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littlesarbonn -> RE: I need help and I am having trouble (4/9/2008 3:09:01 PM)
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First off, where you're located is going to be a problem for you, but not the worst problem you could have. In your situation, if I was there (and a job interview ago, I almost was), I'd make myself known to whatever tiny community probably does exist. I'd ingratiate myself to the Denver community, and possibly anyone that might have a munch going on in Laramie, or some of th eother larger cities. But to be honest, if I was in your boat, I'd actually start pursuing vanilla relationships and be upfront about my submissive nature. In MANY situations in the past, just being honest with women upfront has actually led me into relationships with women who were interested in being dominant but never even dreamed such a lifestyle might exist. It doesn't always work, but it worked a lot.
One thing I'd really brush up on is basic social skills (for all I know, you might be Casanova at a dinner party, so it's just advice), because finding a dominant woman is really not that much different than finding a vanilla woman. Sure, there are some blatant differences with individuals, but for the most part, if you can charm people without worrying about the bdsm aspects, you'll be one step up on actually trying to find yourself in a relationship that might go your way. Of course, not everyone is open to the bdsm lifestyle, and you may have to fail a few times before ever finding someone right.
The other thing is probably most important: Make sure you're the type of submissive a woman might actually want. It's not just enough to "be" submissive, but you have to make yourself attractive as a submissive. An example is something I learned some years back: I might have a lot of specific submissive fantasies, but I'm going to have a really, REALLY hard time finding a connection by advertising "what I want done to me". Instead, think about it from a marketing perspective. What would SHE want? And then ask yourself if that's something you can deliver. And then ask yourself if that's something that you can incorporate as part of your submissive nature. If you go into it with a "I'll give her what she wants until I get what I want" she's probably going to see through it, and if not, she's probably going to dump you faster than the garbage when she does. And you'll never even see it coming.
What skills do you have? Are they useful to a dominant? Or are they arbitrary? In other words, if you ever do start courting a dominant woman, you're going to fail most times if you're response to "What can you do for me?" is "Stuff" or the classic: "Anything you want." Be specific. Do you give GREAT massages? I don't mean a good one. EVERYONE does a "good" massage. Can you do a GREAT one? If not, go get training. Take a massage class. Can you fix her car? No? Go learn how to fix a car. It might even help you one day if you're out on the road and yours stops working. Are you a computer repair person? If not, pick up a book and learn how. Think about all of the things you have to offer, and then try to build upon those skills. BE WHAT SHE WANTS AND NEEDS, and you have a chance of actually making a connection.
Remember, if you're in an area where A LOT of dominants are active, you have HEAVY competition. If you live in an area where there are very few, or one or two at most, if lucky, dominants, you're competing against the rock stars of submission, people who really know what they're doing. You have to be better than them. Being somewhat attractive and having a hard cock really aren't enough to cause someone to be enamored of you. Okay, there's that one woman, but she's different. [:)]
Anyway, I don't know if this is helpful, but here it is.
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