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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 10:19:31 AM

Andjew

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

You need to find the answer within yourself.

Would you do this if you knew that NOBODY would ever know? I think that you want to, but are afraid of being labeled.

This advice comes from a hetero man.

A lot of it is that it will likely not be a one time thing. I enjoy sex, alot, and a guy giving a blowjob is still a blow job. I have so many problems with my family for being into BDSM, I don't want more issues and I'm not one to keep secrets.

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 10:24:33 AM

Ostentatious

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Discretion and secrets are two different things. Your family didn't need to know about your being in bdsm although I can assure you that freaky shit goes on behind their bedroom doors too...

Andrew, you got involved in this relationship, did you know everything about her? If you did you accepted it...if it's now become something you can't do make a graceful exit...

I'd have flown out the door after hearing she was poly...but we are all different!

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Post #: 22

RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 10:25:26 AM

phoenixinchains

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are you attracted or arroused by men? if the answer is "yes" then you need to be honest with yourself and consider if you want to go your whole life wondering "what if?"

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Post #: 23

RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 10:28:09 AM

OldBastardly1

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Maybe you could keep your eyes closed. That way *he* could be a really hot girl in your mind....until "she" shoved her 8" clit in your throat, LOL.

Seriously, you don't tell your family everytime you have sex with a woman. Do you think you should say " Hi, dad, btw...I just got a blowjob from a guy....."?

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Post #: 24

RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 10:33:54 AM

RCdc

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Would you tell your family you had oral sex with your partner if she was female? Darcy and I do not hide what we are from anyone, but we don't discuss our sexual acts with family because that would be to much information. It's not a secret, but discretion.

Is the issue the act or being bisexual? Because an act is just that and nothing more. It is a service you are providing your Mistress and submitting to her desires. If you are sexually stimulated by males and the action, then you can start working on your bisexuality, but I hazzard the thought you are having more of a problem with the stigma of the action than having bisexual leanings.

the.dark.

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 10:54:51 AM

Ostentatious

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the.dark....would you not say thought that if there are no bisexual feelings there in the first place then there's nothing to work on? If there are then that's a different matter.

I sometimes wonder what people talk about before getting involved in bdsm relationships, I know some lines are there to be crossed and pushed but if you're honest and express hard limits you know that things like this just don't happen and are deal breakers.

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Post #: 26

RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 11:08:02 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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from a submissive pov, i had a former dominant who insisted i become bi despite my objections.

switching places, i wouldn't force anyone into bisexuality if they have no interest in it.

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 11:17:19 AM

RCdc

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I don't believe that you have to have bisexual feelings to commit a bisexual act if you are doing it as an act of submission, so I don't believe that if you are not bisexual, it makes the action impossible. You simply had to work out in your own head if the action is something you can or cannot submit to and if you can't - for whatever reason - you find a partner that fits with your requirements.

I find the term 'hard limits' can lead to miscommunication. Limits denotes a line that could be crosssed. I have things I will not do and that is that. These aren't 'hard limits'. They are simply acts that don't fit my life or my comfort zones or I find ethically abhorant.

the.dark.

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 11:22:23 AM

Ostentatious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
I find the term 'hard limits' can lead to miscommunication. Limits denotes a line that could be crosssed. I have things I will not do and that is that. These aren't 'hard limits'. They are simply acts that don't fit my life or my comfort zones or I find ethically abhorant.

Maybe my confusion is in the wording. You're right though 'things I just won't do'. We all have different social conditioning, all come from different walks of life. One mans meat is another mans poison so to speak.

Maybe I should have said it firmer in the first place!

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Post #: 29

RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 12:42:07 PM

Skyeful

Posts: 13
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Here's my advice:

In the long run you have to live with you. It's your choices that shape who you will be tomorrow and what not. If you know in your heart of hearts that this will be a major regret for you in the long-term speak with your Dom about it. Discuss it until your ears bleed if you have to. What ever your choice don't jump into anything. Make sure you are 100% sure what it is that you want.

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Post #: 30

RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 1:12:09 PM

Andjew

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ostentatious

Discretion and secrets are two different things. Your family didn't need to know about your being in bdsm although I can assure you that freaky shit goes on behind their bedroom doors too...

Andrew, you got involved in this relationship, did you know everything about her? If you did you accepted it...if it's now become something you can't do make a graceful exit...

I'd have flown out the door after hearing she was poly...but we are all different!

You're confused, I do not have an issue with her fantasising about me being bisexual or her being polyamorous. I knew both going in. I am making a personal decision of wether I want to try being with a man for her or not.

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Post #: 31

RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 1:17:27 PM

Andjew

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Would you tell your family you had oral sex with your partner if she was female? Darcy and I do not hide what we are from anyone, but we don't discuss our sexual acts with family because that would be to much information. It's not a secret, but discretion.

Is the issue the act or being bisexual? Because an act is just that and nothing more. It is a service you are providing your Mistress and submitting to her desires. If you are sexually stimulated by males and the action, then you can start working on your bisexuality, but I hazzard the thought you are having more of a problem with the stigma of the action than having bisexual leanings.

the.dark.

It's mostly being afraid of becoming bisexual due to the stigma.I'm not attracted to men at all, but I enjoy stimulation regardless of who's doing it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

Maybe you could keep your eyes closed. That way *he* could be a really hot girl in your mind....until "she" shoved her 8" clit in your throat, LOL.

Seriously, you don't tell your family everytime you have sex with a woman. Do you think you should say " Hi, dad, btw...I just got a blowjob from a guy....."?

My parents constantly ask me if I am gay because they're hicks from Indiana. They think having longer hair and enjoying BDSM makes me gay. My friends and I are very open with our sex lifes, it would be something I couldn't tell them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

are you attracted or arroused by men? if the answer is "yes" then you need to be honest with yourself and consider if you want to go your whole life wondering "what if?"

Not at all. I am considering this for the benifit of my Domme.

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 1:42:27 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andjew

To clarify, we had discussed this prior to becoming involved and I had filled out a BDSM questionaire for her. On the subject of bisexuality, I was ambiguous and said I was unsure if I would be willing to try it. She's had me suck on strap ons and I am recieiving anal training, which I enjoy.

The issues is that I want to keep an open mind and fulfill my Domme's fantasy, however I am worried of the stigma attatched or if I could stand having a man do anything to me.

My is that you're afraid of liking it too much... and then what, but I think you're mistaking a thing or two...

quote:

I would not want to admit to any homosexual relations unless I have decided to be bisexual. I do not want to ever keep any secrets though.

I want to know other heterosexual's feelings on being involved with homosexual activities.

When you get butterflys in your stomac when you see another guy, and want to live with him for the rest of your life, and if that is what making you happy?
Yes then you're homosexual andrewj.

If you suck cock because it's a kink of your Dominatrix, and you wish to please her, because you know that makes the happiest of all,
then you are still a straight guy, who sucks cock because he pleases his Dominatrix.

It's all fine.

just enjoy doing what you do !!!

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 2:15:20 PM

Sirsinini

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Andjew wrote~~
I want to know other heterosexual's feelings on being involved with homosexual activities.

You are limiting your view........ you have CM mail

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 2:32:02 PM

Sirsinini

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andjew

To clarify, we had discussed this prior to becoming involved and I had filled out a BDSM questionaire for her. On the subject of bisexuality, I was ambiguous and said I was unsure if I would be willing to try it. She's had me suck on strap ons and I am recieiving anal training, which I enjoy.
....

I may be speaking to the choir here, but I feel compelled to reiterate that anal sex and bisexuality are not, clearly NOT, related.

Neither is it "related" to homosexuality.....
chorus may continue per MsB's direction

Everybody has nerve-endings in their anus and most people are able to admit stimulating said nerve-endings is pleasurable.

There are so many people who confuse things like submission and anal-sex with bisexuality. There IS NO CONNECTION; manly men can enjoy submission and/or anal sex and still be all male.

Okay, that said…we return to your regular programming here.

I'd also just like to suggest that swinging and D/s do not have to go hand-in-hand. Casual sex is not something I particularly enjoy anymore. I know several submissive men who have the same fantasies your Domina seems to have; the idea is not a bad thing...it could just be a matter of matching up desires and limits; fantasy and reality.

MsB

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Post #: 35

RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 9:15:54 PM

wolfdw

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I find it quit odd that you call it forced bisexuality. I think you want to do it but are afraid of being labeled or that your Domme will think less of you if you go thru with it. You will only recieve reperecussions if you tell others of it and they do not need to know your bedroom activities. Now I will tell you that I am a bisexual and my Wife that is my Mistress is straight and she knows what I am and has no problem with it. Experment have fun, enjoy, life is short and full of what if's.

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Post #: 36

RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 11:48:14 PM

RCdc

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IMO, Andjew, Darcy is the best person to talk to on this issue and I won't say I can quote him exactly but - any hole in a storm.

Just because you may find sexual release or turn on from sexual actions or stimulation, unless you are getting turned on by the person (ie because they are male) that does not mean you are bisexual. If you are turned on by the act and the act of submission for your mistress - that does not make you bisexual.

If you are afraid of being bisexual, there is nothing that anyone can say to convince you that being bisexual is ok. That is something you have to understand yourself. Are you are more concerned about what other people might think and the way they look at you, rather than being honest with yourself and honesty/truth and secrets are after all your concern ultimately - are they not? One secret is no different to the other you are not willing to keep in reality.

Is the issue not one of 'secrets' really, but your fear of being bisexual?

As a hetrosexual, what do I think of homosexuality or homoerotic acts? Nothing different to hetrosexual acts. Sex is sex is sex. But then I am a voyeur. I get turned on by it whoever is doing it, but I am straight and have sex with men. I am attracted to the male gender, but sex is wonderful whoever is doing it.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 4/22/2008 11:58:29 PM >

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 4:31:48 AM

abcbsex

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quote:

My parents constantly ask me if I am gay because they're hicks from Indiana. They think having longer hair and enjoying BDSM makes me gay. My friends and I are very open with our sex lifes, it would be something I couldn't tell them.

I'm very sorry to hear that your parents are so narrowminded. That shouldn't prevent you from enjoying your sexuality, whether you start feeling comfortable with being bi or not. You're right, there is a stigma, but even with your friends you shouldn't feel the need to disclose everything. My friends love to hear about the dirty kinky sex I have with Alpha, but I leave out the fact that we're spending this weekend at a hotel in town to play with another couple. If they were to ask about something related, it might come up, but I would just remind them that they were the ones who asked if they get squicked out. I'd advise that you wait until you're confident enough in this decision to tell your friends to get over it if they react badly.

It sounds like you're looking at this bisexual dilemma in the mindset of striking up a relationship with another male, but there's other ways to enjoy men than as a couple. Play partners really don't have to come into the conversation with your parents.

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 4:59:30 AM

RavenMuse

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My opinion is that this is one of those lables which, whilst most of us understand the concept, the lable itself doesn't quite fit.

'Forced'... If the action, whatever it is, falls within what has been consented to then it isn't 'forced'. Regardless of if the act is liked or not, wether it discusts them, humiliates then, whatever.... they trust the Dominant not to harm them and anything/everything within the remit of the consent is fair game, has been consented to and the Dominant has a 'right' to demand it unless the s type removes consent and walks away from the entire relationship.

'bisexuality'... Actions != equate to sexuality. Sexuality is what pushes your buttons sexualy and frankly that is just what it is, can't be demanded of anyone. It is just part of who they are. I can no more demand a change in My girls sexuality than I can demand a change in her actual height.... I can demand actions of her that are against her normal sexual prefrences but that doesn't change her suxuality. If a straight girl's consent extends into areas such as this and I deam that she wouldn't be 'harmed' by it (Emotionaly) then I can and maybe will demand sexual acts with another girl.... it wouldn't change the fact that she was straight, unless she discovered she WAS sexualy stimulated by the other girl rather than doing it as an act of submission, or getting of on 'humiliation' or.... whatever other aspects of the way I had set it up.

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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 6:05:00 AM

lanie38

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You and your Domme seem to have a very healthy open communication premise already in place...and you seem open to the idea...I would say choose someone you both know well and who understands your reservations and concerns...go with a *this can stop at anytime if I'm not okay with it* arrangement and go slowly, see what you're comfy and not so comfy with...and be honest about how you feel with everyone involved including yourself...

Good luck!

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