RE: just a few newbie questions

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GreedyTop -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 6:51:35 AM)
RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink

DiurnalVampire -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 7:06:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Othie The first set: Do you believe that a Dom/sub are equals? Or is the sub below the Dom? I believe that Doms and subs are equal. Fox and Angel have as much say in our relationships as I do, even if they opt not to excercise it. I wold have no power over them if they hadnt given it to me. quote: I know, or atleast everyone I have asked, will tell me that a Dom's word is "law" or that he has the last word. What happens when the sub/slave feels strongly that they are wrong? I'm guessing they can't say "no, thats not right." but it seems like it would come up with anyone who thinks for themself...and not being able to say anything must feel like holding your anger inside...that can't be healthy. I value the fact that my boys have enough of a mind of their own that if they object they can raise an objection intelligently, and respectfully. I am not always right, and I accept that. There are things they might know better than I, and they are allowed to correct me if it is valid to do so. They do also know when and how it is apropriate to do so. quote: Second set: With a sub/slave, do you feel that she/he should address you as Master/Sir at all times? For example, if your sub/slave comes in after a long day at work or other such thing, do you feel she should greet you as Master? If so, does this hold true when there are other none lifestyle people around? Do you like your subs/slaves to talk causal with you? Or should it all remain formal? Have you ever had a sub/slave feel they can't be causal around you? I prefer casual. Neither boy has ever refered to me as Mistress, regardless of who is around us at any time. Fox will refer to me as his Owner when discussing me with others, but when I am present it is my name. Angel always uses my name, unless he cals me Mommy. I hate formality, always have Everyone you ask, you will likely get different answers. Thats part of the appeal of the lifestyle, for me, that I can do as I please with my partners. As long as we are happy, it doesnt matter what anyone outside thinks, really. DV

OsideGirl -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 7:31:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Othie Do you believe that a Dom/sub are equals? Or is the sub below the Dom? There's no D/s relationship without a submissive. There's no D/s relationship without a Dominant. They are equals that fulfill different roles. There are some submissives that would look for a relationship where they're treated like dirt, but I think you'll find that most expect to have some respect within the relationship. quote: I know, or atleast everyone I have asked, will tell me that a Dom's word is "law" or that he has the last word. What happens when the sub/slave feels strongly that they are wrong? Master makes the final decision. In 99% of the cases, he will ask my opinion first and take that into consideration. Sometimes his decision is for me to make the decision. quote: I'm guessing they can't say "no, thats not right." but it seems like it would come up with anyone who thinks for themself...and not being able to say anything must feel like holding your anger inside...that can't be healthy. A healthy relationship doesn't happen without communication. He expects me to voice any doubts that I have. By not expressing those doubts, I'm failing him as his submissive. quote: With a sub/slave, do you feel that she/he should address you as Master/Sir at all times? He doesn't expect me to call him Master or Sir at all. Matter of fact, pretty much the only time I call him Master is in public D/s situations so that there is no confusion as to whether I'm in a relationship or not. quote: For example, if your sub/slave comes in after a long day at work or other such thing, do you feel she should greet you as Master? No, he expects that I be getting dinner ready and be doing the things that make our lives run. We're not a high protocol couple. It all comes down to preference. If what makes your heart beat a little faster is a full on formal greeting, then go for it. quote: If so, does this hold true when there are other none lifestyle people around? Since we're more like a 1950's marriage, yes. quote: Do you like your subs/slaves to talk causal with you? Or should it all remain formal? Have you ever had a sub/slave feel they can't be causal around you? He expects me to be his friend, his lover, his submissive and his wife. He'd be miserable if we didn't have the ability to just be goofy and have fun.

RavenMuse -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 8:50:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Othie The first set: Do you believe that a Dom/sub are equals? Or is the sub below the Dom? I know, or atleast everyone I have asked, will tell me that a Dom's word is "law" or that he has the last word. What happens when the sub/slave feels strongly that they are wrong? I'm guessing they can't say "no, thats not right." but it seems like it would come up with anyone who thinks for themself...and not being able to say anything must feel like holding your anger inside...that can't be healthy. Firstly, every persons answers will be subtly different depending on who they are and the kind of Dynamic they are in. My answers however :- It takes two to tango, in terms of importance to the relationship if either where not there or not fullfilling their part of the relationship it wouldn't work, so on that level both are of equal importance. However I am the Dominant partner in a TPE Dynamic. My word, My decision is final. The power within the relationship is Mine. The girl I Own is a human being with thoughts and opinions of her own, if she disagrees then her opinion is listened to, if the point is a valid one then it maybe taken on board, it is just one factor, one of the pieces of information I use to reach a decision, the decision is Mine to make and there is also the likelyhood it won't change a thing. she accepted that in submitting to Me. It isn't bottled up, it is listened to and given due importance. But wether she agrees or disagrees she has submitted her decisions to Me and once that decision is made she obays it. quote: Second set: With a sub/slave, do you feel that she/he should address you as Master/Sir at all times? For example, if your sub/slave comes in after a long day at work or other such thing, do you feel she should greet you as Master? If so, does this hold true when there are other none lifestyle people around? Do you like your subs/slaves to talk causal with you? Or should it all remain formal? Have you ever had a sub/slave feel they can't be causal around you? Personaly I don't insist on it at all times. This is lifestyle, there are more relaxed times and more formal times. If and when I invoke a more formal protocol then regardless of who is around she will comply, she trusts My judgement on wether the situation is appropriate. As for casual... casual yes, disrespectful no. There is plenty of fun and banter within the relationship but if she starts going too far it doesn't take much to reign her in and back to a non-problematic level. High protocol/Formality ALL the time maybe work in a play relationship, where the time spent together was limited. But it isn't suitable for MOST that I have encountered on a lifestyle 24/7 basis. But then, the balance between formal and casual is a very subjective thing what one person considers everyday casual another might find confining and formal feeling.

AMaster -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 9:31:36 AM)
Short answer: it depends on the people involved, their preferences and the dynamic of the relationship. We are not all form the same mold.

MasterWilliam55 -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 9:34:47 AM)
RACK....Risk Aware Consensual Kink. For me at least SSC, Safe Sane Consensual does not describe my activities, and I would hazard a guess that it doesn't descibe the BDSM activities that many have experienced.

AquaticSub -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 10:13:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Othie The first set: Do you believe that a Dom/sub are equals? In our relationship, that is how it works. quote: I know, or atleast everyone I have asked, will tell me that a Dom's word is "law" or that he has the last word. What happens when the sub/slave feels strongly that they are wrong? I'm guessing they can't say "no, thats not right." but it seems like it would come up with anyone who thinks for themself...and not being able to say anything must feel like holding your anger inside...that can't be healthy. Actually... I wouldn't say that Val's word is always the end of the discussion. 99 times out of a hundred it is, but sometimes he is just... wrong. Wrong in a way that hinder our relationship or some other goal that we are working towards, and then it is my duty to him to point this out. quote: Second set: With a sub/slave, do you feel that she/he should address you as Master/Sir at all times? For example, if your sub/slave comes in after a long day at work or other such thing, do you feel she should greet you as Master? Since I'm allowed to speak for my owner.. Nope. In fact, I'm required to not use Master/Sir all the time. His parents picked out a pretty cool name and he likes it. I call him Sir a lot, but I use his given name just as much. quote: If so, does this hold true when there are other none lifestyle people around? Do you like your subs/slaves to talk causal with you? Or should it all remain formal? Have you ever had a sub/slave feel they can't be causal around you? Around non-lifestyle people, I'll still use Sir though less often. It just feels natural and nobody has ever looked at us funny for it, even our parents. We don't do things formally, never have and I highly doubt we ever will. It's just not a way of life that appeals to either of us. I hope this was helpful!

SimplyMichael -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 1:07:09 PM)
Many here would call me an asshole, quite a few would say I was arrogant, only a few would say I was a crappy dom. I make mistakes I have to oppologize for, I am far from perfect. Being dominant doesn't mean you never have to be wrong because the poor sap you are fucking over hasn't the right to call you on your shit. I have always found that the more people focus on how they are always right, the more wrong I tend to find their decisions.

Othie -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 3:00:01 PM)
Thanks again everyone, It sounds like while every is alittle different, most believe that Dom/sub are equal parts of a whole, they are just different parts of that whole, which is what I was hoping for. I've loved reading the different ways everyone sees these questions. You have all helped alot.

Justme696 -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 3:08:10 PM)
quote: most believe that Dom/sub are equal parts of a whole, they are just different parts of that whole that is a nice way to say it

Focus50 -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 3:59:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Many here would call me an asshole, quite a few would say I was arrogant, only a few would say I was a crappy dom. There was once someone named "Crappydom" posting on here - he was probably too crude for the more sanitised qualification of "arrogant" but an arsehole he was...! ;-) Focus.

SimplyMichael -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 4:04:31 PM)
shhhh don't tell anyone!

Level -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 4:16:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Othie The first set: Do you believe that a Dom/sub are equals? Yes. Or is the sub below the Dom? Only if the dominant is standing on a ladder. I know, or atleast everyone I have asked, will tell me that a Dom's word is "law" or that he has the last word. What happens when the sub/slave feels strongly that they are wrong? I'm guessing they can't say "no, thats not right." but it seems like it would come up with anyone who thinks for themself...and not being able to say anything must feel like holding your anger inside...that can't be healthy. It can be. But I think part of the "deal" with submissives is that they find a higher degree of fulfillment pleasing the dominant than they would otherwise. Everyone is different, at any rate. Second set: With a sub/slave, do you feel that she/he should address you as Master/Sir at all times? No. For example, if your sub/slave comes in after a long day at work or other such thing, do you feel she should greet you as Master? If so, does this hold true when there are other none lifestyle people around? Do you like your subs/slaves to talk causal with you? Or should it all remain formal? Have you ever had a sub/slave feel they can't be causal around you? I'm sure these seem like odd questions, but thank you to all who took the time to read and answer them.

sirsholly -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 4:26:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Othie a Dom's word is "law" or that he has the last word. What happens when the sub/slave feels strongly that they are wrong? I'm guessing they can't say "no, thats not right." but it seems like it would come up with anyone who thinks for themself...and not being able to say anything must feel like holding your anger inside...that can't be healthy Why can't i say "no...thats not right?" He did not marry a passive blow-up doll. I feel comfortable saying that He values my opinion and input dispite the fact that i may not agree with Him. Of course, the delivery style matters. When i disagree with him it is with the respect He deserves.

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/11/2008 4:55:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael shhhh don't tell anyone! Oh snap! You mean that was you??

ResidentSadist -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/14/2008 10:41:03 AM)
Wow, you have been here on these forums since 2005 and this is your first post? Glad to see you speak up. Not that we aren't all geniuses here at CM but you may find a large and conflicting variety of opinions on these forums. You might want to check out some of the authors opinions in the books on this book list: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm

Othie -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/14/2008 12:55:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Wow, you have been here on these forums since 2005 and this is your first post? Glad to see you speak up. Not that we aren't all geniuses here at CM but you may find a large and conflicting variety of opinions on these forums. You might want to check out some of the authors opinions in the books on this book list: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm Thank you. I did make my profile in 2005 but not long after I had a big scared and hid it and left not only the site but the lifestyle until now. I was pretty surprised to see my account was still there, so I just decided to update it and work on relearning. Thank you for the site, I've been looking for some, but I tend to be wary when it comes to the net unless someone suggests it and has found it helpful.

Faramir -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/17/2008 5:45:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Othie This is my first post and I hope I'm not offending anyone with what I type. But I was hoping to get everyone's thoughts on a few newbie questions. That said I'm a true newbie, more of someone who is starting to relearn after leaving the lifestyle because of a scare. The first set: Do you believe that a Dom/sub are equals? Or is the sub below the Dom? I know, or atleast everyone I have asked, will tell me that a Dom's word is "law" or that he has the last word. What happens when the sub/slave feels strongly that they are wrong? I'm guessing they can't say "no, thats not right." but it seems like it would come up with anyone who thinks for themself...and not being able to say anything must feel like holding your anger inside...that can't be healthy. Second set: With a sub/slave, do you feel that she/he should address you as Master/Sir at all times? For example, if your sub/slave comes in after a long day at work or other such thing, do you feel she should greet you as Master? If so, does this hold true when there are other none lifestyle people around? Do you like your subs/slaves to talk causal with you? Or should it all remain formal? Have you ever had a sub/slave feel they can't be causal around you? I'm sure these seem like odd questions, but thank you to all who took the time to read and answer them. 1) Unequal in power and position, equal in worth and responsibility. 2) She calls me "Daddy," "Master," and sometimes baby, sweetie, husband, etc. She calls me "Bill" in front of other people sometimes. I really couldn't give a fuck about an address protocol--just my preference.

SephandElena -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/17/2008 6:40:55 PM)
As my girl is so fond of reminding me. From a humour site I found once: Master/Mistress is always right in every shape or form of the word. Except when S/He isn't. It is then the subs duty to inform Him/Her of such in extreme detail to avoid such a thing happening again. Seph aka Reb.

swtnsparkling -> RE: just a few newbie questions (4/17/2008 8:36:31 PM)
quote: othie One of my biggest things is that I want a equal relationship, I enjoy submitting, but I would feel very hurt if He thought of me as less then Him, Now if that is one of your biggest things- don't ya think it would be a good idea to know Before getting collared?

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