RE: .fuckme. to find out?

RE: .fuckme. to find out? (Full Version)

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lronitulstahp -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 1:30:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark I am just wanting opinions by people here on CM on the concept of people who befriend a person and then who offer them a safe place to experiment. I am trying really hard to be unbiased and trying to see if I am judging something I don't really 'get'. I am wary of people who profess a friendship and then manipulate the situation by offering the other person to 'learn' in an (alleged) safe environment by offering sexual services. We aren't talking mentorship or training and I do understand the concept of fuck buddies. This isn't any of those. But when approached by someone under the guise of friendship only - which then turns into - well, experiment with me if you want - in little more than a month - just feels a little, contrived. I am really asking peoples thoughts, so thanks in advance. the.dark. In my experience, sometimes the desire to experiment with someone comes as a natural result of a good friendship The main ingredient that causes that is trust. If someone is a good friend..if we have had time together and gotten to know each other on a platonic level...and neither of us are spoken for...well, it has happened. i would have a problem with someone who winds up sleeping with many of his female friends, because i would view that as a pattern, and such a pattern would likely signal something pre-meditated. Now in terms of D/s...there's even more of a chance that the lines get blurred...the dynamic itself may demand that. In my experience, a Dom can be a good friend...but if one is in sub-frenzy or desperate for a collar...perhaps one should spend little time developing relationships with Dom friends. As Leatherist said, quote: Some girls will do almost anything in the middle of a sub frenzy to get thier fix. Some tops are happy to take advantage of it.

Toolking -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 1:31:05 PM)
Sometimes a test drive is important to enssure quality of vehicale and determine whether you want to have it or not. As many vechales has too much milage on them, I 'd recomend a test drive to see if the engine needs any repairs.

Leatherist -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 1:34:10 PM)
snickers

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 1:46:42 PM)
Most people (often women) need some justification for having random sex and play- so they either couch it within euphemisms or invent a connection where none exists to make it "ok."

Leatherist -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 2:04:30 PM)
Which is why it's more fun to just be a slut. And not try to enable the old in and out with a bunch of sacred protocols. Which mean basically "I am ashamed to be sexual"

lateralist1 -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 2:11:50 PM)
I'm not sure I actually answered the question before so I'll try again. I don't believe that anyone has a right to judge anyone else's behaviour. Except the person who it involved in the relationship with them. All I can say is what I do. I may offer frienship to someone who could possibly become a BDSM sexual partner in time or might remain a friend who I can talk to about BDSM. However I would never indulge in BDSM with a friend. I don't do fuck buddies. I don't experiment sexually with friends. Nearly all my vanilla lovers started out as friends initially though so it's what works for me. I rarely dated strangers because we invariably found we had nothing in common. However I also believe strongly in not trying to bring vanilla lovers into the lifestyle. So many men try and fail. More and more men seem to be getting involved in BDSM and kinky sex and women into BDSM because of the control aspects. I think it's natural for women to want to be in control of their relationships even the ones who like being in the bottom role. Just my view of life. Lets face it the bottom has the power anyway if the top is a not an abuser. Unless they decide to give it up.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 2:17:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lateralist1 I don't believe that anyone has a right to judge anyone else's behaviour. Except the person who it involved in the relationship with them. I'm guessing you really mean "You don't believe that anyone has a right to judge anyone's behavior within a relationship except those involved in the relationship and expect it to have serious personal weight." quote: Lets face it the bottom has the power anyway if the top is a not an abuser. Unless they decide to give it up. Everyone has the power.

CreativeDominant -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 2:51:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: MastrVran You said in little more than a month. Depending on how often you saw this person, that could be a lot of time spent together, where they learned to trust you and built an attraction for you. If you said on the second meeting, yeah that would be pretty off. So without knowing much about your situation, all I can say, is it might not be anything more than realizing they like you and would not mind taking it further. MV Hello and thank you for responding, Vran. To clear up two issues. This isn't about me. This is about someone Darcy and I know and who comfortable for me to ask a question to try and settle my own mind because I feel they are being manipulated. Usually, I do not get involved, as people must learn by themselves. I believe that is the only way. But this person has confided their concern and asked my advice. I am trying to work out if I am being overly sensitive because I cannot give unbiased advice if I am blinkered. The second issue is that this person has not met my friend. They have not even spoken on the phone and they offer themselves as an experiment. This really concerned me as they have not even met, which they are planning to do, but to make an offer so quickly without even meeting just made me go.... "whoooooah... he did what?" the.dark. Haven't read all the way through this thread, wanted to give my thoughts based on what you said, dark. Perhaps he is one of those dishonest trainers. Seriously, I see it as manipulation. Reminds me of several threads on here recently in which a dominant or a submissive held out something which sounds good and kind and noble and then, once the partner is emotionally entangled...or just entangled in some manner...the real reasons or the truth behind the offering are revealed. If this person offering themselves up as an "experiment" wants to enjoy something like sex or any other hedonistic activity (and I mean nothing deleterious when I say hedonistic)...and I am willing to bet he/she does...then they should be honest enough to say so amd quit using the smoke and mirror tactic of cloaking themselves as a "safe experimental ground to be explored".

kiwisub12 -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 4:52:39 PM)
the.dark - since this person is your friend and talked to you, #1. i think they have enough doubt about the sincerity of the offer to question it and ask you, and #2. after talking to the person you had enough doubts about the sincerity of the offer to bounce it off this group - then that is a lot of doubts, and usually first impressions are correct. I wouldnt trust this person based on the "doubts".

domiguy -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 5:02:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark I am just wanting opinions by people here on CM on the concept of people who befriend a person and then who offer them a safe place to experiment. I am trying really hard to be unbiased and trying to see if I am judging something I don't really 'get'. I am wary of people who profess a friendship and then manipulate the situation by offering the other person to 'learn' in an (alleged) safe environment by offering sexual services. We aren't talking mentorship or training and I do understand the concept of fuck buddies. This isn't any of those. But when approached by someone under the guise of friendship only - which then turns into - well, experiment with me if you want - in little more than a month - just feels a little, contrived. I am really asking peoples thoughts, so thanks in advance. the.dark. It is the ploy of the desperate. I have several "buddies" that have tried to "lean" on a friendship in the hopes of one day it may lead to getting knee deep in their swa. (Pussouis...swa for short.) They prey for the time that they will be present for the inevitable "weak moment"...then they will pounce like a lioness that has cornered a wounded wart hog. They are willing to betray whatever sense of trust that they have garnered in the hopes of fucking their "friend." Out here it is the routine. Quite frankly I don't find it to be all that horrific. In a sense these people will learn one of life's grand lessons. Pick your friends and your protectors wisely. For the majority of you are simply dumb wounded wart hogs that are incapable of discerning between true shelters in the storm from leaping lionesses.

lronitulstahp -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 5:19:55 PM)
but...but...i thought you said i could be Your protector, and to be fair, i don't even know what a " Pussouis " is. But i'm pretty sure i don't want You( or anyone else for that matter ) getting knee-deep in "it"

OpeningMySoul -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/18/2008 5:30:13 PM)
His actions raise a red flag. By asking for your advice, most likely something does not feel right and she needs to validate her fears/doubts. Also the fact that you are questioning his actions, could be an indication of an underlying gut feeling, that you have just scrached the surface in regards to his manipulation. And lastly, if he is truly her friend then he should go out of his way to make sure she is comfortable with him (in person) as well as, as a whole. What's the rush? ................................................................................................................ madder than a Keebler elf demoted to fudge-packer.

RCdc -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/19/2008 10:20:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Emperor1956 the.dark: I was pleased that you added your follow-up question re: orientation/gender etc. because when you posted the first note, you will note that most of the subsequent posters assumed this was a male Dominant taking advantage of a female submissive -- such do we reveal our little, deeply ingrained biases. Absolutely. Which is why I did try not to reveal the sex of the persons involved as I hoped for an unbias view. Maybe the sex of the people involved may change peoples perceptions and answers? Would it have been better to make them clearer? quote: In fact, I think you have a bias here, too. You do not believe that the person offering the D/s action is a sincere friend. I believe you are correct. However it is hard for me to make such a judgement without really having any contact with said person, and maybe even wrong to make a judgement. Which is why I decided to ask it here, to see if my thinking was one sided and showing bias. Sometimes you have to ask people outside of 'you' to see 'you' - if that makes sense. quote: None of us know enough about the situation you posit to begin a credible analysis of the motives of either player. In fact I have had this exact situation occur when a long-standing friend who I did not ever interact with but who I shared a great enjoyment of D/s situations and people came to me because she wanted to explore aspects of her submissive persona (she was and is a ProDomme). Now from the outside it was precisely the arrangement you are asking about, but in fact it was not manipulative on either side and it was a genuine extension of our friendship. OK - I understand what you are saying. But the difference I see is that you say she was a long standing friend, whereas this has been a month. Does that make a difference - should it? quote: Of course, there are countless counterexamples of a sneaky, manipulative person who lied to get sex and/or a D/s partner. WOW. Imagine that. One might argue that all of recorded human sexual relationships involve that hypotheses: People will manipulate others to get what they want. I agree. The thing is that this affects a close friend and indirectly affects me and I am a selfish person, no doubt about that. If it's going to touch my life and alter it, I will want input. Not to interfere, but to keep my life on the course, the life that Darcy and by default - I - desire. quote: Also, in asking the question don't you reveal that you think the person who is being "befriended" is weak and incapable of making his/her own decisions? I see a hypothetical involving two people...one who has more D/s experience and offers friendship to one who has less experience, and then the more experienced person says "well, if you want to try that we could...." Isn't the person being importuned able to decide for her/his self if this is a good thing? I believe in free will. Absolutely I agree with you on the point of free will. Absolutely do I believe that people learn from their own experiences, mistakes or otherwise. Do I feel the person is weak? No. Incapable. No. - But in a vulnerable position at this moment in their life? Yes. Had my friend been approached by someone known or a long term friend or associate or a casual 'meet and date' on a site like this or even found someone on a swingers site willing to be a fuck buddy or play buddy I would not hesistate in saying - go experience it, find out, enjoy it hopefully and yay you go for it - just play 'safe' !! In fact that is exactly what I did say initially - but the more info I have been given, the more wary I grow - it is none of the above from what I have been told. quote: I don't accept Leatherist's contention that sub women in heat (for example) are so crazed that they cannot decide if an offer is good or bad for them. Yes, surely, there are individuals who make bad judgments, and there are others who prey upon those individuals, but that is hardly unique to D/s friendships. I can see and agree with both your POV. I agree it isn't unique to Ds relationships and I agree some women(and men) can be so crazed they cannot decide healthily. quote: So over all, I can't respond to your question other than "I really don't know." E. Maybe so, but what you did write gave me cause for thought and I am grateful for that, thank you so much. the.dark.

RCdc -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/19/2008 10:33:31 AM)
Thank you for your response Raven, I really appriciate your viewpoint as always. I completely get what you say about meeting someone and then finding out 'along the way'. I just feel from the information given to me, that the expectation is already there before anyone has even met - even though vague and experimental - it is still there - and it is one sided and to me, that indicated a hidden agenda/motive. the.dark.

RCdc -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/19/2008 10:38:25 AM)
quote: For one thing, having sex doesn't really tell me whether I'm submissive or dominant in nature. For another thing, I may be submissive to some partners and dominant with some others. Besides, haven't we all heard time and again, this isn't all about sex? pip, slightly confused Pip - [sm=yourock.gif] I just had those bells go off in my head hey... (dingdingdingding). Sex doesn't = choice. I didn't think of that and now it's got me contemplating - so cool. the.dark.

RCdc -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/19/2008 10:46:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Most people (often women) need some justification for having random sex and play- so they either couch it within euphemisms or invent a connection where none exists to make it "ok." And I guess that is what I am struggling with hey. I don't believe there has to be a connection to have sex - and it just feels as though this person is trying to form one to get it. And I don't buy into it. the.dark.

KnightofMists -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/19/2008 10:49:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark I am just wanting opinions by people here on CM on the concept of people who befriend a person and then who offer them a safe place to experiment. It's not my style.... I am not interested in giving a place for someone to experiment.... Up front... I will be a friend... I can be a friend where no physical intimacy is a boundry. I can be a friend were physical intimacy is not a boundary. If I am looking to play with you... I will be direct!... no games of manipulation to get in your pants. I also share your concern for those that profess friendship and then manipulate it to "Experimentation".... why not be honest and tell them... I would enjoy playing with you... and without the pulling of strings .. "I am a safe place to get your needs meet while you wait for mr. right" I would simply say... "I would like to play with your because I think your HOT" Let them decide for themselves what their reasons are for playing with me or not playing with me are.

RCdc -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/19/2008 10:52:26 AM)
As a fast reply, ff anyone else decides to post, please do, because I will still be reading them. I just want to thank everyone who has responded so far. I apologise for not commenting on every answer, but I have taken every point on board and you all rock for taking the time to leave your thoughts, perceptions and ideas. the.dark.

KnightofMists -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/19/2008 10:55:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Most people (often women) need some justification for having random sex and play- so they either couch it within euphemisms or invent a connection where none exists to make it "ok." oh god.. This is so true!!! Casual play is not something that many people(often women) are able to do without labeling some emotional connection between the two individuals. and inventing a some sort of connections... or maybe the proper would would be exagerate the what the connection honestly is. I have been exposed to this and regardless of the your perspective that you give them... they look to read into alot more than what it is.

RCdc -> RE: .fuckme. to find out? (4/19/2008 10:57:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists I also share your concern for those that profess friendship and then manipulate it to "Experimentation".... why not be honest and tell them... I would enjoy playing with you... and without the pulling of strings .. "I am a safe place to get your needs meet while you wait for me right" simple... "I would like to play with your because I think your HOT" Let them decide for themselves what their reasons are for playing with me or not playing with me are. Thank you for responding with your thoughts KoM. I highlighted the last portion because this really hit me as a great piece of advice that I will definately take with me personally. Darcy has read this and instructed to send our regards to you and yours, and I send my love to Kyra and Alandra as always. the.dark.

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