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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 6:49:28 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I would have told him find his own piece of pussy and hit the road, but thats just me.
Kyst

Huh. See I find it extremely hot that I don't control who Master fucks, with or without me present and/or consenting to it. Just shows the difference in people

............luci

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 7:16:06 PM

BotanicalMiss

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Joined: 11/19/2006
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I'm using the fast reply because there are so many different ideas here that it's too much to try to quote the different passages. First of all, we don't know a lot about the dynamic in question, so it's a matter of assumptions. The bottom line is that no, you're not a bad sub for having a bad reaction to the situation. Everyone has their limits, and it may be something you can grow into in time when you feel more secure in your position with him. It may be something you never can handle. But it does not make you a bad sub.

To address some of the other issues: I agree with epiphany in that "play" does not necessarily equal sex. There are many couples and members of poly families who play with others outside their primary relationship with both/all partners having full knowledge. We don't know if this is something that was previously discussed, but if it is important to him to have other play partners, it certainly sounds like a compatibility issues. I personally don't see his having her find the play partner to be "finding him some other pussy". In my mind (and that may not be the case, but it's how I see it), it is a way to keep her in the loop, finding someone that she would be comfortable with him playing with. She would talk to the girl, establish a rapport and possibly a friendship with first, knowing that it was simply for play and that the other girl wasn't going to try to "steal" her Master. To me, it sounds like a very logical way to keep her involved and help her to be comfortable with the situation. It also sounds like it's a step she isn't ready to take yet, and perhaps playing with someone else with her there may be a better way to go in the beginning, so she can see what his play with someone else would be like, and ease her mind.

There are too many "what if's" and things that we just don't know, but the one thing that can be said is that she is not a bad sub, and he is not a bad Dom. It sounds like it's more of a step that needs a lot more work on the part of both parties, and hopefully one that could be taken comfortably in time.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 7:28:54 PM

sunkstar

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/15/2008
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no you are not
plz dont put yourself through this pain, dont force yourself to accept the thing which will hurt you for sure.
The pleasure your dom will get get is based on your unberable pain, why?
I cant remember how many times I saw girls ask similar questions, and it hurts me every time.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 7:40:37 PM

Enjispossesion

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i am not a Master lol...but a submissive who wishes to one day be owned for life by the One i love. i appreciate the topic, as my so called "monogomous" Dominant (or that was His words prior to us being anymore than Mentor/student. Due to a fantasy of mine (just because i had the fantasy did not mean i wished it to be acted out) has gotten intrigued by the idea of "more". It is definately arrousing in my mind. But it is the idea of it happening in real life now that terrifies me. i am not jealous so to say. i wish to know He is pleased as long as He is honest about it ahead of time. But i suppose when trying to dig deeper i found the real fear is waking up to find that i am preferred less than someone else. A fear of it becomming something that will one day come between U/us and the future W/we want. So i suppose if two people who have fully discussed, sat back and thought about it, both think the benefit out ways the risk then go for it. But if there is any true doubt then move on if He will not at least consider your feelings or why you feel them. It in my mind is never bad of a sub to be open and honest with her Partner...fear whether warranted or not is still fear and affects how you respond to His environment. So just be honest. Never for any reason do anything you can not live with.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 7:46:35 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: servM

my final act of submission is to have my Master play with another woman without me being there,it is not behind my back i will arrange it all,the problem is everytime i think of it i lose my appetite and shake all over...i may have reached my limit and i fear losing my Master over it...i am otherwise very obedient but i feel i am over the edge now...please comment i need to know if i am a bad sub?

maybe it was the final act of submission before she fell of the face of the earth...
OP...hellloooooo!!!! Anybody there-there-there???

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 8:53:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Why do so many need to martyr themselves?

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 9:13:19 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Why do so many need to martyr themselves?

Because it gives them a feeling of making right, what "feels" wrong/Tempting

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 9:13:30 PM

Missokyst

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Oh.. it wasn't so much that he wanted someone else. It was because he was too lazy to find it on his own. He wanted her to arrange it all.
If someone has a relationship where more than one is what they want, fine. I just hate lazy men.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 9:13:48 PM

FangsNfeet

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You sound like my sub. There's no playing with anyone without her there. She gets jealous enough with her there. Being that I'm the monogomous type, you sound like you would be a good sub for me. However, I'm already taken with my perfect sub.

Anyhows, maybe you should fire back with "Your final act of dominance is to have me serve and play with another while you go take a hike." After all, every real coin has two sides.

In my opinion, I think you're a sub who's with a dom that's bad for you.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/22/2008 3:51:43 AM

DesFIP

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You're not bad.

You may simply be wired for monogamy, not poly.

You may have a gut feeling that this 'proof of true submission' is just an excuse for him to tom cat around.

You may have self esteem issues that this is proving damaging to.

What matters here is if you are feeling this bad before it happens, what are the odds that you will not be able to continue on in the relationship after it happens? For me, it's a deal breaker. And if he's having sex with someone else which would destroy my relationship, I'd rather break it off beforehand and not after he's given me genital warts or crabs.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/22/2008 4:04:21 AM

MissIsis

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I didn't read through all this. In my opinion, no, you are not a bad sub. Many, many men, want more than one, as do women. Their reasons are varied. Some like the thrill of something new, or something unacceptable to many. Face it. It is a great ego builder to have more than 1 in a relationship. If each knows about the other, wouldn't you think there would be some degree of competition. If not competition, maybe each is more willing to put more into the relationship because she knows he has another or others to meet any needs she can't or doesn't want.

I have said this before, but for some reason, I find many, many dominant men use bdsm as a way to have their cake & eat it too. It is so easy for them to convince a submissive that if they want to be pleasing to them, they will find a way to work through their issues & feelings to make or allow their interaction with another. They even offer to help the submissive work through their feelings. Now isn't that sweet of them. (Yeah, right! Yes, I am being sarcastic.) You tell yourself how generous of him that he allows you to make it happen. Remember, he is allowing you to make it happen because he feels you will be more receptive to it, if you have a part in making it happen. Later, he can absolve himself of any blame of issues that come up for you, when he tells you, that remember, you are the one who picked her & arranged if.

More than likely, you already feel bound to this man, & are at least almost convinced you will go through with this. I hope though, that you will step back, think about what your needs are & what is important to you, & make decisions based on the answers you find. In order to find fulfillment in this lifestyle, your choices really do need to meet your needs & desires as well as his. If you are one of those who finds fulfillment in knowing or watching your dominant interact with other females sexually, or otherwise, this wouldn't be a problem for you, now would it?

So no, you are not a bad submissive in my most humble opinion, not at all.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/22/2008 11:51:32 AM

KaineD

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Why not just tell the guy you're not comfortable with it and see what he says?

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/22/2008 12:40:42 PM

antipode

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Not bad, just weird

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/22/2008 12:46:28 PM

LilMissHaven

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Here's a thought...if playing with other's hadn't already crossed your mind without the assistance of your Dom mentioning it, its probably not for you.

I'm strictly monogomous, does that make me bad...nope just makes me, ME! And when I'm ready I'll look for One who can accept that and maybe if I'm even lucky appreciate it.

But, then I've been told I'm strangely independant for a sub so who knows but it all comes down to this...Its your life and you have to live with the ramifications of your actions.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/22/2008 12:54:50 PM

graceadieu

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As others have said, no!

You should be open with him about it and explain how you feel - communication is key in any relationship - and maybe see if the two of you can find a way to make you more comfortable with it. If that doesn't work and it turns out to be a limit for you, he needs to respect that just like he (hopefully!) respects your other limits. Maybe he can find some other "final" act of submission (I'm guessing you mean before he collars you or somesuch?) for you to do.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/23/2008 8:11:00 AM

chyanna

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if it was me in that position, 1) I would wonder why it was the final act 2) why the heck he seeks someone else when He has you

it just sounds fishy.,,,,you submit each day not a final act like a curtain, you can outgrown each other yes and its amicable. And you both go back to searching for someone

at your new level/threshold just a shame you cant grow together. I thought it was a constant learning curve.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/23/2008 8:19:23 AM

MladyHathor

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Why do so many need to martyr themselves?

This is priceless--and so so very true.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/23/2008 8:52:13 AM

eyesopened

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As others have said, not enough information here. i am strictly monogomous as is my Master and we discussed this before and many times.

Now, if my Master told me he wanted someone to re-chrome his bike or someone who can handle lengthy periods of inverted suspension so He could perfect needle play or some other thing i am not capable of... what the heck, i'd look everywhere to find these things for Him. If He wanted me to submit to non-sexual play with another Master, i wouldn't consider these things as being not monogomous. If we were at a club and someone wanted Him to do demonstrate on another submissive His most excellent breast harness, why that would just be a compliment to both of us.

If he wanted me to find Him an additional submissive for sex.... i am just enough of a smart-ass that the submissive would most likely be a dude. (Risk-Aware, Master *grins*)

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/23/2008 2:39:28 PM

Othie

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no, I wouldn't think that you were "bad". As others have said you might not be meant for this Master, but have you talked to Him yet? Before you start worrying about if you will lose Him or not, I would say sit down and talk everything out. If nothing else it will give you a better handle on His personality, I would think...

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/23/2008 6:37:51 PM

purepleasure