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Letting him go - 4/17/2008 6:40:18 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		hello to all

i should have done a search on this subject (thanks beforehand to LA and her "easy" button of links) but i'm seeking personal thoughts/experiences.

i just released one of my pets this week however it's not the pet "disappearing" on me, i'm leaving him for reasons i shall not go into details. i merely want to know from other Mistresses how you felt releasing someone for the first time.

i know anyone can post here but what i'm seeking is a dominant woman's pov

thanks


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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...
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RE: Letting him go - 4/17/2008 7:10:34 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

hello to all

i should have done a search on this subject (thanks beforehand to LA and her "easy" button of links) but i'm seeking personal thoughts/experiences.

i just released one of my pets this week however it's not the pet "disappearing" on me, i'm leaving him for reasons i shall not go into details. i merely want to know from other Mistresses how you felt releasing someone for the first time.

i know anyone can post here but what i'm seeking is a dominant woman's pov

thanks



Like my own world had stopped turning. I think there is a grieving process that one must go through after releasing a sub, especially when one didn't really want to release him, but had no choice. (Sorry about the long run lol)
Sambamanslilgirl, take time to heal. Know that you are not alone in your tears.

MoGa

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RE: Letting him go - 4/17/2008 8:01:31 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Frankly, the first sub that I had built a relationship with that I let go caused me a lot of tears.  He had not acted nearly up to the standards that I had expected, I put a lot of money and time and effort into him, and our five day holiday of having him spend every available second with me turned into a total of less than six hours.  At first I blamed myself, thinking that somehow I had not been a good enough Mistress.  Then I realized that he had basically been playing a game with me.  It taught me a good lesson about the differences between what people SAY they will do and what they REALLY will do. 

Sure, it hurts.  Even if there is a good reason for the seperation it is hard not to feel emotional about it - or what could have been.  Just know that you need to do what is best for you, and chances are it will be best for the sub in the long run.  Then look for something (or someone) better to use your time on.


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RE: Letting him go - 4/17/2008 9:23:21 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Sad.  It's my default setting to blame myself for everything, so first off I questioned my judgement for choosing that person in the first place.  Angry, of course, since how dare he disappoint me?  Finally, you take what good you can from the situation, and move on.

If you don't have an emotional reaction at the ending, what kind of relationship was it?  Depending on the depth of feeling, IMO it's important to work on not feeling bitter over it, and letting that feeling leach over into other relationships.

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RE: Letting him go - 4/17/2008 12:28:36 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		It depends on the reasons and the length of time invested--I'm not being cold, but life is what it is and sometimes pets are meant for others, so releasing may be the best thing---we cannot conquer them all.
 
Look at the good you did, what you gave them, how you grew them and be pleased that you left them better than you found them---

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The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

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RE: Letting him go - 4/17/2008 1:13:19 PM   
GentleMistress5


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/28/2008
Status: offline 		My first sub came to me, tearfully, and asked to be released.  He was already working a full-time job, and was going to start his own business besides.  He felt he didn't have the time to devote to me anymore and was struggling with his conflicted feelings about spending time with me and working to get his business going.  It hurt like hell to let him go, but I truly knew it was best for him.

So sad... My heart goes out to you, Sambamanslilgirl.

Gentle Mistress

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RE: Letting him go - 4/17/2008 2:30:07 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		thank you everyone

right now i am going through a wide range of emotions right now. i'm feeling sad and angry at the same time espcially since it's so close to my birthday and we had plans to celebrate together.

se le vie


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to GentleMistress5)
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RE: Letting him go - 4/17/2008 3:47:37 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		It hurts.  Like losing any relationship... lover, friend, or relative.  I resently had to 'kick one to the curb'.  He had been with me for YEARS and I was extremely fond of him.  He was one of those 'roller coaster' rides.  When it was good, it was AMAZING... but when it was bad, I just wanted to kill him.  I tried several times to get this man out of my life... but some how, I just kept calling him back to me.  This time.  I think its really over.  I'm not even really hurt or sad about it.  Sort of numb, but sort of relieved.  Part of me still hopes he comes crawling back.  Part of me is relieved when I don't see any messages from him.  I've even stopped checking "our secret email box" every day... just once a week.

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RE: Letting him go - 4/17/2008 5:27:28 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I went through a range of emotions from angry, sad, resigned and finally, relieved.  Some subs have way too much baggage, drama and neurotic behaviors.
 
Go out and enjoy your birthday your friends and indulge in some quality personal time to recharge your energy.
 


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

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RE: Letting him go - 4/17/2008 6:23:58 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

It hurts.  Like losing any relationship... lover, friend, or relative.  I resently had to 'kick one to the curb'.  He had been with me for YEARS and I was extremely fond of him.  He was one of those 'roller coaster' rides.  When it was good, it was AMAZING... but when it was bad, I just wanted to kill him.  I tried several times to get this man out of my life... but some how, I just kept calling him back to me.  This time.  I think its really over.  I'm not even really hurt or sad about it.  Sort of numb, but sort of relieved.  Part of me still hopes he comes crawling back.  Part of me is relieved when I don't see any messages from him.  I've even stopped checking "our secret email box" every day... just once a week.



*sighs*  Unfortunately, I get that- completely.

OP:
I will concur with the rest of the answers, adding only that I too looked to myself first, to see what in me could have caused the responses I did not want.  I took a moment to fix what I thought was not quite right about me because in the end, it does take two.
I felt sadness, loss, anger... the whole range of emotions that go into breaking apart any type of relationship.

I also now know what NOT to look for in a pet/submissive/slave  (or should I say, some of what NOT to look for) because of that relationship

*hugs*

Time will make it better.

Lady Jag

< Message edited by PsyVamp -- 4/17/2008 6:24:59 PM >

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Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

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RE: Letting him go - 4/18/2008 1:04:59 AM   
LadySharon


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline 		I feel for you... I had to release a very special boy, for reasons of his own making. It hurt like hell! When you've spent a significant amount of time and energy with someone building the trust that exists between a domme and her boy... it's like having a piece of you ripped off.
You'll feel raw for a while, but, move on and learn whatever lesson you need from this; either about yourself or about the choices you made when you picked him,  treated him and decided to let him go.
Be strong, enjoy your birthday as a new beginning, a beginning that doesn't include him.... and remember, men are like buses... there will be another one by in about ten minutes!

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RE: Letting him go - 4/18/2008 1:05:00 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If it's someone you've grown close to, of course it hurts.  There's a grieving process involved, just like when any other type of relationship ends.  Sure it hurts, but that, along with the other emotions, are part of the process.

You can count Me in with the camp with those who tend to take on the responsibility of whatever happened that warranted release to be looking inward at Myself.  Why did I chose a particular person or what about Me prompted a certain behavior.  That self analyzing is part of the process for Me.

Yes, if the pet was important to you, it will take time.  Yes, even without knowing the reason, it's probably going to hurt.  I'm sorry that you're having to go through that.




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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 12
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