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Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 7:44:22 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Master and i were talking yesterday aboout bavk when he was a new Dom (almost 30 yrs ago).  I said to him i think for a brand new Dom to try to train a band new sub is irresponsible.  When i met Master i was not new but  I did want an experienced Dom. 

So i was wondering do you think a new Dom trying to train  (and i mean train such as whipping ,caning , bondage)a new sub is irresposible?

(please no flames just a question)

Matt's littleone
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 7:48:07 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		People have to learn somewhere.  They aren't born knowing how to flog. How do you feel about the girls you master learned from?  Were they irresponsible for being with him?  If I met someone with whom everything was great but he was inexperienced I would see if he is open to attending demos and learning everything he could about it.  I won't discount someone because of his lack of experience, especially if everything else is great.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 7:51:55 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Master and i were talking yesterday aboout bavk when he was a new Dom (almost 30 yrs ago).  I said to him i think for a brand new Dom to try to train a band new sub is irresponsible.  When i met Master i was not new but  I did want an experienced Dom. 

So i was wondering do you think a new Dom trying to train  (and i mean train such as whipping ,caning , bondage)a new sub is irresposible?

(please no flames just a question)

Matt's littleone


We were all new once ..... and as long as it is known that there is little or no experience and the Dominant is open to learning ... ie practice... seminars... mentors ... classes ... etc ... and the submissive is aware and willing to be the training tool .. in the use of "toys" and all other things are compatible ... I see no issue with it at all ....

It is still a matter of communication and compatibility.... I dont disregard anyone because they are new .. I do dismiss them from my mind for their attitude.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 7:53:33 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hey i have no problem whith the girl he learned from i am glad she was there to help him learn.

My Posts say it both of them are new not just the Dom.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 8:06:09 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I believe if everyone entered a relationship as 'new' and not as having experience, then there would be far fewer mistakes.
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 8:07:50 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Hey i have no problem whith the girl he learned from i am glad she was there to help him learn.


Hey, as long as you realize that you benefitted from the situation.  And I don't think it matters if both are new.  Like I said before, you have to start somewhere. Knowledgeable people can also act irresponsibly and cause harm. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 8:13:21 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I am the first submissive/slave/bottom for my Master.  

I had a master before Him who was my first.  My experiences with my former master were so limited, so rare and so brief that I really didn't learn much of anything about what I like/don't like, pain tolerances, etc...  So my current Master and I are pretty much learning as we go.  We talk about how things feel (physically, mentally and emotionally), and what we'd like to try, etc...

Experience can be a good thing, but I'm really enjoying taking this journey with Him as we experiment, explore, learn and grow.


(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 8:45:35 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Just because someone is new-does not mean he cannot learn carefully. It's all about knowing your limitations and working within them.

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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 8:46:32 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		I was brand new as was my first Master. He was a friend who had wanted to learn about the Lifestyle but never had the chance until I invited him to visit a local club with me. We learned together for almost 2 years. It was wonderful. Responsible? Yes, to each other. We learned through trial and error (like I don't like acrylic paddles!), lessons, lectures, activities at the club, mentor sessions with the club owner, you name it. It's all how you choose to look at it.  

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"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

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RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 8:47:17 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Irresponsable? No...at least not in my eyes.
 
Everyone starts someplace...somewhere.
 
If your *one* your *one*...it doesn`t take alot of....training, just the willingness to be teachable and humble enough to know your going to make....mistakes.
 
Life goes on...

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 8:47:33 AM   
sexysubtlesubm


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		I personally being fairly new to this would prefer a dom that know what he was doing, I'm not to thrilled at being a test sub so to speak.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 8:52:40 AM   
Hissltora


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings, littleone35;

No, i don't think it is irresponsible. i DO think it calls for extra caution and communication between the two.

Sir is my first "real" Master (i say real b/c the man before truly didn't understand what he was doing and was just faking it) and i am His first slave. i wasn't trained AT ALL and He had never cropped or flogged a person. Between the two of Us, much research was gathered, many activites were practiced. With constant open feedback and willingness to learn, He has become very comfortable with life and station; i have become a much happier, consistent slave. And it was a bonding event that i wouldn't trade for the most experienced Dom on the planet!

This is somewhat like saying that two people who have only dated each other have no business getting married, IMHO.

My follow-up question: why does it matter?

slave tora, devoted to Sir N

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 9:01:38 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		My first and I were both new to this 30 yrs ago.  I was joyous!  Learning each others needs, wants and desires, and taking things slow.  He watched for reactions and got to know how to pull my strings.  I don't see anything irresponsible about it.  30 yrs later, he is still one of my best friends.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 9:02:44 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Picking someone with years of experience means nothing if he's been doing the same exact thing for 20 years and hasn't learned anything.  

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 9:05:13 AM   
angelwithhonor


Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		smiles am glad to see this post. it has bothered me now for a few days that a Master who said the very opposite to me. i have met a very Domiant Man. not from here but vanilla. i had in my profile only seeking a Domiant Male as that is where i am drawn to. of course this Man is new and willing to learn from me. i have sent to so many sites. but the other Master said that i was a disgrace and being disrespectful to the lifestyle. am i? i told Him how do You think ppl learn on anything in their lives. of course you are either born to serve of to take control plain and simple. but unless you was brought up in the lifestyle with your parents like some have done. you mostly learned in later years that hey wow am not a freak. and this is another thought from my lil angel brain. is that any relationship vanilla or lifestyle you both grow in knowledge of each other. what a way to bond together.

(in reply to Hissltora)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 9:09:18 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		If it were irresponsible to try something new without experience then all of us are irresponsibile.

I see nothing wrong with two people learning together, in any walk of life.  In this life it doesn't take skill and experience to flog someone, it only takes skill to flog someone well and that can only be gained with experience.

Sir and I havve conquered many new experiences together.  It was not possible to practice before we met because only with each other did we come alive and discover ourselves.

Faith

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 9:10:22 AM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I would think it irresponsible if you had two newbies and a porn flick to learn from then the thought of that is kind of scary, however, there is so many resources out there and its not really hard for a couple to build a support structure so as long as there is awareness and the thirst to learn I see no problems with it all.  I think the bigest problem they would run into would be if they were trying to convert a vanilla relationship into a D/S relationship while trying to learn it because they loose there roles in questioning one another that much if that makes any sense.  So... the D/S dynamic that is built can be warped a little from what they actually want.

(in reply to angelwithhonor)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 9:17:29 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Everyone starts somewhere and no matter how much experience you have, with a new person you are just begining to learn them, their reactions, their limits... just leraning to trust them as they learn to trust you.

I would say it would be irresponcible for a new Dom to enter a relationship with anyone and takeing the attitude of He always knows best.... but for both to grow together in the relationship, learn how to do things safely together... Nothing irresponcible there.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to FRSguy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 9:19:41 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		No I think people should explore together. It's really hard to fuck up an OTK spanking which is where most inexperienced people start. Bondage? Well if he listens to feedback then it only takes one time to discover that when you tie someone's feet together to make sure the ankle bones don't rub. Actually he couldn't have not listened to that feedback because I yelled loudly.

And bondagewise he had experience but obviously his previous bottom didn't ever get her ankles exactly even, or maybe her legs were slightly uneven in length, He didn't have any experience in wax play when we did it, but he did read a thread about it and followed the safety precautions.

He didn't have any experience with pallet wrap either, we just bought some and started playing. He did have enough common sense to not cover my nose and mouth which is all that was important.

He doesn't have any experience with electricity. What happens if in five or ten years he gets a yen for it? He has to throw me out and find an experienced sub to teach him?

Some stuff doesn't need any teaching. Some requires only a little research. And some requires taking a workshop and then weeks/months of practice. As long as you do take the time to learn it, however much time that takes, that's all that matters.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Irresponsible - 4/25/2008 9:50:14 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Master and i were talking yesterday aboout bavk when he was a new Dom (almost 30 yrs ago).  I said to him i think for a brand new Dom to try to train a band new sub is irresponsible.  When i met Master i was not new but  I did want an experienced Dom. 

So i was wondering do you think a new Dom trying to train  (and i mean train such as whipping ,caning , bondage)a new sub is irresposible?

(please no flames just a question)

Matt's littleone


Nope, I would way rather learn with someone that have a Dom that figures he knows everything telling me I'm reacting wrong just because my responses may not be the same as all the other subs he or she has played with.

No I'm not saying all experienced Dom's are like that, but i honestly feel (for me) learning and growing with someone brings us closer together.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

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