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Lists - 4/27/2008 3:50:31 PM

Othie

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline

Someone made a good suggestion to the yesterday. They suggested that I should get a list of all the different actives and rate them, so that I could give print up this list if I go to meet a new playmate or someone who will be more.

So my questions are: Does anyone have a link to a good list? I know that I don't know everything there is to do in the lifestyle.

And, how do you handle these? Do you use them yourself? Do you prefer someone you meet have one? Have you ever given a list to someone new? When would be the best time to share something like this without seeming pushy?

Thanks for the time.

Post #: 1

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 4:03:11 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

I don't do lists, just tell me your limits and let me work within them as it's my choice what happens.

Mike

(in reply to Othie)

Post #: 2

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 5:14:33 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

Someone made a good suggestion to the yesterday. They suggested that I should get a list of all the different actives and rate them, so that I could give print up this list if I go to meet a new playmate or someone who will be more.

So my questions are: Does anyone have a link to a good list? I know that I don't know everything there is to do in the lifestyle.

And, how do you handle these? Do you use them yourself? Do you prefer someone you meet have one? Have you ever given a list to someone new? When would be the best time to share something like this without seeming pushy?

Thanks for the time.

Did you see the lists in your profile area? It has a fairly good crossview of activities.

Lists can be helpful in giving you things to think about, but the only one I have is in my head.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Othie)

Post #: 3

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 5:18:59 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

Someone made a good suggestion to the yesterday. They suggested that I should get a list of all the different actives and rate them, so that I could give print up this list if I go to meet a new playmate or someone who will be more.

So my questions are: Does anyone have a link to a good list? I know that I don't know everything there is to do in the lifestyle.

And, how do you handle these? Do you use them yourself? Do you prefer someone you meet have one? Have you ever given a list to someone new? When would be the best time to share something like this without seeming pushy?

Thanks for the time.

They are wanking material....What real difference does a list make?

We are all some fairly open minded kinked up fucks...I would be much more interested in what goes on between a woman's ears than what goes on to her list.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 4/27/2008 5:19:12 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to Othie)

Post #: 4

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 6:20:44 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

On this site under Dating and Communications there is a partner Bdsm checklist or negotiation forms that you might find useful http://www.evilmonk.org/A/menu.cfm

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 5

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 6:23:00 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you google bdsm checklists, you'll get a lot of sites. I'm partial to the ones on bondagedotcom. You just rate them one to five. And although you didn't ask, I'll throw in a suggestion. New relationships should start with stuff you both like a lot, that way you have a better chance of both enjoying it and wanting a replay.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 6

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 6:51:26 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline

Even the list here can be good. Print the entire lidt off as well as the list of what you want on your profile. These lists are good in case you think you find someone and delete your profile only to later realize he is not right for you.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 7

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 7:54:39 PM

blissfulone

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline

Domiguy,
you have it wrong in My opinion. Lists make a lot of sense, your kink might be needles, it might be my hardlimit.

By having a list well prepared, it saves wasting time, unless your after a cyber date. If you have things in common in your list then fire ahead on all cyclinders continue to talk, then meet, safely of course.

If the lists are incompatible then stop.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 8

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 8:04:43 PM

Othie

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline

thank you guys, this was a big help, and its nice to hear the other side as well

(in reply to Othie)

Post #: 9

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 9:09:04 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

1. Favorite Winnie the Pooh character?

2. Favoriate Dressing? Do you like Ranch?

3. Favorite Flower?

4. Do you eat meat?

Those are very important things for me to know before I decided to get involved with someone.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Othie)

Post #: 10

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 9:23:41 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Ohtie, you dont know what you dont know until you stumble across it.
Any idiot asking for a list is probably related to Domiguy (snicker)

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 11

RE: Lists - 4/27/2008 11:45:08 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

Othie,
I would not share the list on the first meet. I would meet some place public for coffee or a meal, (Bring your own money, do not assume he will pay it). Meet him like you are meeting a blind date, be nice and just hang out, don't talk about bdsm, and relax. If he insist on talking about bdsm, just explain to him that you are a little uncomfortable talking about it in public. Also, do not forget your safe call.

Just slow down honey. You have all the time in the world to get to know someone, and if the first one you meet isn't the one, then tell him so. Don't let him go on believing that you are interested. Keep your options open. There are so many good ones out there. Be positive and be yourself :)

MoGa

_____________________________

(in reply to Othie)

Post #: 12

RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 12:53:03 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blissfulone

Domiguy,
you have it wrong in My opinion. Lists make a lot of sense, your kink might be needles, it might be my hardlimit.

By having a list well prepared, it saves wasting time, unless your after a cyber date. If you have things in common in your list then fire ahead on all cyclinders continue to talk, then meet, safely of course.

If the lists are incompatible then stop.

Don't worry blissfullone, from what I have read of Domiguy's replies he appears to be the proverbial "negative ned" who enjoys knocking other paople's good ideas or questions. We all know then and many have at least on in their families. probably something to do with not being allowed to play with toys when a kid.. LOL...

OP, Lists are good but i suggest you do one first and work out what you like, want to try and are hard limits. It can be fun doing one with a partner too.. Not a bad way of breaking the ice..

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to blissfulone)

Post #: 13

RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 4:02:04 AM

Othie

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Othie,
I would not share the list on the first meet. I would meet some place public for coffee or a meal, (Bring your own money, do not assume he will pay it). Meet him like you are meeting a blind date, be nice and just hang out, don't talk about bdsm, and relax. If he insist on talking about bdsm, just explain to him that you are a little uncomfortable talking about it in public. Also, do not forget your safe call.

Just slow down honey. You have all the time in the world to get to know someone, and if the first one you meet isn't the one, then tell him so. Don't let him go on believing that you are interested. Keep your options open. There are so many good ones out there. Be positive and be yourself :)

MoGa

I'm sorry, I should have been more clear. I'm already taken. The truth is I kind of rushed into things, and I didn't even think about a list at the time. So it was suggested that I find one and go though it. Since it is something I never thought of, I was just wondering if other people used them and when, and so on. But thank you, your words are very sweet and just what I would have needed to hear if I was looking

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 14

RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 4:04:25 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

BDSM checklists are a useful tool... but IMO only as part of an indepth discussion about the whole area of 'play', it can often highlight anomalys or unmentioned interests that would otherwise take ages to get around to being a topic of conversation. similar activitys being rather differently can draw attention to particular issues and fears about specific problem hotspots that maybe not been recognised by the girl... such as a liking from breathplay but a dislike of wearing makes that restrict breathing my highlight a slight tendency toward a claustraphobic reaction that the Dominant would need to be aware of. etc.

They don't impart much information and can even be misleading, but as a jumping off point for extended discussion I have found them useful.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 15

RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 5:31:00 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blissfulone

Domiguy,
you have it wrong in My opinion.

Honey, welcome to the forum... Lemme introduce you... Bliss, meet Domi... Domi, Bliss... play nice.

You take what Domi says with a grain of salt, and if you're really smart, you'll rub that grain of salt into a wound... all in good fun. He is smart and funny and cuts right through... but in the end... you love him or hate him... Me? I sent him a pussy pic, and now he and I are having a serious love affair... well serious something anyway... it may all be in my mind, but that's ok... I think the domidong can break through fantasy, time, and distance barriers..... ahem.

peace,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to blissfulone)

Post #: 16

RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 6:11:21 AM

KCherry

Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline

The only person to ever give me one of said lists was actually not a play partner or even someone in the lifestyle but a vanilla friend of mine who wanted to know more about WIITWD and wanted me to help her out, I bought her a few books for her birthday and maybe one of these days I will show her a thing or two ;), I think she has a crush on me. Anyway, I have no idea whether they would be useful in a relationship setting but I tend to prefer communication by asking questions and listening to the answers, not what a piece of paper tells me.

_____________________________

Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

Rafters Resident ^_^v

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 17

RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 6:38:12 AM

pearlmoongirl

Posts: 68
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline

Absolutely yes to having a list. Brownie points to your Master/Mistress for thinking of your safety and wanting to further the trust.

BTW, I've also heard lists called 'menus,' as in, "Here, Master, You wanna know the specials?"

~pmg

(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 18

RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 9:27:09 AM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

lol. DomiGuy, just likes to tease, and play devil's advocate. And sometimes makes some pretty thoughtfull posts. He is, for the most part harmless.

Lists (to me.) overall are a good thing.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to pearlmoongirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Lists - 4/28/2008 12:49:27 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blissfulone

Domiguy,
you have it wrong in My opinion. Lists make a lot of sense, your kink might be needles, it might be my hardlimit.

By having a list well prepared, it saves wasting time, unless your after a cyber date. If you have things in common in your list then fire ahead on all cyclinders continue to talk, then meet, safely of course.

If the lists are incompatible then stop.

I love needles you don't....So I ask, "Do you like needles"...You respond, "No, I don't"...I retort..."I hate you, you dumb cunt"

And we go our separate ways...How difficult was that?

Yeah, I'm a "Negative Ned"....Lists are used by those people not articulate enough to have and hold a meaningful conversation. We are all probably somewhat pliable to certain degrees....I'm chatting up some cool ass subby and there is a solid connection that could never be replicated by her filling out some damn list... So she says she isn't "bi"...(at least for right now) Is it really a deal killer? How many people do you meet where there is really a cool and grooovy connect? Also much of an answer is in the tone and delivery of a response....this is lost in a list. For those with a limited memory I suppose it might be a useful tool to keep you on point. I might consider utilizing one due to my ADD...

Domiguy: Do you like needles?

subsusie: No...Not really.. I'm a little squicked out at the ide..

Domiguy: (interrupting) Speaking of needles I tore the back pocket on a pair of my jeans...Could you sew that up for me? Hey, what brand of jeans are you sporting there, Sporto?...And so on.

Anywhoooo...For the lazy or the shy domly type I could see making a sub complete a list of Glamor Dos & Don'ts...It also might supply some serious wacking material during some sort of a sub drought.

go with God......Oh to clarify, the "cunt" comment was not directed at blissful or any other posters on this thread unless you are cunts.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 4/28/2008 1:12:29 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to blissfulone)

Post #: 20

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