RE: One of life's confusions...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: One of life's confusions...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: One of life's confusions...

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 3:40:58 PM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

This is one of those issues that is a hard one to accept.
1. You are a mom, many males do not understand the mom-child bond.
2. Your Master must always come first but they need to accept that with you comes your children and they may have parental responsibilitys here.
(I come first in regrds to my slave - however I accept that her bond with God is one that I will NOT ever consider challenging and is one that I accept and embrase)

3. It as to be worked out or it will NOT work out that is something YOU have to accept as well.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to innerimpishdream)

Post #: 21

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 5:20:09 PM

Socrate5

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Nope, you're not expecting too much. If I were a Dom, and if you didn't put your children first, I'd worry about the way you prioritized your life and the way you handled lifetime commitment.

My thoughts exactly.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 22

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 7:44:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Because 90% of doms know what they have to say to get your attention and hope they can guilt and manipulate and shame you into doing what they really want.

Now, I tend to think most parents tend to use their kids as a crutch, and the kids should not ALWAYS come first, but the line of reasonability tends to be obvious and most 'doms' just can't handle that sort of maturity when they just want some good blowjobs.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 4/29/2008 7:45:09 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Sirandlil1)

Post #: 23

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 8:45:14 PM

innerimpishdream

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline

Maybe I shouldn't have said my kids will ALWAYS come first, but I have to be a Mom first. What I mean by that is... If something comes up with my boys I have to tend to them first. My oldest son has some health issues and my younger son has some emotional issues. There are times when I come first, or when others come first, but over all my kids come first.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 24

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 8:59:39 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Let the flames begin. It is a common mistake putting your kids first in a otherwise healthy stable long term relationship. The reasoning behind it is. You raise your kids to leave you. The SO is in theory forever. What I am NOT saying is every tom dick and harry that comes along you run to them and neglect the kids hardly. It's about balance. My needs ... My SO needs... Kids needs

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Sirandlil1)

Post #: 25

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 9:04:05 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2

This is one of those issues that is a hard one to accept.
1. You are a mom, many males do not understand the mom-child bond.
2. Your Master must always come first but they need to accept that with you comes your children and they may have parental responsibilitys here.

What a crock. What in the world makes you think that mom child is somehow more special than dad child...The bond is the same but different. sheesh

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Post #: 26

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 9:09:43 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

It's not always true that kids only get in the way of a relationship unless you let them.
If the other (new) party can't handle having children around, doesn't know how to relate to them, and is unwilling to seek help for unwarranted anger, well...there's not much the parent and partner can do to fix it.
No matter how hard they try.
From my experience, anyway.
But, we'll see.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 27

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 9:52:07 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

<-- super dad. Kids are cool and add to life's joys. Kids do not detract from the passionate connection with mom-slave if you do it right. Not all people are fit to be parents. Keep looking.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Sirandlil1)

Post #: 28

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 9:59:57 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Inner- it might be simply that your life is not in a place now to be forming a stable long term adult authority dynamic kinky relationship. Your energy just might be too tied up in helping your children stabilize themselves and be able to become responsible adults that getting into a whole new adult long term authority dynamic kinky relationship would be unfair to EVERYONE- you, the kids and the potential beau.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 29

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 2:36:20 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

This is Darcy

I knew from day one that the.dark had UMs and that was a decision that I had to make, though in truth there was never a moment's hesitation as I knew I wanted to be with the.dark and that the UMs were part and parcel of her life.

I think that it does make a difference what the UMs are like - I am blessed in that both of the.dark's UMs are wonderful, polite, intelligent human beings (much like their mother) and we all get along extremely well, to the point where they are really looking forward to us all sharing oour new house, and life, together.

In terms of the.dark's submission to me, I respect fully that her UMs are the most important things in her life - yes, even ahead of me, and I wouldn't want it any other way. That said, while we spend a lot of time as a unit, and doing things together, the.dark and I also ensure that we have 'us' time and that we do things with just the two of us, which is as important in giving the UMs their own space as it is ours.

If a Dom is looking for a long term relationship (and if not, then they should have the balls to be honest about their intentions up front, in my opinion), then UMs are, and must be, a factor and a consideration, otherwise there could be conflicts of priorities further down the line. I fully accept that for the next few years the.dark's UMs will be a significant part of our daily lives, and that there will be certain things that logistically we cannot do because of our responsibility to them, but equally, we are in this for the long haul, and sooner or later the UMs will become adults and able to look after themselves, and move out, and then the.dark and I can indulge in those things that are currently on hold.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 30

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 4:56:32 AM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

Maybe it would be better worded to say that your responsibility for your UM's should come first.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 31

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 6:18:11 AM

lanie38

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

~FastReply~

I'd be weary of a potential partner who thought that they *should* come first....

But I do agree with Sailinbum it's about balance and finding someone compatible who agrees with the logic and importance of that balance...

_____________________________

Don't be so humble...you're not that great. ~ Golda Meir

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 32

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 7:13:35 AM

Floggings4You

Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream

I am a submissive and a mother of two young boys. They will ALWAYS come first in my life, because they are my future. So why does it seem that 90% of the Doms whom I have told this to, say that they agree with me, yet in a selfish sense, they pitch a fit the first time I have to put my boys first? Am I expecting to much?

Cross ninety percent of these Doms off your list, and conentrate on the other ten pereent.

(in reply to innerimpishdream)

Post #: 33

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 12:07:17 PM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Let the flames begin. It is a common mistake putting your kids first in a otherwise healthy stable long term relationship. The reasoning behind it is. You raise your kids to leave you. The SO is in theory forever. What I am NOT saying is every tom dick and harry that comes along you run to them and neglect the kids hardly. It's about balance. My needs ... My SO needs... Kids needs

BadOne

Not a flame - just a warm breeze.

Yes, you are raising the kids to leave you. That's the point. You are raising future adults, and it's up to you to ensure that they are responsible adults. That takes time, effort, and an understanding of the priorities.

Kids are not mindless objects like cars, where you can put off an oil change for a few hundred miles because you want to go on a trip right now. They are human beings whose needs you must fulfill. It is your responsibility to determine whether there is a need (and not just a want) and to take care of it with whatever urgency is required.

And any other person in your life - unless they are sharing your concern and responsibility for those kids - is going to have to take second place.

pip, if you have kids, you have priorities

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 34

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 1:10:08 PM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

No you are not. My surviving son is 37, he is still my son, if for some reason he needed me, I am on the next plane to Minnesota no matter what Master had planned. He knows this and makes sure that I know he expects me to go if he needs me.

When my sons were young, they came first to the point I put my own sexual needs to the side for a long time. If the person I was with couldn't understand that my children came before ANYTHING they needed, then I wasn't with them for long. I gave birth to my kids...another Dom will be along in a while, my kids were and are too precious.

poenkitten (who can kick em to the curb with the best of them)

(in reply to innerimpishdream)

Post #: 35

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 1:22:07 PM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

What a crock. What in the world makes you think that mom child is somehow more special than dad child...The bond is the same but different. sheesh

BadOne

You are right it can be just as special or strong but it is different. When my youngest son was murdered it felt like he had been ripped from my womb as well as my heart at the same time. There is no way to even put the depth of loss into words save to say I wanted to die as well. His Dad who was so proud of him when he was born, hadn't bothered to see him or pay child support for 14 years. When he and I got divorced I guess that meant he divorced his son as well , forgot his birthday, never tried to contact him, oh well nothing special.

Everywhere I look I see an awful lot of men who have contributed to giving life but rarely bothered to be part of that life after it was born unless forced to. Don't get me wrong I have seen and met some wonderful fathers as well and many women who should never be allowed to raise a goldfish much less a child. It goes both ways and works for both sexes, good and bad.

poenkitten

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 36

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 1:44:10 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The way around this is to only see men who are themselves fathers, and moreover who are very involved in their kids' lives. If he doesn't know their best friends names, doesn't know what subject they're having trouble with in school, don't ever bother to attend teacher conferences, doctor's appointments etc then that's a good tipoff as to why they're divorced. If they put their own children first, they won't have any problem with you putting your kids first.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Sirandlil1)

Post #: 37

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 1:54:21 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2
1. You are a mom, many males do not understand the mom-child bond.

Change this to "You are a parent and many non-parents do not understand the parent-child bond and I would agree whole-heartedly.
I will agree with the others, from a non-parent standpoint but from observation of many friends with children, that those who focus their lives around their children tend to raise very spoiled and poorly adjusted kids. Your family should be important, but it is a mistake though to think they should ALWAYS and unquestionably come first. They have to learn that Mom or Dad need their time too, and that time could be anything from a hobby to a relationship.
Getting involved with a single parent, on the D or s side, is more complicated than someone single and completely unattached. There are more adjustments and more circumstances to be considered. There are more feelings to take int account, and more personalities and conflicts to consider. Not everyone can handle being second to anything. Dom or sub, being told from the onset that there is someone else in the picture who will come before you priority-wise is not always something someone can do. Make sure they know upfront that though your family doesnt run your life, there is nothing that will come between you and them if they need you for something. They will either understand and accept, or they will back of right away.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Post #: 38

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 3:15:05 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

because they don't have children of their own; because they're selfish; because you're dating boys instead of men; because they putz's...

and no, you're not asking too much! hell, the men i've been in relationships with, dominant or not, oh, who am i trying to kid;
all of the men i've dated, have respected the fact that i'm a mother first and foremost, except for one, and that was before he gained custody of his children!

thy

quote:

ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream

I am a submissive and a mother of two young boys. They will ALWAYS come first in my life, because they are my future. So why does it seem that 90% of the Doms whom I have told this to, say that they agree with me, yet in a selfish sense, they pitch a fit the first time I have to put my boys first? Am I expecting to much?

(in reply to innerimpishdream)

Post #: 39

RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/30/2008 7:22:27 PM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I will agree with the others, from a non-parent standpoint but from observation of many friends with children, that those who focus their lives around their children tend to raise very spoiled and poorly adjusted kids. Your family should be important, but it is a mistake though to think they should ALWAYS and unquestionably come first.

To some degree I agree with you DV. There does have to be a balance or the child runs the home and is indeed spoiled. We are not however talking about the child being all and the adult needs beiung pushed aside. Every parent needs to learn to balance time for themselves, time for their partners and time of course for family/kids. When we say however that the children must come first that means they take precedent over buying that toy, going and hanging out at the bar or club. If you are going to go, you make sure there is a sitter, if the sitter doesn't make it and you can't get another, you don't go. Plans get waylaid when their are kids, they get sick, scared, have games, you name it, and sometimes it means you don't get to dance to the whip all night because you have to get up and take Johnny to his soccer game the next morning. Despite the number of people who seem to thnk it is ok these days to leave their kids in the car while they have a beer or nip into the store to buy a dress..it's not. So, you take them along or you find someone for them to stay with or you don't go.

Most of all it means if you are a single parent you don't waltz the man of the week through your home and have sleep overs with a new beau every night. Sometimes you even have to forgo him all together, until the kids are old enough or are at least visiting with dad or mom. Kids are resilient and pretty accepting of a lot of things, but they can get very confused and hurt where there is little stability in relationships. A parade of "Uncles" isn't exactly a good example of adult relationships. The kids have to come first under some circumstances, no matter how much you would like for it to be otherwise.

poenkitten

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: One of life's confusions...

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094