Do you think there is differences in the feelings experienced in a M/s relationship?

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Do you think there is differences in the feelings exper... - 4/18/2008 5:31:30 AM

NiFkI

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/31/2007
Status: offline

Hello All,

I have a quick question that i have been thinking over for a while now, and would like to get your opinions on.

Have you been over whelmed or scared by a submissives' feelings toward you?

Do you think a submissive can tend to have stronger feelings in a M/s relationship, wither owned or not, than the dominant?

I am just asking this because of an experience i've had lately with my good friend, who is my daddy, who misinterpreted my feelings, thought they were feelings that i wanted a relationship rather than to those to my dominant. As i am not afraid to say i love him in that role *smiles* Everything is back to normal now, even if sometimes i think he holds back a little now.

Maybe i just sound like a silly little girl, but i would like to hear others thoughts on the topic

Thanks, nifki xxx

Post #: 1

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 5:35:45 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I can't speak for everyone so I will just go on my experiences. Subs do tend to be more emotional. My current malesub does show his emotions more as I am not overly emotional. He doesn't hesitate to tell me that he loves me and I don't mind that because I love him too.

But one thing I did notice when we first got together was he was very determined to be with me, whereas I am more of a slow mover in the relationship department. So I had to slow him down so that I would feel comfortable with how things proceeded. I think it worked out for the best.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 5:47:01 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Being both Domme and slave, I would give you a definite YES on that. Sadly, in our society, it seems that the single word that men most fear is "need". The first time I ever told my Daddy that I needed him I was afraid that he might end the relationship. (This was my own fear, not one that he put into me.) Instead I was very pleasantly surprised to be rewarded for this admission.

I love my Master as my Master, but not in a truly romantic sense. He understands this, and so it is safe to use the term. He will never need me the way that I need Him, but I know that He adores me and that makes me feel wonderful.

I don't love my subs. I see myself almost as a counselor, one who allows them to speak freely about their desires and help them to live out their dreams. The pleasure that I get from it is having them open themselves fully to me. It is not uncommon that they love me for this, their confidant, but they can confuse that love with what one feels for someone whom they want to marry. They think of me as the woman of their dreams, which is exactly what I am. To them I am not so much a real person but their deepest wish granter. Because they tend to take such an unrealistic view of me I cannot feel the same way back.

Personally, I believe that part of this dynamic is because I am a woman with a Master and male subs. Some say that there is no gender difference between subs, but I think that when most men finally open themselves up that they strongly tie that together with feelings of love. Most women are used to being more open.

_____________________________

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 6:07:52 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm not sure why you feel it is necessary to not love your dominant or for him not to love you.

There are many of us here monogamous 24/7, sharing a home, raising a family. Allow me to assure you that we do love each other. Him being the leader doesn't mean I can't love him, the opposite in fact. I love him more because he is willing to take the lead, make the hard decisions. He loves me more because we have very few power struggles, because I enjoy giving control over to him.

My ex hated having to make a decision, but reserved the right to carp about every decision I ever made. His ex makes bad decisions yet hated having him take control even though his decisions were the right thing to do. Having had those bad relationships allows us to appreciate each other more.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 8:48:49 AM

roomtorent

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/17/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

In a M/s relationship things are more transparent and open, less games.
For some I would think that it might be a shock to them to realize that regardless if their Dom or sub.

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 8:51:56 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I don't think there is either side where the feelings are 'stronger' but there is a difference in how they are expressed and that comes naturaly because of who We are and our role in the relationship.

The Dominant/Master can't afford to let Himself get carried away by the emotions. He has a responcibility to keep control of the situation, keep both realistic and not getting carried away with fantasy, account for the rest of the real world and the needs of getting on day to day within in.

I've never been worried by the strength of emotions coming from a girl.... I have however been concerned when those emotions equaited to starting to push her to act beyond the bounds of realism.... especialy when it comes to building a 'greater than human' image of Me... That I try and stop as soon as it is spotted.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 8:56:37 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I don't think there is either side where the feelings are 'stronger' but there is a difference in how they are expressed and that comes naturaly because of who We are and our role in the relationship.

I agree, but I'd probably put more emphasis on the differences in gender. Men and women process emotions and express them differently.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 8:59:00 AM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

I passionately love my little girl--she's my slave, wife, and my little baby. She seems to love me pretty passionately as well. I think our relationship works in large part because we are profligate in our love for each other.

I think what you are talking about has nothing to do with positions in PE, and everything to do with different levels of openess to intimacy.

_____________________________

True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 11:26:16 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiFkI

Have you been over whelmed or scared by a submissives' feelings toward you?

No

quote:

Do you think a submissive can tend to have stronger feelings in a M/s relationship, wither owned or not, than the dominant?

No

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 1:52:47 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiFkI
Have you been over whelmed or scared by a submissives' feelings toward you?

Yes

quote:

Do you think a submissive can tend to have stronger feelings in a M/s relationship, wither owned or not, than the dominant?

Yes, but the opposite is also true.

quote:

I am just asking this because of an experience i've had lately with my good friend, who is my daddy, who misinterpreted my feelings, thought they were feelings that i wanted a relationship rather than to those to my dominant. As i am not afraid to say i love him in that role *smiles* Everything is back to normal now, even if sometimes i think he holds back a little now.

Maybe i just sound like a silly little girl, but i would like to hear others thoughts on the topic

Thanks, nifki xxx

Just keep being honest and communicating, can't miss.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 1:53:56 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: roomtorent
In a M/s relationship things are more transparent and open, less games.

Except when it's not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to roomtorent)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 3:31:51 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

It depends on whether her emotions are based on something realistic.

You can have whatever sorts of emotions you want. How you act on them is going to determine you Dom's reactions.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 4:32:28 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Do you think a submissive can tend to have stronger feelings in a M/s relationship, wither owned or not, than the dominant?

I think it can go both ways, any Dominant who thinks a submissive/slave (pick a term that fits) can't feel stronger feelings than they feel back needs a reality check and same as vice versa Feelings happen weither we want then to or not, or even if they are recipercated or not.

I am lucky that the relationship I am in, it's recipercated and then some

ten fold by both.

:)
Wolf's denika

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 5:43:01 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

Do you think a submissive can tend to have stronger feelings in a M/s relationship, wither owned or not, than the dominant?

No

I will add this as well....

The strength of ones feelings for another is irrelevant to who is Dominant or Submissive. It is a rather personal thing of a person in the strength of their feelings for another. Some Dominants and Submissives have intensely strong emotions for the people they care about... just as some will have less depth to those feelings. However, to what scale does a person measure the strength of such feelings. If you don't have a way to measure ... how can one compare two individuals to determine who is stronger or not. Of course, this scale should objective and to date... I have not seen any such way to measure emotions in an objective manner.

Our perception is all that we have to go on.... for some... they would truly perceive that I am very cold and shallow. Others will perceive something completely different. We each have our own scale that we measure others strength and our strength of emotions for those around us. It really is all that we have to go on. But, making universal judgements based on a specific label... is usually going to be wrong.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 7:22:57 PM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

Yes and no.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/18/2008 8:02:20 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

It depends on whether her emotions are based on something realistic.

You can have whatever sorts of emotions you want. How you act on them is going to determine you Dom's reactions.

And sometimes no matter what you do, he won't react well because he has his own issues and doesn't want to deal with them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/19/2008 5:44:57 AM

fun1212

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I have found subs are in nature more open with there feelings they want control and when they receive it the blossom. So emmotionally they grab on to a good relationship quickly. As for the Dom part hell I am a man and there are issues here I don't even wanna deal with.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/19/2008 10:41:21 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Overwhelmed or scared? Nah? Annoyed? Sure. They get clingy sometimes (often, actually) and I hate that.

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/20/2008 2:58:08 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiFkI
thought they were feelings that i wanted a relationship rather than to those to my dominant. As i am not afraid to say i love him in that role *smiles*

i think its important to define and declare the goal of a relationship in the beginning. There is a certain beauty in a relationship that is has no romantic basis, in some ways it is beautiful in its simplicity. The problem is the english language doesn't always have the right word for the kind of emotion a slave may feel for a Master who is not her/his lover.

What is the word? How can someone express the feeling? i have been not in love with Dominants in the past but i would sometimes have strong feelings of affection, respect, awe. What i finally came up with was "You are awesome" because i couldn't think of anything else to say that would not be interpreted as 'i love you' or 'let's get married.' or some such nonsense.

In my current relationship, i often think 'i love You' doesn't even say the depth of my feelings and i want a stronger word but there doesn't seem to be one.

Of course there are going to be people who do not want emotional intimacy on either side of the slash and will be spooked by anything that might look like the dreaded emotional attachment. i will confess that i have ended relationships when i felt the Dominant was getting too emotionally invested because that was not the kind of relationship we had agreed to.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 19

RE: Do you think there is differences in the feelings e... - 4/20/2008 5:26:43 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiFkI

Have you been over whelmed or scared by a submissives' feelings toward you?

Never! Nothing overwhelms me unless I allow it to.

quote:

Do you think a submissive can tend to have stronger feelings in a M/s relationship, wither owned or not, than the dominant?

I immagine this will be dependent on both gender and the specific relationship dynamic. However I dare say that those submissives who identify as slaves and especially in a 24/7 TPI dynamic are more prone to fall in love more readily than a submisive who is in reality in a part time relationship which may well BDSM based rather than a wider based service & what ever dynamic.

People are different and react differently under different stimuli. Jolly hard to give more specific replies though.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 20

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