RE: Do you ever? (Full Version)

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DDraigeuraid -> RE: Do you ever? (4/15/2008 11:02:50 PM)

quote:

  I do get disheartened sometimes with the community... There are days when reading this site is like reading a list of the stupidest ideas ever, people trying obviously unsafe things, women asking if it's normal for their doms to abuse them. I used to get seriously dishearted while searching for a dom...I met many who were good guys, just not for me. But I met many more who were just looking for a quick screw and have evidently confused "submissive" with "slut".


I know it is disheartening when we see the ones who are crying for help in in the forums.  But the beauty of this is that they have a place to cry.  or voice concerns, or disapointments....or joy.  And get the feedback they need.  Maybe not always what they want to hear, but they can at least ponder other's words of wisdom.

quote:

Do you ever think of leaving this lifestyle? Has it been a positive experience in your life? A negative? Mines not been that good to be honest. I feel sad today....like i want to give up the quest. Do you ever feel like that? wanders out* 


Follow your heart.

Dragon



mzbehavin -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 12:00:44 AM)

**MasterFire, i'm so happy for you and your result so far. Do you feel this is because you found the right yin for your yang? Or would you have gotten this result even without having a (lets not say perfect because thats unrealistic) good match?

***Des, its that i am disheartened at not finding what i hoped was out there. Its become interesting to look back now and see a clear picture of what went wrong and how i did make poor choices and also mistakes. Always learning. Feels like theres a ways to go yet. smiles*

***batshalom, yes i understand what your saying. Perhaps i worded my post wrong, in that i didn't mean i could just not be submissive anymore, it doesn't take a partner to define that in myself. Its what i see around me that makes me want to back away from pursuing a more "active" in the comm. lifestyle. I was taught we should hold to a high standard of integrity and that those in the lifestyle should especially do so, yet so often thats not what i see beyond my immediate circle.

***kallisto, you are blessed. :c )

***katie, you made me giggle reading your post. I can totally relate. I'm so glad its worked out for you. Gives me hope~

***OsideGirl, smiles* yes, its a jungle out here. Axl Rose wrote a song about it a long time ago. I have a Top to play with r/t for now and its sexually gratifying but i'm a greedy slut and want depth. Maybe my expectations were/are too high?  He wants me to solidify things more between us yet i hesitate. I wasnt happy without a strong hand before and not sure i could be now.

***KatyLied, i like the way you worded how you are many things and wont be leaving any parts of yourself anytime soon. I'm feeling transitional and its annoying.

***Dragon, indeed i will follow my heart. Its how i roll. And thats not always an easy thing to do.

Thank you all again for listening and posting.
When i feel jumbled with misdirection or questions, i've found a safe (well so far, lol!) place to talk and express myself. Im grateful, truly.
xoxo








MasterFireMaam -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 12:35:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mzbehavin

**MasterFire, i'm so happy for you and your result so far. Do you feel this is because you found the right yin for your yang? Or would you have gotten this result even without having a (lets not say perfect because thats unrealistic) good match?


I have internal yin/yang. I am balanced, all by myself. I do not need other people in order to be my real Self, I became who I am before I ever had a slave, in fact. But the quality of my life is better for having people in it and certain people, like my girl anne, bring me joy and a satisfaction of purpose that I wouldn't otherwise have.

Master Fire



DarkBringer85 -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 1:26:42 AM)

greetings and salutations lass,
I do know where you're coming from on your situation. I have met all types in this life I've led. from liars to truthseekers. From heart carers to heart breakers. For some its truely a game for others its life. For those that play the game most have mastered the art and it can be hard to spot them. But the signs are obvious when your close. Just most are blinded by a need to be fullfilled that is the nature of humanity to have a counter-part(s). Some more so than others. Yes we can be happy with out said things but we tend to be more happy with than with out. My greatest advice to you would be give them a chance if it ever turns out truely bad the choice to go is always there. The saying better to loved and lost than not have loved at all has always rang true in My ears. I would prefer to dwell on the happy times of My past than the down sides.

D. DarkBringer



Dnomyar -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 5:08:17 AM)

Always take time to step back and evaluate where you are and what direction you are heading in. 



Kidsphoenixx -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 6:42:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mzbehavin

Do you ever think of leaving this lifestyle? Has it been a positive experience in your life? A negative? Mines not been that good to be honest. I feel sad today....like i want to give up the quest. Do you ever feel like that? wanders out*


I wouldn't leave the lifestyle, however, it seems the lifestyle has slowly faded  into almost nothingness all by itself.....but maybe that was all part of the "plan" lol



peterK50 -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 6:47:49 AM)

You can leave the lifestyle, sometimes the lifestyle leaves you. I'm older, uncollared & in very, very low demand. I refuse to consider myself desperate for ownership, but sometimes I find myself considering service that just feels wrong. There are a lot of posers & wannabes on both ends of the leash here, sifting through the chaff for the single kernel of wheat can be exhausting, but if this is WIIWD then do I have a choice?



mzbehavin -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 7:55:35 AM)

Comes in and reads, hugs each and every single one of you and thinks* i want to be like MasterFire when i grow up.
It is priceless when you say you dont need other people to be your real self.
**D, you have a wonderfully positive attitude. Refreshing.
**Dnomyar, having been one to rush ahead all the time (aries here), its taken me awhile to learn to do as you suggest. However, i am now, and thank you for the gentle reminder.
**Kidsphoenix, indeed, perhaps there is a natural wax and wane. Why didnt i think of that? lol.
**peter, your avatar pic is very well done, you're well spoken, i'm certain your time will come. Maybe its just a lull time for some of us. A good time to do some self work. I'm learning how to be present in the moment. I cannot tell you what a relief this is.

In closing, something i read and wanted to share. "Time is an illusion. The past is gone like a dream, the future is merely speculation. Be present in the now for truly this is Life."
Something like that. It feels good, to be present. Thank you all for posting.



MagiksSlave -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 1:48:12 PM)

I have felt that way and i have left BDSM for my own mental health, I find that when I am going through a very bad time aspecially that i cant surrender myself anyway because I dont really have any controll over my feelings and there for can not hand myself over to another untill I can get controll of myself again. I have resently been on a brake because of a very bad depression that I am just starting to emerge from and I found it to have been a good thing, allowed me to consentrate on myself and get myself back together without worrying about searving and pleasing another. Maybe that sounds to selfish for a sub to say but I know I am no good as a slave when Im feeling so down that I dont even think life is worth living. I guess with me its part of the pakage when you sigh up to be my Master, to know I have my down times and when I need to take care of myself and need to be taken care of.

Squee!!

MS



SteelofUtah -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 3:41:57 PM)

With every failed relationship, I thought about it
With every misunderstood situation, I thought about it
With every Munch argument, I thought about it
With every person I was attracted to who wasn't attracted to me, I thought about it
With every lonely night I spent because If only I wanted the vanilla girl who wanted me, I thought about it

Then I realized that this isn't something I do. It's who I am. I can't walk away from me because no matter how far I run *I* will always find me and when I do I will again be forced to accept that what I want and who I am are a symbiotic relationship one does not exist without the other.

Even when I tried to be Vanilla I always tried to convince them into trying kink.

I AM KINKY, I AM DOMINANT, I AM DEVIOUS, I AM DIFFERENT

Today I wouldn't have it any other way, but when things are at thier darkest I still think about it.

Steel



TheEvilBstardsMo -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 4:45:08 PM)

I could not leave the "lifestyle" as it is where I fit in and feels most natural.  What I could leave is the "BDSM community." 



azropedntied -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 5:15:01 PM)

Sorry your feeling sad this day  first off .
This is NOT a lifestyle for me and Many others its who we are .
Very Positive and sure there is ups and downs  in life but like i said bdsm  Kink ,Fetish etc is in my genetic make up .It would be like saying, i sure do hate this  thumb and remove it .Some view this as a lifestyle ,hobby , a bedroom activity , online only  fun .I for one do not .
Sometimes a break is needed to recharge  your personal battery .
Best wishes upon your journey .


quote:

ORIGINAL: mzbehavin

Do you ever think of leaving this lifestyle? Has it been a positive experience in your life? A negative? Mines not been that good to be honest. I feel sad today....like i want to give up the quest. Do you ever feel like that? wanders out*



flowerinyourhand -> RE: Do you ever? (4/16/2008 8:29:49 PM)

Lots of good input here....

I have always been submissive, even before discovering the other facets of the "lifestyle". It is who I am and I have to be me...it's hard being submissive in a vanilla world I think because there's lots of risk of being taken advantage of.

As for me, I almost gave up before I really started looking within this "lifestyle". My first experience scared the hell out of me and caused me to pause and think before I made another move. But all in all....I don't think I could ever be in a vanilla relationship again, I would miss the other facets of the "lifestyle" too much....

I've evolved past the vanilla and it could never make me truly happy, now that I've realized there's more to me that I never knew. I can not live happily within the confines of a vanilla life.



mzbehavin -> RE: Do you ever? (4/17/2008 8:18:18 AM)

Smiles* Today is a better day. Thank you all for your comments. In the end, you are right, i cannot leave a part of myself. Guess i will have to tough it out. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m16.gif[/image]
Have a beautiful day everyone~ xoxo mz.behavin



Huntertn -> RE: Do you ever? (4/17/2008 7:43:53 PM)

I quit for over ten years, never looked back[well the whip hang on my wall lol]till about 4 years after my divorce.  I was going thu a period of my life where I wanted the good things back...like honesty with my partner..and a real need to be needed again..as a Man and not just a money maker.  Things are better now..but at times I still feel as if someone is looking thu my window..arms folded ..just watching..and waiting for me, the Man..and not just someone to protect them and take care of them.  Im 50 years old now..and I still smell the leather she wears..and the straw smell of her hair..
   So yes, take a step back if you must..but come back when you can...The dream stays with you,believe me it does..Huntertn



lronitulstahp -> RE: Do you ever? (4/17/2008 7:49:37 PM)

Fast Reply...please live your life...let the" lifestyle: fit into it, and not the other way around.  Too many of us want to be in constant sub-space.  Just find your place in the world...get comfortable with who you are the most basic level...when you're happy there, it won't matter if yu ever find the "lifestyle" stuff.  You'll jsut have a life.  Funny thing is, a contented person makes a much more attractive sub/slave...so i've been told.  So your chances of achieving the relationship you desire increase as well.



PrincessEllie -> RE: Do you ever? (4/18/2008 8:03:24 AM)

I don't believe I ever have. It's too much a part of who I am, that submissive streak inside of me, to ever think of ignoring it. 



BBWnNC72 -> RE: Do you ever? (4/18/2008 8:11:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mzbehavin

Do you ever think of leaving this lifestyle? Has it been a positive experience in your life? A negative? Mines not been that good to be honest. I feel sad today....like i want to give up the quest. Do you ever feel like that? wanders out*


When i first dived in, i asked myself "who in their right mind would want this?" Then i told myself "you do". 
i haven't been in this lifestyle long, but have found several really good, caring, honest people that have helped me understand and explore who i am.  So, i haven't thought about leaving, i enjoy who and what i am.  my experiences have, for the most part, been positive, i even learned from the bad ones, they made me stronger and smarter. i think it all depends on who you decide to get to know and who you let in your life. Just like any relationship or life journey, it takes time, it doesn't happen over night and it all comes with good and bad.  You just have to learn to trust yourself and not settle for less then what you want and need. If you do put that part of yourself away, in the end, you might regret what could have been.
Happy Friday all and hope you have a great weekend.



daddysliloneds -> RE: Do you ever? (4/19/2008 10:17:45 AM)

nope; it's an inherit part of my very nature and as with life itself, it comes with both positive and negative shit but i'm not out committing suicide because of the negative, just as i'm not walking away from my core needs/desires.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mzbehavin

Do you ever think of leaving this lifestyle? Has it been a positive experience in your life? A negative? Mines not been that good to be honest. I feel sad today....like i want to give up the quest. Do you ever feel like that? wanders out*



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Do you ever? (4/21/2008 8:41:05 AM)

I never 'joined' the lifestyle so I can't say 'leaving it' is possible. BDSM is just stuff I do inside my romantic relationships, stuff I enjoy doing. I don't seek the kink in a man, I seek a man, then ask if he's interested in the kink. Some are, some aren't. The ones who aren't, are usually impressed I'm so freaky, and are eager to try a few things with rope, hand cuffs, and so on.

I've never successfully dated a man 'in the life style' who I knew to begin with was into BDSM, though I've found some who are heavily into BDSM, which was completely hidden from me until after we entered into a relationship.

To me BDSM isn't like changing your diet, or keeping up with composting and recycling. It's not something I change, it's just part of who I am, and what I enjoy. Not doing it doesn't make me un-kinky, it just makes me repressed.



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