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Integrity - 4/8/2008 3:08:05 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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Integrity… The adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. To behave in accordance with your values, to be sincere, and to be faithful to what you believe is important.

How do you feel when a friend underestimates your integrity? Does it bother you? Does it change your friendship? Are you hurt that a friend thinks you would "do such a thing" and you know it's something you would never do?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

Post #: 1

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 3:12:20 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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Of course, I pride myself on my honesty even in the face of lacking tact, I always keep my promises and all that, if someone who knows me doubted that about me I would question if they knew me at all. (though I do generally disregard people who bang on about how honest they are)

I had a debate about this recently, someone who said that they always kept their word and then rather didnt that mucks up a friendship/relationship, someone who chooses to ignore your word even knowing that your word is always your bond mucks up a relationship. Honesty goes both ways, one is being trusted and the other trusting, if either doesnt work then there is something wrong with the relationship

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 2

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 3:13:42 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

Yeah, I think it would sting and I'm sorry.

Do you know "The Four Agreements"? [The second one in particular in this instance.]

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

~hug~

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 3

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 3:19:02 PM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

Happens to me all the time and it dosnt bother me at all. I really dont expect people to know what my values are and where my limits are. People like to catagorise people in these nice neat little slots that they can define and figure on and to me that just plane crap... I will be me thank you very much. Although I must admit in the past if I was fucking it and it was questioning my morals there was allways that ... do I laugh or do I raise an eyebrow...

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 4

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 3:21:52 PM

Smythe

Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Integrity… The adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. To behave in accordance with your values, to be sincere, and to be faithful to what you believe is important.

How do you feel when a friend underestimates your integrity? Does it bother you? Does it change your friendship? Are you hurt that a friend thinks you would "do such a thing" and you know it's something you would never do?

Cali

Too often it means that it is something *they* would do.
Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 5

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 3:48:49 PM

CenosSlave

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Derbyshire
Status: offline

it doesnt bother me so much because i just bare in mind that eferyones integrity is different, and so they will hold it at different levels...what's right to one could be wrong to another, so therefore there is no absolute. if a friend or loved one underestimates my integrity then id work on the communication, and id put it behind us...everyone makes mistakes and deserves another chance...and it's down to each individual how many chances they can give...

_____________________________

i would tear the petals off of you

#1 source of self destruction

beat me outta me...

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 6

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 4:01:39 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Integrity… The adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. To behave in accordance with your values, to be sincere, and to be faithful to what you believe is important.

How do you feel when a friend underestimates your integrity? Does it bother you? Does it change your friendship? Are you hurt that a friend thinks you would "do such a thing" and you know it's something you would never do?

Cali

It can indeed change the friendship, and it would definitely bother me. God knows I have plenty of faults, but I believe I have decent ethics. I used to get in trouble occasionaly, as a child, for clowning around. Once, in 6th grade, the teacher accused me of doing so when I hadn't, and I cannot think of many things that bothered me more than that.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 7

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 4:05:08 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

How do you feel when a friend underestimates your integrity? Does it bother you? Does it change your friendship? Are you hurt that a friend thinks you would "do such a thing" and you know it's something you would never do?

It really depends on who the person is. If it is someone close to me then, yeah... it can hurt and possibly change my relationship with them.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 8

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 4:05:43 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Yeah, I think it would sting and I'm sorry.

Do you know "The Four Agreements"? [The second one in particular in this instance.]

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

~hug~

I have two of his books, haven't read them yet, though. But wise words there.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 9

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 4:23:13 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

I think. this is the basis of a NON friendship. To doubt my integrity tell me you don't know me, and therefor probably not some one I would WANT as a friend so no love lost...

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

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Post #: 10

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 4:36:01 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

Thank you for posting the Four Agreements. It was a nice personal reminder for myself.. and Timely too. *smiles*

I recently learned what one of my loves *really* thought of me.. and it has seriously changed/wrecked the realtionship. ( amongst other issues we had been having ) One would think after 6 years of 24/7 they would have a pretty good idea of your moral fiber... but as it turned out this whole time they were transposing thier idea of morals onto what they thought mine were.. and judging me and my reactions by that formula. When it didnt balance out.. I was secretly punished.. and the tally added up over time in thier head. Also finding out that they thought I had no talent.. and BS'ed my way through life and jobs... well needless to say that did nothing to heal the rift that had started in the relationship. The emense jealousy over how things went with my half of life that I never knew about was scorching as well.

I guess it goes to show that sometimes you just really don't know people.
So yes Cali... I would have to say my Integrity being under estimated ( by miles and leagues ) by someone close to me is very hurtful. I am sorry for what you are going through as well. *hugs*

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

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Post #: 11

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 4:40:42 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Gosh Cali and Gwyn...that sucks majorly!

I'm sorry that ya'll are going through those things.

I wish you both love and happiness.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 12

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 4:43:44 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Hi Cali

I am a bit confused by the meaning of underestimate?(It's probably obvious and I'm just being blank) - do you mean question?

Thanks in advance
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 13

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 4:46:43 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
Honesty goes both ways, one is being trusted and the other trusting, if either doesnt work then there is something wrong with the relationship

Colouredinone - ya rock.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 14

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 4:48:35 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

I automatically presume people are of certain simular standards as my own. If someone presumed I would do something I wouldn't, if they underestimate me, it makes me wonder about them and their standards.

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 15

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 5:01:53 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
I am a bit confused by the meaning of underestimate?(It's probably obvious and I'm just being blank) - do you mean question?

In a way, perhaps. If someone decides you did something without asking you for clarification, and that thing shows a different integrity than you have.

For instance, say my (now ex-) husband found a motel receipt in my car. He would jump to the conclusion that I was cheating on him, even though I would never cheat on anybody. Instead of asking me what the receipt means, or what the truth is, he decides I did something less than honest. To me questioning my integrity would be asking me, "are you cheating on me?" (instead of, "what's this receipt for?"); underestimating my integrity would be saying to me, "I found a motel receipt in your car and I know you're cheating on me".

Cali

< Message edited by CalifChick -- 4/8/2008 5:02:22 PM >

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 16

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 5:20:43 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Thanks for clarifying Cali - I appriciate you taking the time.
I would tell the person directly they were wrong and it's their choice to accept it or not. I'm not the kind of person to muck around and hold a full on discussion about it. People either accept my word (integrity) or don't. Those that do not are not in my life - those that do are in my life for the long term through thick and thin. I don't take things personally, and every situation and moment is different.

I can understand why people get very burned by it, but if you know your own worth and integrity, then that is all that matters - not the thoughts of others.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 17

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 5:51:06 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

This one is a really hard one for most individuals. So much so.. that at times because they take it personally everyone else must take it personally as well. It is seldom that I take anything personally except those that are very dear to me. I am often seen as being cold and insensitive because of my lack of personal attachment to others opinions and actions. Friendship for me doesn't get given easily, but even then, I don't have strong emotional attachments to that friendship. A friend underestimating my intergity speaks of them and not of myself. I know who I am and has little impact on me and the impact on the relationship rather depends on the situation and the relationship.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 18

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 6:04:44 PM

TeachMeTonight

Posts: 67
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline

Ruiz is exactly where I would have gone with my post. This situation says more about the other person than it does about you :)

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Yours in Leather
Teach Me Tonight

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Post #: 19

RE: Integrity - 4/8/2008 6:07:58 PM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

Cali~
"How do you feel when a friend underestimates your integrity? Does it bother you? Does it change your friendship? Are you hurt that a friend thinks you would "do such a thing" and you know it's something you would never do?"
Yes i would be hurt. Yes it would bother me. It may or may not change the friendship depending on the situation. And in closing~
I just think its rude.
If they assume the worst of you... frowns* Well, its probably more about their own issues than yours.
This journey is sometimes difficult. Its been balls to the wall lately. May you be blessed upon your way. Hugs to A/all who need or want them.

_____________________________

There's never really a good time for the whole Man to Beast thing...Just kind of~Whaum! and hope for the best...
ToTo from The O.Z.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 20

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