Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship

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Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:13:29 AM

Andjew

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
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My Dominant ordered me to capitalize all pronouns refering to Her and not capitalize pronouns refering to me or my own name. As her submissive I am more than happy to capitalize pronouns refering to Her as a sign of respect and admiration.
However, I feel that by decapitalizing my own name, I am implying inferiority. We have agreed to a mutually respectful relationship and I know that she has respect for me. I fear that by following this protocol I am implying that Our relationship is not founded on duality and equality. The fundemental problem is that I do not understand the implication of decapitalizing my name. I capitalize Hers as a sign of respect, my logic is that doing the opposite implies disrespect.

Post #: 1

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:16:07 AM

Ostentatious

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
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You haven't asked a question but I've seen this come up a few times. If it works for you, great, if it doesn't then that's great too. If you want to please her you'll do it, if you don't then you won't.

Personally I think it's ridiculous. But then, what do I know.

(in reply to Andjew)

Post #: 2

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:25:37 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
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whatever works for your relationship however it wouldn't matter to me if mine capitializes my name or not.

on the flipside, i do capitialize Daddy's name and not because it's a written protocol. i simply do it show how much i love Him.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Andjew)

Post #: 3

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:27:52 AM

Andjew

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Joined: 4/21/2008
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I did fail to put the topic in a form of a question, yes. For clarifacation, I am asking what this protocol implies, what is it's purpouse? For further clarifacation, I am asking the question to fulfill an order from my Dominant.
I do feel the topic is important because I have had a rough time being open with who I am and I feel the need to cling to my own self worth at all turns.
I am willing to accept this protocol to please my Dominant but only if I feel confident that I am not implying inferiority. Currently I feel inferior when I do so, hence the issue.

(in reply to Ostentatious)

Post #: 4

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:30:20 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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While your thoughts are great and you certainly should always be thinking, I want to give you some insight from my world that might explain what she may be thinking.

First, this is her order, correct? If my sub or slave didn't do as I ordered we'd have serious problems. If he has questions or concerns that needs to come up immediately and only between he and I. If he does not raise those issues and then refuses to do as ordered he has ended our dynamic because we both must maintain it in order for it to exist. To be very blunt if I were said dom and saw or found out about this post, I'd be very pissed.

Second, she may be doing this as part of training or as a vehicle for her own arousal. Unless you ask, you won't know and if you don't know the reasons how can you make a good decision about whether or not to obey?

I have used this same form for written communication in the past for a few months as part of training. I had enough experience to explain what we were doing and what I hoped to achieve from the start. If your dom didn't then you need to ask her not us.

I know my post reads all pissy and I know it's coming from a place of frustration with these sorts of basic communication problems and basic dynamic problems. You aren't alone, Andjew, but you and she are the only two people who can sort this through and you both need to take responsibility for that.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Andjew)

Post #: 5

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:34:27 AM

Ostentatious

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Joined: 7/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andjew
I did fail to put the topic in a form of a question, yes. For clarifacation, I am asking what this protocol implies, what is it's purpouse? For further clarifacation, I am asking the question to fulfill an order from my Dominant.
I do feel the topic is important because I have had a rough time being open with who I am and I feel the need to cling to my own self worth at all turns.
I am willing to accept this protocol to please my Dominant but only if I feel confident that I am not implying inferiority. Currently I feel inferior when I do so, hence the issue.

I struggled with a lot of things when I first became active with a domme. This I consider, for those into high protocol, which I'm guessing your domme is, is JUST a little reminder of your positions in YOUR choosen relationship. There's no harm in it and I personally wouldn't read that much into it.

Whilst I am a sub I have retained my sense of self and that's why I think something like this isn't needed BUT if my domme felt so strongly I'd simply obey a) to please her and b) for an easy life.

If you think about this in the grand scheme of things I'm sure it's not anyones most important issue.

But, like I said, what do I know?

(in reply to Andjew)

Post #: 6

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:38:40 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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This is not a device that I care about, though plenty of the emails that I get adhere to this style.

I would encourage you not to think of this as a matter of respect/disrespect (unless you feel yourself disrespected in the relationship as a whole). It IS a matter of duality. If this type of language is about inequality, it is a consensual inequality -- and that can be very hot.

In the best of worlds, I see this kind of writing as a self-humbling. With each sentence, a submissive is saying, "I place myself beneath you. I give myself up to you. I place control in your hands." The useful thing about this kind of writing is that because we say "you" and "I" frequently, it's a consistent reminder of the dynamic of the relationship. For some people, that reinscription can really help a submissive headspace. And by agreeing to doing it, it's an act of obedience (yum!!!).

If you feel respected and she wishes you to do this thing, revel in her pleasure and go with it.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Ostentatious)

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RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:40:57 AM

Ostentatious

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Joined: 7/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive
it is a consensual inequality -- and that can be very hot.

That's what I was saying, except MSS is much more cleverererererer than I!

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 8

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:49:58 AM

Andjew

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

You certainly have put me at ease MSS. I enjoy showing that I am submissive to her, she collars me for play, I lay at her feet and kneel t o her. This isn't much different.

I am just inexperienced and afraid of being susceptable to abuse. I trust my current Domme very much, but I can not say the same for the women in my future. I really seek to understand the mechanics in D/S relationships so I do tend to scrutinize seemingly minute issues.

I appreciate everyone's comments.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 9

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 5:53:43 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

I am glad to have helped.

There can be a lot of *positive* discomfort in a D/s relationship (I mean, that's why a lot of us seek them out, right?! -- she said, smiling like the Cheshire cat). That's why a ground of trust and respect is crucial ... so that when you are led into a forest that is dark or scary, you can relax into it.

Happy Monday,
MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Andjew)

Post #: 10

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 6:13:04 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Andjew, when you think about it, what difference does using a small letter for your own name and pronouns really make? You are still you - she is just asking you to follow a protocol. It is supposed to remind you that you are submissive. It doesn't make you less than her.

My Master is not really into the capitalization thing, but he has told me that if he uses a capital letter for my name when we are chatting that it means that he is talking to me as a friend, and if he uses a small letter that he is talking to me as his slave. It will mean different things in each relationship.

If you are having this much of a problem with capitalization, what will happen when you are told to do a more difficult task? To me, the underlying question here is whether you are truly ready to give yourself over to her and trust that she has a reason for the tasks that she gives you. Sometimes tasks are a type of test for us. The Dom/me may not understand immediately how difficult some things may be. If you can pass this test then it will make you a better sub.

_____________________________

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 11

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 7:45:52 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
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No, by not complying and questioning says "I will submit to you, but.."

"it has to make sense and follow my guidelines"---ahem.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Andjew)

Post #: 12

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 8:06:09 AM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andjew

I am just inexperienced and afraid of being susceptable to abuse. I trust my current Domme very much, but I can not say the same for the women in my future.

The fact that you've already got this in your head indicates to me that you're gonna be allright.

Seems you've got a good one on your shoulders!

_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to Andjew)

Post #: 13

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 8:11:24 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

My 2 cents
It is a power thing, as well. You have ben taught all your life to write sentences a certian way, and she is now having you put conscious thought into every sentence you type that has to do with your position. Every time you type a capitol letter for a reference to her, or a ower case for a reference to you, you are thinking about her and your relationship. It is brought into the forefront of your mind, each and every time. It has nothing to do with your being inferior to anyone. You are submissive to her, and she has found a perfect way to remind you of it each and every time you write.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 14

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 8:16:11 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Either you submit to her or not. If you are going to tell her what to do then who is the Dom. Quit whineing about a stupid letter.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 15

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 8:46:31 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I use it, for many of the reasons listed above. Yes, some people think it is pointless. They are entitled to their own opinions, which I have no problem with. I didn't ask for their input when I established any of the other protocols or rituals that I have, either, so I don't worry about that.

When I explained to clip how I wanted his written words, it was very specifically related to his reminder of where each of us are in this dynamic. Since it is a conscious change of how he writes, the way everyone is taught, it allows him to focus on his submission. My sub isn't constantly at My feet, or kneeling in front of Me (we have lives, you know, work, school, etc.) but this is a mental reinforcement of his place with Me. It isn't about disrespecting him. It's about our dynamic and our bond.

If all else fails, because I told him to, will do just fine.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 16

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 9:06:30 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

you're going to receive responses on both sides of this fence. I haven't read the responses and normally don't read threads anyway so here's My take on it:

What you are objecting to is not merely an online phenomenon.

Giving a submissive written assignments, including using lower case letters to refer to themselves, is and has been a time honored technique to develop the submissive persona for centuries. One of many, many, many techniques.

That's all it is: a protocol technique.

I happen to believe that if a submissive cannot explore the idea of lowering himself grammatically to My wishes, he doesn't stand much chance of doing so real time.

That's been My experience, I am old school, it's worked well for Me and now that WIITWD is so intertwined with online communication you are going to run into that request fairly often.

Now that it's 2008 and not 1808, you're also going to run into just as many Domina's who prefer correct grammar and syntax, Ladies who are irritated by the practice of using upper and lower case to denote dominance and submission - young Dommes who find it to be archaic and bothersome.

What it comes down to, then, is whether or not THIS Domina is important to you or not.
If She is, do as She asks and explore subjugating yourself grammatically. It's actually kind of cool to have to do something you object to in order to explore submission, whether it's written, or real time.
If she is NOT important to you, make a graceful exit and find a Domina who doesn't hold written protocol in such high regard.

Good luck to you,

Texas Maam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to Andjew)

Post #: 17

RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 2:54:09 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Ma'am doesn't have any preference to it, and i've never had the habit of doing so in the past. As i found this, my first Ds/BDSM site, after being with Ma'am for a few months; i'm not sure how i got into the habit... but it works for me, even if i oft have to back up and change my capitalization and/or phrasing

like LP and others have said, it's more about respect and a reminder of my place then anything; i consider it a self-imposed protocol, which is sometimes necessary to me in our very low-protocol relationship... but i draw the line at S/slash speak

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 4/21/2008 2:56:11 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to TexasMaam)

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RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 2:57:01 PM

TormentedTwo

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/5/2008
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Wow, logic and informed rational thought being shared. How wonderful.

(in reply to TexasMaam)

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RE: Written Protocol in a D/S Relationship - 4/21/2008 3:13:20 PM

Andjew

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Either you submit to her or not. If you are going to tell her what to do then who is the Dom. Quit whineing about a stupid letter.

A collar is just a collar, a ring is just a ring. It's the symbolism behind the action, not the tangible aspect.

I discussed my concerns with my Domme since I was given permission to do so. She instructed me to seek information and so I have. Your assumptions and disrespect have accomplished nothing.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 20

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