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RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 7:53:51 PM

ownedgirlie

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He pays attention to all my reactions and has only "checked in" when I've shown signs of distress. Usually it's grabbing my hair and bringing my face to his and saying, "Tell me what you're thinking." On those rare times I was responding unusually to something and appearing very upset he stopped, sat and had me kneel between his feet with my body laying over his torso, his hands holding my face to his, and he simply said, "Talk to me girl." Typically he counts on me to tell him when something's wrong, but in those times when I can't seem to do that and he knows something is wrong, he abruptly stops and centers me.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 21

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 8:15:25 PM

chellekitty

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel
I asked Him for water once during play - mostly because I was thirsty, but also to take a brief break from things. I kept my eyes closed and I felt Him back beside me...... He said, "Open your mouth." Then I felt his mouth softly on mine and cold water flow from His mouth to mine. OMG, that was the HOTTEST thing ever!

eeewwww...along the same lines as Domi...thats fucking nasty and there is no way that will be enough water...i don't care if it's cold when i am hot or hot when i am cold...icky icky icky...i am not a baby bird and if someone did that to me, the scene would be ending imediately with me vomitting...

the only "check-ins" i can stand is a rough hand in my hair wrenching my head back to growl "had enough girl?" in my face...if i say no or shake my head, its on again, if i say yes or nod, i usually need a cool down...if i don't respond at all because i am so far gone, i am not feeling anything you're doing anyway, i can be taken down (or taken out of position however) and dumped at their feet and be used at a foot rest for a good extra 2 to 4 hours of intense sub-space, or in a locked up cage is good too as long as no one is bothering me...

every other sort of "check-in" totally kills my mood and eventually i will stop responding at all because i don't feel it...bad dissociation...i am good at communicating if something is wrong...my brain has been trained to bring itself out of subspace at "bad pain" and i have no qualms about telling the Top that "that hurts in a bad way, so quit it"...my Owner and i have not gotten into heavy impact play... but it will be interesting when we do...he requires me to tell him with something is "bad pain"...but i have a extremely hard time telling him no...so i guess i will have to stop predicting what he will do with information and just follow orders and do what he tells me...what a concept....

chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 22

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 8:24:13 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
eeewwww...along the same lines as Domi...thats fucking nasty and there is no way that will be enough water...i don't care if it's cold when i am hot or hot when i am cold...icky icky icky...i am not a baby bird and if someone did that to me, the scene would be ending imediately with me vomitting...

Curious...do you not like kissing?

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 23

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 8:35:43 PM

Lordandmaster

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Joined: 6/22/2004
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Many subs have a Great Big Fantasy of a dom who knows exactly what they need, exactly how much they can take, and never has to stop and "check in," as you put it. Well, that's a neat fantasy, but in reality it takes a long time for a dom to get to know a sub well enough for that. And if he's at all innovative, he'll be doing unprecedented things to her all the time. So even after they've known each other for years, he may still have to "check in" somehow.

Girls, what's the alternative--someone who doesn't give a fuck and might seriously damage you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I have heard a lot of people (myself included) complain about being 'checked in on' by the person topping them--like pausing to ask if they are okay, ask how they are feeling, etc. This used to happen with my dominant a lot until he knew me well enough that he no longer needed to ask me to figure out if everything was going smoothly. I guess it's just the nature of the beast. I'm usually very screamy and squirmy and if I react differently, he'll pause to ask me if I'm okay. So sometimes it still comes up. While I do think that in many cases it is necessary, it's usually not very hot. Make sense?

So my question would be...how do you check in on someone in a 'hot' way? Touching them? A certain tone? etc etc

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 24

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 8:39:40 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
eeewwww...along the same lines as Domi...thats fucking nasty and there is no way that will be enough water...i don't care if it's cold when i am hot or hot when i am cold...icky icky icky...i am not a baby bird and if someone did that to me, the scene would be ending imediately with me vomitting...

Curious...do you not like kissing?

LOL!
It's fairly obvious that this is a case of "your kink is not my kink".. Some like that sort of thing, some don't..

To me, that type of exchange is intensely intimate and erotic.. But that's just me *wink*

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 25

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 8:45:33 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
eeewwww...along the same lines as Domi...thats fucking nasty and there is no way that will be enough water...i don't care if it's cold when i am hot or hot when i am cold...icky icky icky...i am not a baby bird and if someone did that to me, the scene would be ending imediately with me vomitting...

Curious...do you not like kissing?

LOL!
It's fairly obvious that this is a case of "your kink is not my kink".. Some like that sort of thing, some don't..

To me, that type of exchange is intensely intimate and erotic.. But that's just me *wink*

Yeah, it's obvious to me, too, and Chelle, if you're reading this, I meant you no disrespect. I suppose my mind just doesn't wrap around the difference.

And BSB, I feel the same, too.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 26

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 8:54:46 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
eeewwww...along the same lines as Domi...thats fucking nasty and there is no way that will be enough water...i don't care if it's cold when i am hot or hot when i am cold...icky icky icky...i am not a baby bird and if someone did that to me, the scene would be ending imediately with me vomitting...

Curious...do you not like kissing?

i love kissing, i don't like kissing where i drownd in the other persons spit...i am a bit ocd and that just seems un-clean to me...it took me 6 years to not vomit a little at the thought of a man cumming in my mouth - the concept is woohoo, but when it comes down to the actual action, i would feel the man get ready to cum and stop because i had litterally thrown up in my mouth - and then you take into account that a dog's mouth has less harmful germs than another human beings and the things a dog puts in their mouth.....yea...anything involving a large amount of saliva just squicks me...

oh and then there is the fact that when i am thirsty i usually drink a half litre bottle in about a minute or two and grab a second one to go with me...i try not get thirsty...

chelle

ps, no disrepspect taken...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 27

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 9:35:39 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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Somedays I believe in warmups, some days I don't, I kind of like the wild eyed look of fear of "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO ME" when I just haul off and smack her ass. Plus that sound of a well placed hand or paddle makes my cock hard. Checking in is easy, you can say "I need to know, on a scale of 1-10 the intensity of that impact and your percieved ability to accomdate additional kenetic foreplay" That might work for those who love glasses if you do it wearing a pair with masking tape hold them together.

"Lisa, if you don't get that fucking ass higher in the air so I can see that wet cunt of yours, this session is going to end" is another way of checking in.

Or

"I think I am being a bit hard on the beave tonight dear, you can't even keep your ass in the air" is another and if that ass shoots back up, wail away.

Boy I miss that ass!

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 28

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 10:31:11 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i love kissing, i don't like kissing where i drownd in the other persons spit...i am a bit ocd and that just seems un-clean to me...it took me 6 years to not vomit a little at the thought of a man cumming in my mouth - the concept is woohoo, but when it comes down to the actual action, i would feel the man get ready to cum and stop because i had litterally thrown up in my mouth - and then you take into account that a dog's mouth has less harmful germs than another human beings and the things a dog puts in their mouth.....yea...anything involving a large amount of saliva just squicks me...

oh and then there is the fact that when i am thirsty i usually drink a half litre bottle in about a minute or two and grab a second one to go with me...i try not get thirsty...

chelle

ps, no disrepspect taken...

Hi chelle, thanks for the explanation, and I can understand your reaction much better now. I'm glad you took my post in good spirits as I meant it as such. I appreciate your reply. :)

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 29

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 10:43:13 PM

Archer

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Joined: 3/11/2005
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"You greedy little bitch you still want more don't you?"

"So what do you think ? My arm getting tierd yet?"

"Now which one of these toys would you prefer (Whack) this one? or (Whack) this one?"
(alternate time to play the optomitrist game, Better or worse? {changing preasure poits or toys} Better or worse?)

"Where are you?" (adjust inflection to meet tone of scene)

"Where do you belong?"

"Is there some place you'd rather be?"

"Can you take more for me?" (If I suspect they are close to their limits and we have the relationship where I can ask for more)

But more often than any of these it's a silent check in. Move close press against them physical communication body to body, read them at a closer distance, feeling skin texture and temperature, maybe a little growl in the ear to see what sub verbal response is returned.

BTW the same subtext of adjusting inflection to meet the tone of the scene applies to all of the above checking in type questions.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 30

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 10:46:43 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

A slight variation, Archer, but one that I have used rather successfully.

"Do it/take it for Me."

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 31

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 10:56:08 PM

Corvidae

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Joined: 3/18/2008
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I just finished reading "The New Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy (a great read, if you haven't already you should check it out). They list several ideas for checking in... the hand squeeze, as someone else mentioned (they squeeze your hand twice, and if you are ok then you squeeze back or something like that). They also talked about the tradition of having someone kiss the whip/flogger/paddle... where any time the top is switching to a new item he/she presents it to the bottom to kiss it before using it. Therefore you give your consent with the kiss without breaking the mood of the scene. This sounds quite hot to me, although I haven't had a chance to try it yet.
Other than that, I'd say you and your top could have a fun brainstorm session about sexy ways to check in.

(in reply to SltlyBrokenAngel)

Post #: 32

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/13/2008 11:02:32 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Oh, wait. How could I forget this one.....

"Do you think I hit like a girl now?"

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Corvidae)

Post #: 33

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/14/2008 12:50:14 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

"Can you take more for me?" (If I suspect they are close to their limits and we have the relationship where I can ask for more)

For certain woman, asking this alone can send them over the edge in a VERY good way.

quote:

But more often than any of these it's a silent check in. Move close press against them physical communication body to body, read them at a closer distance, feeling skin texture and temperature, maybe a little growl in the ear to see what sub verbal response is returned.

BTW the same subtext of adjusting inflection to meet the tone of the scene applies to all of the above checking in type questions.

Keep up this sort of advice and I am going to begin wondering if you are more than a chat room wanker...all kidding aside, the above is priceless advice few will heed.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 34

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/14/2008 1:54:16 AM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Somedays I believe in warmups, some days I don't, I kind of like the wild eyed look of fear of "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO ME" when I just haul off and smack her ass. Plus that sound of a well placed hand or paddle makes my cock hard. Checking in is easy, you can say "I need to know, on a scale of 1-10 the intensity of that impact and your percieved ability to accomdate additional kenetic foreplay" That might work for those who love glasses if you do it wearing a pair with masking tape hold them together.

"Lisa, if you don't get that fucking ass higher in the air so I can see that wet cunt of yours, this session is going to end" is another way of checking in.

Or

"I think I am being a bit hard on the beave tonight dear, you can't even keep your ass in the air" is another and if that ass shoots back up, wail away.

Boy I miss that ass!

Okay, somebody tell me i am not the only one who is dreadfully jealous of BSB right now........ *fanning self* Damn!!!

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 35

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/14/2008 2:08:03 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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I ask. Why? Because I believe in good communication between two people and don't relay on code words to navigate about good communication techniques. I also believe in getting to know a person so that we can both enjoy ourselves to the fullest. I also let lovers know what I like and what I want.

We are being taught to short-cut REALLY saying things that MEAN something when we talk to each other. It's a trend that I'm, trying to, in my own small way, reverse.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 36

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/14/2008 2:45:12 AM

sadomasokisti

Posts: 221
Joined: 10/20/2005
From: Iceland
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Hot or not but we have nonverbal signal system to check on me. She touches one shoulder and squeezes. I nod or shake my head If I'm OK or not. If she wants to take things further but is not sure if I'm able to take any more, she touches both shoulders and squeezes. It's like the question "Can you take some more for me".

The touch can be made in a hot or sensual way or cold depending on situations and preferences.

_____________________________

Pain is good. Extreme pain is extremely good

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 37

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/14/2008 6:26:24 AM

felicitousdove

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/7/2006
From: Indiana
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I like the dominant growl in my ear as he asks me how i am doing, with my hair twisted in his hands, and then the deep bite that turns into a kiss on my neck....

_____________________________

"I have often heard the phrse: ‘Sub/slaves are a reflection of their Dominants.’ So if our Dominants are strong, assertive, decisive, fully capable human beings, why should we as slaves be any different?"
~felicitous dove {MH}

(in reply to SltlyBrokenAngel)

Post #: 38

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/14/2008 9:04:18 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
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From: NYS
Status: offline

I'm usually gagged so he'll talk into my ear. If just his breath makes me shiver and moan, then he knows I'm okay. If not, he runs his hands over me, checking temperature and tension of muscles. And of course, "can you keep going?" elicits a nod or shake of the head.

If I'm in trouble I open and close my fists rapidly and he'll remove the gag and talk to me. Or remove the blindfold and see if I'm panicking. But usually the blindfold is the last to come off. I come back to earth easier with it on, less of a shock than to be dumped back into reality all at once.

(in reply to felicitousdove)

Post #: 39

RE: A hot way to do this? - 4/14/2008 11:05:00 AM

FRSguy

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Joined: 9/4/2007
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What an interesting question … its such a basic thing that goes on constantly but is so damn hard to describe. I basically am pretty much in tune with my sub. I can tell by her reactions fairly well what kind of headspace she is in and I pretty much have an idea of what kind of headspace I want her in and my actions adjust accordingly. There are a few key times that I have to stop and check but I don’t want to interrupt the scene and the flow… usually during those times I just slow it all down for a few seconds. The times I do this is usually a couple minutes after tie up… I take and talk to her to make sure she is comfortable and the next time is during the beating…lol. Okay so lets say she is in the position where she is tied to a wooden dowel across the back of the shoulder blades … spreader bar between her ankles or thighs so her legs are spread apart and she is connected to a hook in the ceiling feet on or off the floor or possibly off the floor knees bent… At this point she is probably getting a crop across her ass and she is bright red at this point and welts have formed… I probably haven’t touched her pussy that much. At that point its probably going to come as a hard tug to her pony tail that pulls her head all the way back and then I gently run my fingers down the length of her spine while whispering some questions in her ear… the questions are usually hard questions about her ass and its capabilities. The other method is standing in front where I look her in the eyes and grab her pussy really hard with my hand and she lets out a really loud scream then I go through the don’t you dare cum on me shit and then start in with questions about her pussy … they are again rough questions but her answers to them and her vocal tone lets me know what’s going on… If I think she’s hot then she might get a bottle of cold water poured down her front or backside… if she needs water to drink I may pull her head back and pour it down her throat with a few whispering reminders of other things she could be swallowing. My girl seems really happy with these kind of approaches… if everything is okay I can just hope back in and it’s a slight talking to of what’s going to happen to her… if she needs help then its kind of blended in. Nothing is really set in stone and I think about what I am going to do before I do it. Getting her to talk during the scene is key… I have to get her to talk on topic so to speak. She is able to voice limitations while expressing the mood of the moment so to speak.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 40

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