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is there hope? - 4/28/2008 12:01:21 AM   
teganlee


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2008
Status: offline 		smiles hopes A/all are well , im just wondering  to others often feel so very lost  and find it hard to trust  people on here? so far all the Doms that have emailed me after the first hello want to know what bra size i am and what are my limits without even getting some idea of the person i am , am i simply wasting my time on here looking for the special One?
                                       with thanks ...tegan  .oh by the way for any that seem to of  had the thought i am new to cm  its simply a new profile  changed to my own name  so im not a two day newbie  smiles

< Message edited by teganlee -- 4/28/2008 12:40:48 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 12:02:45 AM   
lilabbotsfordgrl


Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		A very common issue.  The best advice I've heard is to ignore everything in the first week, delete all that spam and crap, and then go looking for yourself.  Don't rely on the junk you get in your inbox.  Find what YOU are looking for, and go from there.  :)  Good luck!

(in reply to teganlee)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 12:17:09 AM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline 		I'm also new, about a month on here and no real life bdsm experience yet.  I'm finding the best way to meet people on here is to go into the chat rooms so you get yourself seen and become known to some of the regular people here.  Yes you still get a bunch of private messages from people who want you to committ to 24/7 slavery before you even know their name but also finding a lot of nice people and usualy helpful answers to questions.


(in reply to lilabbotsfordgrl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 12:30:49 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		You've been here two days. If you trust ANYONE, ANYWHERE after two days, you're nuts. If you think you're going to find "a special one" in two days, you really need to think what you can reasonably expect from anywhere, not just CM.

This is a site full of perves and those looking for kinky sex only. There are also a stack of really fabulous people here. They're still dirty perves, but lovely dirty perves.

Slow down and be realistic. If you joined a dating agency, do you think you'd find the love of your life in two days?




_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to atypicalsub)
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RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 12:33:27 AM   
teganlee


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2008
Status: offline 		smiles i havent been here two days at all i simply changed to my own name on here ,i actually have been on cm for awhile , thank you for your words though

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 1:52:46 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		.. i sympathise... for me it often works the other way, in that i get to know someone, like them and then bam they come up with something that slams the brakes on and jangles the old grey cells like nothing else could.

you just end up asking yourself... what the hell do these guys want... an intelligent articulate malleable sweet natured accommodating totally submissive perfect size 10 barbie doll - not saying those girls dont exist, but if they do theyre almost certainly already taken and kept under lock and key!

i wouldnt mind but alot of them are not exactly brad pitt, or my personal fave, johnny depp.  if we're supposed to look beyond the tummies, bald patches and liver spots why cant they accept that we're unlikely to be absolutely perfect also.

i honestly think a number of men come into bdsm believing that they will find absolute perfection.  maybe they think its enough to offer some form of dominance and that all the 'perfect' subs will just throw themselves wantonly at their feet with gasps of ecstatic joy.

worrying about a bra size when there is so much else that is so much more important just suggests exceeding ignorance and actually, arrogance.  you should ask them how big their cock is and if it functions at will.

oh well, hun, youre not alone, just keep shovelling the dross and yes there is hope... xx


(in reply to teganlee)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 2:05:59 AM   
teganlee


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2008
Status: offline 		smiles, thanks for the words and you actually made me laugh , bald patches n liver spots , 
i dont want a johnny depp but id take a sean connery anyday .xx

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 2:47:37 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		The profile you are using now is two days old, so it was pretty safe to say you'd been here for two days and wondering why you hadn't met "the special one".

Why did you change your name? Did you think it would attract a different kind of dom? No luck with the old, so try a new one?



_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to teganlee)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 4:34:12 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		teganlee pay no attention to them. The saying on here is "In Dnomyar we trust" Trust me I just made that up.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 4:40:01 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Just a note for the women on here. What are your bra sizes???  I have to ask. Really! Who would care what your bra size is anyway?. Mmmm what about the women who don't wear bras. OP this may turn out to be a great post.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 5:19:39 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Part of what's going on is the whole Men are from Mars, Women from Venus thing. Men want to know that the physical stuff/BDSM checklists are compatible before starting a relationship. Women want to know that the basic relationship stuff is compatible before looking at chemistry/play.

There is a way around it though. Use your profile. As the last paragraph state what your general physical shape is and what your overall interests are. Even if you just write something simple like "typical middle aged spread here, no needles, knives, electric otherwise pain on a level of 3 out of 10". That's enough for a man who wants a perfect barbie doll type to know that you're not the one. And it also tells those who want the world's greatest masochist not to bother you either.

Plus it tells you that anyone who still asks those questions that they didn't bother to read your profile and therefore you don't need to bother with them. It helps both of you screen each other out, or preferably in.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 5:30:40 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		The real answer to your question is, yes there is hope.  I met my Master on here.  I met some jerks on the way.

I am a switch, and subs can ask the same questions as Doms.  They seem to think that I lounge around in 10" stiletto heels just hoping to hear from someone new that I will get on webcam with and get them off online.  We live in an instant gratification society.

I've actually had good conversations with a lot of Doms here.  If they cross into an area I am not comfortable with I simply tell them so.  (I am more likely to be asked personal sexual details.  Since I travel a lot they always seem to want to know if I've done it on a plane.  A simple yes never seems to be good enough - they want to know everything about it.)


_____________________________



(in reply to teganlee)
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RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 6:06:24 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		chamberqueen we are waiting to hear abut it. Forget simple and go into details.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 6:12:06 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Anyone who joins this place pretty much has to deal with the hoards of parasites waiting to pounce on the new members.  You may know you have been here in another name, but to them you are fresh meat.  There is a chance that you might be in a sub frenzy, or so new that you are willing to accept any amount of nonsense they throw at you.  I have a standing rule in any new location, stand back and observe before acting.  That way you can see who reveals themselves as an ass long before you catch whiff of their scent.
Hit delete on anything that pops into your inbox in the first month.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 6:14:56 AM   
KCherry


Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline 		It gets better when you get off the new user list, just ignore all the crap you get, thats what the rest of us do.


_____________________________

Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

Rafters Resident ^_^v

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 6:46:56 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Yet another female submissive who is put off by kink questions from someone she is corresponding with from a kink oriented match making site. You're wasting your time here on CM because you should be over on eharmony or match.com.

We see a thread like this every week, it seems. I hate to break this to you but your limits are a part of who are as it relates to being on this website. While it doesn't have to be all about kink that is the main reason most people come to this site. If the dominant's favorite activities are A, B and C but A and C are hard limits of yours doesn't it make sense to discuss this earlier than later? No matter how much time he spends "getting some idea of the person i am" you are eventually going to get to that fork in the road if it exists.

That would be one of the first things I would want to know if I was looking. I am not the type of dominant (like most) who is happy to set aside the vetoed items and work with what's left. Nothing wrong with limits at all. Knowing them sooner or later can make things a lot simpler for both of us.

Wouldn't you rather be concentrating on meeting dominants who you might actually have enough in common with to get beyond email?

(in reply to teganlee)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 7:08:59 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		In answer to the OP, yes, there is hope but it takes time and it might not be where and when you think. I met my master here on CM but I wasn't looking for anyone, I joined for the forums. My profile specifically said that I wasn't looking but we started talking as friends and now I'm moving out to be with him in a few weeks. A bit of a shock but proof that dreams do come true, even if you don't expect them.

I also agree with Evility that some info on your profile can help. That will let others know if you have some common ground to build on. It does no good to try to get to know someone if you're complete opposites only to say "forget it, we're too opposite". That being said, if someone is asking for what you consider too personal of info upfront (and its 42DD, Dyonmar) just tell 'em none of their beeswax or ignore them. If they're assholes about it, block them. It's a great function at the tip of your finger!

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 8:06:49 AM   
youngsubgeoff


Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline 		OP, I have a similar situation. It seems the dommes that actually reply to my emails all want to know how much money I make. These kinda people make you think "What the FUCK does it matter?". Yeah, its real easy to lose hope...

_____________________________

You dont need to question my sanity, I can assure you Im quite mad. Its ok though, all the best people are

(in reply to LadyRainfire)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 8:14:14 AM   
BoundDown


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline 		you might have more luck if you filled out your profile, with what you want, need or like. You'll still get the fuckwads but someone "normal" might also come your way.

(in reply to teganlee)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: is there hope? - 4/28/2008 9:48:23 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

Yet another female submissive who is put off by kink questions from someone she is corresponding with from a kink oriented match making site. You're wasting your time here on CM because you should be over on eharmony or match.com.

We see a thread like this every week, it seems. I hate to break this to you but your limits are a part of who are as it relates to being on this website. While it doesn't have to be all about kink that is the main reason most people come to this site. If the dominant's favorite activities are A, B and C but A and C are hard limits of yours doesn't it make sense to discuss this earlier than later? No matter how much time he spends "getting some idea of the person i am" you are eventually going to get to that fork in the road if it exists.

That would be one of the first things I would want to know if I was looking. I am not the type of dominant (like most) who is happy to set aside the vetoed items and work with what's left. Nothing wrong with limits at all. Knowing them sooner or later can make things a lot simpler for both of us.

Wouldn't you rather be concentrating on meeting dominants who you might actually have enough in common with to get beyond email?



Well count me in as one of the females who wanted a bit more about who the person was that I was talking to before the smut began.

Come to think of it, we never talked smut on-line, we saved that for when we could partake in mutual physcial pleasure to go with the words.

The beauty of this site as opposed to e-harmony or match.com is that you don't have to screen someone for sexual compatibility nearly as much as you do there.  I got tired of scaring poor little men's sensibilities on those sites.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 20
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