RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from?

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Prinsexx -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:12:12 AM)
[sm=pigsfly.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa The thing that gets me is this "online protection". [sm=wtf.gif] Does a submissive not know how to turn off the computer? What exactly is being protected? I have never understood it, prolly never will, but to each their own. MoGa [sm=oddballs.gif] well we all know that [sm=pigsfly.gif]

Prinsexx -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:17:45 AM)
Night after night I keep holding on you say you love me then you leave me so lonely Baby, I don't believe a word you're sayin' I think it's all some evil game you're playin' Still all day long all I do is think about ya you got me believin' that I can't live without ya well if ya want it, well here is my confession baby, I can't help it, you're my obsession Protection, that's what I need I need protection, baby from your love protection, that's what I need I need protection, baby from your love I wait at home by my telephone when I call your house, baby you're not home knock on the door and rush down the stairs when I open up, baby you're not there When we're together and ya put your arms around me your love sweeps away all the confusion that surrounds me You keep my mind forever, ever in doubt you want me believin' that baby, I can't live without Protection that's what I need I need protection, baby from your love protection, that's what I need I need protection, baby from your love We stand alone, at my window and stare out, at the shadows down below I feel your fingers on my face I want to stay, I want to run away Protection that's what I need I need protection, baby from your love protection, that's what I need I need protection, baby from your love protection, that's what I need I need protection, baby from your love protection, that's what I need I need protection, baby from your love Protection by Donna Summer [image]http://www.metrolyrics.com/images/l/23471.jpg[/image]

LilMissHaven -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:20:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah Only because I feel the need to randomly play devils advocate will I answer the UN-popular answer. Personally I am aware that I cannot protect them from anything really, but I have said I am willing to protect them from getting hurt again. Many submissives are filled to the absolute Brim with sob stories and Horror happenings about how this guy came into thier lives turned them upside down and left them a shell of thier former selves. Sometimes it really happened too. So I guess when I have said I want to offer you my protection I guess I mean that I am wanting to protect thier best interest and be the best most honest person I can be. I guess I am saying to them that I am willing to be different and I am willing to protect you from having to continue on being used and abused because I don't want to do that to you. But then again as I understand it all the others guys say that too so I guess offten times saying I want to protect you is just a nice thing to say. It sounds romantic and is usually taken romantically but everyone else is right it literally means very little, but emotionally it can mean the world. When I tell my girl I want to protect her she knows that it means that I was to keep fer from having to protect herself. I know that she knows how to, but I want her to know that I want to keep her from having to find herself in a situation in which she needs protection from as often as possible. In that degree when I say I want to protect her what it means is that I want to keep her safe. Now the main problem is people use this phrase for just about anything and so it loses meaning after a time, but all in all I still think the sentiment is a sweet one. Just the Devils Advocate in me wanting to play along Steel Another good post, thank you. I'd be a rich woman if I had a dollar for every man that has approached me offering nothing more then an ear and a shoulder to cry on or saying "I'm driven to protect you". I am guilty of falling for that line in the past and it ended up being a way to easily manipulate my emotions. Luckily, I caught on pretty fast and was able to put it to an end before any real damage was done to my already at times shaky emotional well being. The problem lies in the over use of the term or sentiment. Its like an abused wife constantly hearing "I'm sorry" from her spouse eventually it comes to don't tell me, show me. I guess I'm just at this point where I don't want nor do I feel I need protection, I want to be heard. You have offered me an ear and while I still have some anxiety I think I am doing better at opening up. But, you first had to show me that I could trust you, right?

Luciferica -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:24:53 AM)
I dunno what Dom's are protecting you from, I have to protect my husband from doing really dumb things, like take all the food I had set aside for dinner to work with him so that there is no dinner food because the dumbass spent our grocery money for the week on something dumb. I had to take away the checkbook...He says he feels safe with me there, and I am the meaner one, he'll sit there and take shit from others until I step in and ream them out...so maybe thats the kind of protection?

orfunboi -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:27:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lanie38 Wow this was a very serious situation! Not to mention illegal. But that being said, this certainly isn't your SO's responsiblity to protect you from, you should of followed the proper channel, reporting this to your superior, filing formal complaints, seeking legal advice etc... I think involving someone whom you have a personal relationship with would of only exacerbated the situation.. quote: ORIGINAL: petitespitfire64 I had situations in my life where I needed protection and didn't get it. While married, I was horribly sexually harassed by the men at my workplace. Even though this harassment culminated in me being beaten and miscarrying his child, my husband did NOTHING to stop what was happening to me. He wouldn't even go to my workplace and warn them. I felt worthless and unloved. After I got involved more deeply in D/s I found out that a REAL man would have stood up for me when I was unable to do it for myself. I've since divorced, and protection is one of the things I seek most in a Dominant. I can't see my s/o being in that situation and not wanting to help her. I might not run down to her job and confront them, but I would make sure management was aware and that it was stopped. I am very protective of my friends and family and would do what ever it took to keep them safe. As to the online protection I see so often on the site, no I don't see what subs need protecting from here. I know I don't.

ShaktiSama -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:36:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven I can't figure out what they are protecting me from that I can't already protect myself from. Primary: non-consensual kidnapping, rape, abuse and murder. Secondary: being more subtly victimized by those who manipulate, deceive, and mislead newcomers to the scene or newcomers to their submission about issues as diverse as their basic rights as submissives or simple play safety. Tertiary: commonly suffered mood swings and errors in judgment called "sub drop" and "submissive frenzy", which can cause some submissives to make irrational or self-destructive decisions while in the throes of their submissive passions. Having objective, non-submissive third parties to serve as a wall to bounce ideas, plans and incidents off can sometimes be a very good thing. Sorry if this is all too blunt. The "protection" issue is brought up quite often on this site, usually by frustrated dominants who don't like the idea that another dom could possibly befriend a submissive and keep his/her potential partners honest in any way. In essence, a real offer of "protection" should come from a friend, or someone who hopes to be a friend. Any other offer of "protection" basically amounts to someone trying to put his/her brand on your buttocks without having to do any work to establish a real D/S relationship. Real offers of friendship and protection are worth their weight in gold. The fake ones should be pretty laughably obvious. YMMV.

LilMissHaven -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:38:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petitespitfire64 I had situations in my life where I needed protection and didn't get it. While married, I was horribly sexually harassed by the men at my workplace. Even though this harassment culminated in me being beaten and miscarrying his child, my husband did NOTHING to stop what was happening to me. He wouldn't even go to my workplace and warn them. I felt worthless and unloved. After I got involved more deeply in D/s I found out that a REAL man would have stood up for me when I was unable to do it for myself. I've since divorced, and protection is one of the things I seek most in a Dominant. Wow, I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry I've never been in a situation like that so I find myself speechless. I find it incredibly sad that nobody thought to give you the ability to protect yourself against the things you mention. The first thing J did was empower me by enrolling me in women's self defense and later martial arts. The problem I have with women relying on men to protect them is that in a realistic world he cannot be there 24/7 to protect her. I hope that if you haven't already taken steps to learn how to defend yourself that you do soon. I don't believe it takes away from your Dom's strength but probably adds an extra sense of security for him when he cannot be with you. extra gentle hugs Haven

FlamingRedhead -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:40:14 AM)
Wait...you mean there ARE knights in shining armor?!? Where?!? You mean there's hope for me, yet?!? looks around wildly I haven't gotten a single email from anyone claiming he wants to protect me. In fact, the majority of emails are from guys who just want to use me, i.e. not looking for a sub but would LOVE to play with me. It's very tiresome to say the least. My last dom's protection consisted of not allowing me to go to dungeons/swingers clubs without him or wearing too-short skirts to bars so as not to put myself in a potentially dangerous situation. He also forbid posting nude pics on the internet and insisted that I value myself more than being jerk-off material for every Tom with a hairy dick...or was that Tom, Dick and Harry?!? I suppose he was mostly just trying to save me from myself by boosting my self-esteem, but in the end, he only ended up being another one who brought me down with his words. I've been told more than once that I'm one tough cookie....which is surprising considering that I as well as many others usually only see my porcelain veneer.

DesFIP -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:42:05 AM)
Physically, he can handle all the mice he wants to. More than that, he offers a safe place to go for shelter from life's hurts. As long as I don't break the basic agreement between us, he will be there for me. Obviously if I had a flaming affair that crashed, he wouldn't be a shoulder for me to cry on. But otherwise he is there when I need someone.

LilMissHaven -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:42:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama quote: ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven I can't figure out what they are protecting me from that I can't already protect myself from. Primary: non-consensual kidnapping, rape, abuse and murder. Secondary: being more subtly victimized by those who manipulate, deceive, and mislead newcomers to the scene or newcomers to their submission about issues as diverse as their basic rights as submissives or simple play safety. Tertiary: commonly suffered mood swings and errors in judgment called "sub drop" and "submissive frenzy", which can cause some submissives to make irrational or self-destructive decisions while in the throes of their submissive passions. Having objective, non-submissive third parties to serve as a wall to bounce ideas, plans and incidents off can sometimes be a very good thing. Sorry if this is all too blunt. The "protection" issue is brought up quite often on this site, usually by frustrated dominants who don't like the idea that another dom could possibly befriend a submissive and keep his/her potential partners honest in any way. In essence, a real offer of "protection" should come from a friend, or someone who hopes to be a friend. Any other offer of "protection" basically amounts to someone trying to put his/her brand on your buttocks without having to do any work to establish a real D/S relationship. Real offers of friendship and protection are worth their weight in gold. The fake ones should be pretty laughably obvious. YMMV. Too blunt? Not at all. More informative and insightful and where I was hoping the thread would go when I originally posted it. There are still a few good men out there, the first responsibility falls to the sub on who she decides to trust with her well being. I at first trusted the wrong person that responsibility for that mistake falls entirely on MY shoulders nobody else's.

lanie38 -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:44:02 AM)
I agree that you'd want to protect her...but it's not your place or responsibility to make the complaints to her superiors for her, it's unprofessional and hearsay...now you can certainly accompany her for moral support but it's up to her to follow the proper protocal...she's an adult, not a child... quote: ORIGINAL: orfunboi quote: ORIGINAL: lanie38 Wow this was a very serious situation! Not to mention illegal. But that being said, this certainly isn't your SO's responsiblity to protect you from, you should of followed the proper channel, reporting this to your superior, filing formal complaints, seeking legal advice etc... I think involving someone whom you have a personal relationship with would of only exacerbated the situation.. quote: ORIGINAL: petitespitfire64 I had situations in my life where I needed protection and didn't get it. While married, I was horribly sexually harassed by the men at my workplace. Even though this harassment culminated in me being beaten and miscarrying his child, my husband did NOTHING to stop what was happening to me. He wouldn't even go to my workplace and warn them. I felt worthless and unloved. After I got involved more deeply in D/s I found out that a REAL man would have stood up for me when I was unable to do it for myself. I've since divorced, and protection is one of the things I seek most in a Dominant. I can't see my s/o being in that situation and not wanting to help her. I might not run down to her job and confront them, but I would make sure management was aware and that it was stopped. I am very protective of my friends and family and would do what ever it took to keep them safe. As to the online protection I see so often on the site, no I don't see what subs need protecting from here. I know I don't.

subtee -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:46:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy They shot that cougar about a mile and a half from where I live....Kind of cool. When they performed the autopsy it was determined that it had been feasting on subbies. Many environmentalists were outraged that the cougar was destroyed....said Ben Dover Director of the Lincoln Park Zoo...."Now that this cougar, a top tier predator of subs, has been removed from the ecosystem we expect the population of subs to go unchecked and rapidly grow...What you can expect as grocery stores and fast food restaraunts become more crowded and heavily grazed that an undernourished and sickly herd of subs will inevitably result from the lack of feed and overcrowded conditions. Who wants a thin sub? Although we will expect the normal mortality rate to continue which can be attributed to such things as advanced age, disease, continually making poor decisions, running with knives and rape...The lack of a major predator will have a ripple effect that cannot be ignored...The only chance to save the herd lies in the hope that a serial killer or two decides to prey upon the vast Chicagoan herd....A few must perish for the good of the entire population." I'm safe roaming on the bucolic fields and prairies as I do with an Iowan herd. We're delicacies, ya know.[sm=flash.gif]

Stephann -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:46:45 AM)
I tend to warn most women interested in me.... that I'd be protecting them, by making them so terrified of me that they flee in terror, never to darken my doorway again. I really haven't figured out why it doesn't work. Hell, my profile has skulls and crossbones, and HERE THERE BE MONSTERS clearly displayed. Stephan

ShaktiSama -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 11:52:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven Too blunt? Not at all. More informative and insightful and where I was hoping the thread would go when I originally posted it. There are still a few good men out there, the first responsibility falls to the sub on who she decides to trust with her well being. I at first trusted the wrong person that responsibility for that mistake falls entirely on MY shoulders nobody else's. I would disagree with your last line, but then--I'm a domme. I have my own ideas about the obligation to be trustworthy. I would agree, however, that far too often, when a submissive trusts the wrong person, the CONSEQUENCES for that mistake fall entirely on his/her shoulders. Having friends who actually care about you--enough to be named as a "protector", for example--can change that situation somewhat. Speaking solely for myself? I am more than capable of catching up with somone who abused or injured a submissive friend of mine and beating that person like a harp seal. I am sure that many other dominants of both sexes would agree with me--and quite a few submissives as well. There are many, many submissive men and women who are trained in the martial arts, and they use those skills not just to protect themselves, but others in their community. Knights in shining armor--or black leather--do exist. And we come in all orientations. Sometimes your safety can be protected by something as simple as having a person who expects a phone call from you at a certain time--after you've been released from bondage and everything is ok--and who has the name, address and phone number of the new dom you were planning to meet that evening. I realize the idea of "protection" sounds silly at times, especially when the offer really isn't sincere. But friends in this community who understand your needs and your quest for a partner are NOT a bad thing. And if your friend happens to be a strapping Gay Leather Daddy Dom who would never want to use you as his own sub, but is more than capable of beating a potential rapist into a sticky paste--so much the better, no? [;)]

LilMissHaven -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 12:01:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama quote: ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven Too blunt? Not at all. More informative and insightful and where I was hoping the thread would go when I originally posted it. There are still a few good men out there, the first responsibility falls to the sub on who she decides to trust with her well being. I at first trusted the wrong person that responsibility for that mistake falls entirely on MY shoulders nobody else's. I would disagree with your last line, but then--I'm a domme. I have my own ideas about the obligation to be trustworthy. I would agree, however, that far too often, when a submissive trusts the wrong person, the CONSEQUENCES for that mistake fall entirely on his/her shoulders. Having friends who actually care about you--enough to be named as a "protector", for example--can change that situation somewhat. Speaking solely for myself? I am more than capable of catching up with somone who abused or injured a submissive friend of mine and beating that person like a harp seal. I am sure that many other dominants of both sexes would agree with me--and quite a few submissives as well. There are many, many submissive men and women who are trained in the martial arts, and they use those skills not just to protect themselves, but others in their community. Knights in shining armor--or black leather--do exist. And we come in all orientations. Sometimes your safety can be protected by something as simple as having a person who expects a phone call from you at a certain time--after you've been released from bondage and everything is ok--and who has the name, address and phone number of the new dom you were planning to meet that evening. I realize the idea of "protection" sounds silly at times, especially when the offer really isn't sincere. But friends in this community who understand your needs and your quest for a partner are NOT a bad thing. And if your friend happens to be a strapping Gay Leather Daddy Dom who would never want to use you as his own sub, but is more than capable of beating a potential rapist into a sticky paste--so much the better, no? [;)] I know this is coming off as smart ass but in all seriousness When the time comes... Would you be my safe call?

LilMissHaven -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 12:07:00 PM)
I love this thread! I originally made it with my mind completly made up with the foolishness towards having a protector and after some rather intelligent replies I've been re-examining my own belief. While your never going to see me with an online protector, I mean come on really. I never took into consideration the many ways I'm quietly protected. My group of friends all understand that I'm going thru this "I can do it by myself" phase but it seems that there is always one or two of them close by, stopping in to just talk, asking if they can help in anyway, hugging me instead of beating me. The same people I have stared Dom's down for, jumped to their defense when another said something untruthful about them, been there, listened, hugged, cried, laughed at. I guess it comes down to seeing something I didn't notice before. I should thank you all but I'm just still not ready to believe I need someone to look out for me...Dammit I'm a big girl!

ShaktiSama -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 12:16:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven I know this is coming off as smart ass but in all seriousness When the time comes... Would you be my safe call? Absolutely, although if I live too far away from you, a dominant like me is more useful as a sounding board. I.e., "I met a guy/gal, here's how things went, here's how I feel, here's how he/she is acting--what do you think?" These forums are good for that as well. There are a lot of good posters here, dominant and sub, who can smell the difference between D/S and B/S. Generally I prefer to be the safe call when I'm within driving distance of the encounter, so that I'll be there if the police are busting in a door. But if you simply need someone to work out your code word for "I am not ok, he's taken me prisoner please call the cops", I can certainly do that. quote: I guess it comes down to seeing something I didn't notice before. I should thank you all but I'm just still not ready to believe I need someone to look out for me...Dammit I'm a big girl! No one who would be really useful to you as protection thinks that you are not a big girl. On the other hand, it doesn't matter how big or tough you are; it never hurts for potential predators to know that someone cares what happens to you, and will be keeping an eye on things. There is a reason that nasty folk tend to target someone alone, rather than someone in a group. The real purpose of a "protector" is to watch your back and keep you pointed in the right direction, not to keep you from standing on your own feet. Everyone has to find their own bliss in this community--but we are a community, and we do have some standards to uphold. No one needs to hear another horror story about a person who went out looking for the One and found the Wrong One.

LilMissHaven -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 12:20:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama quote: ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven I know this is coming off as smart ass but in all seriousness When the time comes... Would you be my safe call? Absolutely, although if I live too far away from you, a dominant like me is more useful as a sounding board. I.e., "I met a guy/gal, here's how things went, here's how I feel, here's how he/she is acting--what do you think?" These forums are good for that as well. There are a lot of good posters here, dominant and sub, who can smell the difference between D/S and B/S. Generally I prefer to be the safe call when I'm within driving distance of the encounter, so that I'll be there if the police are busting in a door. But if you simply need someone to work out your code word for "I am not ok, he's taken me prisoner please call the cops", I can certainly do that. I'm extremely lucky, when I decided that I wanted to be J's sub I just jumped in with both feet. No safe call, no real friends in or out of the lifestyle yet, a runaway (my parents having no clue where I was)...I think of all the things that luckily didn't go wrong and break out into a cold sweat. One of the reasons its taken me so long to break back into the scene as a single sub...I watch, study, take notes on the information other subs and Doms share with newbies on how to keep themselves safe not only physically but mentally as well. I get your point and honestly when the time comes I think I'd prefer to have a trusted friend standing outside the door just in case.[;)]

domiguy -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 12:36:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama The real purpose of a "protector" is to watch your back and keep you pointed in the right direction, not to keep you from standing on your own feet. Everyone has to find their own bliss in this community--but we are a community, and we do have some standards to uphold. No one needs to hear another horror story about a person who went out looking for the One and found the Wrong One. This "Community" harbors some of the dumbest motherfuckers I have ever had the chance to come across. In my community we kicked out all of the nincompoops...There was a chance that if alcohol were introduced into the community there might be some ill conceived breeding. The pool of humanity is already at an all time low....Don't want to lose more depth. Let the stupid be killed...Darwin had the right idea. If you can't decide to quit your job or if you don't have good serial killdar working than maybe you should stay at home and flick the bean....No chance of getting hurt unless you accidently drop your toaster into the tub...(which is the third leading cause of death for the subs on CM) If this is a community...I'm selling. The Fire Department would be in charge of starting fires and the Mayor would be making crystal meth in his office. The town would be teaming with cougars.

petitespitfire64 -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/15/2008 1:27:39 PM)
Wow...since I don't have your omnipotent approval..I'll go take that toaster to the bathroom now. Eye roll

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