Advice Given to a Lonely Friend

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KRANWEST -> Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 1:48:40 PM)
“It’ll happen for me eventually, Kranwest. Maybe it won’t happen right now, but it WILL OCCUR -- just whenever the time is right. It has to happen someday, you know?” Lawrence tells me all this on the tiny, canopied veranda of the Muddy Waters Cafe. From that swell vantage point, you can easily spy on the big, triple-decker ferries pulling in from the Long-Island Sound. He relates all the sad details of his failed dating-life and his refusal to accept defeat in the face of near-certain perpetual bachelorhood. Basically, he’s a twenty-five year old virgin, deluded enough to think that some pretty young thing is going to be ABSOLUTELY CAPTIVATED…..SWEPT AWAY by his “special” qualities -- qualities so unique and hidden that society at large can’t even BEGIN to recognize the importance of his contributions to humanity. Now there’s nothing too offensive about Lawrence. He’s your typical, well-off suburban black (skinny, well-dressed, decent-hygiene), but still, there’s just something …..something about him that’s hard to nail down, but, God, does it repel women worse than a ski-mask in a dimly lit parking lot! Maybe it has to do with his soft-spoken demeanor: one that seems so alien, so strange, in contrast to the swaggering, dumb machismo of most black men. I offer friendly advice. It’s not the best advice, but I feel an obligation to do what I can to assuage his loneliness. “Lawrence, buddy. I know this place that’s kind of close, where you can get some decent pink stuff for cheap. No shit, man: Two girls for $175, and they’ll let you put it anywhere you want.” “I don’t want to pay for it” he says. “I want a chick who likes me for my personality”. I laughed at him. “You end up paying for sex, anyway, Lawrence! Everybody knows that. The difference is, that the one who takes the money after fucking won't try to cage you up.” It would be too cruel to tell him the truth -- that no good-looking, stable girl could ever get past his kookiness, and quirky, non-sequitur come-ons. In the best of possible outcomes, he could possibly end up with some morbidly obese, ECW-watching, mouth-breather tail, but he won’t ever find the girl of his dreams. “I just can’t do it. I want it to be real” Lawrence is steadfast – a solid concrete foundation. “Have it your way”, I tell him. How can I argue the point? He's got more willpower than most men could ever hope for.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 1:55:10 PM)
Some girls love nerds. And quirkiness. And someone who doesn't pretend to be something he's not. And someone with a positive outlook.

Level -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 1:56:04 PM)
I hope Lawrence lands and nails some grade A chickadee.

KRANWEST -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 1:58:48 PM)
He's not a bad-looking guy, but, when it comes down to communicating with people, he's just got this incredible social-ineptitude. I'm almost led to believe that the guy has Asperger's Syndrome or something. He's fairly bright, but he just doesn't grasp how "normals" talk to one another. I've actually met quite a few people like that. They're friendly and disarming, but you've gotta wonder where that kind of inability to socialize springs from. Is it some kind of neurological short-circuit or what?

CalifChick -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 1:59:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KRANWEST In the best of possible outcomes, he could possibly end up with some morbidly obese, ECW-watching, mouth-breather tail, Someone is channeling domiguy. Cali

FullCircle -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 2:08:48 PM)
"The longer we live the more we think and the higher the value we put on friendship and tenderness towards parents and friends." Samuel Johnson

KRANWEST -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 2:14:18 PM)
Hell, maybe Lawrence just exists on some higher moral sphere than the rest of us. I've been his close friend for two and a half years, and I still don't get him. His sisters are both Ivy League, well-adjusted overachievers, but Lawrence almost seems to be the progeny of different parents.

cjan -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 2:17:16 PM)
Gee, OP, with friends like you seem to be who hold Lawrence in such "high" esteem, I feel really bad for the dude. I hope that this( in your eyes, at least) "ugly duckling" one day soon finds his inner voice, accepts himself as he is and turns into the swan that each of us can be, despite our "limitations".

Raechard -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 2:19:34 PM)
Nothing wrong with being a romantic. A lot of people believe in the dream rather than the reality. When they've seen the same Hollywood storyline a thousand times, it's what they aim for. They never find it for long.

KRANWEST -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 2:24:21 PM)
I hope the best for Lawrence as well. It's just that most women perceive Lawrence as being "creepy." I know that he's the nicest guy in town, but gals receive this "serial killer" frequency in his presence. The guy is harmless and well-intentioned, but he's had two sexual harrassment claims at work, from girls who just couldn't stand his "aura". I'd feel safe leaving Lawrence around my girlfriend for the day, but even she picks up strange vibes when he comes around. I've always thought that the popular concept of feminine intuition was bullshit, anyway.

UR2Badored -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 2:34:15 PM)
Edited because I read OP profile after I jotted down my thoughts

KRANWEST -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 2:44:30 PM)
This thread is about contrasting attitudes and odd contradictions.....primarily my own jaded, world-weariness juxtaposed with Lawrence's fresh-faced, ingenuous world-view. But, in much the same sense that Gregor Samsa wakes up as a monster-like"vermin" in Kafka's Metamorphosis, Lawrence's so-called creepy exterior reflects the polar opposite of his internal state. In short, this post is about contrast. I do care about my friend, but you can't help but to have those feelings.

cjan -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 3:04:20 PM)
I didn't mean to come down on you, OP. Perhaps I got the wrong impression. If so, I apologize. Yanno, I know more than a few chicks who just love the "serial killer" vibe. This situation reminds me of a DeNiro movie in which he plays a man who has had a stroke that leaves him partially paralyzed and with a speech impediment. The name of the movie is "Flawless" (1999), not many people have seen it, but I like it. Anyway, DeNiro's character is bemoaning his condition and the fact that he thinks no one will want to fuck him as he is. He says something like "who's gonna want me like this"? His friend answers, "well, you'll just have to find those that do". And he does. So can Lawrence, if he tries.

KRANWEST -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 3:17:34 PM)
Flawless! Just when I thought that I was the only person in America who had seen the film! It's an underrated movie if you ask me. Dinero learns valuable life lessons through "singing-lessons" with a "unique" music instructor. I saw it when I was 20, and thought to myself, "That's a really good flick." Too bad that nobody ever watches it.

KRANWEST -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 3:21:37 PM)
Gets me in the mood to watch "Heat" again. I really should, I guess The girlfriend's headed to this silly Avril Lavigne concert with her family, and I'm bored to the max, Brothers and Sisters.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 3:21:49 PM)
quote: “It’ll happen for me eventually, Kranwest. Maybe it won’t happen right now, but it WILL OCCUR -- just whenever the time is right. It has to happen someday, you know?” i dont believe in this.... there are plenty of people who are destined to be alone for life its just a fact. there is not someone for everyone. that is a crock.

KRANWEST -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 3:33:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl quote: “It’ll happen for me eventually, Kranwest. Maybe it won’t happen right now, but it WILL OCCUR -- just whenever the time is right. It has to happen someday, you know?” i dont believe in this.... there are plenty of people who are destined to be alone for life its just a fact. there is not someone for everyone. that is a crock. Ain't that the truth! I know a ton of people who just sit ALONE in their own houses or cramped studio apartments, watching television, and masturbating to internet pornography. Another friend of mine (no, I'm NOT making this up) is morbidly obese, and is actually balls deep in the process of arranging a "marriage" with a twenty-one year old Chinese girl. He met the girl's aunt at work, and he's working towards putting away enough dough to take that fateful flight to the Orient. There's alot of red-tape he has to work around, but he'll do anything to escape a life of bland, grinding loneliness and microwavable "Hungry Man" dinners. I guess I just bond with alot of lonely people.

lalbobbilynn -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 3:37:36 PM)
LMAO, and not at Your friend per se, but rather laughing at his underdog attitude!! Excellent outlook on his part. i am interested if his version will ever come to be; keep us posted! b.~

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 3:38:16 PM)
your my future wife...marry me...you'll get free health care if you move here.

KRANWEST -> RE: Advice Given to a Lonely Friend (4/12/2008 3:42:26 PM)
Ha ha ha!!!! She has NO idea what she's getting into. This is an actual quote from the obese friend: " I don't think I'd ever cheat on my future wife. That is, unless she refused to do anal." Keep in mind, that my other friend is also a twenty-something virgin, just like Lawrence.

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