One of life's confusions...

One of life's confusions... (Full Version)

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innerimpishdream -> One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 11:34:00 AM)
I am a submissive and a mother of two young boys. They will ALWAYS come first in my life, because they are my future. So why does it seem that 90% of the Doms whom I have told this to, say that they agree with me, yet in a selfish sense, they pitch a fit the first time I have to put my boys first? Am I expecting to much?

KCherry -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 11:36:25 AM)
I share your experience in this but I couldn;t give you a real explanation. The way I see it is that if they don't accept my um and the responsability that she comes with that they arent right for me.

MadRabbit -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 11:44:41 AM)
Because a lot of people when it comes to finding partners tell people what they want to hear to try and get what they want rather just manning up, saying "I really don't want a submissive who has kids", and looking for someone else.

OmegaG -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 11:53:12 AM)
sometimes it is very hard to switch gears when one is anticipating something and plans change. IMO it is OK to be upset and it's a natural reaction to even be pissy about it, if the person continues after a reasonable time though that could be a warning flag. Also, parenting styles are different, what seems to you as an important issue that needs attention may seem to him as an excuse to change plans. Talking helps. I've encountered this many times during my dating and raising kids expereince. My youngest does need "special handling" because of things that have happened in his life and because he doesn't have a normal relationship with his father. Usually after a temper tantrum, I can talk with the person who had the issue, explain to him why the thing that came up needed more attention then he thought it would and normally we can get to a point where he understands the reason why I did what I did. Gosh, I hope that made sense.

OldBastardly1 -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 11:55:41 AM)
OP, stand by your guns. Family, especially UMs should ALWAYS comes first.

RCdc -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 11:56:46 AM)
I have never encountered any such problem. the.dark.

Dnomyar -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 12:08:23 PM)
Um's can come between any kind of relationship. Probably why a lot of subs are still looking.

antipode -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 12:23:33 PM)
Dom, sub, racing driver.... there are now so many insincere people with $300 PCs, the vast majority have an attitude like "I'll just say yes, and then we'll see". Keep looking until you find somebody sincere - they're out there, but it is a bit needle in the haystack.

RCdc -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 12:34:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Um's can come between any kind of relationship. Probably why a lot of subs are still looking. I don't believe they do - unless you let them. Children can enhance relationships - if you let that occur. Children are only an issue if one makes - or allows - them an issue. the.dark.

KatyLied -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 12:38:09 PM)
It is possible to successfully juggle being different things to different people. If someone can't accept an important part of who you are then you need to consider if they are someone you really need in your life.

Missokyst -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 1:02:59 PM)
My children always came first. Which is why I spent so many years in celibacy. I deliberately did not seek out a mate until my youngest was 11. It was a PITA but well worth it considering how they turned out. Men come and go. Your children are forever. Kyst

Constrictor1 -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 1:08:33 PM)
No, you are not expecting too much. your children are your first responsibilty. While danielle is my slave and I control her life , her son Logan is hers and her responsibilty. I will try to be a guide where Logan is concerned and a positive (hopefully ) role model, but I am not his parent and have no rights, real or assumed, over him. Constrictor1

Constrictor1 -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 1:11:18 PM)
Also, to add to my previous post I also believe in the innocence of the child until he is 18 and DO NOT overtly exhibit any lifestyle activities or protocols when he is around. Constrictor1

innerimpishdream -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 1:33:19 PM)
Thank you for all your replies. I can understand that someone gets upset if plans change and all that, but the one situation I had was a Dom called me, and he knew I was home alone with my sons and then threw a fit when I had to tell him to hold on a moment since my sons were fighting. He even went so far as to tell me I couldn't possibly be a submissive because I wouldn't put him before my children. I thought that was a bit unfair. When the time comes, and I am spending it with a Dom, I will give my 100 % to the Dom, if and when I find the right one that is.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 1:39:06 PM)
he just wants to get into your pants and if you say you have to babysit he'll get pissed off cause he knows he wont get laid that night...

sirsholly -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 1:43:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1 OP, stand by your guns. Family, especially UMs should ALWAYS comes first. [sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif]

akisha -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 2:05:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream I am a submissive and a mother of two young boys. They will ALWAYS come first in my life, because they are my future. So why does it seem that 90% of the Doms whom I have told this to, say that they agree with me, yet in a selfish sense, they pitch a fit the first time I have to put my boys first? Am I expecting to much? No, I have met and been involved with two wonderful Dominants on this site. My ex and my current Dominant. They both agreed that my lilbit comes first. They supported me fully and would actually give me trouble if I tried to do something for them before making sure lilbit was taken care of. But I always make sure that as soon as bit is either in bed or away from the weekend etc, that my attention is completely on my Dom. Basically, I'm trying to say there are Dominants out there and even on this site that agree that your kids need to come first most of the time.

batshalom -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 3:00:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream I am a submissive and a mother of two young boys. They will ALWAYS come first in my life, because they are my future. So why does it seem that 90% of the Doms whom I have told this to, say that they agree with me, yet in a selfish sense, they pitch a fit the first time I have to put my boys first? Am I expecting to much? Nope, you're not expecting too much. If I were a Dom, and if you didn't put your children first, I'd worry about the way you prioritized your life and the way you handled lifetime commitment. I was told one time that I'd never find a mate because I wasn't willing to give up my kids for my man if necessary. My reply was for him to make a choice of his own - kiss my non-surrendering (to him, anyway) booty now or save it for later (when he got a clue). So let them holler up a storm - there are plenty more fish in the sea, and the ones you toss back likely taste bitter anyway. I friggin' hate whiny "men."

OmegaG -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 3:10:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream Thank you for all your replies. I can understand that someone gets upset if plans change and all that, but the one situation I had was a Dom called me, and he knew I was home alone with my sons and then threw a fit when I had to tell him to hold on a moment since my sons were fighting. He even went so far as to tell me I couldn't possibly be a submissive because I wouldn't put him before my children. I thought that was a bit unfair. When the time comes, and I am spending it with a Dom, I will give my 100 % to the Dom, if and when I find the right one that is. If he can't wait for 2 minutes while you play referee, that is something that I would find intollerable. Generally when I've had to play referee I've gotten the full support, concern and sympathy from the one I've been conversing with. Now, I've had situations where I interacted with my son and what I did was questioned until I explained why I acted the way I did and then the person understood. m'Lord hasn't had experience with teen-aged boys and so he's on a bit of a learning curve right now. There have been moments when his initial thoughts and my actions haven't coincided, but we talk about it afterwards and he is seeing things through a new perspective. Add to that that while my son isn't special needs perse, there are times when the situation calls for special handling, he has quirks that have to be handled in a specific manner or all hell will break loose and m'Lord is very patient in this learning process.

Sirandlil1 -> RE: One of life's confusions... (4/29/2008 3:21:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream a Dom called me, and he knew I was home alone with my sons and then threw a fit when I had to tell him to hold on a moment since my sons were fighting. He even went so far as to tell me I couldn't possibly be a submissive because I wouldn't put him before my children. [sm=wtf.gif] wonder who in the world, besides himself, ever called that clown a Dom...you need to run , not walk, away from those types of idiots[sm=banghead.gif]

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