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RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/11/2005 3:07:40 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

quote:

How can I find out what my Sub really likes, to get her flying, without her topping from the bottom??


M. Bill-

simple- tie her to a chair, and beat the truth out of her.

Stay warm,
Lawrence



Gotta agree with da fellas here. Literally ROTFL. Caught me off guard.

TY, topcat.

Really OP, don't worry...it'll be OK. Best of luck to you :) BIG EDIT: Kidding! Really -communicate, ask her to write a journal of her feelings. Somestimes, for me at least,(yes, I'm a girl) writing is easier than speaking embarrassing things. Plus, if she is new, she won't yet know what she will like. I'm not new, but still don't know a whole lot.! Go slowly, watch her reactions. Yes, ask her fantasies. Also, from a very wicked humored but well intentioned sub: by asking that question, wanting to learn, being concerned with your submissiv'es pleasure.. You are way ahead of the game towards becoming a true master. All repect..


< Message edited by Fawne -- 10/11/2005 3:35:27 PM >

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/11/2005 3:33:18 PM   
JustaTop


Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe it's better to ask yourself why you see communicating with a sub as being topped.

(in reply to MaestroBill)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/11/2005 4:11:10 PM   
felineone


Posts: 92
Joined: 6/24/2004
Status: offline
one Dom told me... It doesn't matter what you like, or don't like, it's all about ME! I'm The Dom!

(in reply to JustaTop)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/11/2005 4:16:18 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		Have your girl keep a journal and to express honestly to you in that journal what excites her and what scares her.(amongst other things so that you can see how she thinks and know what she needs in order to better please you).


quote:

ORIGINAL: MaestroBill


Hi ya 'all


This must be among the classic challenges that we (me as a Dom) face. After all, we all want to share mutually pleasing feelings. The spanker and the spankee, for example, crave "good" and "better" feelings.

So here's my dilemma: How can I find out what my Sub really likes, to get her flying, without her topping from the bottom??


I would appreciate anyone who can share FROM RL EXPERIECE (not theoretical stuff) what subtle or straightforward comunication "methods" work.



MaestroBill



_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to MaestroBill)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/11/2005 5:04:09 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		Bill writes

quote:

I would appreciate anyone who can share FROM RL EXPERIECE (not theoretical stuff) what subtle or straightforward comunication "methods" work.


Fyreredsub had a killer idea.... place a special spital book on the headboard and have her keep a journal:

My idea is somewhat basic and perhaps too low-tech. Why not go for a raod trip for a couple hundred miles and just shoot the shit? she's your girl, right? Therefore, if you're like Me, she is your favorited friend too.... so talk... hang out... get better aquainted. I bet it would work. Don;t trip over your ego and think she is topping from the bottom if she lets you know she likes something in particular.... just roll with it and learn about her.

_____________________________

Love is a razor & I walk the line on that silver blade... slept in the dust with His daughter her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence... The evil that men do lives on & on.
~ Iron Maiden

(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/11/2005 5:06:26 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		felineone wrote>

quote:

one Dom told me... It doesn't matter what you like, or don't like, it's all about ME! I'm The Dom!


Wow... that's an outlook. I am curious, if you don't mind sharing with Me.... how long did it take after he said that before you realized how boring this was gonna be for you if you didn't ever get anything you liked?

_____________________________

Love is a razor & I walk the line on that silver blade... slept in the dust with His daughter her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence... The evil that men do lives on & on.
~ Iron Maiden

(in reply to felineone)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/11/2005 5:17:06 PM   
JustaTop


Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		I've always found, when it's been all about me,it stayed that way.

Funny how that happens.

(in reply to felineone)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/11/2005 5:24:59 PM   
michaelMI


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I have a question that might be concidered the flip-side of this question. How does a submissive bring up things they are interested in without it seeming like they are topping from the bottom?

(in reply to JustaTop)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/11/2005 10:11:43 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How does a submissive bring up things they are interested in without it seeming like they are topping from the bottom?
>>

Well, I'm not a submissive, but I've found asking Him if He's got either experience or an interest in whatever it is usually opens the door to a good discussion.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 6:17:13 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		But it's fair to say that many subs AND doms feel it's topping from the bottom if the sub asks for, and then receives, what they want.

It's why so many subs think doms should have telepathy- it saves them from having to ask for what they want and still get it.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 7:45:54 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
Usually I find out someones likes and dislikes way before I start to play with them. It's part of my getting to know someone process.
I'd ask her to write down the fantasies she has & what she thinks is hot in a journal she keeps for you. This way you can pick and choose what you want to do and she's not in control.
During your play sessions ask her things like on a scale of 1-10 how painful is this for you? On the same scale how hot is this for you? Or after your scenes get her feedback about her likes and dislikes in that scene and how she felt.
Eventually you'll get to know her likes and dislikes.
Another way is to lay out lots of toys before you play. As you select things pay attention to her body language. I know the Dom's I play with watch my eyes to see if I'm happy or scared of what they are choosing to use to the point my reactions have caused them to not really use some things they were intending on using.
In all of these situations I don't feel your relinquishing control to her.
I hope this helps,
sub suzanne

(in reply to MaestroBill)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 10:34:08 AM   
Hallittlelolita


Posts: 253
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		i agree about the journal, i keep one too and Master reads what i am thinking and feelings, and my desires. So keep a journal that isn't topping from the bottom

Sincerely andie and her Master Hal

(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 12:21:38 PM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaestroBill
So here's my dilemma: How can I find out what my Sub really likes, to get her flying, without her topping from the bottom??


I just do interviews. Put thm in position and ask. If youw ant to make it more amusing / fetish make it an interrogation scene :)

(in reply to MaestroBill)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 2:09:08 PM   
SimplySubmissive


Posts: 216
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

felineone wrote>

quote:

one Dom told me... It doesn't matter what you like, or don't like, it's all about ME! I'm The Dom!


Wow... that's an outlook. I am curious, if you don't mind sharing with Me.... how long did it take after he said that before you realized how boring this was gonna be for you if you didn't ever get anything you liked?



Not very long at all, LOL.. i do enjoy pleasing, i think any submissive does. But we all have needs in a relationship.. it just can't be one-sided.

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 2:46:43 PM   
felineone


Posts: 92
Joined: 6/24/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplySubmissive


quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

felineone wrote>

quote:

one Dom told me... It doesn't matter what you like, or don't like, it's all about ME! I'm The Dom!


Wow... that's an outlook. I am curious, if you don't mind sharing with Me.... how long did it take after he said that before you realized how boring this was gonna be for you if you didn't ever get anything you liked?



Not very long at all, LOL.. i do enjoy pleasing, i think any submissive does. But we all have needs in a relationship.. it just can't be one-sided.



Thank you SimplySubmissve,lol

I actually didn't spend much time with this Dom. He had some odd ideas. I understood the concept of focusing on Him, but really, i'm 41, supposed to peaking right now!

(in reply to SimplySubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 5:03:58 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		this girl thanks you

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

Bill writes

quote:

I would appreciate anyone who can share FROM RL EXPERIECE (not theoretical stuff) what subtle or straightforward comunication "methods" work.


Fyreredsub had a killer idea.... place a special spital book on the headboard and have her keep a journal:

My idea is somewhat basic and perhaps too low-tech. Why not go for a raod trip for a couple hundred miles and just shoot the shit? she's your girl, right? Therefore, if you're like Me, she is your favorited friend too.... so talk... hang out... get better aquainted. I bet it would work. Don;t trip over your ego and think she is topping from the bottom if she lets you know she likes something in particular.... just roll with it and learn about her.



_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 10:11:46 PM   
xanderzzz


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline 		Although I am replying, I probably agree with most here. I do know most subs can't stand to answer what they like or want during a scene. It can be a huge buzz kill to them.

Things to do is of course comunicate. Find out when your sub feels the most open about their feelings. It can be in a journal, right after a scene or some routine meeting you have with them to comunicate openly about your relationshiop.

If they really have a tough time opening up. Try making them write out some fantasies with a little bit of detail. Take the hints from them but never just try to duplicate them soon after. They will catch on and the dynamic can be lost in the scene.


(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 10:27:42 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

But it's fair to say that many subs AND doms feel it's topping from the bottom if the sub asks for, and then receives, what they want.


Yeah, it's fair to say, but it just seems so completely counterproductive.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/12/2005 11:03:44 PM   
JustaTop


Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		I wonder why so many seem to believe in telepahy-yet so few can.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How to ask a Sub without her topping from the bottom - 10/13/2005 6:22:46 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaestroBill

So here's my dilemma: How can I find out what my Sub really likes, to get her flying, without her topping from the bottom??

My solution to it is fairly simple. I ask for feedback on things afterwards, both positive and negative. We discuss what was done. I expect her to be honest in her answers to the best of her ability, but I also realize many have trouble expressing what they feel, which often means I have ask probing questions and listen carefully. Once I have the information, I think about it and decide for myself how I'm going to utilize and apply that information. In other words, her feedback is just that... feedback, it does not control or guarantee what my response will be. Besides, since she may have trouble expressing how she feels, (as opposed to listing what she wants... I want to know how something made her feel), I can sometimes find new ways of evoking that particular feeling or sensation by doing things she never thought of. Again, how I apply what I learn is up to me... I'm still calling the shots.

That's my method.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MaestroBill)
Profile   Post #: 40
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