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.fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 8:48:01 AM

RCdc

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I am just wanting opinions by people here on CM on the concept of people who befriend a person and then who offer them a safe place to experiment. I am trying really hard to be unbiased and trying to see if I am judging something I don't really 'get'.

I am wary of people who profess a friendship and then manipulate the situation by offering the other person to 'learn' in an (alleged) safe environment by offering sexual services.

We aren't talking mentorship or training and I do understand the concept of fuck buddies. This isn't any of those. But when approached by someone under the guise of friendship only - which then turns into - well, experiment with me if you want - in little more than a month - just feels a little, contrived.

I am really asking peoples thoughts, so thanks in advance.

the.dark.

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 8:51:23 AM

Leatherist

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Some girls will do almost anything in the middle of a sub frenzy to get thier fix. Some tops are happy to take advantage of it. I've played with women on a first date and fucked them raw. And we had lots more after that-there were no complaints.

I guess it depends on your expectations?

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 8:54:17 AM

Dnomyar

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It takes you a whole month? Sounds like you need a little mentoring.

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 8:54:40 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From my POV, sounds like a guy wanting to take advantage....

I am a big fan of sex, and if everyone is up front with what's happening, I don't see a problem. I do have an issue with manipulation, and false offers of friendship that are masking cheap motives. Is sex really that hard to come by that people have to go through such histrionics to get it?

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 8:55:26 AM

hopelessfool

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From what Ive learned of men and women who want laid...

If it worked once and they see it work once they will do what they need to get in a girls pants...

If it means pretending to be a friend they will
If it means pretending to be an ass they will
If it means pretending to be a chicken and dressing as such they will.

As long as the end meet is they get laided.

Some are honest about it Some aren't but usually I get a feeling in the first week or so to what they want. If I have to tell them more then once the conversation is not where I want to go it not something Im going to discuss with you in that week I simply part ways.

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 8:55:37 AM

LadyRainfire

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I would question the timing myself, especially if it's someone that you know casually and haven't spent a lot of time with. If it was someone you had known for years, that might be different. Speaking for myself however, I would experiement with my partner and prefer to discover what I like or don't like with him since he is the man I have chosen to spend my life with.

Just my thoughts though...

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 8:59:08 AM

RCdc

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Just out of interest - as well - do peoples thoughts on the subject change depending on the sex, orientation and position(for the want of a word) of the person doing the offering? I really do thank everyone who is answering.

the.dark.

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:03:00 AM

hopelessfool

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For me, if Im unattached and that need is wanting more then usual. If its a female I wouldnt do it. But if the guy was cute and we had things in common, and where likely to enjoy the experience, yes Id probably do it to simply have a good time.

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" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:05:14 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Some girls will do almost anything in the middle of a sub frenzy to get thier fix. Some tops are happy to take advantage of it. I've played with women on a first date and fucked them raw. And we had lots more after that-there were no complaints.

I guess it depends on your expectations?

Thank you for posting that Leatherist.
Expectation? How about - very mixed up and unsure of their place? And I feel that now the person knows this, they are trying to use it. I would not say frenzy plays a part, but I may be wrong.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:07:11 AM

Dnomyar

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The thing that I like about the people here on CM is that you never know what will happen when you meet them. I have had first meeting where we have talked for hours. I have had meetings where women said no thanks but asked for a second meeting where they were all over me. Some have just wanted to talk and ended up wanting to play. You never know. My thought on it is just to go with the flow. You are never going to figure out women anyway.

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:11:46 AM

MastrVran

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You said in little more than a month. Depending on how often you saw this person, that could be a lot of time spent together, where they learned to trust you and built an attraction for you.

If you said on the second meeting, yeah that would be pretty off.

So without knowing much about your situation, all I can say, is it might not be anything more than realizing they like you and would not mind taking it further.

MV

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:12:03 AM

Leatherist

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I had usually discussed these things well in advance online before any meeting. A month or three. It's not as if they didn't know what to expect.

I wasn't exactly pulling a bait and switch tactic. That's not how I operate.

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:12:46 AM

RCdc

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I am completely a person who goes with the flow. Absolutely. But when going with the flow, should one be completely blinkered to all but that one thing and still be making a healthy decision, Ray?(In your opinion)

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:15:26 AM

Missokyst

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I think there is always going to be someone out to exploit that sub frenzy condition. Personally if both people are cool with being casual, great! But too many people have unrealistic expectations of honor, respect, committment, ect. They go in to things with rose colored glasses in the hope that someone playing with them will see how well they fit together and "magic" will occur.
In my view they deserve each other.
One willing to exploit. The other too silly to have sense.
Kyst

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:20:29 AM

hardbodysub

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It's no more contrived than most of the other roles and situations here. And a month can be a very long or very short time, depending on the amount of contact and communication during that period.

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:20:49 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MastrVran

You said in little more than a month. Depending on how often you saw this person, that could be a lot of time spent together, where they learned to trust you and built an attraction for you.

If you said on the second meeting, yeah that would be pretty off.

So without knowing much about your situation, all I can say, is it might not be anything more than realizing they like you and would not mind taking it further.

MV

Hello and thank you for responding, Vran.

To clear up two issues. This isn't about me. This is about someone Darcy and I know and who comfortable for me to ask a question to try and settle my own mind because I feel they are being manipulated. Usually, I do not get involved, as people must learn by themselves. I believe that is the only way. But this person has confided their concern and asked my advice. I am trying to work out if I am being overly sensitive because I cannot give unbiased advice if I am blinkered.
The second issue is that this person has not met my friend. They have not even spoken on the phone and they offer themselves as an experiment. This really concerned me as they have not even met, which they are planning to do, but to make an offer so quickly without even meeting just made me go.... "whoooooah... he did what?"

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:25:46 AM

lateralist1

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When I first started if I wanted to play I did if I didn't then I didn't.
Play is about sex for me.
However I have always been looking for TPE so now I control myself until I know that the sub is right for me and will agree to TPE.
So I don't play at all.
Which is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life lol.

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:26:02 AM

Emperor1956

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the.dark: I was pleased that you added your follow-up question re: orientation/gender etc. because when you posted the first note, you will note that most of the subsequent posters assumed this was a male Dominant taking advantage of a female submissive -- such do we reveal our little, deeply ingrained biases. In fact, I think you have a bias here, too. You do not believe that the person offering the D/s action is a sincere friend.

None of us know enough about the situation you posit to begin a credible analysis of the motives of either player. In fact I have had this exact situation occur when a long-standing friend who I did not ever interact with but who I shared a great enjoyment of D/s situations and people came to me because she wanted to explore aspects of her submissive persona (she was and is a ProDomme). Now from the outside it was precisely the arrangement you are asking about, but in fact it was not manipulative on either side and it was a genuine extension of our friendship.

Of course, there are countless counterexamples of a sneaky, manipulative person who lied to get sex and/or a D/s partner. WOW. Imagine that. One might argue that all of recorded human sexual relationships involve that hypotheses: People will manipulate others to get what they want.

Also, in asking the question don't you reveal that you think the person who is being "befriended" is weak and incapable of making his/her own decisions? I see a hypothetical involving two people...one who has more D/s experience and offers friendship to one who has less experience, and then the more experienced person says "well, if you want to try that we could...." Isn't the person being importuned able to decide for her/his self if this is a good thing? I believe in free will. I don't accept Leatherist's contention that sub women in heat (for example) are so crazed that they cannot decide if an offer is good or bad for them. Yes, surely, there are individuals who make bad judgments, and there are others who prey upon those individuals, but that is hardly unique to D/s friendships. So over all, I can't respond to your question other than "I really don't know."

E.

< Message edited by Emperor1956 -- 4/18/2008 9:28:12 AM >

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:26:42 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

From my POV, sounds like a guy wanting to take advantage....

I am a big fan of sex, and if everyone is up front with what's happening, I don't see a problem. I do have an issue with manipulation, and false offers of friendship that are masking cheap motives. Is sex really that hard to come by that people have to go through such histrionics to get it?

Lady H thank you.
My worry is that it was an offer of friendship, no meet, no speaking, and then - well, if you want - have sex with me with no commitments and find out if you are *insert whatever here*.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .fuckme. to find out? - 4/18/2008 9:26:45 AM

RavenMuse

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When talking with someone I don't yet know I will often work from base principles... namely, I find them interesting enough that I will likely enjoy their company. So the start point maybe lets meet and see how We get along... the potential maybe greatest for 'just' a friendship and that is all the expectations are 'set at'... but IF there is the posibility that there maybe more, if the potential is there for more than a friendship then that is likely to be acknowledged and put to one side until such time as the Dynamic and chemistry is able to be determined.... a "If other options become apparent then We shall cross those bridges as We come to them"

Some of the loveliest people I have met on the scene have come from that approach, meeting, both searching but finding no spark to take things further have simply went into 'friend' mode and got on really well from there rather than wrecked it with disapointment at the person not being what was searched for.

That is simply about being honest and having no 'hidden motives', if however you are on about people who falsely set out to make someone believe that there is only the potential for friendship, but are actualy aiming for sex or play or whatever without being open about such things then yes I would find their actions suspect..

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