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RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 7:39:06 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Thank god she lives in the country where people don't call the police very often, because she's always having a yelling/screaming/cussing/throwing things fit in the front yard. She's QUITE confrontational.

I can't count the number of times I've been "disowned". Thankfully, she usually calms down and comes to her senses.

My Master's suggestion is that when the lease is up on my place, we move a bit further away.


Good idea. If I were you, I'd be limiting my contact with said mother already. Nobody needs an out-of-control woman, and if she's screaming, yelling and throwing things - she's NOT in control of herself, despite what you've said up to this point to the contrary.

My own mother is not a control freak, but she nags, and she always wants to talk about the drama in the rest of the family. My moving 1800 miles across the country did WONDERS for our relationship. Now I speak with the family on MY terms, and if she wants to talk about my siblings... well... it's only once a month, instead of once a day.

Oh... and she's met Master and knows all about my life (well, she's got a good general idea, anyway - I don't give her details). She worries that I might get hurt, but is satisfied with the fact that I am happy, and understands that how I live my life is not hers to decide.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 9:54:58 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HentaiGamerKitty
I don't ever intend on telling them and he has solemnly promised he would never "out" me to the vanilla world, but I still worry that people (especially my family) will sense that there is something "not quite normal" about us.


In the end it comes down to this - you have to decide which you want more - your relationship with him or your feeing of safety.

My opinion on this is clearly a minority one in general but to me if you are not willing to lose family, friends, job and so on if that's what it costs to serve this person then a TPE is probably not right for you.
Don't get me wrong, you are obviously better off trying not to lose any of those things - but push comes to shove you have to decide where your priorities are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HentaiGamerKitty
Has anyone else experienced similiar worries and fears? Or am I just weird? Why is it that I'm so comfy talking about my sex life (I talk about it quite openly and frankly) but yet I get so scared of people finding out that he's in control OUTSIDE of the bedroom??


No, these worries are very common.

As for the issue about kink vs. control that is common as well. The reality si that "sexual freedom" has become fairly well accepted. People do kinky things in bed all the time and most adults know this. The acceptance level is really pretty high. However we are still, as a society, in the grips of a seriously misguided and ignorant view of what "self esteem" is, what it is created by and what it will lead us to do.

(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 12:11:53 PM   
ownedjulia


Posts: 218
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My question revolves around my paranoia about others finding out about this..All of my friends, several of my coworkers, and a number of family members are aware that I'm "sexually adventurous" and this doesn't bother me a bit. However, I bristle at the prospect that they may one day discover the true nature of the relationship I have with my Master.

I don't ever intend on telling them and he has solemnly promised he would never "out" me to the vanilla world, but I still worry that people (especially my family) will sense that there is something "not quite normal" about us.


The only person who has any IDEA that I'm a bit kinky is my sister and even she only knows about 2%

My family are quite straight laced and i have no idea what they would say if they knew how kinky i was and how much of myself i give to Master.


_____________________________

~julia
owned slave and proud of it!

(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 12:29:54 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:


My question revolves around my paranoia about others finding out about this..All of my friends, several of my coworkers, and a number of family members are aware that I'm "sexually adventurous" and this doesn't bother me a bit. However, I bristle at the prospect that they may one day discover the true nature of the relationship I have with my Master.

I don't ever intend on telling them and he has solemnly promised he would never "out" me to the vanilla world, but I still worry that people (especially my family) will sense that there is something "not quite normal" about us.



Everyone in my life,my family, my friends know that I am in the lifestyle. However, my Master is not as open as I am. Its not that he is paraniod or keeping secrets. He would rather use discretion with some , most of his family. For him I know its because he is afraid they wont understand or they will be judgemental. So although I typically only call him Master, when they are around I make it a point not to out him. If and when he feels comforatable letting his family know that is his choice.

His family sees us as simply a couple who implemental tradtions roles of husband and wife.

quote:

My mother, for instance, is a woman who is very dominant in nature and brainwashed me for years into believing that it's "wrong" for a women to take orders from a man in any circumstance. She believes a woman should always be in total control of the relationship. This upbringing made it difficult for me to accept the fact that a 24/7 relationship might be good for me.


I was raised by a very dominate man. Who when I "came out" to him he simply looked at me shook his head and said I didn't raise you to be submissive or weak. Then he simply accepted my choice for my life. Ultimately he wants me happy and healthy. How I get that is just a side note as he says.

quote:

My life is infinitely better now that he's in control. I'm healthier, I eat better, I exercise more, I have higher self confidence, my finances are in a better state, etc. But she (and other people) would not understand this.


If that is true and others can see that, if they truly care and love you wouldnt that be what is important not the who or how?

quote:

Has anyone else experienced similiar worries and fears? Or am I just weird? Why is it that I'm so comfy talking about my sex life (I talk about it quite openly and frankly) but yet I get so scared of people finding out that he's in control OUTSIDE of the bedroom??


For some sex is an easy subject to approach, while admitting your submissive well sometimes people dont want to appear weak or needy.

In the end its up to you and your Master on who your comfortable telling and how you wish to tell them.

Nika{Phoenix}
Forever bound

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 10/12/2005 12:30:55 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 12:44:56 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Has anyone else experienced similiar worries and fears?


leaving an abusive relationship comes with worries and fears, especially if one announces it to the abuser. this slave would encourage you to write mommie dearest a nice letter and send it from wherever you move to, ASAP with no forwarding address. it doesn't have to be a novel, but something along the lines of:

Dear Mom,

I love you but I can't take your abusive controlling bullshit any more. Now that I no longer HAVE to, in case of a financial emergency, I am no longer willing to be treated like shit by you. I am going to live my life how I see fit as a fully competent adult and if that means I choose to crawl down the street on all fours at the end of Master's leash then that's what I'll be doing.
Next time I'm in town, i'll call and see if you'd like to meet for lunch or something, and we maybe we could talk like rational adults. But it will have to be in a public place, so you can't freak out with your conduct unbecoming of a mother AND a future police chief, like you have in the past when you didn't like what I had to say.

Sincerely,
Your ADULT daughter

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RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 1:03:30 PM   
FLButtSlut


Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds a lot like your mother's issues are that she feels it is HER job to control you, and she isn't willing to give that duty over to someone else.

But it also sounds as though while you and your mother "think" that she was raising you to be a dominant independent woman, she was raising you to rely on others to control you. First her, now this master that you have found.

While it is a rare occasion, I agree with Soulhuntre here, to a point. Someday, this might be a great choice for you, but you have too many of your own issues to work through becoming an adult with respect to you mother to be ready for a TPE. From what you are saying, while your master's control is certainly less visceral and potentially violent, you are still just exchanging being controlled by your mother to being controlled by your master without ever really taking the time to INDEPENDENTLY decide whether or not this is the right decision for you. Which, in all liklihood is why you are questioning it.

This is not to say that you should run from this man who is bringing you happiness. Far from it. But it does seem that you need to come to grips with the issues with you mom on your own, with him being no more than a sounding board and emotional support. Once you do that, you will be in a better position to competantly make the decision for yourself as to whether or not a TPE is for you, and when that time comes, you also will have developed enough self-assurance regarding YOUR own abilities to not care what others think of you.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 2:26:59 PM   
HentaiGamerKitty


Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		You've all given great advice and I very much appreciate it.

I don't have any intentions of ending the relationship I'm in (I'd give up anything for him at this point, because I feel like he's made me a "whole" person.) However, he knows about these issues and he's willling to help me work through them. More than anything, I'm just glad I've found someone willing to make the effort.

Thanks again.

(in reply to FLButtSlut)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 2:28:56 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre
My opinion on this is clearly a minority one in general but to me if you are not willing to lose family, friends, job and so on if that's what it costs to serve this person then a TPE is probably not right for you.
Don't get me wrong, you are obviously better off trying not to lose any of those things - but push comes to shove you have to decide where your priorities are.


One more hand to your minority... The choices that we make as people in an alternative way of life are huge. We have a small advantage in that the thing(s) that sets us apart is not immediately obvious, unless we make it visible, but that doesn't mean that, if it leaks out, society is going to be any more gentle.

Even though most of our lifestyle choices have -nothing- to do with the way we parent, do our jobs, pray or socialize, it is not unheard of for those choices to cost us family, friends, jobs... we talk about RACK (Risk Aware Consentual Kink) -- well, being outed is one of the risks, and if you're not prepared to accept some of the fallout IF something like that happens, it is probably the most aware choice you could make to not get involved in the first place.

For someone like me, who is so heavily involved that my name shows up all over the doggone place, I am very open about many of my proclivities. I am rarely -obvious- about them, and don't go shoving my choices in other peoples' faces, but I don't hide either, and if someone asks me a question, I answer honestly, and with a great deal of tact and consideration for their "sensibilities", but I do answer...and encourage them to ask more if and when they really want to know more. For me, this has nearly eliminated any risk from being "outed", because I am already out, so there is nothing anyone can hold over my head. At the same time, this means that people who get involved with me and who let others -know- they are involved with me run the risk of being lumped into the same basket that I am in...again, a situation where it is important to be aware of the risks, so I tell people, UP FRONT, that this is one of the risks they face. That way, they can choose, and realize that it -is- a choice.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to Soulhuntre)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 2:39:46 PM   
Belladonna82


Posts: 171
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Now i very much understand where you are coming from...my father was a dom. man who made sure i learned how to be a very femine woman with diffrent trainings and finishing school.my parents seperated when i was very young and my father raised me......with his push i was trained to be very traditional as in the since that a woman should serve a man.my mother was no diffrent...she thought men should control the terms and a woman should serve the house as if she was a servent...so i guess i became this way from experience in life growing up but i didnt tell my mother i was a complete slave and into TPE until i was 20 and felt it was time...she was not disturbed by the idea...acctualy happy esspecialy when the Master i now serve took me in...and later decided to marry me....my mother knows i am poly and says what ever makes me happy...which she knows is to be at Masters feet...i might be just one of the lucky ones......my birth family...was this way.....so nothing i do is of shock..... ;) just keep in mind...normaly family can be very understanding.....as for friends...all of Master and i's friends know....alot dont understand but none interfer.......but Blessed be and best of wishes...

Forever in servitude,
bella
*Proud slave of SirSix72*

_____________________________

Blessed be!

(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 3:43:42 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		I am not going to gain alot of support in what I am going to say.. but here goes anyway...

You are exchanging one TPE < Mother> for another TPE < Master> without having gone thru the steps to make yourself whole. Many here have said, you have to be willing to stand up to Mom and just say this is how I choose to live my life. They are absolutely correct.
However....it is very obvious to me that you have do not have the " tools" to do this. You obviously have issues involving confrontation and " people pleasing". You can't just say it.. you have to be willing to accept the consequences of saying it and carry on. And the consequence MAY be that you are " disowned" or shunned by your own family for a period of time, perhaps longer. It may be that the consequence will be that you are constantly interrogated when you have contact with Mother. You have to be ready to handle that possibility. It may be that there is no negative consequence at all, but in saying here it is.. and this is how I am going to live you are taking that risk. And once you say it.. you own it. You can't make it nice for everyone. No one can.

Let me try and explain simply..... you're most signifcant "role model" in how to cope with situaitons and how to " behave" is your Mother, obviously and naturallly. Your other "role Model " was an alcoholic father. All your life this is what you have watched, listened to and had instilled as the way it should be. Somewhere you have recognized that this is not how you want " you" to be. But.. you really have no reference point or person to use as an example of a healthier way. So you will muddle thru and the same issues will rear their ugly head time and time again and you will handle them the same way and nothing will change.... and someday you will wake up and realize that you aren't really "handling" them at all, you have been bandaiding them.

You say your Master wants to help you work thru your issues.. An excellent quality. But, again, I doubt he is qualified to handle issues of this magnitude. I do hope he means this in a way that will get you " professional" help of some sort that he involves himself in and supports you. There are support groups out there for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Other Dysfunctional Famlies if you do not trust a councilor/therapist.

What you are looking for, and again, naturally so.. is to please both Mother and Master.. you want to keep the status quo with Mom and have the TPE 24/7 with Master.. Something will crack... and in all likelihood it will be you.

Are you willing and determined to do as Mercnbeth suggested and walk away from Mother with a note that leaves the door open for confrontation in a safe place? And to take action on that confrontation ? < which is an excellent suggestion > Are you willing be on Mothers Black List for a period of time ? Perhaps a long time ? Are you willing for famliy members to side with Mother, becasue they too are afraid to face her wrath and have no idea how to handle it? Are you willing to take responsibility for your " mom issues" and deal with them yourself ? There comes a time when blaming Mom or Dad just doesn't work and that is at the point you realize they have had a destructive influence on you. At that point of realization... you become responsible to correct it and not excuse your own issues because of it.

One thing specifically you said made me sad....

I'd give up anything for him at this point, because I feel like he's made me a "whole" person.****
If your sense of feeling " whole" is solely dependent on another person, you are not whole. You are depending on another to feel like you are of worth.

I wish you well, and hope you take the road that will free you to be who you really want to be.

maybemaybenot

(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 3:48:00 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot
Are you willing and determined to do as Mercnbeth suggested and walk away from Mother with a note that leaves the door open for confrontation in a safe place?

Personally on my reading of the situation, I don't think it's necessary. I think beth's letter is a good one, and one that many should employ, but I don't think it's come to that point in this situation.

quote:

There comes a time when blaming Mom or Dad just doesn't work and that is at the point you realize they have had a destructive influence on you.

I haven't heard her blaming either of her parents for her situation, in fact she seems pretty happy and stable with it.

Likely there are some control issues, some anger issues and all which could stand to be worked out. That doesn't mean she's crippled or unable to have a secure and stable relationship at the same time.

But that's just my read on the situation.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 3:50:24 PM   
HentaiGamerKitty


Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		I completely respect what you're saying and I am really trying to work through these issues (believe me,I know they're there.) I know that I've probably got some tough sacrifices ahead and its something I'm willing to do, even if it means being disowned. I'd rather that not happen though.

As for feeling like he makes me whole, to me, that's what loves about, finding a person that completes you(cliche, yes, but its how I feel.) I never felt really alive when I was by myself. My most "alive" moments happen when there is someone there for me to take care of. Its almost similiar to a maternal instict. Some people feel their goal in life is to care for their children. Now personally I can't stand children and hope I never have to have one...but the concept is simiiliar. Rather than needing to care for a child to make me happy, I feel that I need to care for a man (one who's worthy of such care.)

Again, thank you all for the advice. I've taken quite a bit of it to heart.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 4:13:01 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot
Are you willing and determined to do as Mercnbeth suggested and walk away from Mother with a note that leaves the door open for confrontation in a safe place?

Personally on my reading of the situation, I don't think it's necessary. I think beth's letter is a good one, and one that many should employ, but I don't think it's come to that point in this situation.

I also meant if it comes to that, not as an immediate course of action. Sometimes when in a situation such as this, you need to mentally prepare for potential fallout

quote:

There comes a time when blaming Mom or Dad just doesn't work and that is at the point you realize they have had a destructive influence on you.

I haven't heard her blaming either of her parents for her situation, in fact she seems pretty happy and stable with it.

Likely there are some control issues, some anger issues and all which could stand to be worked out. That doesn't mean she's crippled or unable to have a secure and stable relationship at the same time.

Blame doesn't have to be a finger pointing accusation. It is also defined as :To place responsibility for (something): OP has put some responsibility on Mother for her feelings and fears. It can be that I am having trouble with such and such because of my mother's Dominant nature and her expectations of me.

But that's just my read on the situation.



And just to be clear, coming from the situation she apparently comes from, I am not
" blaming " her either. I was trying to point out somethings that may help her come to peace with her situation. And potential scenarios, she may not have considered.

Maybemaybenot

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/12/2005 8:14:53 PM   
FLButtSlut


Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Likely there are some control issues, some anger issues and all which could stand to be worked out. That doesn't mean she's crippled or unable to have a secure and stable relationship at the same time.

But that's just my read on the situation.


Throwing hammers at your child? Trying to break the car window with a police baton? This "mother" is not simply dealing with anger issues for starters and to imply such even in the slightest way is absolutely ridiculous.

To the OP,

The concept of being "whole" and most alive is a wonderful thing, and many people are not completely happy alone. The point though is that YOU need to be a "complete" and "whole" person psychologically in order to "take care" of this man. I think the things that have occurred with your mom and the fact that you haven't successfully dealt with them yet (by your own admission) keeps you from being in that place.

The fact that you tried therapy is terrific, but I am not really surprised that you found it to be less than successful. Just like every guy out there isn't a perfect "match" for you, every therapist may not be able to help guide you to where you need to be. I urge you to try therapy again. If you don't feel the next therapist is helping, go to another, and another. It is NOT uncommon that some people may need to "go through" quite a few therapists before they find the "right" one for them.

Like it or not, we are ALL the product of our upbringing. Just like the children of some alcoholics grow up to be the same, some kids of alcholics grow up and decide never to drink, but the reason behind both decisions is the same.

There is nothing wrong with what you say you want in life with a partner. You may never resolve things with your mother, and from what you say, I doubt she would ever be willing to try to work constructively with you to help you overcome it. What YOU need to do is to resolve your issues with your mother within yourself. Accept that you might be as different as night and day, and be as compatible as oil and water. Once you develop the strength WITHIN YOURSELF, not leaning on the man you love to accept who your mother is and who you are and that you are GOING to pursue YOUR path in life regardless of what she thinks, then and only then will you be able to successfully "take care" of your man without the weight of all these questions.

Good luck.



(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/13/2005 7:09:28 AM   
julj


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline 		This thread is a wonderful example of the great positive power of the internet.....people having access to points of view, advice, support........and I believe these positive aspects will eventually outweigh all the other BS of online.
What a wonderful place CM is!

(in reply to FLButtSlut)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/13/2005 7:34:04 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline 		Control, for a mother, comes from at least two sources. First, because she's older and has seen crap the kid has not, it comes from fear. Second, because she raised you, she has a vision of what she wants for you and will hollar like a stuck pig if you deviate too far. My own kid has been playing tiddlywinks since graduating with her Bachelors and has finally decided to return to grad school; a move i was hollaring about for 3 years. But she's an adult; i have had to learn to trust her and let go; and she's shown good judgment, so i feel a bit more relaxed.

The fear associated with having a daughter become submissive is that she will be deserted someday, probably with kids, without any marketable skill, etc. If your mom raised you alone, as i did my kid, she probably feels that a career is absolutely necesary to your well-being. How she chooses to express her fears/desires/ambitions for you is most unfortunate....what are you supposed to learn from throwing things and threats to be disowned?

i agree with Mercandbeth that a letter is not a bad idea....i would never tell her you're in a TPE relationship but i would set boundaries. My kid worked hard to do so and we are both happier now.

BTW, i have the reverse problem; i'd never want my kid to know i was a submissive.

i wish you happiness and peace.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to julj)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/13/2005 2:25:02 PM   
HentaiGamerKitty


Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Well the prospect of me being childless and careerless was never a worry. She knows I have a great job (and Master wouldn't ask me to give it up.) She also knows I hate children (again,something thats been discussed between He and I) and so that's not likely either. It just infuriates her to see ANY woman take an order from a man. She has a weird issue because of it.

< Message edited by HentaiGamerKitty -- 10/13/2005 2:36:38 PM >

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/13/2005 3:48:01 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Well the prospect of me being childless and careerless was never a worry. She knows I have a great job (and Master wouldn't ask me to give it up.) She also knows I hate children (again,something thats been discussed between He and I) and so that's not likely either. It just infuriates her to see ANY woman take an order from a man. She has a weird issue because of it.

HenaiGamerKitty


Well, you have a built-in conflict with your mom....but if things were different, you'd still need to stand up to her or back away a bit during your 20's. The sea change in the parent-child relationship at that age is instigated by the kid; the mom would never voluntarially let go...at least that's been my experience. So you have life changes to make...but that's part of being in your 20's. i'm sure your mom loves you, but it seems she has anger issues; an almost phobic response to male authority, and a hand on the back of your neck. Poor woman.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 10/22/2005 1:19:56 AM >

_____________________________



(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/13/2005 4:00:15 PM   
HentaiGamerKitty


Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

quote:

Well the prospect of me being childless and careerless was never a worry. She knows I have a great job (and Master wouldn't ask me to give it up.) She also knows I hate children (again,something thats been discussed between He and I) and so that's not likely either. It just infuriates her to see ANY woman take an order from a man. She has a weird issue because of it.

HenaiGamerKitty


Well, you have a built-in conflict with your mom....but if things were different, you'd still need to stand up to her or back away a bit during your 20's. The sea change in the parent-child relationship at that age is instigated by the kid; the mom would never voluntarially let go...at least that's been my experience. So you have life changes to make...but that's part of being in your 20's. i'm sure your mom loves you, but it seems she has anger issues; a almost phobic response to male authority, and a hand on the back of your neck. Poor woman.

pinkpleasures


I agree with you. I've tried to break free of her in the past and failed. I went off to college, moved out, married my childhood sweetheart, etc, thinking this would be a way to get away from her..the marriage fell apart, I had to quit school, and I ended up back under her thumb as bad as ever.

I think that the first time I tried to get away, I wasn't really ready to leave home yet (I was 18.) Now, at 22, I've got more financial security and at least a somewhat better grip on who I am,so maybe this time it will work. I moved out of her house a few months ago and have really enjoyed not having her there to tell me what to do all day!

You're right that she definately has anger issues. The funny thing is that all her friends and coworkers think she is Ms. Perfect. She never lets them see what a psycho she can be! They think she's the worlds best mother and wife. I've told her before that she needs therapy but she didn't much appreciate my advice.

So overall, I think its just time to get away and put some distance between us. I still have to see her on a somewhat regular basis, because (at least for the time being) I'm keeping my horse out there. I do try to go out and ride at times when I know she won't be home though. I'm hoping that when I move out of the place I'm in now, I can find an affordable boarding stable that I like...that would make it easier to break off contact.

Thanks again for all the really great advice :) There's some great people here on Collarme!

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: TPE Relationships (and dealing with outsider reacti... - 10/14/2005 1:51:32 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

So overall, I think its just time to get away and put some distance between us. I still have to see her on a somewhat regular basis, because (at least for the time being) I'm keeping my horse out there. I do try to go out and ride at times when I know she won't be home though. I'm hoping that when I move out of the place I'm in now, I can find an affordable boarding stable that I like...that would make it easier to break off contact.

HentaiGamerKitty


Dear, i would never advise you to break off all contact with your mom...she loves you though she has problems...i understand it's much easier to breathe when she's not there, but you do not want to break her heart...just establish boundaries.

pinkpleasures

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(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 40
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