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Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 1:20:42 AM

StormsSlave

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A new friend asked me some very thought provoking questions regarding my relationship with My Lord. It took me some time to answer them, and I thought it would be interesting to get the thoughts of the folks here. He's given me permission to post the questions he had.

I explained our personal dynamic, where our D/s relationship primarily takes place on the other side of our bedroom door, and we are quite vanilla on the outside. My friend didn't see how this would conflict with a 24/7 dynamic. His question, paraphrased, was this:

Can't you be slave to One and strong and decisive to the world at large?

We talked about the power exchange factor, and how it is a large part of the attraction, and that he didn't see it possible to keep the submission factor on one side of the bedroom door. His questions were :

How do you feel about it? Do you feel submission can stop at the bedroom door?

And once you start surrendering in the bedroom, don't you feel -somewhere- a craving to submit in your daily life too?

I'd be interested in hearing what people think about this, and to answer the questions put to me above. I'll post my answers to these questions later, as I am really more interested in what others have to say.

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

_____________________________

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Post #: 1

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 1:34:01 AM

ownedgirlie

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My submission to him does not stop at the bedroom door. The "bedroom" is just one area of my life that is submitted to him, but I submit to him in all things.

Having said that, I am required to not be submissive to anyone else. This took considerable training, as my previous teachings had me submitting to any male human which was very unhealthy for me. By being a strong and productive person in the work force and society at large, I am submitting to his will. Now he is the only one who receives my submission. It's reserved only for him. I no longer struggle to balance between him and everyone else, in fact it comes very natural to me.

I realize some Masters/Dominants want their slaves/submissives to have submissive attitudes outside of their relationships, and I respect that. My Master doesn't want anyone but him to receive my submission, and he spent considerable effort directing me away from that, for which I am now grateful.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 2

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 1:55:57 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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Since i am slave to InkedMaster i am required (and desire) to serve Him which also requires that i am strong and decisive in my dealings with the outside world. In a previous post i post the simple examples of doing battle with the cable company or making sure the dry-cleaners gets the shirts done correctly. my status of slave does not make me incapable, it is for my capabilities that i am owned.

i don't have to refer to Him as "Master" when we are in the company of strangers or family but why would i not be in service to Him at all times and in all places? Part of my service to Him is simply to be the best possible me i can be.

Regarding submission. i use the definition as 'yielding to the authority of another' and don't we all yield to the authority of our boss, law enforcement, etc? How much we yield is usually in proportion to how much authority we see those people to have over us. As slave, my Master has the utmost Authority over my life but i am still supposed to submit to the authority of my boss for my work. The relationships are different, the type and scope of authority is different.

We will engage in BDSM activities in private, M/s is how we live, not what we do.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 3

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 2:57:09 AM

Prinsexx

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Both of the answers above I would totally agree with.
I freed myself from a collar BECAUSE my master (although he expected me to as he termed it 'be ahppy' without him and to be strong in the outside world, he also expected me to be loaned and to submit to others as this was part of his kink. he also had fantasies that he wanted to whore me out and this made me incresingly sad and anxious to the point of being unhealthy.
I struggled with his demands, hoping against all hope that it would remain fantasy with him. But as his ownership took hold (and we were master and slave for 8 months) I realised that two unhealthy dynamics were occurring. One that I was becoming co-dependent and two I was losing a sense of division between my own true self and terms of service and what he was imposing upon me without regard for my well-being.
It was demeaning me and contradictory to how powerful and strong he also demanded that I was with others in the world.

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Post #: 4

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 3:29:59 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
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Stormsslave, I think I do understand where you're coming from. As a self-proclaimed bottom, my submission (if you can call it that) is only during bdsm or bedroom activities. I prefer to have a dominant partner in that regard. Yes, I used the word without capitals because dominance doesn't have to come only in a D/s relationship. So I'm not implying that it must be my Dom, just a dominant sort partner.

As for outside the bedroom or playroom, I have a really hard time with the authority transfer, power exchange, whatever you call it. I don't trust anyone enough to know better than me what's a good decision for me. I don't want to give up my independence and my autonomy. I don't want to "serve" another just because it pleases them, or it's what I'm supposed to do. I don't want to have to submit to his will, I have my own will to consider. I'm probably nervous that any giving of any authority is going to go into a downhill slide toward the "all about me" crap. And I don't take orders well at all. ;) So if I extend my so-called submission to outside the bedroom what's to stop it from taking off? There is an addiction to the feeling and yes, I can see where it would become overpowering and want to continue into every facet of life. So stopping it at the bedroom door is probably a fail-safe for me.

Sure, I allow my authority to be overruled at work by the boss, at the bank by the tellers, at the store by the managers, during everyday life with all the myriad laws and rules we have to live by. But I see that as objective and impersonal control over me, not day to day, up close and personal. So I don't see where that argument comes into it at all. In the past, I've been a business owner, manager a few times and head trainer for 4 gyms...all very non-submissive roles and I enjoy the domination I have in those areas. See? Without capitals again, because it is a fitting description of the work related responsibilities, not a lifestyle thing. I'm good at what I do and I have no problem being dominating in my personal life and submitting in the bedroom. But yeah, ya gotta wonder what would happen if it started to leak out from under the door..............?

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 5

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 3:52:29 AM

TysGalilah

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Joined: 11/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Eyesopened said:

to serve Him which also requires that i am strong and decisive in my dealings with the outside world.

*** my status of slave does not make me incapable, it is for my capabilities that i am owned. ***

i don't have to refer to Him as "Master" when we are in the company of strangers or family but why would i not be in service to Him at all times and in all places? Part of my service to Him is simply to be the best possible me i can be.

We will engage in BDSM activities , M/s is how we live, not what we do.

Wonderfully said, Eyesopened,
and I couldn't have explained my own feelings or response to the OPs questions any better than this : )

Cyndi

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 6

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 4:04:39 AM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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Usually, I call what happens in the bedroom 'bottoming'. It's HOT...it's FUN and it's MEANINGFUL...but it's not a long-lasting state of mind. I see submission as a state of mind...but usually only to one person or a few people, not necessarily the world (although there are people who seem to be that way). I see slavery as a state of heart/spirit...one where the person simply isn't spiritually complete unless they have a Master to serve.

Just my take on it, but it might help your discussion.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 7

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 4:18:34 AM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave
Can't you be slave to One and strong and decisive to the world at large

Sure you can, for me im not the best at making decisions generally never have been but I am not weak and dont submit to everyone. I can hold my own in an argument and can be independant in most things, I just feel I need to be submissive to one, that I need to have that to give me the strength. Since discovering D/s my attitude about myself and the world has changed dramatically I have never felt so confident, valuable or beautiful (and im single at the moment)

quote:

How do you feel about it? Do you feel submission can stop at the bedroom door?

I dont see it as being in the bedroom door I see submission as something a bit differant, for me its just something that I need to live at my best, the bedroom door I know is an analogy but when i am with someone I am submissive to that person all the time, not just around kink activities. I think play bunnies and bottoms are not submitting to the person they are submitting to their own pleasure, just my feeling and thats no less valid so yea for them it can.

quote:

And once you start surrendering in the bedroom, don't you feel -somewhere- a craving to submit in your daily life too

again I am taking this as an analogy, when I am submissive to one person i actually feel less submissive to others I feel stronger and more confident. When I am with someone its a huge boost for me and helps me see myself in a better light, I dont know if that makes sense.

I havent actually read all the replies so I dont know if I missed the point, those were jsut my feelings having read the op.

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(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 8

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 4:20:49 AM

RCdc

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quote:

Can't you be slave to One and strong and decisive to the world at large?

Yes you can.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

How do you feel about it? Do you feel submission can stop at the bedroom door?

Yes it can for some people.

quote:

And once you start surrendering in the bedroom, don't you feel -somewhere- a craving to submit in your daily life too?

For some people, yes it happens also.

Those questions are one of those that try and lump everyone of one minority into a box and expect all to be the same. It's always impossible to do that. The answer will always be 'some will/some wont'.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 4/15/2008 4:25:30 AM >

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Post #: 9

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 4:22:15 AM

adrian28

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Always be true to yourself and you can't go wrong.

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Post #: 10

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 4:29:50 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I'm a single parent, of course I have to hold the reins in my interactions with my ums. And when talking to people on their behalf.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 11

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 2:43:01 PM

StormsSlave

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Thank you all for your even more thought provoking replies. I intend to post my thoughts after work.

Have a great night, everyone.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 2:51:15 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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What she said.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My submission to him does not stop at the bedroom door. The "bedroom" is just one area of my life that is submitted to him, but I submit to him in all things.

Having said that, I am required to not be submissive to anyone else.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 13

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 3:10:17 PM

kimba1

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Joined: 4/15/2006
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quote:

Can't you be slave to One and strong and decisive to the world at large?

We talked about the power exchange factor, and how it is a large part of the attraction, and that he didn't see it possible to keep the submission factor on one side of the bedroom door. His questions were :

How do you feel about it? Do you feel submission can stop at the bedroom door?

And once you start surrendering in the bedroom, don't you feel -somewhere- a craving to submit in your daily life too?

Well, I have to say yes to the first. Nobody would ever guess that i am slave to my One, nobody would even guess that i am the least bit submissive to him, unless they met us and knew us.

My complete submission to HIM is 24/7, doors cannot stop it, smiles...

For the third, I submit to him in my daily life too, always, and my craving for him is pretty much constant too. But i have absolutely no desire to submit to anybody else at any other time (unless he were to tell me to), and my job requires me to be in total control,

to lead, and to have power, and i wouldn't have it any other way!

_____________________________

“. . . there was about him a suggestion of lurking ferocity, as though the Wild still lingered in him and the Wolf in him merely slept.” Jack London

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 14

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 3:52:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Personality should not be equated to orientation.

Orientation should not be equate to ability.

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Post #: 15

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 4:52:55 PM

ProfJoe

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I'd phrase it just the opposite from the person who asked you the question: I "top" in play; I dominate in life; she bottoms for play; she submits outside the bedroom. In her work life, and in her life as a "mom" she can be and is quite assertive and very much in control of her situation -- she's good at that and can pull it off very well even if I'm along and need to gain her attention or service for a moment.

All that said, that's the way we are comfortable and the way we live. I have no problems with any number of other configurations. Rule #1: If it ain't fun, don't do it.

ProfJoe

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 4:52:57 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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Actually, I'm stronger in the 'real world' because of the fact that I submit to him. Prior to this, I had an unfilled need to submit which came out in situations where I was uncomfortable and that I would give way in. Because my submissive needs are being met, they no longer come out inappropriately.

I suppose a useful analogy would be a sweet tooth. You could eat chocolate and other empty calories or you could eat fruit which would be a healthier way to satisfy the craving for sugar. But ignoring a craving, pretending it just isn't there, isn't good because there will come a late night where you will sit down with a half gallon of Haagen Daas and a spoon. Certainly a measured amount of fruit is the better choice.

And submitting to one who is trustworthy, who has your best interest at heart is a lot better than not being able to say no to friends when they urge you to have another drink, or to some pushy type who you wind up getting date raped by because you couldn't say no to being alone with him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 5:02:50 PM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave
Can't you be slave to One and strong and decisive to the world at large?

Sure i can, it's even encouraged.. i submit to One, i belong to Him, my submission belongs to Him.. Why not be strong and take the rest of the world head on.. i find my submission to Him makes me stronger and more capable of handling anything outside of 'Us'.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave
How do you feel about it? Do you feel submission can stop at the bedroom door?

For me, my submission cannot and never will stop at the bedroom door. For me, it's a lifestyle not a passtime. Anyone who wanted something else would be fundamentally incompatible with me in a big way. i'm definately far from a "weekend warrior" kind of girl..

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave
And once you start surrendering in the bedroom, don't you feel -somewhere- a craving to submit in your daily life too?

It was the craving in my daily life which brought me here.. To me that is more important than anything that happens in the bedroom.. It is how He controls my daily life that truely fulfills me.

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 18

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 6:11:10 PM

Smoothicen

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Joined: 2/16/2008
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People are wired differently. For some, dominance or submission is a part of life, in and out of the bedroom.

For others, it is a the balance to their everyday life.

The temptation to grow comfortable in say a submissive role and then allow that to extend to other facets of life is always there and as people grow, they change. For some, it remains confined to the bedroom and for others, it extends outwards to everyday life.

For me, I find myself dominant and assertive in all facets of my life but that is how I'm wired.

My 2 cents.

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 19

RE: Thought Provoking... - 4/15/2008 6:34:37 PM

OmegaG

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Joined: 10/23/2007
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he wouldn't have been interested in my submission to him if I couldn't be independent and assertive, those were traits he looked for, he wasn't looking for another child to look after.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 20

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