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The Interview - 4/11/2008 8:27:59 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		 I don't really handle the first meet like an interview, more a casual conversation but I do like to work in some interview questions. What are some of the best questions you like to ask? What questions do you ask that seem to get the most bang for the buck so to speak? The ones that illicit really valuable information. I think I need to start going into these first meet with a little more preparation instead of like two people killing time til the plane starts boarding. 
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RE: The Interview - 4/11/2008 8:37:31 PM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

I think I need to start going into these first meet with a little more preparation instead of like two people killing time til the plane starts boarding.


I don't think the questions that would be important for me to ask would be the same ones you would ask.  List your prioritites and ask the questions pertinent to that.

Good Luck!

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: The Interview - 4/11/2008 11:51:49 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		MV is right about that.  However, I think a good one, which can be brought up in conversation , is "Why Me?"  It is an important question for Me, and during a face to face, I can usually garner some important information by getting their take on why they think I am so great.  I often find that they assume things about MY style of domination that are way off base. 
Other than that, I just try to expand, as much as possible, on the thig that I already ask in My profile.  Facial expression, voice tones and body language say a lot that you will never see in text. 

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/12/2008 12:14:39 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 12:08:15 AM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		Watch their eyes -- if they look to the left, it means they're fabricating an answer.  If they look to the right, they're speaking from memory.

I also like to throw people off with random questions, such as "choose one: pirates or ninjas?" and "do you have an escape/defense plan in the event of a zombie attack?"  Proves that they're paying attention and are thinking on their feet.  And also, if they get weirded out, then we probably would not get along anyway, because I love me some pirates and zombies.


< Message edited by Pyrrsefanie -- 4/12/2008 12:12:17 AM >

_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
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RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 4:53:33 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

Watch their eyes -- if they look to the left, it means they're fabricating an answer.  If they look to the right, they're speaking from memory.


Funny you should mention that. A couple of years ago I met with a girlfriend and her husband for lunch. The two of them had a long standing joke about evaluating people based on who they would allow inside the safehouse if there was a zombie attack. So, they asked me what I would do if there was a zombie attack.  I guess I passed the test cuz they said I would probably be allowed in. Wheeeee!

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
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RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 5:03:06 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

quote:

I think I need to start going into these first meet with a little more preparation instead of like two people killing time til the plane starts boarding.


I don't think the questions that would be important for me to ask would be the same ones you would ask.  List your prioritites and ask the questions pertinent to that.

Good Luck!


I do ask those questions that are important to me, but I thought maybe there were some that you'd found can break down someone's guard a bit and maybe illicit a more candid, spontaneous response. Maybe questions that weren't as direct, but could still manage to get the information. Make sense? I guess I was hoping there were special secret questions that would open the vault.

For example, one question I usually ask is "when you imagine a D/s relationship, what kinds of interactions and activities do you imagine you and your Mistress enjoying together other than sex or BDSM play?" I am usually met with a blank stare and a deer in the headlights look.

(in reply to MistressVnus)
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RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 6:26:48 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		You know, those are the questions I ask in emails, prior to deciding if I want to meet them.

I always ask which part of my profile they are responding to
I ask about their experience
I ask what they believe "a day in the life of" would be like.

If it seems they are on the level, then I'll propose a meet, but the face to face is more to see if there is any type of friendship or chemistry spark, because no matter how "right" an answer is, without that certain "spark", I cannot form any type of bond.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 6:57:47 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		I have to agree with most of what is here, Id like to clarify that one needs to pose open ended questions--Tell Me about versus, Do you--or Define for Me, versus Is this what...and I mix the conversation between vanilla and BDSM--I want to know that the person is well rounded and balanced--not too much one way or the other--AND I make sure I have a clear understanding of past D/s relationships.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 7:41:22 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have actual interview questions that I require in written form before I meet face-to-face with someone.

The face-to-face meeting is merely to check on honesty and chemistry really. Someone can look great on paper but turn out to be not as advertised face-to-face plus sometimes you just don't click.

I want the written answers because they require both thought and decent communication skills on another level than just talking. I keep records so it also helps me check for potential lies.

But I do a lot of things in "odd" ways that I've developed over the years. They work for me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 7:59:58 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Up until very recently, I resisted the idea of having a set list of questions because I felt it lacked spontaneity.  After too many time wasters, I've decided to hell with spontaneity and have developed a list of five questions (with more likely to come) that require a fair amount of thought.  I'm not sharing them here, because I think it's important for the individual domina to focus on the issues that are important to her.  In fact, that's exactly how I started:  I sat down with a pad of paper and a pen, and said to myself, "Okay, what's important for you to know about a prospective partner?"  One question inspired another.

I'll be giving the questionnaire to men before we have our first telephone conversation, as I want to be able to discuss it at that time, and also because I feel that if they don't yet know that much about me, they'll be less likely to tailor their answers to what they think I want to hear.


(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 8:20:29 AM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

Watch their eyes -- if they look to the left, it means they're fabricating an answer.  If they look to the right, they're speaking from memory.

I also like to throw people off with random questions, such as "choose one: pirates or ninjas?" and "do you have an escape/defense plan in the event of a zombie attack?"  Proves that they're paying attention and are thinking on their feet.  And also, if they get weirded out, then we probably would not get along anyway, because I love me some pirates and zombies.



Unfortunately shows like CSI have perpetuated the myth that the right/left gaze is an absolute truth.  That's only works about half the time.  A skilled liar, the one you should really be afraid of, knows to hold eye contact. 

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 9:10:58 AM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

Unfortunately shows like CSI have perpetuated the myth that the right/left gaze is an absolute truth.  That's only works about half the time.  A skilled liar, the one you should really be afraid of, knows to hold eye contact. 



Um.  I learned this in Psych class.

If the eye thing doesn't apply to the particular person there are other things you can look for -- excessive blinking, rapid breathing, sweating palms, fidgeting, et cetera.

The chances of meeting a true sociopath, who would be able to dodge all of these normal clue-ins, are very slim.  They're still out there, of course, so exercise caution with ANYONE, even someone who passes the eye test.


_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to SingleRarity)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 12:22:28 PM   
shysub75


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

Watch their eyes -- if they look to the left, it means they're fabricating an answer.  If they look to the right, they're speaking from memory.



I think you have it flipped. And even then, it's not as accurate as you are hinting at.



(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 12:25:55 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shysub75

I think you have it flipped.



No.  According to what I was taught, that's the right order.

And as I said in the post above, there are other indicators that someone may be fibbing a bit, as well. 

I'm hinting at nothing, by the way.  Please don't put words into my mouth.


< Message edited by Pyrrsefanie -- 4/12/2008 12:26:27 PM >

_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to shysub75)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 1:19:39 PM   
shysub75


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		I'm sorry for putting words in your mouth. To me it seemed like as you explained it, was supposed to be all there is to it, for determing if some slave's answer, is a lie. But it is not that simple. And I think it could be foolish to try to evaluate some one like that, and think that some answers are lies, when they are actually the truth. Compounded by the fact that this method isn't always accurate, based on nothing more then some people's eyes do not behave like this.

An example for how it's a wee bit more complicated, is that if you tell her that, and then the sub she is answering is simply left handed. Then every actual truthful answer he gives, she will interrupret as a lie. Because left handed people's eye movement is exactly the opposite. Which certainly wouldn't be helpful.

For the flipped part, I laughed when I realized my confusion. It has to do with who's point of view you're speaking about. I often think of it from the other point of view. Sorry for that.

For anyone curious about this method of lie detection, there's a simple, easy to understand page at the following URL.
http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies_eyes.php

Anyway, sorry for further derailing an excellent thread.

With respect,
shysub75



(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 1:34:25 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shysub75

I'm sorry for putting words in your mouth. To me it seemed like as you explained it, was supposed to be all there is to it, for determing if some slave's answer, is a lie. But it is not that simple. And I think it could be foolish to try to evaluate some one like that, and think that some answers are lies, when they are actually the truth. Compounded by the fact that this method isn't always accurate, based on nothing more then some people's eyes do not behave like this.



Based on your response I'm guessing that it wasn't putting words in my mouth so much as you didn't read the post I made after it, or did not read it properly.


_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to shysub75)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Interview - 4/12/2008 6:11:34 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Like any job interview, its important to figure out if you are the one doing the buying or the selling when you meet a new sub.  Good ones living in the same city don't grow on trees.

Really good submissives are hard to find.  Almost impossible.

I meet subs in person through friends and at BDSM clubs, not over the net, so I don't do written interviews.

The conversation is improvised depending on how it is going.  I would not ask 5 (or 50) questions if it was obvious from the first answer(s) we have no chemistry.  I would save the more intimidating/intimate questions for later when we have some rapport happening. 

The interview is usually laid back and friendly, with lots of laughs.  Almost vanilla.  I don't put on a "High and Mighty Mistress" act or role play any kind of protocols for strangers.  He has to be attracted to me (and me to him) au natural first and foremost. 

Most of all I ask myself "is he hot?".  Without raw, burning kinky lust, the D/s gets boring fast (for me).

If we click, next I ask the guy to do one of those cheesy BDSM check lists and send it to me.  Our second meeting dissects our common kinks, not the first.

Good luck


< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 4/12/2008 6:12:28 PM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
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RE: The Interview - 4/14/2008 11:34:05 PM   
PhoenixRed


Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Just found this thread and revived it after a few days rest because I've found a question that has worked well for me in that it gives more of a glimpse into the person's "character".  It's not related to BDSM at all.

"What are your biggest pet peeves?"

Answers have an enormous range from "people who don't signal their lane changes" and "people who leave the cap off the toothpaste" to "people who  take advantage of others' weaknesses for their own gain".  I've been able to tell one guy was a neat freak, one was definitely ADD, etc.  It has actually amazed me how much I can learn about them from that one simple question.  Make them give at least 4 or 5 responses......I mean we all have things that other people do that bug us and naming 4 or 5 isn't all that hard, is it?

_____________________________

Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The Interview - 4/15/2008 12:20:33 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		Why Me?
Is there anyone else that you are submissive to? (Parents? Siblings?)
Describe your submissiveness to me
What are your expectations should we continue?
Do you like the Tennessee Titans?
When is the last time you had a full check up?
Do you like the ocean? Which one? Pacific or Atlantic?
If we are playing a game, would you "let" me win, just to please me? (Big one! I hate it when anyone lays off on a game!)

I have more, but those are foremost :)

MoGa



_____________________________





(in reply to PhoenixRed)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The Interview - 4/15/2008 4:11:42 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Tell me about your parents. Tell me a happy memory of your childhood. Are you where you thought you'd be ten years ago? Where do you want to be in ten years? Do you know (and would you tell me) a good joke?

Also, pay attention to how they treat the service staff and other people around them.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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