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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 12:00:29 PM

Dnomyar

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I would never suggest anything that I have not had experience doing. When I first heard about needle play I had the subbie show me on herself how it was done. She coached me from there. If there is something new to learn I have someone show me and walk me thru it. I was with a group that did breath play. Thats a hard limit for me. I am always open to try new things but breath play is a big no no.

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 12:05:04 PM

LadyPact

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If Ma'am Jay was at the last Dom Con in Atlanta, I will spend the rest of the day kicking My own ass for not finding her. That would have been a once in a lifetime opportunity for Me. She would have been an absolute treat.

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 12:11:06 PM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
When I first heard about needle play I had the subbie show me on herself how it was done. She coached me from there.

This is a point that others have mentioned as well, but your example is really good and succinct. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with a submissive who has experience and information teaching a dom something! If they know something I don't--especially about a form of play that is important to their happiness--and I need a coach? I am happy to learn.

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 12:20:58 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If Ma'am Jay was at the last Dom Con in Atlanta, I will spend the rest of the day kicking My own ass for not finding her. That would have been a once in a lifetime opportunity for Me. She would have been an absolute treat.

If it was her, pup and I had the best time watching the demonstration. She was amazing and funny as hell! If I remember correctly, I bought pup's training collar at her booth. NICE lady!

MoGa

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 12:25:53 PM

DominantJenny

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Taking this a different route, how does one determine experience level? Sure, if you've used your floggers fifty times on fifty bottoms, we'll all probably agree you can say you're an expert...unless, of course, you did so badly every time...
A lot of partners isn't really a good standard, since a lot of people are monogamous and into kink primarily or at least partially as part of the sexuality they have in a relationship. Some would argue (I've met them) that you can only BE an expert if you've had several partners, though. So, by their standards..Similarly, not everyone kinked is comfortable in the kink community or learning from non-partners...your average vanilla couple experimenting with anal sex are probably not going to go to, say, an "anal sex club" and ask for a how-to demonstration, you know? For them, their sexuality is private and they'll learn by experimentation with each other, probably with the help of a book or two (or website or two.) I don't think there's anything wrong with that, or extending that to kink in general, but I've encountered plenty of people over the years who seem to disagree with that and insist that only experience "in the scene" counts.
Although I'm open to poly, I've been de facto monogamous for years and years. Now, my partner and I started doing kink over 10 years ago, starting with good ol' spanking and moving onward at a fairly steady rate. I don't know that I feel comfortable describing myself as an expert at anything (okay, I'll say I'm an expert in spanking), though I've used (several different) floggers in hundreds of individual encounters over the last ten years. Some would, I think, say that made me an expert at flogging (especially since I've also done research on how not to flog, etc), but...*shrug* Others would say not. Both can put forth convincing arguments for their positions. Personally, I don't think there's a lot more I can learn about flogging; oh, you can always learn SOMETHING, but I've long since got down everything I've needed to know to use the tool safely and successfully. What standards do we use? How do we determine a generalized standard that most, at least, agree on? Especially in a group of people as varied and often fractious as kinksters can be.
I don't list experience levels with my interests here for precisely that reason; I don't want to give people the idea I am either more OR less experienced than I actually am. At the same time, by not indicating my experience level, I'm not giving as accurate a description as I can, and that's a shame, and might even alienate people who think I'm less experienced than I am because I don't claim the experience I have in a direct way. (It's implied in my description, I suppose, but it's not the same, somehow.)
And, yes, you could probably safely say that I'm an expert in overthinking and over-analysis. :P

< Message edited by DominantJenny -- 4/15/2008 12:36:38 PM >

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 1:40:25 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If Ma'am Jay was at the last Dom Con in Atlanta, I will spend the rest of the day kicking My own ass for not finding her. That would have been a once in a lifetime opportunity for Me. She would have been an absolute treat.

If it was her, pup and I had the best time watching the demonstration. She was amazing and funny as hell! If I remember correctly, I bought pup's training collar at her booth. NICE lady!

MoGa

Different gal, hon. Unless I am mistaken (and I could be) that was Lady Robin.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 4/15/2008 1:47:06 PM >

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Post #: 46

RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 2:19:50 PM

pupofMoGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If Ma'am Jay was at the last Dom Con in Atlanta, I will spend the rest of the day kicking My own ass for not finding her. That would have been a once in a lifetime opportunity for Me. She would have been an absolute treat.

If it was her, pup and I had the best time watching the demonstration. She was amazing and funny as hell! If I remember correctly, I bought pup's training collar at her booth. NICE lady!

MoGa

Not only did Mistress buy it, but She graced Her pup by placing it around my neck right there at the both

.

Ma'am Jay was a nice lady and very funny too. I know Mistress enjoyed the demonstration as much as i did. I believe it was on the violet wand. I liked the idea about the foil tassels, dont You Mistress?

lolololololololololololololololololol
-pup

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 2:30:23 PM

MontrealPhoenix

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Hi MoGa

I would want my dom to be completely honest about his experience especially with things like breath play where a mistake could leave me in a coma or dead - death being one of my hard limits.

I would be really hesitant to play with someone like that domina who claims to be able to do something at an expert level having only read about/seen a video about how to use a flogger.

Hope that's what you're asking for, MoGa.

Phoenix

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 4:52:16 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

Hope that's what you're asking for, MoGa.

It is exactly what I was asking about Phoenix, thank you :)

MoGa

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 4:54:15 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

I liked the idea about the foil tassels, dont You Mistress?

Yes, but not for ME lol I enjoyed the presentation, no matter who put it on. I saw the Violet in her name and thought it might have been her.

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 5:02:36 PM

MsStarlett

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I'm always 100% honest about my experience level with my partners... regardless of what the situation is from Line Dancing to Mountain Climbing, from Vanilla Sex to BDSM. Whatever you do with another person, you need to know what to expect. If it's something I've never done before and don't have a clue - I come here and ask for advice. Then I tell my partner, "I've never tried this before, but I'm willing to give a shot if you are. Let's just go slow and take it easy until we figure it out."

< Message edited by MsStarlett -- 4/15/2008 5:03:13 PM >

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 6:23:47 PM

ElanSubdued

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quote:

Dnomyar:
When I first heard about needle play I had the subbie show me on herself how it was done. She coached me from there.

ShaktiSama:
This is a point that others have mentioned as well, but your example is really good and succinct. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with a submissive who has experience and information teaching a dom something! If they know something I don't --especially about a form of play that is important to their happiness-- and I need a coach? I am happy to learn.

*gives Raymond and Shakti each a Good Dom-keeping Seal of Approval*

(Or perhaps I should be giving more fitting, Good Sub-"keeping" awards. :-)

Elan.

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 8:24:24 PM

AtlantaMistress

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Ok - let me first start by saying I am a STICKER for health and safety. I have, however, found somewhat of a natural ability to do some things. You asked after one experience - and usually if I am shown something once, I pick it up. My mother has called me "Domme Savant" since there are so many things that I really have gotten a natural knack for. That said, I work on more of a don't ask, don't tell - I would NOT LIE if someone asked about my experience in something, however - I tell them my general experience (ie - working as a Pro Domme for x# years) and interests, but not a complete resume of the level of experience I may have. Every activity has had a first time. I don't want my level of experience with specific activities to have any effect on the dynamic of the power exchange in general. If it is edge play, I typically would not be doing it with a boy that I did not know pretty well, and at that point, my level of experience wouldn't matter to him - ie. telling him would be fine because it would take nothing away from how he already sees me. I also have my personal boy as well as another collared boy who have volunteered to be my "ginuea pigs" so I can comfortably try new things.

On the other hand, I have met some Dommes like the one you mention MoGa - who think they are "Grande Dommes" after the first time they put a corset on...now...they cna be scary...and I don't mean in a good way!

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RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. - 4/15/2008 9:21:12 PM

RumpusParable

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AtlantaMistress,

You do bring up a good point which often gets forgotten or left along the wayside here in experience (and age) discussions.

Experience with and/or time in something isn't always equivalent to ability/knowledge. Sometimes a person can pick something up almost immediately, having a natural knack for it or have semi- or unclearly-related knowledge or experience that causes it to come naturally to them. Another person (or that same one) can spend years trying to become skilled in another area and never become handy or knowledgeable in it because it doesn't call to their personal strengths mentally or physically.

Much depends on the type of play and the person studying/performing it.

Personally, I care little if it's someone's 5th or 50th time using a cane on me or pulling my hair so long as they're good at it and play safely. Likewise, I couldn't care less if it's someone's 5th or 50th time doing either if they were horrible at it and didn't care about or consider safety concerns.

I've spoken of my personal feelings as a dominant/top, but as someone who also bottoms I'm not bothered at all by a partner telling me honestly "I've only done this X number of times" as long as they're someone who keeps safety in mind and listens to me as their bottom.

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