CreativeDominant
Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
Input from My girl is welcomed and even sometimes required, that isn't 'Topping from the bottom' but simple provision of information. Someone trying to manipulate the situation to their own ends, rather than giving clear info for Me to make My decision upon isn't going to get very far and is what *I* consider an attempt to 'Top from the bottom'.
I agree, Raven.
Seems to me that in a scene where two people are playing that input from the one on the receiving end...the bottom...can be very helpful, especially in the case of people new to each other or in the case of the one on the giving end...the top...being inexperienced with the equipment he is using. But that is just clear communication between two people involved in a scene. But...there can come a time when the bottom thinks, because he/she has more experience (and if you have 6 years to the top's 5, you have more experience...but he really isn't lacking, is he?), that they should direct the scene. When it is just top/bottom play in which the receiver requested the top to do something specific for them, they have that right...after all, they requested the scene knowing what they want/need. But a scene in which a top asked a bottom to play in a specific manner and the bottom agreed? Shouldn't this scene...requested by the top and agreed to by the bottom...be run by the top in the same manner as the specific scene by the bottom? While there is room for communication, there is not room for the bottom telling the top how to do things...after all, this is HIS scene and she agreed to play...not control. For this top to note that the bottom is trying to "top from the bottom" is not a matter of him being selfish and arrogant, it is a matter of her being that way.
In the case of dominants and submissives...a much grayer area. I believe much the same as Raven and others have noted; it depends on intent. If you have agreed to submit to this person, for purposes of play (or more...though we are not talking about D/s outside of play right now), then the play is done...or should be...with the intent to submit, which is a yielding of your will to that of the dominant. If your intent is to be helpful, then it is communication. If it is to manipulate things to your own endgoal of satisfaction of your masochism and the part of your submission that is satisfied by play and in disregard of his needs as the dominant in charge of this scene and his needs as a sadist, whether done covertly or more obviously, then it is an attempt to "top from the bottom". If it is done because you have so much more experience (and again, 6 years is more than 5...as an e.g....but not much) than the one you are playing with and therefore, assume you know better and have the right to tell him HOW to do it instead of communicating to him before the scene...and during... clear information so that he can still be the one making the decision as to whether to abide by it or not, then it is "topping from the bottom". And his decision not to go along with everything the submissive is telling him doesn't make him a bad player or a bad dominant or someone who has too big an ego to listen...it makes him someone that realizes that in this situation, he has that right as the dominant.
Yes, some dominants and some tops overuse the phrase or use it wrongly. That doesn't mean it does not exist.
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RE: tops - 
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