This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (Full Version)

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HerLord -> This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 5:52:21 AM)

{Fuck the flame retardant suit.  Jumping in with both feet, and a two figured salute[sm=sodoff.gif]}

Having been on this board now for 2 whole months, one of the things I am gratified and pleased to be able to say is that I respect the opinions and thoughts of the intelligent folks on here.  It is my opinion that most of the people here have enough experience in BDSM and life to know what is right for them.

However, I have a gripe.  My gripe is this: no matter how experienced the poster, if it’s an issue of WIITWD, every single time there will be at least ONE responder (usually more) who beat the drum of safe/sane/consensual, as well as, as one poster put it, the old “communication and negotiation mantra.”  Even if they are new to the lifestyle or new to the boards, if they haven’t developed the common sense of self-preservation, they’re too fucking stupid to be included in the gene pool anyway.   

Is it contributory to discussion for someone to say this EVERY SINGLE TIME!?  Isn’t it possible that common sense dictates that you don’t willingly risk your life, your sanity, or your happiness for the sake of sex? For those who don’t heed common sense, thank you for removing yourselves from the gene pool.   As for communication, well, no relationship can EVER be successful without it, so it seems self-evident. 

To me, being experienced not just in BDSM, but the basic painfulness of life, in particular relationships, it’s insulting.  Also, those who repetitively need to hear it are those who have to be of such a low intelligence that they will fail in any relationship anyway.  We know that it has to be SSC.  We know that it has to be RACK or whatever the hell acronym you chose to use.  Of course it has to be consensual…when it’s not that’s called rape.  It’s against the law.  As far as safe or risk aware, if you are going in with blinders on refusing to be responsible for your own safety, you’re too fucking ignorant to breathe, so you get what you deserve.  If you have to ask if it’s safe, it probably isn’t, so educate yourself on it, or don’t do it. 

Give me some input that hasn’t been said ten million times already.  Try to think of something original to say, instead of regurgitating the same old crap over and over again that isn’t of any help to anyone that has at least an ounce of common fucking sense.  As for the rest of them that don’t, fuck ‘em; get them out of the gene pool.

I’d be interested in hearing the thoughts of those who do this oh, so often, and of hearing the thoughts of those who feel the same.  So, tell me, what are your thoughts?



colouredin -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 5:56:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord
when it’s not that’s called rape.  It’s against the law.


Being pedantic but so is much of kink, one cant consent to being hit in the eyes of the law, I know thats not your point but hey.

In regards to what you say, no I dont agree, each post thats made may be the first post that someone read, in that context its not repatition. Sure common sense is a wonderful word yet seems that many of us (myself included) can lack it at certain times so therefore it is a valid point.



LadyLynx -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 6:10:02 AM)

I pretty much agree with you, HerLord, but concidering I have done a fair amount of repeating, for the reasons that colouredin stated. We consistantly have new viewers, I would rather beat someone in the head with something, (yes so I can say 'told you so'*winks*) then not.  Even if a person does have common sense, the lifestyle can seem so..........strange, that they may not realize that common sense plays a part there too.



MladyHathor -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 6:13:05 AM)

Common sense is an oxymoron, it isn't common--it isn't even pervasive.
 
If it was you wouldn't have people hooking up sexual organs to car batteries in lieu of tens units---you are far too assumptive about human beings.
 
[8|]



kyraofMists -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 6:19:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord
If you have to ask if it’s safe, it probably isn’t, so educate yourself on it, or don’t do it. 


How exactly are they supposed to educate themselves on something if the experienced posters refuse to pass on the knowledge that they have?  Quite honestly, I don't think communication is discussed often enough because people on here demonstrate over and over again that they lack the ability to effectively communicate with each other.


Knight's Kyra



Madame4a -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 6:22:33 AM)

Common sense isn't so common, at least in my experience.

Some things are worth repeating -- and the more life and leather experience you have, the more boring that gets.  However, its not a bad thing for the inexperienced.

Read what you want, take in what you want and just move in.. at least that's my approach.



Madame4a -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 6:23:41 AM)

I agree completely with you.  Its very obvious from much of what I read here that people do not communicate enough, or perhaps effectively.



Real_Trouble -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 6:36:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I agree completely with you.  Its very obvious from much of what I read here that people do not communicate enough, or perhaps effectively.


I would suggest we are merely a microcosm of human interaction in general, at least in non-stable groups that develop over time.  That is to say that we do repeat threads and thoughts (quite frequently) for any number of reasons, but the bottom line is that very few people are going to take the time to actually go through and read all of the old threads and research old topics.

Thus, each new arrival "sets back" the conversation if they are not already informed regarding BDSM, but more so, they are necessarily out of the loop on the social norms and habits here (this is not necessarily a bad thing). 

Also, a bunch of repetitive threads filled with mostly pointless comments is not exactly the most appealing thing to research, so I can understand why people don't do it.

But, in short, yes to the quoted comment; this is how things are, and likely how they will always be.

Enjoy.



OmegaG -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 6:43:43 AM)

FR

So often the situation as it is presented to us is lacking in logical flow with regards to problem solving.  Many of the issues would never surface here if the OP talked with their partner or if boundries had been established.

These issues that arise are begging for the standard answers and that is one reason why you see them so often.



hejira92 -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 6:46:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

How exactly are they supposed to educate themselves on something if the experienced posters refuse to pass on the knowledge that they have?  Quite honestly, I don't think communication is discussed often enough because people on here demonstrate over and over again that they lack the ability to effectively communicate with each other.


Knight's Kyra



Tom Lehrer quote:
 
One problem that recurs more and more frequently these days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability of people to communicate with the people they love: husbands and wives who can't communicate, children who can't communicate with their parents, and so on. And the characters in these books and plays and so on, and in real life, I might add, spend hours bemoaning the fact that they can't communicate. I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up!

[:D]



Justme696 -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 7:10:03 AM)

If you don't like it, don't read it.



SteelofUtah -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 7:10:53 AM)

I swear to God I got Deja Vu right now.

It's Like I'm inside my own head trying to get out.

HerLord,

Here is the Problem. As I see it anyway. You got Two different types the Realists and the Fantasy seekers. Mind you neither of these are exclusivly Online or Real time but the belief systems and how they react to things tends to be the same reguardless of the dynamic thay live.

The Realist BDSM'er (For lack of a better word) wants to make a better dividing line between black and white and stay out of the Grey as offten as they can. The BDSM world is made up of comcepts that need to be addressed. "How can we make what we do more Socailly accpetable?" They might say and so the SSC Mantra was passed along from person to person and printed on T-Shirts and carried by the most knowledgable of Villagers to Neighboring villages to this point where people forgot what the point of it was. The Idea that if we say it enough it will have meaning took over. Not that they being irrational they just want a Thicker line through Black and white and a whole lot less grey. 

Now the Fantasy Seeker they know what they want they have this idea and they just want to experience it. Safe or Not they want to do what makes them happy or what they think will make them happy or at least what made them Horny or at most what they thihk they want. Now They may also Chant SSC but in the long run they see it as a suggestion not a way of life. because they want what they want common sence be damned.

So onto what you are asking as well as alluding too. Experience does NOT make you smart it makes you Consistent. don't worry I'll explain.

Experience does NOT make you Smart. It simply gives you a back log of battery attempts. Experience says I have used a singletail whip on a womans nipples 100 times and NOTHING BAD HAS HAPPENED.... OR.....I have Learned from what went wrong and what went right I am Confident in my abilities. Expereince says of the 100 subs I have played with 73 of them eventually ended up LOVING one of their own HARD LIMITS, so experinece says 73% of subs don't really understand thier hard limits. However this experinece is EXCLUSIVE only to ME. 73% is a Made up Statistic obviously but EXPERIENCE Tells me that if I am into Breath play and I have done it many times and it is a girls HARD limit that I should push this envelope because 73% of the time because I have learned from my mistakes and Nothing bad has happened the girl ended up enjoying breathplay ....... But OOPS I did it a little too long or she freaked out and now she is dead. NOTHING WE DO S&M WISE IS SAFE! PERIOD. You can argue this all you want. NONE OF IT IS. Bodies react differently for different reasons at different times and ANY Doctor on the planet will tell you any continual exposure to even light minimal blunt force contact can and will begin to degrade the body and take it's tolls on the internal systems at some point.

SOOOOO Experience simply means the amount of things I have tried, got away with, and learned from. NOTHING about experinece makes you SAFE.

I know so many people are chomping at the Bit to tear this apart. However you need to understand I am a Realist Type I look only to broaden the Black and White and reduce the Grey Your Mileage May Vary on this DRASTICALLY. The point remains the same to me Experience is the ammount of times you have gotten away with something and continual use of you methods varying slightly from event to event.

So why do so many people continue to answer with this SSC.... RACK... COMMUNICATE.... EXPERIENCE..... BLAH..... Blah..... blah It is because to SO MANY of the questions here the answer really is that YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY But how many times do you wanna read that?

People like to talk in exacts..... in this Lifestyle THERE ARE NO EXACTS!! We can't even agree on how you Define a Dominant, Master, sub or slave and THESE ARE THE TERMS WE USE!!!!!!! If we can't agree on even something as Small as WHAT WE ARE, well then how in the hell can we ever agree on HOW WE DO IT.  So you end up with Threads that go on FOREVER and no one really says anything or when they do it's really just a whole bunch of Nothing or they get attacked because everyone who disagrees fells the need to protest thier own views because they don't want to be conformed to anothers.

Look HL, I understand the point of this post, It annoys me how much Bullshit and Bickering goes on in these forums and how much complaining and Meaningless and Pointless arguing goes on, but in the end it is the only solution to the Kinky Condition. The reason we are here is because we refuse to conform to the "Normal" world and already being Non Conformists we end up here and refuse to conform to others ways of thinking.

It isn't about Experince OR Common Sense. It's about getting what you want out of this lifestyle and not killing or harming anyone. The reason so many people answer with the Mantras is because .... What else do you say? I can give you MY point of view on EVERYTHING I do, but it will always just be what *I* do, it might now work for you, so instead of putting myself out there and exposing my soft underbelly I instead tell you to:

Follow your heart and try not to kill anyone.

And this is often implied in SSC, RACK, Communicate, Experinece, blah, blah, blah.

Hope that helps ...... anyone.

Steel



Dnomyar -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 7:13:35 AM)

The more things change the more they stay the same.



thetammyjo -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 7:15:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

Isn’t it possible that common sense dictates that you don’t willingly risk your life, your sanity, or your happiness for the sake of sex? For those who don’t heed common sense, thank you for removing yourselves from the gene pool.


Two thoughts spring to my mind.

Given what I've seen of human beings in the past 38 years, I'd say that "common sense" isn't very common. I can't see where reminders to of what you call "common sense" ever harms someone. If I ask a question, rare for me to do I know, and someone offers me some "common sense" I'm never offended, in fact, I'm happy that they give enough of a damn about another human being to bring up those issues and concerns again.

The second thought is that if everyone knew so much we wouldn't see the same questions, situations, problems, issues repeatedly in these forums. I suspect the number of posts would easily be 1/100th of the current rate. As long as the board stays active and people come and go, there will always be the "common sense lacking" questions and repeated topics. Yeah, it can piss me off but then I have to remind myself that this is online not some small, rather stable meatlife community.



kittinSol -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 7:16:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Pointless arguing goes on, but in the end it is the only solution to the Kinky Condition.



I like that a lot.



Tantriqu -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 7:21:50 AM)

re:  not liking the phrase SSC.


If I didn't predicate what I do with Safe, Sane and Consensual Adults, someone would think I just be ass-raping straight white boys.

<edited to remove !!>



Justme696 -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 7:26:57 AM)

I wonder why this lifestyle has all the abreviations. Is it to makes us look good for the vanilla world?
I thought most of us use their minds any way..in all they do.
(all these abbreviations don't protect us, if you don't follow to it)



Madame4a -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 8:05:00 AM)

[:D] not that there's anything wrong with ass raping straight white boys *smirk*



CreativeDominant -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 8:05:20 AM)

I agree that you will see S.S.C. and communication touted more often than not on the boards.  Reason?  Already given by the majority of the posters on here...common sense isn't all that common and communication, despite the cries of the need for it to occur, seems to be a big issue and not just in kink...look at the fictional novels in which lack of it creates problems, look at the real-life studies examining the lack of or the mis-communication as a factor in the destruction of relationships between ums and parents, between potential employees and employers, between lovers.

On another thread, someone mentioned that they do not consider someone a "Master" unless they have presented to national or international groups.  That is what defines a master for her.  Seems sensible and logical in one way but objectively, is it?  Does the ability to wield a flogger, do fireplay, do whatever AND write a good presentation, perhaps even have articles published necessarily make you a Master?  or does it indicate experience with toys...which does not necessarily indicate an ability to be a Master, except at the toy you are using (and as a poster noted above, he may have used a singletail on a woman's nipples 100 times without any wrongdoing ...until the 101st time)?  or does it indicate an ability to do research, which again does not necessarily make you a Master except perhaps at research?  How many dominants on here could be rightly considered a Master...not only by their submissive/slave but by their friends in the D/s community...who have never presented nationally or internationally and have never written an article or a book about D/s and/or BDSM?  Would it be common sense to exclude them...not see them as..."Master" because of that fact?  I guess that would be up to each and every individual but in my view, it would make much sense.



mefisto69 -> RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA (4/11/2008 8:05:57 AM)

this is why we have the Darwin Awards. Queue to the left please.



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