hopelesslyInvo
Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tahlly
HopelesslyInvo,
that may be your idea of relationships; and that may be how you approach them; however, I still, will, respectfully disagree with your words.
it's not too dependent of being just about relationships, and it's really probably and very literally all semantics here.
expectations are simply what gets filled in, as your ignorance starts to diminish.
think of even in that impulse or snap decision, you have little time to anticipate what is going to happen, so the course of action you take, the very reaction you have to it is based on what you expect to occur. now surely "expectations" is in a slightly different category than "assumptions" though they are widely present in both situations. with expectations you can predict, using good old common sense, the likelihood of an occurrence. with an assumption though, you walk into a situation and are already basically convinced rather than confident of the outcome. if a glass is dropped on a hard floor, you would have both the expectation and the assumption that it will break when it impacts. if you again tell me "no i didn't" then it still is because you "expected" it wouldn't break, either because you were clueless of the outcome or because you thought the glass would withstand the trauma. but now i drop a second glass, well what do you expect this time? as long as the gears in your head are turning, you cannot tell me "i don't know what to expect" or "i don't expect anything", your experience has now led you to expect a bigger mess for someone to clean up.
now put that into a relationship, if you get into a relationship where the two of you don't co-exist very well, you can expect it to shatter no differently than the glass did, but if you didn't know anything about them as you went into the relationship then you have no idea what to expect. so obviously that relationship goes to hell, and 2 weeks later someone who seems very similar to that person asks you on a date, now what do you expect? see, now you can expect alllll sorts of things. if the first guy was a blind date that your friend julie set you up on, and julie tries to set you up on another blind date, what do you expect from julie’s arsenal of awesome potentials this time? you probably either expect total crap, or you just go along with it while having much lower expectations than you might have previously took with you, but you surely expect julie isn't doing you many favors by playing match maker.
now on the other end, when looking for a relationship, it would be foolhardy to expect something from someone who neither knows, nor gives any inclinations of living up to what expectations you have established. but then again, if they do know and attest to your expectations and if based on their sincerity, and your past experiences, if you’re even fairly convinced by them, it would be well within reason to expect that they live up to your expectations. it’s really just night or day, you expect they were being honest, or you expect this guy to be a flake. more importantly however, it would be not only within reason, but prudent to say "i have expectations not just of my partner, but of myself, and expectations of a meaningful relationship”, foundations of a level of importance that if those expectations are not met, the relationship would simply be unfulfilling. if nothing else it is so simple as saying "i expect within reason that this relationship is likely to be worth my time”, else you would not waste your time. i expect my partner to be what they claim if i trust them enough to make it to that step in the first place. the more i know them the more i will know what to expect from them, the more i will know if they lived up to my expectations or exceeded them.
but it's all really just semantics, you say you only want things rather than expect of him. you wanted to trust him, but you didn't expect to, though here you are and now you do trust him, so now that trust is built, you can expect things because of that. demands are only one form of expectations, and expectations are not assurances, or denial based, and depending what you expect the outcome to be, the result could have been the result of setting yourself up for disappointment, or becoming pleasantly surprised. if you don’t expect one outcome, you expect another, but if you truly and almost impossibly don't know what to expect, you're basically just a deer in headlights. the more you know, the more you come to expect, the more your doubts will wane. for example, i don't expect you to agree with me, i don't expect you want to read what i've written, and i expect i will waste little time in writing more, but seeing as how i wrote this anyway...
*post*
< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 4/9/2008 8:36:36 AM >
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RE: More Expectations… - 
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