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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 7:15:55 AM   
Floggings4You


Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline 		What He said expresses My thoughts on the matter, perfectly:

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Punish her for what??? having a mental breakdown.  What a great person you are.  While she is down in despair... why don't you go ahead and kick her a few more times.

BadOne

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 5:03:35 PM   
Aereci


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline 		No, punish her for lying (if he decides to keep her). At most it seems she had an episode of Major Depression. I suffer from it as well, and can in no way attempt to use it as an excuse for any dishonest actions I may take.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 5:11:05 PM   
CalifChick


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From: California
Status: offline 		Well lets see, she could have been in a dissociative state, she could have multiple personality disorder, she could have all kinds of things.  So again, we don't have enough information to know if she was aware of her lying, and aware of the consequences of her lying.

Cali


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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 5:15:45 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		Just because her elevator does not go all the way to the penthouse, he is not obligated to accept her as is and care for her and be responsible for her. He did not make her be a nutcase. Especially if she lives in a delusional state, not accepting responsibility for her actions. I am sure that she is sane enough to know the difference between a lie and the truth. I would bet 10 dick hairs that she manipulated the doctors into thinking she was more insane than she really is.



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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 6:09:19 PM   
kiwisub12


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Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		If you take her back, then presumably you are accepting the mental illness diagnosis - then punishment would be wrong - since you would be punishing her for something she was incapable of controlling.

If you don't accept the mental illness diagnosis, don't take her back. How could you and the rest of your family trust her again?

And talking to her therapist would be a great idea.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 6:42:07 PM   
catize


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Punishing a liar doesn't stop the lying, they just learn how to lie better.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 6:43:42 PM   
Leatherist


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Status: offline 		Replace her.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 7:03:50 PM   
Slave2Bob


Posts: 65
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I don't lie. I've been lied to. In my mind, a lie constitutes the idea that you're stupid enough to believe the lie, and the liar is thinking they're brighter than you. That's quite an insult. I don't have room in my life for liars, or their stories. Maybe give her the advice to start again with someone new, and be totally honest this time. Myself, I'd walk away. Mental issues can be treated, lying can't.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 7:08:24 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I have a pretty stright forward way of looking at things like this. Lying is disrespectful. It means that the person doing it thinks I am stupid, and cannot find out.
 
 But I always find out, and I always call people on it. And they suffer for doing it-I see to that.  I usually just write them off.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 4/30/2008 7:56:08 PM   
Constrictor1


Posts: 143
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From: Constrictor1
Status: offline 		She must have some really awesome talents in the sack to be considered for readmittance.

Constrictor1

P.S. Seriously, lies= no trust. No trust =no relationship.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 12:28:07 AM   
MasterFireMaam


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From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If she truly has a mental illness or did these things because of a mental imbalance, punishment is cruelty, in my opinion. If you liked her or enjoyed her, treat her like you'd treat a new person by letting her begin back at square one. She earned her place once, I would assume...have her earn it again.

Master Fire


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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 3:03:03 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: katie978

...

  I'm sorry, while I'll admit to not being the most sympathetic about mental health issues, I can't imagine any problems could cause her to go crazy and leave her husband and some random master and lie to you about literally everything in her life. And, even were that the case, I can't imagine they could be resolved by a few pills. Sorry, not buying it, no matter what her touted Therapist says.

...

A dissociative fugue would do just that.  To quote Mind:  "A person travels to a new location during a temporary loss of identity.  He or she may assume a different identity and a new life.  There is severe amnesia, with moderate to severe identity confusion and often identity alteration."

But you're right, its not resolved with a few pills.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 3:19:40 AM   
RavenMuse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
And talking to her therapist would be a great idea.


Would it.... too many therapists have a vested interest in perpetuating the 'myth' that so many problems absolve the person who has them of personal responcibility... this is a field I worked in.... unlike therapists I worked with My clients a minimum of a third of the day 5 days a week, often more. They couldn't keep up a pretence with Me in that enviroment like they so easily can for the length of a therapy session once a week.

There maybe extreme cases where they truely aren't in control... but a great many simply hide behind the fact that they have some level of problem so they don't have to accept the guilt for their own wrong actions.

Problems or not, they ARE accountable, t'is the ONLY way they will seriously seek help to overcome those problems rather than hiding behind them.


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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 3:21:08 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You don't punish someone for being mentally ill. Don't make any decisions now. There's no hurry. Be a friend, listen to her a couple of times a week. Remind her to eat properly, ask if she's seen her therapist. If it would be helpful, offer to see her therapist and give your comments on what she was like before the episode occurred that required hospitalization.

If in six months or a year she's healthier and you are still interested in her, then ask her to rejoin, assuming her therapist agrees that would be a healthy situation for her.

You don't punish someone for being ill.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 3:33:40 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

If you take her back, then presumably you are accepting the mental illness diagnosis - then punishment would be wrong - since you would be punishing her for something she was incapable of controlling.

If you don't accept the mental illness diagnosis, don't take her back. How could you and the rest of your family trust her again?


My thoughts too kiwisub.

It's impossible to form an opinion on just the couple of comments in the original post. She could have been in psychosis and actually believed the stuff she told you to be true. Make no mistake OP, mental illness does not usually "go away". She may be ok for a time, even a LONGGGGGGG time, but in a stressful situation, a brain chemical malfunction, stopping any meds she might be on, can all lead to a relapse. Those with mental illnesses need continued care and need to be monitored carefully. If you are not prepared to do all that, it is better for all that she doesn't return to you and your family.

Punishment for lying? No. She may not have been consciously lying.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 6:17:48 AM   
Lordskitten


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Joined: 10/12/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterButtercup

She has sense been through the mental health program, and has checked out clean and in good health and has,  as the Therapist says, “dealt with all the issues and problems, and now has a clear grasp on reality”


This part caught my eye.  How long was she in the hospital?  It must have been a very long time if she was able to work through all the issues and problems...  For the year and a half that you knew her she was able to hold together all her lies and juggle them perfectly, then after a break down and a short time in the hospital she gets a clean mental bill of health?  Smells a tad bit fishy if you ask me.

I'm in agreement with others, no punishment here is required.  Her not rejoining your family seems the most logical path.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 6:26:46 AM   
KatyLied


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Joined: 2/24/2005
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Status: offline 		Allowing her back into a family that punishes people for having a mental illness is punishment enough.

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 6:48:20 AM   
SimplyMichael


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Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Say no thank you and figure out how to improve your own methods and judgements so you do not make such an obvious and egregious mistake again.


What LA said...

And

If you think punishment is going to fix an issue like this I pity anyone else living in your "house"

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 8:03:29 AM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordskitten
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterButtercup
She has sense been through the mental health program, and has checked out clean and in good health and has,  as the Therapist says, “dealt with all the issues and problems, and now has a clear grasp on reality”


This part caught my eye.  How long was she in the hospital?  It must have been a very long time if she was able to work through all the issues and problems...  For the year and a half that you knew her she was able to hold together all her lies and juggle them perfectly, then after a break down and a short time in the hospital she gets a clean mental bill of health?  Smells a tad bit fishy if you ask me.
I'm in agreement with others, no punishment here is required.  Her not rejoining your family seems the most logical path.


fishy yes, people with mental health issues are always good lyers.
my x was pulled in for 5150 FOUR times, and always released before the 72 hours was up because he lyed. he bragged about lying!
and even tho they KNEW he was already diagnosed bipolar and borderline schitzo, they still let him go.

dont fuck around with this, it will NEVER get better

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RE: What should the punishment be? - 5/1/2008 9:34:22 AM   
Daddyslilpookie


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From: OC, California
Status: offline 		Wow, this is just to much drama for me, I'll lighten the mood a little

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