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RE: CrossRoads - 4/18/2008 4:22:58 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Can't comment on the addiction , but regarding child rearing  and punkdoms post - I disagree - i have raised 2 little horrors to adulthood (more or less), and theywent from a two parent household to a one parent household with no disturbance in moral attitudes.  If anything they are a little more straight laced than i was at that age.

i have know gay and lesbian couples who raised children with no problems in the little dears pschie. The kids were aware that they had a different family than most kids, but since a lot of kids had one parent households they really didn't suffer. I would think things would be the same with a stable poly household. Kids don't know things are odd or different unless someone tells them, and the little buggers are very adaptable.

I don't see that having poly and kids are mutually exclusive...

(in reply to punkdom)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: CrossRoads - 4/18/2008 4:26:35 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		cmail me, this sort if thing i have tons of experience with
and id be glad and honored to talk with you about your situation.

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: CrossRoads - 4/18/2008 4:27:27 PM   
SwtJadedGrl


Posts: 60
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		i think my concern is not so much them being unstable, but i have a son who is almost 13.  i am not sure how he would handle the situation.  always i have my family who would never in a million years understand any of this.  this is where the combining it all gets to me.  

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~~I'll never claim to be your equal, but never mistake me for weak~~

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: CrossRoads - 4/18/2008 4:53:36 PM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		very humbly,  get through now.  talk to your sponsor, go to a meeting, but get through now.   i am deeply sorry for your loss.  please get through now. 

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to SwtJadedGrl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: CrossRoads - 4/18/2008 7:35:59 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		The world is full of people who will never understand.

On the addiction get that and deal with that and set everything else to the side till you remember where your head is.

Once you are back on track with your recovery then deal with the other issues.

Your Son, ask yourself? Do you think he doesn't know that you are different already? If you are sure he doesn't then ask youself do you think he could handle being told? If you don't then the answer is obvuious your Children comes first.

As for your Parents, there is an odd think about parents they may be disappointed by your choices but in the end they accept you for being you. If they don't accept you for being you then you have to ask yourself this question.... are you ready to be your own adult or do you want to live in the shadow of your parents for the rest of thier life?

In the end of everything the only question you have to ask is..... Will you be making things more difficult or better for those involved, not necessarily in the beginning but Period. In a Poly house there can be a LOT of BS or a LOT of SUPPORT. These people you want to join your family with do you think they have you and your families best interest in mind or do you think they just want a body and any body will do?  Do you feel that you were chosen for a reason or just because you were there?

Once you have all these answers you will know full well what to do.

But no matter what you HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR RECOVERY!!!!!

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
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Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to atursvcMaam)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: CrossRoads - 4/18/2008 8:10:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		OP, you have mail.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: CrossRoads - 4/19/2008 7:25:58 PM   
punkdom


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline 		kiwisub12,

You misrepresent my point substantially. I wasn't at all arguing for the "traditional family" - whatever that is. I think you assume that because I take aim at one aspect of polygamy.

Actually I made it clear I personally see little inherent difference between homosexual and heterosexual couples. If its one on one, its okay in my book. Also I take no slight at single parent families whatsoever - factually, single parent households provide more of a challenge due to the generally increased strain on the one parents, but its not an insurmountable challenge. I have great respect for parents who for one reason or another, "go it alone," and believe it or not, single parenting for as much as its maligned by Republicans, can convey certain advantages not found in a dual parent household.

My point simply is that factually for children, homosexual two parents homes, single parent homes, and heterosexual two parents homes are all relatively non-confusing arrangements. Its when you enter in the dynamic of polygamy, that you substantially increase the potential for inconsistency in parenting and confusion in messages being received by children - which fundamentally is worse for them.

Look, anyone can bring up an single example contradicting this. Kids can be quite robust. I heard of a kid who grew up with no parents as a street hooker who ended up okay one time.

So polygamists, don't suddenly answer from some knee jerk of emotion about why your kid is turned out just fine so I must be wrong. Great, your kid overcame the inherent negatives that came with your lifestyle choice. You beat the odds dictated by child psychology concerning consistent parenting - but your little wonder doesn't disprove the facts - and probably after you die, he or she will still seek counseling on why Sub-Beta Mommy wasn't fucked as often as Sub-Alpha Mommy, and why his parent walked around naked with a collar eating out of a dog bowl. The good thing - he or she will be able to afford the extensive therapy with their porn star salary.




(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: CrossRoads - 4/30/2008 5:35:49 PM   
RemissivoBambina


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/24/2008
Status: offline 		    

< Message edited by RemissivoBambina -- 4/30/2008 5:37:46 PM >

(in reply to punkdom)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: CrossRoads - 4/30/2008 6:43:37 PM   
HornyToadsMI


Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Take a deep  breath and call your sponsor.  EVERYDAY right now.  You need to go in fully, before you go out.  And don't be ashamed or embarrased....we all need help when life throws us a curveball.  The smart people ask for and accept help. 

I have many friends and family who work with (or avoid dealing with) their addiction everyday.  One of my best friends is a recovering alcoholic.  And I am an ACOA. 

Good for you to realize you are at a crossroads.  Sorry for your loss.  Take time to be just you, and a mom.  Forget the rest....relationships are so much better when you are in a better place.  Keep us posted.......

_____________________________

i have the best job in the world - my Boss whips me!!!

Go with your gut - yes, I am being a Smart Ass!

(in reply to RemissivoBambina)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: CrossRoads - 4/30/2008 7:33:36 PM   
MasterJaysslave


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/26/2008
Status: offline 		I am so sorry for your loss and the state you have found yourself in.  I agree with the people here, get yourself sorted out and make some semblence of normalcy before you worry about the making decisions within the lifestyle.  No life altering decisions should be made during a time of crisis or emotional distress.

I hope that you find your inner peace again and know that if you fall, all is not lost.   You just pick yourself back up and if it takes the help of friends who care and love you, there is nothing wrong wth that.

One day a a time sometimes is too far for us to see.   Sometimes we have to take it minute by minute.   Do what you need to do for yourself, so you can be there for your boys.  People are right, the rest will fall into place.   There will be rainbows again we just need to get past the storm.

(in reply to SwtJadedGrl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: CrossRoads - 4/30/2008 7:42:28 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		SwtJadedGrl,
i admire your courage and your honesty.  While i am not an addict and can't understand that part of your struggle, i have been a single parent for over 20 years and know the difficulty in trying to give your kids all that they need and deserve while also trying to meet your own needs as a happy and healthy adult.  Trying to find and develop a satisfying intimate relationship with a compatible adult, while taking care of your little ones, is a challenging balancing act.  All i can say is try to stay strong and keep your priorities straight and get the support that you need from the people who can help.  i will say a prayer for you, too.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to SwtJadedGrl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: CrossRoads - 4/30/2008 8:26:07 PM   
SwtJadedGrl


Posts: 60
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Just an update for everyone.  I am still clean and sober.  Living one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time and hell at some points it is even one second at a time.  I have decided to put all of my energy into these lil men that i am raising.  They deserve that from me.  Some will say that i am hiding behind them, i say i am living for them.  They have sacrificed enough for mommy its mommy's turn to do the right thing.

Thank you to everyone that has shown concern and offered their advice.  It really helped keep my head above water until i was strong enough to swim.  Again thank you for for all of the warmth.


_____________________________

~~I'll never claim to be your equal, but never mistake me for weak~~

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 32
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