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Age? - 4/26/2008 6:18:38 PM

KCherry

Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline

Hey loves,

I have been on the forums for a small while now and I have come to value your opinions so I want your opinion on something. I have been talking to and have recently been seeing in RL a Dom who is really sweet and I adore and admire him very much. The thing is he is 25 years my senior, now this doesn't bother me terribly but when I think of the fact that he is older than my dad I wonder if what I am doing is okay? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, love you guys.

Kitty

_____________________________

Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

Rafters Resident ^_^v

Post #: 1

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 6:21:57 PM

SinLee

Posts: 2876
Joined: 11/8/2007
From: Jersey girl, back in jersey
Status: offline

There are bound to be social situations that may make you more uncomfortable being so much younger, but honestly, at 27 there are very few Doms i look for near my age, ideally i want one that's 15-25 years older, so... well... to me you're in the perfect range lol

(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 2

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 6:44:32 PM

fluffypet61

Posts: 28879
Joined: 12/25/2006
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KCherry

Hey loves,

I have been on the forums for a small while now and I have come to value your opinions so I want your opinion on something. I have been talking to and have recently been seeing in RL a Dom who is really sweet and I adore and admire him very much. The thing is he is 25 years my senior, now this doesn't bother me terribly but when I think of the fact that he is older than my dad I wonder if what I am doing is okay? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, love you guys.

Kitty

That makes Him a "Daddy" Dom, right?

In the vanilla world it is almost expected that middleaged men will go for a significantly younger woman (a Lolita). In my case, i am 20 years older than my Master. An Adonis once in a while is nice.

(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 3

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 6:49:41 PM

KCherry

Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline

Actually thus far he doesnt seem the daddy dom type, we just had a good connection.

_____________________________

Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

Rafters Resident ^_^v

(in reply to fluffypet61)

Post #: 4

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 6:52:19 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

The age difference is only an issue if it is something that bothers either of you.

(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 5

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 6:55:56 PM

masterofdrkness2

Posts: 1697
Joined: 3/17/2008
Status: offline

Age is just a number.. as long as you are both consenting adults what does it matter ? the only people it should matter to is the ones involved.. thats just my 2 cents

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Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
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Do you think you can tell?
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(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 6

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 6:59:19 PM

s0ngbird

Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

and that is what is so great about angelika.

i agree completely.
acceptance of self and being non-judgemental is key.
at some point, someone will ask you...is that your dad?? and when it does, will you both be able to look at each other, laugh, and give a huge smooch?

then there ya go.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 7

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 7:09:01 PM

MontrealPhoenix

Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

*shrugs* as long as you and your Dom are okay with it, what does it matter what others think....

Congrats by the way,

Phoenix

_____________________________

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"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267

(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 8

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 7:14:33 PM

SweetNika

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline

Finding that person who completes you is hard enough, why in the name of all that is unholy would you walk away from it because of an age difference.Those in your life such as family and friends would want you happy - if they see that he makes you happy then nothing else should matter.

Blessed Be,
Nika

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 4/26/2008 7:16:49 PM >

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Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)

Post #: 9

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 7:15:39 PM

KCherry

Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline

Thank you, I do hope things go well, trying not to form expectations. I guess I shouldn't worry about the age thing so much, what can I say I am a worrier.

_____________________________

Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

Rafters Resident ^_^v

(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)

Post #: 10

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 7:22:37 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

If it clicks, it clicks.

(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 11

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 7:54:23 PM

LadyRainfire

Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

*hugggggles KC*

Kitty, screw what anyone else thinks, if he's good to you and it works for you, go for it. As has been said, age is only numbers. If he's older than you or you older than him, if it's a good connection, that is what matters. Lumus is younger than me but you would never know it. People may talk but so what? They always do, always will and it's none of their business. If they have a problem, it's just that - their problem!

_____________________________

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~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 12

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 7:58:25 PM

awakenednj

Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline

Hiya... My Dom is 30 years my senior. At first i was really worried... but the only hitches we have really hit *so far* have had nothing to do with age. Between us, we are fine. Other members of my family would have huge issue withour relationship if they knew. On his side i dont know that his son (who is my age) would really be OK with it. I have never really shared any of my relationships with my family and don't really plan on starting now.

At first it kinda weirded me out a little to think that he is the same age as my father, but when I look at him, talk to him, it feels so perfectly natural and right for us to have the relationship that we do. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. But I know there are people that would look at us like it was. But then again... those same people are the ones who would never understand the D/s or the BDSM either.

The grain of salt o take me with: this is my first D/s relationship and it has only been 4 months. I wanted someone older because (like someone above me said) at 28 it is hard to trust a D in my own age group. I wanted someone with a little practice/experience/skill.

Just wanted to tell you that I worried to, but for me the worry wore off rather quickly :)

< Message edited by awakenednj -- 4/26/2008 8:03:09 PM >

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 13

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 8:13:16 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KCherry

Hey loves,

I have been on the forums for a small while now and I have come to value your opinions so I want your opinion on something. I have been talking to and have recently been seeing in RL a Dom who is really sweet and I adore and admire him very much. The thing is he is 25 years my senior, now this doesn't bother me terribly but when I think of the fact that he is older than my dad I wonder if what I am doing is okay? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, love you guys.

Kitty

Hey KC. I'd like to add my thoughts if I may. I think it is great that you found a person that you feel a deep connection with. It's my feeling that if you both enjoy each other's company and honestly feel that you both have a future with each other than age should not be an issue. Granted you'll find people who will look down on the age difference but what needs to be kept in the forefront is the fact that if you both feel this is right then who cares what others think! All the best to you and your Dom.

_____________________________

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(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 14

RE: Age? - 4/26/2008 8:40:30 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

The only draw back from a May-December relationship is the thought that you will leave her/him soon then you may wish....I am all most 22 years older then Diane and so far it has been wonderful..Age is how you view it in your own minds eyes..Older DOM are in most instances more settled both in their personal lives as well as in the business world...Some say age is just a number but let me testify getting old isn't for sissys...bounty

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(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 15

RE: Age? - 4/27/2008 4:47:18 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

just go with it, Cherry :) as has already been said, it only matters if it matters to YOU TWO! *smooch* best wishes, darlin!

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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Post #: 16

RE: Age? - 4/27/2008 5:12:57 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

Sweetie...don't toss away a wonderful relationship because of a number!!!

Try to change your thought process for just a moment here. Instead of "he is 25 yrs older" How about "i am 25 yrs younger". If you are anything like me your reply to that would be along the lines of "So what if i am younger..." Your defenses would go up.
I am not saying it right...but it can cast a different light on the subject.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 4/27/2008 5:18:13 AM >

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Post #: 17

RE: Age? - 4/27/2008 6:53:25 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

In a case like that it can work to your benefit. The more unusual is if the Dom/me is much younger than the sub.

As a Domme, I was amazed at how many younger men were attracted to me. My daughter (25) knows of my lifestyle choices, and I had joked with her that I promise to never take on anyone younger than her.

I am a switch, and it would be difficult for me to turn myself over to a Master under 30. Age and lifestyle experience don't always go hand in hand, but there is a perception. The Master I have given myself to is just a few years older than me, but that was happenstance. It was His personality and insight that drew me to Him.

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(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 18

RE: Age? - 4/27/2008 7:28:27 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

KCherry,

In your OP you don't speak of love or LTR, so, I'm assuming this relationship has not reached the point where you are considering this. Imo, a more casual relationship is one in which age difference is less of a consideration.

If your relationship reaches the point where you are both considering LTR, I think it would behoove you to consider BountyHunter's advice very carefully. I agree with him. I'm 60. Yes, it's a number, but certain realities should be acknowledge and considered.

Finally, I'm just a little amused that you and the other posters seem to be considering the age difference only from your younger perspective. I tend to be not interested in women under 40, mostly because of differences in life experience and their lessons. Also, I prefer women in their "prime". I did when I was a teen and I still do.

If you can find it ( yes, it's an old song, lol) , listen to Steely Dan's recording of "Hey 19".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbXR_lvsTpc

It's not a high quality video, but you get the point, I'm sure

< Message edited by cjan -- 4/27/2008 7:32:33 AM >

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 19

RE: Age? - 4/27/2008 8:22:55 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

KCherry, you say that the age difference between you and your Dom doesn't bother you terribly and go on to ask if having a relationship with a man 25 years your senior is okay... it still bothers you, and you need to work out why. Once you have done that, the further question you'll have to ask yourself is if you can reconcile it.

My boy is nineteen years my junior and given that I am forty three years of age I can no longer pass off a youthful bloom. We encounter some stares from people who see us walking hand in hand or with his arm around me, some of them will be disapproving looks, others of admiration. Even the disapproving looks give me a wry smile. My family adores Reality, his family adore me. I'm sure if he'd come home one day to announce, "Hey folks, I'm in love with a woman in her forties" they'd have had a different reaction, however, they met me, got to know me and the rest of the world doesn't matter in the least.

We have choices in our lives. We also have a choice as to whether we allow something to become problematic or not. But there are factors you need to take into consideration... For me, one factor was children. I have reached a point in my life where I no longer want to have children despite biologically still being capable of doing so. Thankfully, Reality doesn't want to be a father... I know this could well change as he continues to experience more of life, and should that happen, I would be beyond a point where I would biologically be capable.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 20

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