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being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 8:45:50 PM

mssinnocent

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline

i have alot of masters/doms in my area that are interested in me but its my first time going out or even talking to any of them is it normal to be so frikkin scared, i dont plan on meeting any of the anytime soon until i know them but the fact that there minutes away form me kinda scares me b/c im afraid they'll see me at the store or something... is this normal or am i completly paranoid =/

Post #: 1

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 9:07:58 PM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

So what if they run across you at the store? Why does it scare you that you may run into them?

if it happens, look at it as "hey ithappend sooner than you'd planned but thats one dom that you 1) know for certain you'd like to continue speaking with OR 2) one less "potential partner" you have to deal with....how many more to go??

It's not so bad. Relax

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 2

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 9:17:59 PM

NiFkI

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/31/2007
Status: offline

Meeting people is always scary.. but there are a few rules i always think you should go by, well i do anyways:

1. never meet anyone before your ready to, and dont let anyone pressure you into it
2. meet them in a totally public place, with only vanilla intentions expectations from the meeting
3. saying that, you should be meeting as 2 people... not as a Dom and sub... this will make things much more relaxed.
4. you always have a choice. you can meet Him as many times as you like before you play, and if you dont want to play with Him you dont have to. I know this rule sounds stupid and obvious, but personally, i have experienced situations where i have felt pressured to do things i may not have done otherwise... some people can use your submissiveness against you.
5. have FUN and dont be scared to take chances. You may be pleasently supprised with what you find.

I have made some great friends, and playmates from the internet *grins*

But this is from my experiences, and you have to make up your own mind

nifki xxx

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 3

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 9:23:34 PM

Exquemelin

Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
Status: offline

Um you don't have a face pic, so I can't imagine they'll recognize you. You see them and what? You keep shopping he walks by never knowing anything. Be careful, which I'm sure there are lots of threads about.

Ex

_____________________________

testing
The Hammer is my penis.

(in reply to NiFkI)

Post #: 4

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 9:38:04 PM

mssinnocent

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline

dude i have a video intro which shows my face =/

(in reply to Exquemelin)

Post #: 5

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 10:08:16 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Not anymore I guess

Which was my suggestion.

If it botters you stop showing you face Truth of the matter is you have NOTHING to be afraid of it's not like people in the in the lifestyle gun down and rape girls in broad daylight For Fucks sake grow a MUCH thicker skin before you go about getting involved in this lifestyle.

Don't be STUPID To begin with and put yourself out there if you cannot protect yourself meaning LEAVE THE MUG SHOTS OFF THE SITE.

Look I post my and my girls photos on this site because both of us can take care of ourselves and also we know that the only people to be AFRAID of we don't associate with in the first place.

Don't put yourself out there if you can't accept the possible outcome.

Steel

**I know this is an unusual stance for someone like me, but you have to understand I have NO TOLERANCE for Little Girl Lost Syndrome**

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 6

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 10:12:54 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Steel. Step away from the pot of coffee.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 7

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 10:19:21 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
**I know this is an unusual stance for someone like me, but you have to understand I have NO TOLERANCE for Little Girl Lost Syndrome**

Little Girl Lost? She's 18 and hasn't done this before. Hell, I was nervous in my 30s when I was first learning this. Cut the girl some slack, eh?

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 8

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 10:22:19 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mssinnocent

i have alot of masters/doms in my area that are interested in me but its my first time going out or even talking to any of them is it normal to be so frikkin scared,

Yes, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and your profile is up front about what you're willing/unwilling to do. Trust your guts.. they appear to be fairly savvy.

quote:

i dont plan on meeting any of the anytime soon until i know them but the fact that there minutes away form me kinda scares me b/c im afraid they'll see me at the store or something... is this normal or am i completly paranoid =/

It's both normal and paranoid. :) Simple fix is to take your face photo's off or use a black out strip or something. Eventually, if you decide to venture out into the world of kink, someone's going to see you up close and personal, but that doesn't mean you have to have it up on a website. You can also offer face shots or camming to people after you get to know them. Just because Collarme provides the video resource doesn't mean you're obligated to use it.

Celeste

edited to add:

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/18/2008 10:24:30 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 9

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 10:22:37 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

You are right I am wound a little tight here.

I am sorry.

None the less the advice still stands if you can't handle the possible outcome you need to pull yourself WAY back and just an education first.

I am gunna Sleep now.

Sorry for the Snarkyness

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 10

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 10:25:29 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Sweet dreams, Steel!

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 11

RE: being afraid =( - 4/18/2008 11:58:57 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Why do it if you're scared? What is there to lose to telling them to meet you at a group event? That way if they don't show, you'll still have fun at the event.

Ask yourself what you could do to reasonably raise your level of security- and I mean REALLY raise it, not just fluffy stuff to make you feel special like a "safe call" which won't actually do anything.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 12

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 2:58:45 AM

Roselaure

Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

Hi Miss Innocent-

This is actually my first post on here, and here I am posting in the "Ask a Master" section. Well, I've never been said to lack nerve!

Your post speaks to me though. I am rather new to this myself and there is a level of trepidation. The unknown is the unknown whether it's this, or a new job, or bungee jumping.

But there's being afraid, and there's being afraid. Certainly when I've met someone new I've been nervous and tingling with anticipation, I probably wouldn't agree to meet him if I wasn't. It's that spark, ya know? That's a far cry from being afraid that the guy that you just met is going to hack you to pieces and dispose of your body in the local landfill. Those kinds of alarm bells need to be listened to, every time.

As far as being afraid they'll see you in the supermarket, so what? Most people operate with a level of personal discretion, so you see them and they see you, make eye contact, smile, go about your business.

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 13

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 4:56:26 AM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

What are you afraid of? Is it fear that they will attack you or harm you? Is it a fear of yourself and the reaction you will have? Being nervous and having butterflies is ok, but real fear isn't. Conquer your fears before jumping in. At least identify what the basis for your fear is.

Have fun, be safe and good luck.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 14

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 5:09:19 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Frankly whats the problem? Unless you are working in a job that you would loose because of the bosses intolerant bullshit attitude if you where outed then you have nothing to worry about.

So they recognise you... big deal.

They wander over and say hello... just like any guy who spot a pretty girl and introduces himself, again not a big deal. So nothing to be paranoid about there... situation normal.

They know you are into kink... fine apart from the possibility of being outted... a possibility they share, in outting you they would be outted too.... you have something in common to chat about. A built in ice breaker, oh a plus point.

They might start trying to boss you around.... Like you haven't ever had to deal with some pushy bozo that was having a hard time taking no for an answer before? you are not in submission to any of them, you owe them nothing and it is EXACTLY the same as backing ANY pushy bozo off.... again situation normal.

So stop being paranoid and get on with living your life normaly!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 15

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 5:35:01 AM

fun1212

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Steel ! ease up on the poor thing..MI relax take it one step at a time. Meet for coffee semi public is the way I go not at a mad crazy diner, but a quiet coffee shop-Barnes & nobles where you can be seen and still talk. Being scared is normal all the usual things are to be expected..rejection, intimidation ect..but as Miss steel put it, get up on the horse!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 16

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 6:56:26 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Well, you're 18 so having him come up and say I'm Master So and So and I want to rape your ass while choking you, when you're with your mother is not a good thing. And yes, there are idiots who probably would do such a thing.

Take your picture down. If you don't want to meet anyone who lives in your neighborhood, then don't. Meet people who live half an hour or an hour away so they don't shop in the same place as you. That's more than close enough to meet halfway for lunch.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to fun1212)

Post #: 17

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 7:02:17 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mssinnocent

i have alot of masters/doms in my area that are interested in me but its my first time going out or even talking to any of them is it normal to be so frikkin scared, i dont plan on meeting any of the anytime soon until i know them but the fact that there minutes away form me kinda scares me b/c im afraid they'll see me at the store or something... is this normal or am i completly paranoid =/

Well of course you're scared - I'd be more concerned if a teenage newbie wasn't...! Young females with an ounce of sense need to be cautious in the general dating world but society doesn't exactly prepare (or even accept) dominant and/or submissive relationship dynamics on top of it - moreso when it's the female who's submitting.

I'd suggest if you're THAT concerned and paranoid etc, you at least take down any pics or vids that can positively identify you. Save them until you're confident enough to actually consider meeting someone r/l. And beware of anyone prodding you for your pic - send it when YOU *trust* them enough...! Anything or anyone that doesn't feel right ISN'T right; you're instincts are warning you - and teenagers are notoriously bad listeners. Keep that in mind....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 18

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 7:11:54 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Frankly whats the problem? Unless you are working in a job that you would loose because of the bosses intolerant bullshit attitude if you where outed then you have nothing to worry about.

So they recognise you... big deal.

They wander over and say hello... just like any guy who spot a pretty girl and introduces himself, again not a big deal. So nothing to be paranoid about there... situation normal.

They know you are into kink... fine apart from the possibility of being outted... a possibility they share, in outting you they would be outted too.... you have something in common to chat about. A built in ice breaker, oh a plus point.

They might start trying to boss you around.... Like you haven't ever had to deal with some pushy bozo that was having a hard time taking no for an answer before? you are not in submission to any of them, you owe them nothing and it is EXACTLY the same as backing ANY pushy bozo off.... again situation normal.

So stop being paranoid and get on with living your life normaly!

Let me take a poke in the dark here - that if you've got kids, they're all males!?!?!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 19

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 7:18:44 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Let me take a poke in the dark here - that if you've got kids, they're all males!?!?!

Not that I think it is relivant... as I see to much 'chicken little', scare mongering... rather than rational caution from folks, usualy American but apparently also Auzzies too.

But yep..... good guess

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 20

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