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Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 9:09:11 AM   
submissfifi


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Dom/Masters/Sirs,

I was thinking of something today, and wondered if you lovely people could give me some insight into the dominant mind. How often do you contact your sub? once a day? or more/or less? And if you were going to be away on holiday or you were ill..would you let your sub know this? I understand that times can be busy, but it can only take a few seconds to say that your going away-if its a holiday its got to be planned out so surely there is time before leaving to say, but when your ill its a bit harder...but then theres text messages or a phone call if you can't get to the pc to email etc.and that can be done when your over the inital illness and just needing to recover..I'm just wondering if I'm being unreasonable in this request? Because keeping in contact to me, lets me know where you as a dom are at, if your ill, busy etc...I can understand, and even help..

Many thanks,

submissfifi x



Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 9:11:49 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Why would I want to contact my sub? We talking cyber nonsense here?

(in reply to submissfifi)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 9:24:32 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		Daddy and i have daily contact via email, phone and/or IM - sometimes twice or more on weekends. i know His schedule better than the secretaries in the office and if there's a break between patients, He might call or IM me - those  few minutes shared is enough for me. however i do reserve 10 minutes in the morning before He leaves for the office and 30 during the evening hours to Him every day.

with my pet - same thing since he's currently away on business in CO.  sometimes he calls in the morning (like he did today) or evening to chat with me. if he cannot call, we send email.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 9:25:29 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Hi sweetie,

Well I think you know My outlook on this when We talked about something of a similar nature a few months ago. But I will reitterate for the perpouses of this thread.

If I have a sub or slave that for whatever reason doesn't live with Me (And no antipode, that doesn't make it cyber nonsense, people can live apart, especialy during the early stages of a relationship and it still being based in the real world even though some of the contact whilst not physicaly in the same place is done over phone, text and internet) then the absolute minimum I REQUIRE is to touch base at least once a day. A friend I can go for months between contact however I am not responcible for a friend and she is not responcible TO Me. I need to know that there are no imediate problems needing sorted and she, in many cases just needs that little reminder and reasurance that regardless of how busy I am, I still care and haven't simply forgotten about her (Nor about those responcibilitys).

Unless I am very busy then the contact is quite a bit more but once a day is a minimum.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 9:35:43 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		we live in different cities now and both have jobs and kids and whatnot to attend to on a daily basis.

He will generally tell me when he thinks he can contact me next, or be on line next especially if there will be several days before he thinks he'll get the chance.  I work at a computer so my time on line is far more structured.  One thing I appreciate about him though is he under promises and over delivers, meaning it it very rare that he doesn't contact me before his projected time.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 9:45:24 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
he under promises and over delivers


Always make the promise well within the capability you KNOW you can manage then anything else is a bonus.... if you do it the other way around and fall short then all you are doing is building insecuritys.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 9:47:38 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
he under promises and over delivers


Always make the promise well within the capability you KNOW you can manage then anything else is a bonus.... if you do it the other way around and fall short then all you are doing is building insecuritys.



Yes, but there is a trend even in the business world around here to be way too optimistic in what you can do.  I find his approach refreshingly realistic and it does make me feel better when I get unexpected contact.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 9:55:28 AM   
lovewithoutfear


Posts: 153
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
he under promises and over delivers


Always make the promise well within the capability you KNOW you can manage then anything else is a bonus.... if you do it the other way around and fall short then all you are doing is building insecuritys.



Thank you RavenMuse, for saying this.  It ought to be obvious, but to many it apparently isn't.  A power-exchange relationship is by definition a high maintenance one, and it is very easy for little things to loom large and small things to cause insecurities which then cause bigger problems.  I think anyone (on either side of the slash) who gets into such a relationship needs to be fully aware of the time and other commitments up front and consent to them, otherwise huge problems can result.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 10:37:56 AM   
lubegirl


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		i am addicted to my MASTER and if he does not call to make my tail wag i start going through withdrawls!!!
MASTER is a very busy Man however HE does make time for his pet..and it amazes me how when HE calls the world stops amd i am focused on HIS words.
i will never forget the call and first time i realized how much POWER HE had over me, i had just taken a bite out of a banana and when HE called i spit it out so that i could speak clearly rather than swallowing it!
That is control.
lubegirl

(in reply to lovewithoutfear)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 10:43:20 AM   
Floggings4You


Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline 		My sub and I speak on the phone at least once daily.  This was something that she clearly needed early in Our relationship, given that 1) I'm married, and 2) We don't live together.  She also journals to Me daily, and (most days, anyway) I respond to her journal entries via email.  (On the days I don't email her a response, it's cause We've already discussed that day's journal in our phone conversation.

(in reply to lubegirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 12:25:32 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

A power-exchange relationship is by definition a high maintenance one


Not for everyone.


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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 12:37:31 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		well I see her every moring when I wake up and at least once throughout the day and then at night when I go to bed but that is cause we live together.

Does this count?

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
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Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 12:41:09 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		This is a very timely post.  My boy is currently on his spring break from nursing school, so he is away visiting family.

I am still in contact with him each day.  I am NOT a phone person, so this is being done mostly by IM and text.  He is still required to keep his journal daily and to persue certain threads here on CM. 

This is not his first trip away since he was collared.  The last one did fall on a time that I ended up with a terrible cold that had Me feeling rather miserable, just at New Year's.  We were still in contact electronically.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 12:51:38 PM   
lovewithoutfear


Posts: 153
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

A power-exchange relationship is by definition a high maintenance one


Not for everyone.



Oh I think this may just be a question of semantics and definitions.  First of all, high maintenance does not have to mean bad, inconvenient, difficult, drama-ridden, not worth the trouble, or anything else negative.  I just think that most of the time it takes more attention and awareness of self and the other, on average, to conduct one of these relationships, than for the same two people to (theoretically) conduct a vanilla romance -- if for no other reason than the cultural countertraining most of us need to overcome, and the societal resistance we encounter.  This greater effort is made worthwhile by the rewards of PE to those suited to it, I think -- but that doesn't mean the investment is not higher, it just means the dividends are greater too.

When I think of high maintenance, what I think is that people need to be intentional about their needs and expectations, and willing to meet commensurate ones from the other party.  I think people who are willing to do the maintenance, and even enjoy it, succeed in PE relationships.  I can't think of anyone I know well enough to have discussed/observed this, who I think would characterize their PE relationship/s as lower maintenance than their "regular"/vanilla ones. 

In other words, yes -- Person A's PE relationship may be lower maintenance than Person B's vanilla one.  But I bet it is higher maintenance than Person A's vanilla one. 

As always, YMMV.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 1:19:31 PM   
shysub0951


Posts: 132
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline 		To answer your first about how much contact does he make?
  If he's working it's usually either when he can take a break or after work. But he also knows that because i work nights to let me get my sleep and some weeks we won't talk unless he comes over.

If he's going away on holiday/vacation:
   He will let me know ahead of time, usually a week or more notice, but still expect my usual instant messaging of him every day when i get up. But no call during his vacation time.

(in reply to submissfifi)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 2:10:47 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Darcy contacts me at least twice a day verbally when we are apart.  Yes if he is ill I am informed.  If he is away I am informed and he always contacts me when away and I am permitted to contact him whenever I feel I need him.  However it is also understood that I do not abuse this permission, but why would I?
Txt messages, emails, phone calls, blog mentions or responded to and expressions of love and ownership are a bonus.
I am blessed.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 3:16:06 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Darcy contacts me at least twice a day verbally when we are apart.  Yes if he is ill I am informed.  If he is away I am informed and he always contacts me when away and I am permitted to contact him whenever I feel I need him.  However it is also understood that I do not abuse this permission, but why would I?
Txt messages, emails, phone calls, blog mentions or responded to and expressions of love and ownership are a bonus.
I am blessed.
 
the.dark.


*warm fuzzies*

You two are just so adorable :)


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 4:11:27 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Master and I speak by phone at least once a day, sometimes more depending on our schedules.  We IM generally every night for an hour or so and sometimes throughout the day also.  We text as we can - usually quick 'I love you's' or 'thinking of you' type messages.  I always know his schedule; he always knows mine.  If I have something going on which makes my life more hectic, he is informed so that he knows why I may be less available for a day or two.  I am informed when he is ill, busy or will be out of town.  He's always a phone call away - if he doesn't answer right away, he calls back as soon as he can. 

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 5:12:50 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		We phone a minimum of 4 times a day. On cam it is half an hour in the morning before he goes to work, then in the evenings he watches until I'm asleep. I love seeing him first thing in the morning and last at night.My new cam doesn't even need ambient light, just the light from my monitor n poof I'm asleep with him still watching.

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Contacting your sub... - 4/9/2008 6:23:55 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		How often do you contact your sub?
I schedule time to maintain my relationship(s).  We have daily contact, even if it is in the preliminary stages before living together.
 
And if you were going to be away on holiday or you were ill..would you let your sub know this?
Yes, of course I would act responsibly to my relationship partners.  All parties must treat the relationship with respect in my house.

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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