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RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 8:06:50 AM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ostentatious

I really disagree with the term forced bisexuality.

If I were to go into a bdsm relationship I state limits.  I'm not bi and I'm not doing anything with men.  If a woman likes that then I wouldn't bother to introduce myself, we aren't compatible in the same way she wouldn't bother introducing herself to me.

No one could force me into that situation.  You either do it (under some kind of crutch, like it's forced, but everyone knows you want to do it anyway) or you don't.

It's not as easy as just doing it, there are all kinds of mental connotations and sexuality can't be changed. 

Sorry if that offends anyone but I'm not scared to shack my 'this is bullshit' stick at this subject.



I see what you're saying.

Hard limits should indeed be respected; we are humans first.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 9:06:50 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Let me put a different spin on this. Could this just be a mind game from your Domme?  If not then the question is how far will you go to please your Domme. Im sure that you know where the door is at.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 9:36:04 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Certainly we know where the door is and that also applies to both sides of the d/s dynamic. Unfortunately it seems that there's too much of this my way or the highway garbage without taking into consideration of the gray areas which are just as valid, yanno.

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 11:42:06 AM   
Ostentatious


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Let me put a different spin on this. Could this just be a mind game from your Domme?  If not then the question is how far will you go to please your Domme. Im sure that you know where the door is at.


That door swings both ways though and if I'd stated before getting involved in a relationship that I will not, under any circumstances do something and then she brings it up then it's her walking out the door and me holding it open for her.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 12:06:42 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ostentatious

That door swings both ways though and if I'd stated before getting involved in a relationship that I will not, under any circumstances do something and then she brings it up then it's her walking out the door and me holding it open for her.



Absolutely. If the relationship was entered into with all partys understanding that such was a no go area then it being 'pushed' is a breach of trust.... Withdrawal of submission is a natural consequence of a large enough breach of trust.

My way or the highway works... but only if the s type trusts what My way entails and is compatable with it.


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(in reply to Ostentatious)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 12:32:45 PM   
TwoNYCDommes


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ostentatious
I'm not bi and I'm not doing anything with men.  ...

No one could force me into that situation.  You either do it (under some kind of crutch, like it's forced, but everyone knows you want to do it anyway) or you don't.

It's not as easy as just doing it, there are all kinds of mental connotations and sexuality can't be changed. 



Saying "You either do it (...) or you don't" ignores the vast difference between doing something because you are interested in it and doing something in which you are completely uninterested.

I enjoy boy-on-boy and have arranged it in a variety of forms, including bi boys who were enthusiastic about it and would have been regardless of my presence, bi-curious boys who enjoyed it but were glad to have me as their excuse to try it, straight boys who hated the act but enjoyed the humiliation of it, and straight boys who hated every aspect of it and did it only to please me.

Sucking cock for his mistress does not make a man bisexual, any more than taking a beating for her makes him a masochist. 

(in reply to Ostentatious)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 3:44:15 PM   
Ostentatious


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Absolutely. If the relationship was entered into with all partys understanding that such was a no go area then it being 'pushed' is a breach of trust.... Withdrawal of submission is a natural consequence of a large enough breach of trust.

My way or the highway works... but only if the s type trusts what My way entails and is compatable with it.



Thanks for agreeing lol...cheques in the post!

Hope you and metalmiss are good and well...hopefully catch up soon...I will be coming back soon :)

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 3:47:41 PM   
Ostentatious


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes

Saying "You either do it (...) or you don't" ignores the vast difference between doing something because you are interested in it and doing something in which you are completely uninterested.

I enjoy boy-on-boy and have arranged it in a variety of forms, including bi boys who were enthusiastic about it and would have been regardless of my presence, bi-curious boys who enjoyed it but were glad to have me as their excuse to try it, straight boys who hated the act but enjoyed the humiliation of it, and straight boys who hated every aspect of it and did it only to please me.

Sucking cock for his mistress does not make a man bisexual, any more than taking a beating for her makes him a masochist. 


Good on you.  However we are all built differently and I'm sorry but I wouldn't do 'that' for anyone.  Mistress or not.  It doesn't make me less of a sub, it's just who I am and I wouldn't be with someone who wanted me to do it the same way someone who wanted me to do it wouldn't be with me.

There's someone for everyone in this world, there are lots of doms and lots of subs, being the ying to someones yang does not always work and finding a match takes time. 

I don't think there are many people out there who would agree sucking a willy doesn't make someone bi-sexual...it doesn't make them a-sexual, hetrosexual, metro sexual or any other sexual!  I maintain you can't force someone to do this.  If they do it it's because on some level they want to.

I think acceptance of difference is key in all walks of life, this one especially.


< Message edited by Ostentatious -- 4/23/2008 3:52:14 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 4:04:35 PM   
Andjew


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		It's obvious there is quite a bit of confusion. My Domme has never requested or demanded I do this. I am interested in trying, only to please her. I did not answer her on the matter during negotiations because I was unsure. I trust and respect her, I know she will do anything to keep me from harm and that's why I am considering doing this for her.

By the term "forced" I meant to imply that she wants to simulate "forced" bisexual acts. As in, I would be tied down asking for mercy as he preforms various acts on me. I use the term bisexual, because the event would feature both man on man, woman on woman and man on woman acts.

I have discussed this with my Domme and we've found a solution that is mutually benificial. I will meet with the couple she wants us to play with and we will slowly get into things, I am welcome to end the scene at any time.

I appreciate the insight and I truly feel more comfortable after recieiving feedback.


*kills thread*

(in reply to Ostentatious)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 4:10:24 PM   
Ostentatious


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andjew

It's obvious there is quite a bit of confusion. My Domme has never requested or demanded I do this. I am interested in trying, only to please her. I did not answer her on the matter during negotiations because I was unsure.



That doesn't make sense and you're saying we are confused.  If she's never requested or demanded something how would it please her?

If someone bought me something I didn't want or asked for for example I wouldn't be pleased...I'd be mystified.

.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andjew

By the term "forced" I meant to imply that she wants to simulate "forced" bisexual acts. As in, I would be tied down asking for mercy as he preforms various acts on me. I use the term bisexual, because the event would feature both man on man, woman on woman and man on woman acts.

I have discussed this with my Domme and we've found a solution that is mutually benificial. I will meet with the couple she wants us to play with and we will slowly get into things, I am welcome to end the scene at any time.



All this says to me (and I'm not getting at you) is that you want to do it which kind of proves my point does it not.  It's not forced, you have an element of say and control.  You're asking for mercy in something you've asked and geared towards happening.  Stop me if I've gone wrong.

Also, no need to kill the thread, threads develop and become broader, as this has, encouraging debate, which is never a bad thing.

< Message edited by Ostentatious -- 4/23/2008 4:11:00 PM >

(in reply to Andjew)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 4:17:12 PM   
Andjew


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		I asked for advice, not debate. The problem has been resolved, you may make a new thread if you desire.

She has expressed it as a fantasy, though she has not requested it since I am heterosexual. I am willing to see past that in order to please her.

I am not interested in arguing semantics nor do I care if you're correct in the matter of terminology.


(in reply to Ostentatious)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/23/2008 4:21:25 PM   
Ostentatious


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andjew

I asked for advice, not debate. The problem has been resolved, you may make a new thread if you desire.

She has expressed it as a fantasy, though she has not requested it since I am heterosexual. I am willing to see past that in order to please her.

I am not interested in arguing semantics nor do I care if you're correct in the matter of terminology.



As I said, threads develop and if people reply it will continue until it's run it's course.

That's the nature of a public forum.

(in reply to Andjew)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/24/2008 1:11:21 AM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Andjew,

From the original question and several of your responses, I see a few things to point out.
1. Unless the person giving you a blow job has a beard or mustache, would you be able to tell gender of the giver if you were blindfolded first and he did not speak?
2. I doubt very much if you would care to hear the details of your family's and ancestor's sex lives (and believe me, they've had them—the "Roaring '20s" and the "Gay Nineties" were not named in vain, but every generation like to think they've invented the wheel). Return the courtesy. When I was 15, I had to tell my sister (14, and more boyfriend-active than I was by miles) to take a chill-pill when she allows a suitor to stay overnight; sis came to tell me that "they're sleeping together!" in tones of horror...
3. You knew it was coming. If your issues are involved with damage to your own sense of self-worth, because of (insert cultural or traumatic emotional issue here—closet homophobia, near miss with your best buddy at age 11, or whatever), it's better to ask her for additional time to process...and get some counseling if you need it to help you process.
4. But if your issues are about the acts that you might be asked/commanded to perform...well, think it through.

Examples...I've no objection to groups of either mix when it comes to sex; prefer friends for that, and close ones, but sometimes those li'l devil hormones have their own say. I've discovered by EXPERIMENT that if there is not a het male in the the room and interacting with me/us at least some, then I lose interest. I'm not wired lesbian. And I would not (even if I were submissive) accept a situation that required me to operate as if I were. That said, I am perfectly happy to top a woman now and again. I just don't get the extra fun of a sexual charge out of it, even if I'm playing with her hot buttons and she's screaming her joy. But, wow...team-topping a guy in a sling, or setting myself up for a milady sandwich with more than one subboy? It's all good.

The first commandment is: know thyself.
And, even though Polonius was a comico-tragic buffoon, he's right about not being able to be false to others IF you know yourself.

From a domina's point of view, I will tell you that I'm dealing with the flip side of the equation. My newest sub has experience of "forced bi"—that is, a previous domme commanded him to suck cock, and he found it enjoyable, and has asked whether I will request/demand it of him. And I've put that into my little mental card file for cogitation, and the question will be dealt with if, as, and when I have another who is interested and willing. It'll come up, sooner or later; so it's just as well *I* know how I feel about it. And having been on the flip side...well, I agree that it ain't forced when it's consenual. The "force" is merely the game we all play...rape fantasies aside.

Here endeth the lesson.

Delilah Deb


< Message edited by DelilahDeb -- 4/24/2008 1:16:54 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/24/2008 1:29:49 AM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		If it's something you feel that you will be ashamed of and regret - DO NOT DO IT.  You have the rest of your life ahead of you - if you change your mind you can always do it later, but once it is done it can't be taken back.

Don't feel that you absolutely HAVE to experiment and push your limits.  Sometimes limits aren't a bad thing to have - they make us unique instead of all being interchangeable pansexual adventurists.

(in reply to Andjew)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/24/2008 7:31:57 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ostentatious

....
I don't think there are many people out there who would agree sucking a willy doesn't make someone bi-sexual...it doesn't make them a-sexual, hetrosexual, metro sexual or any other sexual!  I maintain you can't force someone to do this.  If they do it it's because on some level they want to.
...

But the why of them wanting to can be different for different people.  Some want to do it to please, others want to do it for the humiliation, others want to do it because they find the same sex attractive (or if they're gay, opposite sex).

Just because you perform a sex act that could be described as homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual etc, doesn't mean your orientation is the same as that act.

(in reply to Ostentatious)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/24/2008 9:15:55 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andjew

To clarify, we had discussed this prior to becoming involved and I had filled out a BDSM questionaire for her. On the subject of bisexuality, I was ambiguous and said I was unsure if I would be willing to try it. She's had me suck on strap ons and I am recieiving anal training, which I enjoy.
....


I may be speaking to the choir here, but I feel compelled to reiterate that anal sex and bisexuality are not, clearly NOT, related.  
 
Neither is it "related" to homosexuality..... 
chorus may continue per MsB's direction 
 
Everybody has nerve-endings in their anus and most people are able to admit stimulating said nerve-endings is pleasurable. 
 
There are so many people who confuse things like submission and anal-sex with bisexuality.  There IS NO CONNECTION; manly men can enjoy submission and/or anal sex and still be all male. 
 
Okay, that said…we return to your regular programming here.
 
I'd also just like to suggest that swinging and D/s do not have to go hand-in-hand.  Casual sex is not something I particularly enjoy anymore.  I know several submissive men who have the same fantasies your Domina seems to have; the idea is not a bad thing...it could just be a matter of matching up desires and limits; fantasy and reality. 
 


Uhhhhhhhhhh, have we met?  I'm not accustomed to folks I've never met completing my thoughs, but you just did!  LOL
 
... anal sex and bisexuality are not, clearly NOT, related...nor are they evidence of homosexuality. 
 
Yeah, what she said! 
 
Thanks,
Beverly

[edited to add an 's'................sorry]

< Message edited by MsBearlee -- 4/24/2008 9:17:46 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 56
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