RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (Full Version)

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Focus50 -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/18/2008 1:27:52 AM)

I'm a straight male Dom who's not the least bit interested in having a male sub - gay or straight.  BDSM is how I express intimacy, not just sex, and only a fem/sub can fulfill all my desires and needs.
 
So chalk me up as another who can't actually give you the insight you seek, save to say not all straight male Doms do seek gay male subs.  Clearly the individuals you refer to are leaving out a piece of relevant information.  You'll have to make your own mind up whether that's actually a red flag to you.
 
Focus.



NiFkI -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/18/2008 4:38:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DV8fromthenorm

I am a new to this so I hope my question does not offend anyone.  I am a gay male sub with little experience and curious about this lifestyle.  Can someone please explain to me why some married or straight male doms sometimes seek gay male subs?  Once again, not my intention to offend anyone, just trying to gain some insight.  Any help would be appreciated.    


To me, domination does not have to be sexual, and varies on the sexuality of the act as well.

For example, I am straight, and very rarely sexually attracted to females. However, some of my best experiences within BDSM (as i am relatively new) have been with female dominants, although the acts are not sexual in nature... i will not touch etc a Domme in a sexual way. On the other side, although i will take any form of domination from males, i would much rather there be a sexual element in the play *smiles*

I think the different aspects of each sex attracts you for different reasons. So i will suppose that this is simular in dominants minds as well.

However... i dont think male dominants would like male subs because they can tollerate or take more ways of pain; female subbies are much more stronger, male subs are so wussie :P

nifki xxx



Dnomyar -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/18/2008 5:23:07 AM)

I had a couple of bi slaves do house work for me. As far as the sex went I fixed them up with each other. I did'nt seek them out. They both came to me with an offer. I guess that would bother some people but Im not some people.



chamberqueen -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/18/2008 5:54:46 AM)

I know of men who consider themselves to be straight who still enjoy being serviced orally by another man.  You would have to ask each one who contacts you what his true interest is.  It could range from something totally nonsexual to completely sexual - but he doesn't see himself as anything but straight because he is only doing it with a sub.  Or, maybe with a married man, he wants to play but has an agreement with his wife not to play with other women. 

If they are contacting you, know that your profile and/or pic are getting attention.  : )  It is up to you to choose whether or not to respond, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking why they chose to write to you.  Also, people don't always look at the check boxes or read profiles well - they may just see something that attracts them to you and so write.



PrettyPaddles -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/18/2008 7:29:17 AM)

Sub dom relationship does not always equal sexual relationship. 



FangsNfeet -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/18/2008 8:24:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

 BDSM is how I express intimacy, not just sex, and only a fem/sub can fulfill all my desires and needs.
 
Focus.


Okay but is it a problem for you to spank or flog a submissive male?



fun1212 -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 5:23:20 AM)

How about there are DOM Bi and just don't want to post it? Some people are always"undercover" and until you talk to them you can't tell anything.



Focus50 -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 6:38:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

 BDSM is how I express intimacy, not just sex, and only a fem/sub can fulfill all my desires and needs.
 
Focus.


Okay but is it a problem for you to spank or flog a submissive male?

Technically, it's not a problem in so far that things I'm not the least bit interested in are not generally defined as being "problems"....  Surely there was an adequate clue to your question from the deleted preceding sentence of your quote?  
 
Here's the whole paragraph restored....

>> "I'm a straight male Dom who's not the least bit interested in having a male sub - gay or straight.  BDSM is how I express intimacy, not just sex, and only a fem/sub can fulfill all my desires and needs." <<
 
Note, too, that I specifically stated that my need for a fem/sub wasn't just about sex.  Consensually flogging a submissive female is something I'd consider intimate in a BDSM context; so is establishing everyday house rules and guidelines for her.  Males are who I play golf with - and I don't count "flog" spelt backwards....  lol
 
Focus.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 7:25:09 AM)

My sexuality is pretty open but I have never had sex with a man and it doesn't do anything for me.  However, I am comfortable being quite intimate with men, as a kid a number of my close friends and I had multiple MMF threesomes and I have been on my back in a 69 with a chick while a buddy was fucking her from behind. 

Years ago I topped a guy at the Power Exchange in SF, it was interesting.  Last year I played with a guy BSB was doing CBT to, mainly because I knew how wet it would make her but it just doesn't do anything directly for me.

That said, I hadn't thought about taking a gay male submissive but I have thought about taking a male submissive for service but now that  you mention it...hmmm.  Women tend to fall for anyone they play with I just recently made the mistake of doing that again.   The problem for me in finding a gay male submissive here is that there is an active leather community but very little crossover and my chance of meeting a gay male I clicked with and who for some reason wanted a straight het male dominant is pretty slim but I would be open to it.  Gay men play so fucking hard it just might be interesting.

That said, I would bet the vast majority of "straight" male dominants checking out the op's profile are closet gay mens.  The scene has more than its share of prudes.  Just look at club rules, it is okay for cunts to be exposed and played with but the reverse is often not true of cocks or at least there are more rules.  Being a bi woman is expected, being a bi male is a still as sign you are just a bit less manly to many. 

I am going to have to give some thought to the gay male thing...hey I could advertise myself as a "trainer" and get some hot newbie who doesn't know any better....thanks for the cool idea guys!



KnightofMists -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 7:31:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am going to have to give some thought to the gay male thing...hey I could advertise myself as a "trainer" and get some hot newbie who doesn't know any better....thanks for the cool idea guys!


Yeah.... but your not a "fucking" trainer... and most gay males wanna be fucked!

Of course... you might find a gay male that dreams of being fucked but can't get over the idea of actually doing it and therefore.. you would be safe for him and then he can still pump his ego that he is a fucking gay male at your leisure.  Nothing like committing to do whatever master wants when you know what master will not do.



MistressOfGa -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 8:11:47 AM)

quote:

I dont look at gender when I look at the potential connection of a submissive and myself

Me neither. I also don't look at anyone's sexual orientation while in bed with them. For instance, if I was involved in a threesome with m/f/f I would not consider myself bi or gay. It's all about having fun. There are no labels when we are having sex. <Shrugs> Now if I can convince Brian of this. He feels that I would see him as bi or gay. I keep telling him I wouldn't. It isn't about sexual orientation with me. Hell, we had a threesome with my best friend. I am not gay, or bi. I just wanted to watch actually lol but in order for pup to feel more secure about it, I jumped in. Fun is fun!! :)

MoGa



RavenMuse -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 8:31:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
Okay but is it a problem for you to spank or flog a submissive male?


Like Focus I wouldn't seek a male even for simply a service submissive. I am capable of fulfilling that role because there isn't sex involved but I simply have no interest in taking even that limited responcibility for a male. Frankly, I don't connect as well Dynamic wise.

However it is certainly not a problem to flog a sub male. When a Mistress of My aquaintence asked to take a closer look at My flogging technique whilst We where at an event. Her boy was to hand and was used as a demo bunny for the perpouse. Not the first time I have done such and very unlikely to be the last.

Just because We don't look for such for Ourselves doesn't mean We have a 'problem', simply a prefference.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 8:55:18 AM)

aloha dv8

welcome.

i have found that playing with both sexes and trans offers very different experiences, and as a person that truly loves all different experiences in power exchange, i tend to seek things that i know will challenge me and excite me:
frighten me....heighten me........enlighten me



TampaDomCouple -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 10:42:48 AM)

Domination is in the brain, not the genitals. Having said that, I enjoy having the sexual use and enjoyment of a young female slave. I enjoy the comradery and service of a straight male slave (especially if he has a straight submissive girlfriend and a cuckold fantasy). I have enjoyed the Domination and service of lesbian females, especially when my Dominance over them has caused them to offer me their sexual service, denied. The same is the attraction for gay male submissives. The idea that I am being served by someone who can only expect to receive from me, my Domination. That is sincere service, without an expectation of sexual release or pleasure.



DV8fromthenorm -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 12:59:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TampaDomCouple

I have enjoyed the Domination and service of lesbian females, especially when my Dominance over them has caused them to offer me their sexual service, denied. The same is the attraction for gay male submissives. The idea that I am being served by someone who can only expect to receive from me, my Domination. That is sincere service, without an expectation of sexual release or pleasure.


I'm glad your wrote that Tampa DomCouple, that is exactly where my head is at when subing for a straight male dom, there is no expectation of sexual release for me, although I have to say, sometimes there has been.  The idea that all I'm going to receive is domination from the male just excites me more.  :-)  I can take care of my sexual release by myself once all is over.



DarkVictory -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 4:44:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DV8fromthenorm

I am a new to this so I hope my question does not offend anyone.  I am a gay male sub with little experience and curious about this lifestyle.  Can someone please explain to me why some married or straight male doms sometimes seek gay male subs?  Once again, not my intention to offend anyone, just trying to gain some insight.  Any help would be appreciated.    


One answer to your question may well apply to some male dominants on collarme.com.  In the last 50 years there's been a tradition in the gay leather community for a dom to spend some time as a bottom, *and/or* for that dom to also spend some time in a D/s relationship with someone they're not necessarily sexual with or even attracted to.  This is time the dom is spending exploring the actual dynamics of what D/s and M/s is, apart from the sex.

It's been my experience that the sexual relationship in M/s is absolutely required (your mileage may vary), but in and of itself is not necessarily a contribution to the D/s or M/s dynamic.  And, interestingly, in the early stages of exploring for a dom, the sexual relationship may well detract from or distort the D/s relationship in any number of ways.

While my first assumption is to guess that 'straight-het' men replying to your ad are in fact wanting to explore being bisexual, its also possible that they want to explore D/s independent of the sexual dynamic.  Nothing others haven't already said.



MZJULIA -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 9:22:34 PM)

Heck I dont know really why but I wouldnt argue if My Alpha invited you over...Id be loving it!!!...gwad that sounds way too sexual but hey Im sure you'd be very pleasing eyecandy..and  I love gay guys!!!..they suck cock really well (LMAO) and it gives Me a rest whilst also having a gr8 visual...I say each to their own and variety is the spice of life

                                                                                                                                 MZ.JXXX



Kana -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 9:40:32 PM)

Perhaps its as someone once told me

"Slaves are neither male nor female
they are just slaves.


But personally I am all about having females in my household.
Thats just how I roll.



azropedntied -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 9:47:34 PM)

When i started too many years to reflect upon , bi and lesbian females would interact with me and fill my bdsm D/s SM bondage  needs and there own , did it make them  any less gay ?To the Poster , do you view being gay a lifestyle choice ?most view bdsm S&M D/s not as a lifestyle choice but something that has and is always with in them , in their dna so to speak .
I do know one straight male who seeks out gay males , he told me that he is such the pain pig that no Dominate Woman can ever satisfy his needs ,than only big strong men can beat him in such a way to the pain sensation he needs .I then introduced him to an exception to his own rule  and expanded his definition .Its not always about "sex " .Though the "playing on the down low "  afraid to come out  may also be true .with this question i would find it tough to come up with that universal answer that fits all ,as i bet others would come to that same conclusion .Like a here ya go ,but your definitions may vary kinda thing .



DV8fromthenorm -> RE: Question for Straight Male Doms (4/19/2008 10:00:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MZJULIA

Heck I dont know really why but I wouldnt argue if My Alpha invited you over...Id be loving it!!!...gwad that sounds way too sexual but hey Im sure you'd be very pleasing eyecandy..
                                                                                                                                MZ.JXXX


Thank you for the compliment MZJULIA---    DV8



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