully that doesn't mean I'm just plain undesirable! lol. Seriously though, I'm glad I haven't had to deal with those experiences. You make a good point. But that poses a whole new question. Why is my experience so different? Puzzling...

~Little Red

(in reply to metamorpha)

Post #: 6

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:22:42 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Just as many dominants have contacted me as just as many subs have contacted Master. I got sick of being pursued by those who couldn't read so I made my profile hidden. Friends can contact me but trolls cannot. Some want what they cannot have and don't care if someone is taken or not.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 7

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:25:19 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfsrealm

Why is it that subs tend to flock over attached Doms, but Doms seem to understand that the attached sub/slave is off limits?

Dominants understand that an attached submissive is off limits? Really? My email box does not support this opinion.

There is no double standard on this issue.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 8

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:28:34 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfsrealm

How interesting. Hopefully that doesn't mean I'm just plain undesirable! lol. Seriously though, I'm glad I haven't had to deal with those experiences. You make a good point. But that poses a whole new question. Why is my experience so different? Puzzling...

~Little Red

Well, for one thing YOU actually HAVE a profile.
Another thing is, your profile is respectful to yourself, your master, and to others.
Alot of people put a lot of 'interesting' things in their profile, and then wonder why people contact regarding 'interesting' things, instead of just to say hello.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 9

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:30:12 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

You can check mine if you like - I think it's pretty clear what we are looking for. I don't think mine contains anything all that "interesting". Unless sewing is your kink.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 10

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:31:07 AM

Wolfsrealm

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

Thank you Christina. That makes a lot of sense.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 11

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:31:53 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

I think it's the nature of the she-beast, Wolfsrealm. I am finding the same thing and have come to the conclusion that women just have more balls than men. I am secure, however, in my relationship so I just sit back and laugh. "Sheath your claws, little pussy, your mewling and purring around my tomcat is not going to get you anywhere. You'll be lucky if he spares you a belly rub. You're not woman enough to take over my sandbox." It can be a neverending source of cheap entertainment if you let it be.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 12

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:34:19 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

You can check mine if you like - I think it's pretty clear what we are looking for. I don't think mine contains anything all that "interesting". Unless sewing is your kink.

Hi Aquatic;

I wasn't referring to you, or really to anyone in particular, except one person in this thread who doesn't have a profile as far as I could ascertain. (although it may be hidden)
But I *do* have to laugh at some people who put their most intimate fantasies on their profile, and wonder why the doms don't want to discuss politics with them, yanno?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 13

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:36:17 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Yeah. But if you find the magic "troll bait" in my profile, I'd be grateful if you let me know.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 14

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:37:10 AM

Wolfsrealm

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

Beautifully, beautifully said. Thanks for the reassurance. I know deep down that it's nothing to even have a second thought about, but I suppose like you said it's somewhat inherent within us all. I honestly feel a little better now. Much appreciated, dear.

~Little Red

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 15

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:38:28 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfsrealm

Why is it that subs tend to flock over attached Doms, but Doms seem to understand that the attached sub/slave is off limits?

You are in the vast MINORITY here, Red. Most subs get barraged with offers after their relationships are anounced. Angel and Fox both got far more interest after their collars were on than before. I am willing to bed fem subs get even more than my boys did. I get ots of attention, even though I state I am not looking, becasue since I ahve 2 already, why not 3 or 5 or 8?
The unattached tend to covet the attached becasue that means somewhere along the line they have real, provable experience with relationships. They are not just talk, they are living the lifestyle. They are not players, so it would seem, and therefore they should be the type they would like to get.
Its along the same logic as the increase of interest that a woman wearing an engagement ring, or a man with a wedding ring, gets. The thrill of a challenge and trying to steal them away and prove you are the better partner. I dont get that, since if they could be stolen from someone to be yours, they canbe stolen from you to be someone elses... but i digress.

You get the point
There are people who hold no relationship to be sacred.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 16

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:43:50 AM

softpjOS

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

The unscrupulous come on both sides of the slash, and of either gender.

So very very true!

However, I have personally noticed a larger number of subs "fawning over" Mistress as opposed to the occasional trollmail lurking in my inbox. At real life events (munches and such) I do see the behavior coming more so from the subs then the Dominants but as Mistress has pointed out, the Dom/mes are equally "watching" me. Perhaps it is the direction you have your "radar" pointed?

Hugs

pj

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 17

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 10:57:34 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

there has been much quallity stuff said...but i just want to point out that though in the body of his profile he says he is not looking in the "Actively Seeking" part of his profile, it includes submissive women, along with dominant women (and friends only and roommates - but they are benign) and most trolls - yes there are women trolls - do not read the body of a profile...or if they do they read the pretty poem at the begining...

basically...before you go blaming it on all these big bad sub girls...try looking at the image he is putting out there....there is a whole lot of look-at-me-look-at-me-I-am-a-Dominant-who-can-and-will-control-you-but-i-already-have-a-girl-so-i-won't-really and basically thats pretty hot to a single submissive, especially if she is in a frenzy mode (which can happen at any point, not just the begining)

so, if one wants to be clearly not available, be clearly not available...and if he has no problem with the volume of mail he is getting, then it is you with the problem....is it not? not meaning to be a bitch here, but this is something i had to deal with with my Owner recently regarding his myspace profile being marked single (why are adults even using myspace this much anyway...)...i had to learn to get over my insecurities...he's not internet cheating on me...he's definately not cheating in real life...so...it was my shit to deal with, not his, not the 15 girls he gets emails from a day...

just my thoughts, anyway...
take care
chelle

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 4/8/2008 10:58:56 AM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 18

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 11:05:24 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

What do I have to chum the water with to get a frenzyed sub? Op don't worry about it. It happens to everyone on here.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 19

RE: A Double Standard? - 4/8/2008 11:14:50 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

To address the double standard;

Many dominants (male and female) have more than one submissive/slave. It's very rare for a submissive/slave to have more than one dominant. This isn't to say that such relationships aren't acceptable; rather, dominant types often tend to be very possessive. Additionally, men are usually expected to be either straight, or gay; in the D/s world, bisexual men are probably in the least demand of all gender orientations, while bisexual women tend to be in the most demand. Thus, bisexual female submissives will be more likely to be accepting and encouraging of another female submissive in the household, while a straight male dominant isn't going to be quite as supportive of his female submissive's desires to have another man around.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 20

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