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Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 8:39:58 AM

sebastian63

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/19/2005
Status: offline

I have a question about physical attraction between a Domme and sub. I've been having great e-mail exchanges with a Domme for a week, and a phone call but we haven't met. When I saw her picture I was not physically attracted to her, but she has a lot to offer. It sounds stupid but I wonder if I should work on seeing her with my own eyes, finding my attraction to her in our experiences together, or is that denial and do I just go with my gut, which says, She doesn't get your blood going, simple as that. That seems to be my style--reject swiftly, so is it something to "work on" or am I overthinking it and--Duh, of course you have to be attracted to her. Your wisdom/experiences desired.

In a maze of my own making,
Sebastian

Post #: 1

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 8:51:43 AM

JustaTop

Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

If it's a gut reaction,I don"t know what to tell you.

Chemistry is strange that way...Someone either excites you,or they don't. It's not so much about what you think,as what you feel. On the other extreme,I have met women who attracted me physically-but that went away as soon as they opened thier mouths. I'd have liked them better ball gagged.

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 2

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 8:53:11 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I can't tell you how to evaluate your own priorities, however I'm wondering why you yourself are so unsure about it?

Your style is that you reject swiftly- do you want to change that? What will you lose by giving it a few months and seeing if chemistry grows?

Whatever it is, be honest to her about it.

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 3

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 12:04:41 PM

ownedjulia

Posts: 218
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

I guess it all depends whats important to you?

Surface looks or personality.

It's an age old question and something that you need to decide on your own

_____________________________

~julia
owned slave and proud of it!

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 4

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 12:48:51 PM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
I learned a long time ago true beauty comes from within. If someones exterior is all you're interested in than you are really selling yourself short in my opinion.
I'd say meet her face to face and then decide if she's pretty enough to be seen as attractive to you.
If the answer is no then maybe you should change your name to Shallow Hal.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 5

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 1:17:21 PM

sebastian63

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

I'd say meet her face to face and then decide if she's pretty enough to be seen as attractive to you.
If the answer is no then maybe you should change your name to Shallow Hal.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

Thanks for the good advice. BTW I like your picture, but why did you choose a red chemise, and a black choker, and a nice haircut? Isn't your personality enough?

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 6

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 1:48:02 PM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello Sir,
You ask

quote:

BTW I like your picture, but why did you choose a red chemise, and a black choker, and a nice haircut? Isn't your personality enough?

Hello,
My Master took this photo as he likes to take pictures of me, he picked my outfit ,I wear his collar 24/7 & I cut my hair myself at home to keep it out of my eyes. I don't even wear makeup, so if you are saying I'm trying to doll my photo up the answer is NOT SO. I dress to please my Master, but when we met we had not even seen a photo of each other as looks are secondary to a real connection between spirits for me.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 7

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 2:46:29 PM

sebastian63

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

My Master took this photo as he likes to take pictures of me, he picked my outfit ,I wear his collar 24/7 & I cut my hair myself at home to keep it out of my eyes. I don't even wear makeup, so if you are saying I'm trying to doll my photo up the answer is NOT SO. I dress to please my Master, but when we met we had not even seen a photo of each other as looks are secondary to a real connection between spirits for me.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

I understand that all the visuals are your master's preferences
and that you and your spirit get no pleasure out of it.

I didn't mean to be snippy--it's just that you didn't seem to reflect on my question as a valid (if complex) issue but more as an opportunity to react with a (in my opinion) sophomoric comment. Satisfying to you and your spirit perhaps, but helpful to my spirit?

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 8

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 2:59:16 PM

kimmypuss

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline

I think I do know what you mean - and it can be troubling.

Sometimes there is an instant Click that transcends one's old ways of thinking/feeling. The magic thing that erases all doubts.
But sometimes, as in the case you present, not.

If this is just reluctance or ambivalence, why not give it a chance to work?

But if it is an out-right soul-ful knowing that you can't even *imagine* feeling desire for her physical presence, then better to break off now and keep looking.

In any case, I really wouldn't advise outright saying :"You just don't turn me on physically", even though that is the "truth".
You don't have the right to wound her like that, imo.
Find another way to take your leave without sabotaging anyone's self-esteem.

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 9

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 4:48:03 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sebastian63

I have a question about physical attraction between a Domme and sub. I've been having great e-mail exchanges with a Domme for a week, and a phone call but we haven't met. When I saw her picture I was not physically attracted to her, but she has a lot to offer. It sounds stupid but I wonder if I should work on seeing her with my own eyes, finding my attraction to her in our experiences together, or is that denial and do I just go with my gut, which says, She doesn't get your blood going, simple as that. That seems to be my style--reject swiftly, so is it something to "work on" or am I overthinking it and--Duh, of course you have to be attracted to her. Your wisdom/experiences desired.

In a maze of my own making,
Sebastian

A week isn't that long to develop a real feel on how much chemistry you have. It's hard to say about photos; you may not be attracted to her, but in person you may find that a physical chemistry develops that overrides any preconceived ideas you have.

It also really depends on what you mean by "not physically attracted." It could mean you opened the photo and were really, really turned off by a great many things -- or that you were envisioning a supermodel (because you are very into her so far) and she was a plain jane. Really, this is important. If you were *repulsed* -- well, yeah, chances are you may not click. If you were 'disappointed' or think 'well...she's just not my type..." then I would suggest you give it more time.

Many people will tell you that they developed an intense physical attraction to someone after they got to know them. I very much had a "type" that I sought physically, right down to body type, hair style (I'm a hair puller), and overall "look" (I love pretty boys). Ironically the guy I fell hard for fit none of those criteria, and the first few photos he sent me left me unimpressed. I didn't think he was repulsive, I thought he was "cute but not my type." Now, I think he is the most gorgeous man on the planet.

If aspects of her appearance are deal breakers, better to know now than in years.

Also, keep in mind, it goes both ways. You'll meet many femdoms in your travels who see your photo and regardless of chemistry will say "thanks but no thanks."

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 10

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 4:51:32 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Sebastian............"YES"

if she doesn't make the blood flow, via physical attraction....a transfusion is out of the question...look for someone else!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 11

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 6:00:26 PM

DallasDiva

Posts: 36
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline

I do not want to be with someone who is not physically attracted to me. I want someone who treats me as a Goddess because he sees me as one. Pictures can be decieveing...maybe meet in person...I do not think chemistry can develope in photos. If you are into everything she says and there is still no chemistry...well maybe you just might make a new friend.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 12

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 8:23:58 PM

xanderzzz

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline

The politically correct answer is to say everyone should be attracted to everyone and it is a person's mind that is most important. The truth is you do need to be attracted to her physically. The problem with you would be if you have such a small view of what is attractive. If you think that only a model is attractive then you are the one with a problem.

For me, any woman who is confident in her image and not ashame of it always does it for me. I have found it impossible to have a healthy sexual relationship with a woman who is ashamed or constantly putting herself down. This can include many woman who 99% of men would find attractive from a picture.

(in reply to DallasDiva)

Post #: 13

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 8:25:30 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

I have to say I'm "shallow" as well when selecting my subs, though I like to call it having a fine sense of aesthetics. lol I can understand the sub having that need as well. That whole chemistry thing is important because I'm looking for a visceral reaction from my submissive, not simply a mental one.

But unless you're just totally repulsed by the picture, I also agree that a face-to-face meeting is the only way to truly judge if you both mesh.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 14

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 8:26:14 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

After mulling this and other replies in my head I will have to say my blunt advice is to give it time to blossom. I was with the boyfriend a month and had clearly decided that we would be friends and nothing more when chemistry zapped us like lightning.

I think if you just let go now that you would be doing yourself a misfortune, even if it ultimately ends up not working out.

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 15

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 8:48:32 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I enjoy that "wow, oh-my-god, these are some really big sparks" feeling when there is a definite physical attraction going on. It makes everything easier. In this I am okay with being "shallow."

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 16

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 10:02:48 PM

Soulhuntre

Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedjulia
I guess it all depends whats important to you?

Surface looks or personality.

There isn't any reason on Earth to settle for anything less than both. This isn't either / or.

(in reply to ownedjulia)

Post #: 17

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/12/2005 10:10:36 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I have a question about physical attraction between a Domme and sub. I've been having great e-mail exchanges with a Domme for a week, and a phone call but we haven't met. When I saw her picture I was not physically attracted to her, but she has a lot to offer.

What if she simply does not photograph well? Some people just don't take a good picture. I'd say at least meet her face to face and see what happens.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 18

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/13/2005 2:06:30 AM

sf-Sub

Posts: 61
Status: offline

Best advice; be honest with yourself and what you really need from a relationship. Remember not everyone (or really anyone) will fulfill that Hollywood image that most of us men are conditioned to want by mass media. That said do what feels right to you. Remeber pictures are only one dimension a real person is many.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 19

RE: Physical Attraction? - 10/13/2005 6:37:48 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Ok this might sound trite but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I though my late Master was the most handsome sexy guy on the planet but whan i showed his picture to my friend she made a face. Meet her face to face might be something there that does not come throught the phone or screen, just my 2 cents.

littleone

(in reply to sebastian63)

Post #: 20

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