Why nem Suck at Sex (Full Version)

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chezzy52 -> Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 2:47:37 AM)

Alright,i have my own theories and opinions as to why this is true.Men suck at sex because we are misguided from the get go.My guess is and it is only a guess,that most women had a nice talk with Mom about their sexuality and the things that make them feel good and warm and fuzzy and certainly are schooled better than men in regards to their physiological as well as psychological differences compared to men.Most women's first taste if you will with their sexuality is their menstrual cycle.They are better equipped to deal with this sudden change in their bodies and therefore mature quicker than men.Most mens first experience is finding dad's Playboy under the matress followed closely by the tiny pubic hairs now turning color and voila,they touch themselves and figure out..wow!!Look at me!!!So they keep stroking until they have a Mount Vesuvius moment.Dad is no help either as his first comments are most likely stop jerking off and go out and find yourself a piece..you're of age now.Now my dad didn't say that but he didn't really sit down with me either to explain certain things and let's face it..my folks were old school Catholics...exactly where was i going in the world of sex??To us back in the days,it was kissing and more kissing followed by a feeble and sloppy attempt at french kissing and of course..did you cop a feel??Not exactly the 101 steps to Tantric bliss is it??So most of us were on our own and i can imagine the laughter and experienced it as well when a small handful of  men had to ask how do you do this??Oh heck who am i kidding??...I didn't even know what cunnilingus meant till i was 19!!!So i raise a glass of gratitude to the women out there whom were patient with me and allowed me to grow(no not that type of growth you filthy minds)sexually.Sexual growth covers alot of ground so i will end this here and politely ask for comments.



chezzy52 -> RE: Why men Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 2:52:25 AM)

of course i spell men wrong in the topic box first time out..LOL



Goddess2002 -> RE: Why men Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 3:25:38 AM)

I disagree. The definition of "good at sex" I believe is quite broad...I think anyone with a drop of emotional intelligence and caring about their partner's needs can become good at sex...regardless of gender. I do agree that generally males and females are still brought up differently where their sexual development is concerned, but in my experience I find that both sexes usually struggle with sexuality at some point as they grow up....not just boys. 



RCdc -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 3:58:39 AM)

I'm not sure if this is meant to be light-hearted -  but men suck at sex?  Since when?
I'm not a Mistress, but I have never been with a man that sucked at sex.  But then I also have a belief that you have to be good at sex yourself to have good sex.  So if the sex sucks, it's not just down to one person, it's down to both (or all) involved.
 
the.dark.



bobipanti -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 4:06:11 AM)

I know for me that my parents gave me no insight into sex-I learned from my peers. I believe that women are better teachers because they are more patient and understanding.



MsStarlett -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 4:13:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

 I have never been with a man that sucked at sex.


Consider yourself lucky.  When it's bad... it's really bad.  And considering that I've never 'hopped in the sack' with anyone I didn't care for.  As a young woman I suffered from the disease to please, I wouldn't say anything about it..  just wait it out and then never do it with that person again.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 4:17:40 AM)

To this day my Mother wont talk to me about sex. She never has, and likely never will. She wont even say the words if she can avoid them. So, I certainly never had a supportive figure making me feel all warm and fuzzy about things.
I am "good at sex" becasue I do what I like and dont really worry too much about what someone might think. My partners, by and large, have been good too, especially when they let me be the lead and have learend what I like and what I know rather than thinking they know it all from the beginning.
But, aside from my exhusband, I have never known a man who sucked at sex.
DV



atursvcMaam -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 4:22:11 AM)

Darn, what an educational week.  i have been learning all week that i do everything wrong.  and now this.



RCdc -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 4:35:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

 I have never been with a man that sucked at sex.


Consider yourself lucky.  When it's bad... it's really bad.  And considering that I've never 'hopped in the sack' with anyone I didn't care for.  As a young woman I suffered from the disease to please, I wouldn't say anything about it..  just wait it out and then never do it with that person again.



I don't believe in luck.[:)]
I think you point out a key issue though.  Communication is important and if you can't tell someone they suck, then the reason they do suck is because one didn't communicate in the first place - if that makes sense.  I have been with people who discussed sex upfront.  I do believe many people are embarressed or find stating their desires or sharing sexual topics difficult and that is something I cannot comprehend, but we make our own problems on that score.
That is why I stated that when having sex and it sucks, it isn't just down to one person - it's down to both involved.(Or more if that's the pleasure).  So I do blow my own trumpet when I say I rock at sex, and that I have never had bad sex - but that is because I am constantly communicating before, during and after.
 
If it feels good, then for goodness sake let them know and they do it again.[;)]
Moaning isn't just for ghosts.[:D]
 
the.dark.



DeferentialBaby -> RE: Why men Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 4:38:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chezzy52

of course i spell men wrong in the topic box first time out..LOL


LOL, that was too cute.  It made me click the thread, as I do not know why nem suck at sex.  



Lashra -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 4:49:48 AM)

My "sex talk" from my Mom consisted of "Just lay there, the man will know what to do"...that was it. Luckily for me I have a thirst for knowledge and read magazines and books.  Iv'e always been Dominant so when it came to sex I just naturally was a leader, even the first time I was the one who initated things.

My experiences have shown me that if a person is open minded about learning new techniques, communicative and willing to experiment a bit, that the sex was much better then with the guy who just got his sex education from a magazine.

Now that I'm in my 40's I am having the best sex of my life and I have to say as I look back on things I think girls and boys are equally disadvantaged, most parents don't talk openly about sex to their kids. So if they wish to develop into a better lover than its up to the individual to go out there and discover these things on their own.

~Lashra



Dnomyar -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 5:10:55 AM)

Op you could be right. Gay men do suck at sex.



MladyHathor -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 5:14:42 AM)

well dark, you may have something here--however, not everyone starts out or finishes that confident and that sure of themselves in the sexual department--I applaud the fact that you never seemed to go through the geeky, gawky, uncertain stages that chezzy and others have referred to--but most of the rest of us did somewehere along the line----I think one of he hardest things in the world is to say to someone that wasn't good, or I'm not satisfied, or honey I live you but you suck at sex---it seems that our answers here are always communicate communicate communicate--and in a perfectly written world that would be the answer--but we don't we see it everyday--even our best minds don't at times and I would be willing to bet that communication about sexual prowess probably ranks at the bottom of comfort topics even today and even in the WIITWD---so you are very good at sex, but no one is good alone and the communication is only good IF the other person chooses to receive it---IMHO there is nothing worse than a good romp in the hay, your partner leans over to you, love in their eyes and says--honey we need to work on that, it wasn't that good--if both parties are secure and want to make it better, talk is good, if one takes slight, no amount of talk is going to change things--then what?
 
We are at the end of the day human beings and I don't care who we are, there are some subjects that are just damn hurtful to people--and this is one of them, IMHO.  I truly respect you T/two and I am not bashing or attacking at all, I appluad what you say, I just think that even in our life, this is a very very touchy subject. ( no pun intended)---so maybe its a thread that provides hints on how to tell your partner that they aren't the olympic sexual champion you had hoped for--or maybe everyone here is just well pleased with what they give and get.



TNstepsout -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 5:28:01 AM)

Oh dear, where to begin. OK, some men suck at sex, but it isn't because they weren't taught what to do, it's usually because they don't really care. They want to get their rocks off and they could give a rats ass about her. OR, it's because they are so arrogant they think they know better what will "rock her world" than she does herself and they don't listen.

Maybe some of that is because they weren't taught by parents, but believe me, women have the same disadvantage as men. In, in my opinion, even more so.  For centuries (mellenia) women weren't even supposed to be sexual or have or want sex at all. They were all supposed to be chaste and virginal and only do what was required to procreate or please their husband. That attitude is not all that far behind us.

The only real difference I can see is that women were probably generally taught/trained to be focused on pleasing their partners and men were not.



MsStarlett -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 5:33:32 AM)

Oh yes!  I totally agree!  When I was younger and did NOT communicate with my partners, they were also young and inexperienced.  We pretty much either 'clicked' or didn't - sucked or had fun - together.  Lack of communication and that inbred Southern "never tell a man he's bad at anything" mind set kept it from getting any better.  It took a good relationship with a more experienced man to teach me how to be good in bed and how to show a new partner what I liked.  (Then one night with a much older man Rocked my World! - but that's another story.   Whoo Hoo!) 

The one that was 'really bad' was one that I had 'wooed' for quite some time.  We had sent letters back and forth for a couple of years.  (Before internet!  I'm ancient.)   When we finally 'hooked up' - it was like he was trying to reenact one of the scenarios I had written to him.  No spontaneity, no passion, no HEART.  It was almost like he was following a script... do this for 5 minutes, then roll over and do that for 3 minutes...



RCdc -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 6:10:06 AM)

I get that you aren't bashing LadyH and I appriciate all you are saying.  I totally know I admited that I don't comprehend some peoples inability to discuss sex but that I know it happens.  I have been blessed that I was taught to be open from my parents on all subjects and I get that some people never had that or haven't experienced that kind of acceptance - that one can be free enough to be what you want to be and how you desire.
 
I am not going to apologise or feel bad because I have only ever had great sex, it's my reality.  If I can't tell someone sex sucked, or something hurt or wasn't enjoyable, then I am lying to that person and that is wrong in my world and I would not be with that person - it really is balck and white on the issue of misleading or holding back from someone - I just don;t do that.  I absolutely agree that no one is good at sex alone - well - maybe apart from masturbation[;)] - if, as I believe, that if sex sucks for one person in a sexual encounter, it's not just down to one person then it's a given that the scenario is reversed - that if I am great at sex then so is the other person - you feed each other when communication is open and free. 
 
If you're talking and wanting to make stuff better and both open to it and it still doesn't work, then you have a choice.  You carry on and enjoy the shit that does work, regardless, or you end it and move on - end of the day it depends whether the relationship is more important to an individual or the sex.
 
And yes this can and might be a thread to provide hints, which is what I believe I gave when I said moaning isn't just for ghosts.  Communication isn't just talking and speaking before and after - it's sounds and physical reactions - the way your skin reacts and the whole visuals of the face and body.  I know from my experience that if someone likes what you do and they moan or you get a great reaction, you do it more - if you I don;t, I continue elsewhere until I find pleasure points.  It works in reverse.
As Darcys' I am constantly and consistantly thanking him for the times of pleasure he allows me - because without him I wouldn't be experiencing such pleasure.  If he demands me silent, I would be silent.  But he always arranges time when we can discuss anything that might come up (no pun intended, this is turning into a Carryon sketch[:D]).
 
End of the day, lying sucks and I tend to view with holding vital information - including that wasn't great - as lying.  Some people get so tied up in doing what seems to be the right thing and not hurting peoples feelings instead of working on why something is wrong and the best way to say it - being true to both oneself and the person you are allegedly sharing such an intimate experience with.
 
the.dark.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 6:14:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chezzy52

My guess is and it is only a guess,that most women had a nice talk with Mom about their sexuality and the things that make them feel good and warm and fuzzy and certainly are schooled better than men in regards to their physiological as well as psychological differences compared to men.

damn, i wish my mom talked to me about sex instead of the youth pastor. there was no warm and fuzzy feelings when told sex before marriage, touching yourself etc is a sin.



Dnomyar -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 7:19:01 AM)

Mmmmm so I guess that useing a teleprompter isnt a good idea.



ShaktiSama -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 7:30:53 AM)

Nope.  A lot of Mom's do NOT have a talk about sex weith their children, and if they do it's not warm and fuzzy.

If there is anything that makes women in general better lovers than men, it is the fact that we are socialized in this society to be empathic toward others--to show sensitivity to another's needs and to give them pleasure/comfort.  Men who have the same attribute are always, to a man, excellent lovers.  There's nothing magical about it; any woman who has enjoyed the attaentions of a superlative lover can tell you that he was simply paying attention to her responses, feelings, etc., and prusuing them with an eye to please her.

There are a lot of reasons why SOME men suck at sex, and this is generally because our society teaches them that it is somehow "manly" or "virile" to conquer women sexually without pleasing them.  A lot of "men's" media basically encourage the attitude that women are not people, they are a commodity or a game; the goal is to hunt them down, trick or con them somehow to get your penis stuck into some orifice, have an orgasm yourself, and then never speak to them again.

It's stupid and pathetic, but a lot of men--older and younger--actually believe that this behavior makes you some kind of stud.  They also believe that a man who has an ongoing relationship with a woman he cares for is automatically less manly or cool than the Mighty Hunter whose relationships with women consist of vapid one-night-stands, usually while drinking, and who sleeps alone every night.  *shrug*  Any woman who treated men in this way would also "suck" at sex, and probably would leave a lot of angry/bitter men in her wake.  Most men are not thrilled with sex that involves a lot of physical and emotional risk with zero orgasms for the one being used--most women are no different..



KyttynTheMynx -> RE: Why nem Suck at Sex (4/11/2008 7:39:26 AM)

No one sucks at sex, in my opinion.  As evolved as we are, humans still have every bit of their animalistic instincts intact when it comes to sex and mates.  If you arent attracted on that animalistic level, its just not gonna do it for ya...I dont know all the logistics, but search it out, or check the Discovery Channel.  They devote an hour to it.



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