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~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 12:49:46 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		The in between times are a concept that gets discussed a lot and I am sure there is another thread that has a bunch of this information but none of those really got to the Meat of what I am discussion.
 
In another thread we are talking about consistency. How a Master has to have a constant set of rules otherwise what is the point of having them at all? Then you have the Leather Folk who quote concepts of Protocol which give a person a realistic view of the necessity of service at any given time.
 
If the Truth were told there are times I am Thirsty and just want the damn soda and I really don’t want the girl to present it to me I really just want her to hand to me cause I’m thirsty.
 
So I sit in an opposite corner and I watch both camps and I ponder what the point really is. You see I have LOTS of those in between times when Protocol and Rules just aren’t necessary. I don’t want to have a girl on set for no reason. Know what I mean?
 
During these times my wife and I resemble something out of a Norman Rockwell Time Magazine Cover. We aren’t in Leather and Chains all the time. I am not wielding a Riding Bat while cooking eggs and the girl isn’t eating out of my hand while chained to the Coffee Table. Sure there are times for that but even then it is casual.
 
So I have taken to wondering at times what we look like to others in the BDSM world, and oddly enough we have discovered that we are not the black sheep we thought we were. It would seem that the Dynamic Presented in Public often does not represent the actual dynamic presented in private. That this is a common situation.
 
There was a time in which I fought to maintain a slipping order in the house, that every time that the girl was relaxed and not focused that this was at a detriment to our relationship and that somehow this was a sign of my ability to be a dedicated Master.
 
You see often we try to emulate what we see, that we assume the surface is the reality when often the surface is just a façade that presents a concept we wish the world to see.
 
I find that I am happier now with having a easy going house than I ever was running around trying to make sure that every moment was saturated in the definion of Obedience and control. 
Does anyone else feel this way?
 
Now I am sure there is a difference between the answers from those who are in a 24/7 live in situation, a long distance power exchange, a Play situation, and a on the side. So if you have an opinion just do us all a favor and express how your personal household dynamic works. Ergo, is the submissive present when orders are given and if so is the submissive always present or is the time line limited to certain days or hours.
 
Thank you
 
Steel ®™
 
(No...... Not really)

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 4/22/2008 12:52:53 PM >

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term
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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 1:10:56 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		It's my personal opinion that obedience and control can manifest themselves in some of the most powerful ways when they aren't something you consciously feel a need to strive for 24/7.

My Owner and I are the same in public that we are in private.  It's because we set ourselves to the same standard in public that we do in private.  She runs a very laxed household when it comes to procol.  Her control over me is quite powerful, but a ton of ceremony and formality is taxing on time and, quite frankly, doesn't bring her any joy.  Things flow naturally.  She can find my devotion and obedience in tiny things.  I can see her power in control just the same.  The little things in life can bring so much joy, and especially when they're not rehersed.

The only really firm protocols we have is the fact I greet her on my knees, with hot cup of coffee, when she gets home from work.  I also ask for permission for various things, and she has the final says on just about everything in our lives.  Still...  When we're at home, we're rather laid back.

We are very much the same in public.  It's obvious who's in control, but if our genders were reversed it probably wouldn't even raise an eyebrow.  Still...  We don't mind.  What we have works for us.  I'm her property, and she's my Owner.  Nothing else matters.

DV's Fox

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 4/22/2008 1:13:16 PM >

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 1:11:27 PM   
Sirsinini


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		You seem to have a need to establish yourself as "normal" or "fitting in" with some "camp" or another.....  to make who you and yours are fit certain guidelines that for some reason you dont seem to be able to attain.

What is wrong with just being who you and yours are?
Why are you struggling so to fit another mold?


_____________________________


The man who always seeks to be the best for you is
the only man truly worthy of being called Sir.


~~ Sir's devoted property
~~ whose profile is hidden on purpose



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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 1:25:40 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

You seem to have a need to establish yourself as "normal" or "fitting in" with some "camp" or another.....  to make who you and yours are fit certain guidelines that for some reason you dont seem to be able to attain.

What is wrong with just being who you and yours are?
Why are you struggling so to fit another mold?



Well both of those questions require very long answers. These answeres can easily be found in my Journal which is part of an ongoing article which was never printed and just kept growing.

The short answer is . I got involved in this lifestyle young and even given the Formal introduction I recieved I was still awestruck by those whom I respected and tried to emulate them. As time went on I found that the Pedastals I put them on were not quite as high as they once were I looked for others to emulate. When I was 20 I tried to come into my own and find my own way but still did so by determining what I was supposed to be doing.

Today at 27 I have a very different outlook however I see signs of the way I carried myself being played out here on these boards and I was just wondering what makes people do what they do.

Today I don't try to fit in..... any research into my most common threads and replies to threads will tell you I rarely have the Popular answer to things. I really no longer care what people think of me because what people think of me is none of my business. Instead I am a continual student of this lifestyle and honestly I really just want to see WHY people do things the way that they do rather than wonder why they don't do things the way I do.

"Normal" "Fitting In" and Belonging are all things that come with human nature. It is hard wired. Don't believe me just take sociology 101 and any core psycology class. Breaking the mold often times is another form of trying to fit in believe it or not. The desire to PROVE you are not like others simply concretes the fact that you realize you are a drone. Proving otherwise is a predictable process.

Me I just want to understand others. And that is why I ask the questions I ask.

Thanks for asking.

Steel 

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 1:28:23 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I live my life the way that I want it. I am not big on protocol and I don't expect my boy to be in male slave silks chained to my bed 24/7, 365 a year. I have rules in place, he knows what the rules are and abides by them. I don't see the need to be "putting on airs" when its just he and I at home. Oh sometimes I do special little things like make him clean house wearing a buttplug but thats not every time he cleans the house. Sometimes I just want the damn house clean so we can just relax together.

So yeah I know what you mean and even though this works for us, it may not work for everyone. But we are happy and thats what counts the most to us.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 1:30:17 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I do what I do.  When I was part of a couple, we did what we did.  And that is, just be normal.  He had the control because that was how I was comfy.  But it did not mean that I was constantly on point, every moment.  It meant that things just flowed normally. 
He asked; I did. 
I do not understand why being in a ds relationship has to be such a running game for a lot of people.  Whether I am stripped and plugged, or in a t-shirt and jeans, I am the same person.  It doesn't matter to me that it might look nilla to the outside world.  I really don't care what they think as long as I am doing what I do.  Or we are doing what we do.
Now.. if you are part of a dynamic where running the part is necessary to keep the DS going, then I would say you have to play the game more often than not.  But if you look at this as just life, doing what you do, then it is not difficult to keep it going.
Oddly, though my relationship ended, I find that the dynamic we held is still in place.  It still works, even without the game, or the play. 
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 1:35:14 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		At some point in life I just quit worrying about what everyone else does and thinks. At least in a manner that compares my thing, to their thing, for the purpose of finding one lacking.

Sure, I think it's awsome to talk, read, about other's situations. It will occasionally give me an idea or a "Hmmmm" moment but never to the extent of thinking one of us is wrong, or more right. Simply for the knowledge and growth.

I've learned alot from reading about Mercnbeth's relationship, and how KoM's household works. I've come to respect the people. It doesn't mean I want to emmulate everything they do, but I do respect that they have been sucessful in doing it.

Regardless of individual style I have realized that in ALL successful relationships there is a common thread. Primarily honesty and communication. The group(regardless of size) working for the common good. These are the things that I pay attention to, not the individual details.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 1:35:24 PM   
Loveisallyouneed


Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I find that I am happier now with having a easy going house than I ever was running around trying to make sure that every moment was saturated in the definion of Obedience and control. 
Does anyone else feel this way?



I was fortunate enough to have developed my practice for years before ever coming into contact with a bdsm community, so I was well-immunized from the peer pressure to do bdsm in x, y, z fashion.

With family and friends I am a very relaxed, easy-going, laid back kind of person. So I suppose it makes sense that I do not go in for ritual/protocol. Rules are simple such that a sub/slave in love will abide by them easily.

The Norman Rockwell imagery is quite appropos. My wife would make tea for us and bring it out on the deck where we'd snuggle under blankets and listen to the hermit thrush in our forest each morning.

I've always felt a master should live as he wishes, and not according to some stereotype, especially those foisted on people by communities.

"To thine own self be true", as they say.

And as a master should live as he wishes, so a slave should be free to beg for what she wishes. It was not unusual for my wife to beg for us to make popcorn and watch a movie, or go for a walk in our forest.

None of this required us to step out of our bdsm paradigm, for that paradigm was based on love, trust and respect.

I suppose some of us are more comfortable with a lack of a rigid structure. From my point of view a rigid structure lacks the organic ability to adapt to new situations and new needs.

And as you asked: I am speaking of my experience with my wife, whose life was cut short due to cancer.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 3:04:43 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

There was a time in which I fought to maintain a slipping order in the house, that every time that the girl was relaxed and not focused that this was at a detriment to our relationship and that somehow this was a sign of my ability to be a dedicated Master... 
 
...I find that I am happier now with having a easy going house than I ever was running around trying to make sure that every moment was saturated in the definion of Obedience and control. 
Does anyone else feel this way?

...do us all a favor and express how your personal household dynamic works.


Yes, I'm happier in an easy going atmosphere.

The household:
*Live in poly, 24/7, TPE, M/s style with kids from both fem slaves. 
*It was a nice large house that served 3 adults, 3 kids and a business office. 
*Because of the business office, the house served 2 additional adults from 10am – 5pm (my partner often he brought his slave to work with him). 
*Slaves had personal time daily and weekly a “girls night out” and an afternoon to shop so there was time for them to just relax. 
 
The up side:
It was a relaxed easy going, easy does it atmosphere.  With such a large house, 5 adults, 3 kids and a business, I couldn’t micromanage, there wasn’t time.  I never felt my Masterism was threatened by loose reins. 

Although the relationship dynamic was 24/7 and “being a slave is a full time job”, I gave the girls a rest and some personal time.  I felt they were no less my property during the time they enjoyed their personal time.   
 
The downside:
One of the slaves was lazy and was able to hide it well because she wasn’t closely monitored.  It wasn’t apparent until after several months and it eventually proved fatal to the relationship.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 3:09:48 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		When i joined my Sir he gave me (verbally) a list of the things he wanted - such as me serving him coffee on a tray, and asking permission to go to the toilet. It isn't a long list, but is such that i feel my submission all day.   There is something about asking permission to go to the toilet, or have a cup of tea that reinforces our dynamic.

He used to be into the gorian lifestyle, but he has told me that as he got older, he didn't want to mess with the protocol, it was more work for him than the sub/slave.  Our behaviour changes little in public - I am more formal with my Sir, but that is what i want to do not to shame my Sir in public. He doesn't require it, but it makes me feel better.

In our 24/7 relationship we started more formally, but as i became more comfortable with the lifestyle, i relaxed a little and didn't feel as if every  time i screwed up i was a bad sub/slave. My Sir hasn't changed his requirements during this time, so the relaxation has more to do with me and how i felt in the relationship. I think too much protocol would take away from our enjoyment of our lifestyle and time together. We have little enough time together as it is due to my job, so we would rather talk and snuggle than have me on my knees with a ballgag in my mouth.   ... now , when we are playing, all bets are off!

i feel that a lot of protocol is distancing between sub/slave and master. When focusing on protocol rather than relationship, in my relationship, i would miss knowing my Sir as a loving, sensitive man.  I would rather be holistically orientated rather than task oriented ,in that, i relate to Sir as my master and my man. It has actually taken time to relax into this attitude.

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 3:18:52 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		For me there are two quite distinct dimensions to bdsm protocol. These dimensions are space and time and looking at a dynamic in these terms has helped me solve some (most) of my previous dilemmas.
I used to struggle with the spatial aspect of bdsm. This was, I admit, nuch more important before the advent of mobile phones, on line activity and text, mail. I know for some here imagining a time without these media of communication seems like going back in the dark agea. But there really was a time before they existed.
And so. like having to get a real book, yes hard cover, limited edition, from a real library, was really the only way to get knowledge, getting one's real hands on a real living breathing dominant was the only way to 'get' how to be a submissive. It was indeed a relationship defined spatially and behaviourally where protocols of demeanor and behaviour externally witnessed by others were paramount.
BUT THINK ABOUT IT. THE TERM 24/7 IS ACTUALLY TEMPORAL.
And thus it is possible in this magnificent and bountiful world of internet highways, mobile, text, blue-toothing and cyber bdsm, to have a very erotic, power based and intimate relationship that defies spatial necessities. Much like it is possible to earn a degree by attending a virtual university  by distance learning.
Therefore the underlying psychological dynamic is for me, now, the crucial factor. I am by nature, by psychological choice and conscious demeanour a submissive in my hetero sexual relationships to men.
Thus, although my ex master and I never lived together 24/7, because hell I have a career and teenagers for whom I am solely responsible, my spatial arrangements, where I put my furniture and the teenagers electronic tentacles (playstation i-pjones etc) mean quite simply that spatial bondage is less feasible than mental bondage. When I was in it it was 24/7. He was not one on the side althouh it would not have been apparent in the bulk of my behaviour that I was his slave.
But I held a slave mindset and a slave heart and there was no false facade.
When we came together physically at my place within the midst of my everyday life amongst the kids, cats, dog and tins of tomato soup, we looked like friend and friend but the underlying bdsm dynamiic was still there. And it was exclusive in as much as it excluded others from observing it in direct form.
When we played, when we had scenes, and especially when we scened prvately with others then I am proud to say I served it according to protocol, om my knees and eyes averted in a manner which I felt was most reverent as a slave and as one submittiong to him.
There was a very strong psychic connection that existed between us that this was so even when we were spatially apart.
So yes: the real deal and no false facade. It's good to be able to pass.
It's a blessing to have spanned the spatial-temporal revolution.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 3:28:33 PM   
Sirsinini


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

You seem to have a need to establish yourself as "normal" or "fitting in" with some "camp" or another.....  to make who you and yours are fit certain guidelines that for some reason you dont seem to be able to attain.

What is wrong with just being who you and yours are?
Why are you struggling so to fit another mold?



Well both of those questions require very long answers. These answeres can easily be found in my Journal which is part of an ongoing article which was never printed and just kept growing.

The short answer is . I got involved in this lifestyle young and even given the Formal introduction I recieved I was still awestruck by those whom I respected and tried to emulate them. As time went on I found that the Pedastals I put them on were not quite as high as they once were I looked for others to emulate. When I was 20 I tried to come into my own and find my own way but still did so by determining what I was supposed to be doing.

Today at 27 I have a very different outlook however I see signs of the way I carried myself being played out here on these boards and I was just wondering what makes people do what they do.

Today I don't try to fit in..... any research into my most common threads and replies to threads will tell you I rarely have the Popular answer to things. I really no longer care what people think of me because what people think of me is none of my business. Instead I am a continual student of this lifestyle and honestly I really just want to see WHY people do things the way that they do rather than wonder why they don't do things the way I do.

"Normal" "Fitting In" and Belonging are all things that come with human nature. It is hard wired. Don't believe me just take sociology 101 and any core psycology class. Breaking the mold often times is another form of trying to fit in believe it or not. The desire to PROVE you are not like others simply concretes the fact that you realize you are a drone. Proving otherwise is a predictable process.

Me I just want to understand others. And that is why I ask the questions I ask.

Thanks for asking.

Steel 


Maybe I see things the way I do cause being almost twice as young as you, I know the consequences (in my own life) of putting people on pedestals.
 
Something about your reply made me think of something....
Do you know the difference between whining and requesting?
Its kind of like the long vs the short answer... the long answer (whine) bores the dominant and he is pissed with the drama twist while the short answer is crisp, precise and without measurements.
 
I have read many of your posts/threads Steel,  even strayed to your profile/journal.  You havent seen me looking? 
 
I was trying to read...        
 
Good luck with the answers to the universe...they will loom larger with more years or your will stop measuring.... 


_____________________________


The man who always seeks to be the best for you is
the only man truly worthy of being called Sir.


~~ Sir's devoted property
~~ whose profile is hidden on purpose



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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 3:32:23 PM   
Sirsinini


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

i feel that a lot of protocol is distancing between sub/slave and master. When focusing on protocol rather than relationship, in my relationship, i would miss knowing my Sir as a loving, sensitive man.  I would rather be holistically orientated rather than task oriented ,in that, i relate to Sir as my master and my man. It has actually taken time to relax into this attitude.


So very well stated.........


_____________________________


The man who always seeks to be the best for you is
the only man truly worthy of being called Sir.


~~ Sir's devoted property
~~ whose profile is hidden on purpose



(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 3:47:04 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
So if you have an opinion just do us all a favor and express how your personal household dynamic works.  



I'm available for his use 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He does not make use of me except at his whim, desire or need. I have a lot of autonomy to take care of the business of living but even in that, he can pull the plug at any given time, change the routine, install some new routine etc. 2 AM or 2 PM, it really doesn't matter. Instead of allowing me on the phone or online when he's not using or making use of me, he certainly could put me in a cage or a corner, but he doesn't and I'm grateful he doesn't. I'm allowed entertainment outlets of my own. I'm allowed to continue to try to educate and grow within my personal self and my love for leather and M/s. I have all the freedoms he wants me to have and I appreciate them all and know they are not rights but priviledges and that's exactly how I look at them.

He has simply to tell me what he wants and if I'm capable of doing it, I'll do it. If I'm not capable, he's SOL but then, he never asks the impossible of me so that is, generally, a non-issue. I'm also required to be transparent in my thoughts and feelings so that if he has an expectation of me and is unaware of some internal issue (perhaps I'm ill or something) then I am to make him aware of those so he can make knowledgeable decisions.

All of this is very ordinary and I can't imagine that the power dynamic is all that different from those who don't have a power dynamic in their relationship. By that I mean, if my daughter is feeling sick she's going to tell her husband that she can't do something he'd like done. The difference is, Himself might choose to tell me to do something anyway and I will. My daughter would likely tell her husband to get off his ass and do it himself. ::chuckles:: That's the difference to me .. not the level of communication but rather what the end result of what that communication might entail.

My job is to make his life easier, to entertain him and to care for him as he decides and allows. That means different things at different times .. sometimes it means not bugging him, sometimes that means putting on my best fetish or leather gear and entertaining him, and sometimes that means sitting down and watching a movie with him and, yeah, sometimes that means being stark naked sitting at his feet just because that's where he wants me in that moment and sometimes that means keeping my mouth shut and not fidgeting when he brings 'me' a soda! How boring life would be if there were no diversity! 

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/22/2008 3:49:40 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 4:39:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's all about your style and what feeds you.  I'm easy going, long term slow burn kinda girl who has no real rules, rituals or protocols to speak of.  It works great for me and doesn't hinder the authority dynamic in the least.

Others need a much different format.

Once again, this is why the actions don't matter, it's how things flow, what's intentioned.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 5:44:42 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Ok… perhaps my idea of “easy going” is bit skewed.  It was a high protocol household, permission to use the bathroom, eat etc. 
 
[edit: thought I hit fast reply, this wasn't in responce to the LuckyAlbatross]

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 4/22/2008 5:47:25 PM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 5:45:34 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Our household is perceived as very formal in regards to protocols, but even so it is very easy going.  The protocols that we have are very meaningful to us and are something that we highly enjoy; they bring us pleasure and serve to reinforce the relationship.

We do have different styles of protocol depending on the situation that we are in.  They are formal, standard and casual.  For the most part we are in standard protocol.  Casual is only when there are people who do not know about our relationship around (ex. one of our parents are around).  Formal is generally reserved for high protocol events.

As an example, Alandra and I are required to obtain permission to ask a question.  In standard protocol, we would ask permission to ask a question or use the hand signal that communicates we want to ask a question.  We wait for his acknowledgement and permission before asking.  In formal protocol, we would use the hand signal and wait for permission to speak.  In casual protocol we would state, "I have a question" and then wait for him to give permission.

There are some protocols that are the same no matter who is around or where we are.  We always serve a drink on his right and balanced on our palm and fingers with the thumb used for support.  If the cup has a handle the handle is facing him.  There are times that he will tell us to just put it down or he might make us stand there for a while holding the drink until he is ready to take it.  He may change how he receives the drink, but what doesn't change is how we present the drink to him.

The protocols that people see in public are pretty much the same protocols that we have in private.  The one thing that is not as prominent in public is mine and Alandra's playfulness with him.  That is an aspect of our relationship that is private or reserved for intimate situations.

I think the one mistake the people make with protocols is trying to emulate the protocols they perceive others doing.  Protocols that are meaningful to the relationship, tend to be the most successful.  I also know that a relationship can have many protocols and the behavior can become a natural part of the relationship.  I was introduced to his protocols a few at a time.  Once they started becoming a natural part of my behaviors, then others were added.  I don't feel uncomfortable or clumsy in performing any of the protocols that he requires. 

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 5:49:06 PM   
epiphany


Posts: 41
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline 		I started out in  in a very formal leather household as a slave. That was my first collar. I loved the protocol and ritual then, and maybe even needed it in order to help me feel "like a slave". Still, I negotiated to the poiunt of being in charge...looking back I can see that. The contract was long and covered EVERYTHING.

Since then I found my Top side, even owned...and now have come to my second collar in 12 years...full circle.

This time there are no protocols, rituals and it isn't at all formal. I call him by his name, not Sir or Master. There is no doubt, however, about the power dynamics of our relationship. We have a contract...one page, mainly just me saying "here ya go, it's all yours". I negotiated nothing, didn't need to. I know this man, trust him with my life. This has been years in the making,and we have been best friends for a long time before comming to this point

  The first collar,  I was a slave by my own determination to fit into the mold of slave as I believed it to be. Now I am owned through my relationship to the individual. The interesting thing is that now, without the protocols and rituals, with just us being us....I am owned and have given over control in ways I never could have in my past relationship, and it's as natural as breathing.

  When we are around others in the lifestyle, we have received some funny looks when I call him by his name ect. Thats okay. We are comfortable with us and our relationship.

You grow and change...and each relationship is unique

epiphany

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 5:55:06 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Ya know... I always thought that was the fun part of being the dominant... You get to do what you damn well please and who cares what others think?    Or maybe that's just my 'new deal' since I passed 45.  As my grandma used to say "If you don't like the way I look (or act in this case) turn your head!"

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to epiphany)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: ~~Facades~~ The real deal behind closed doors. - 4/22/2008 5:58:54 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
...We do have different styles of protocol depending on the situation that we are in.... 
As an example, Alandra and I are required to obtain permission to ask a question... 


I had 2 levels of protocol in my house.  ...and while in high protocol if it was in apropos to ask a question at that time, it went like this:
 
“Sir, may I ask a question?” . . .  “you just did”

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 20
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